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asklemmy·Ask LemmybyFenrirIII

Give me your best 3 song playlist for waking up my teenager for school.

School has started and my teen refuses to use an alarm, leaving me to do the wakeup myself. As thr door is locked, I cannot gently awaken them. So, I decided music was great and chose the following 3 songs (played in this order and the reaction):

  • Viva La Vida - Coldplay
  • [quiet groans from inside, no movement]
  • Baby Shark
  • [whimpers and the sound of pillows shuffling]
  • Welcome to the Jungle - Guns & Roses
  • [door flew open, I was forced to flee]

So three songs seems to be the sweet spot. I'd like to keep it fresh and change daily so they can't adapt. Please give me your 3-song playlist so I can continue to psychologically torture wake my child for school every day.

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209 replies

Chop Suey! - System of a Down

I love SoaD so much :D I was looking for this comment

27
fedia.io

What's New Pussycat 7 times, followed by It's Not Unusual, then more of the first.

42
lemmy.world

Ballroom Blitz - Sweet

Mr Blue Sky - ELO

X Gon Give It to Ya - DMX

Turn Down for What - Like Jihn

Pound the Alarm - Nicki Minaj

Everybody - Backstreet Boys

Wannabe - Spice Girls

Cha Cha Cha - Kaarija

Paloma Rumba - Simon

17

Cha cha cha is a fucking banger and the best thing to come out of Eurovision since Epic Sax Guy.

4
lemmy.world

Pick three three of their favorite songs and start singing terribly. I’m talking off-key, purposely wrong lyrics. As loud as you can.

Even better if you can improv the lyrics to customize it just for them.

If they wish to preserve the sanctity of their media they’ll wake up sooner rather than later.

14

Pick three three of their favorite songs and start singing terribly

no. just their favorite songs in general.

I once had the briht idea of using my favorite songs as my alarm sound.

It just lead to me absolutely hating the songs, because my brain associated them with waking up

10

Can also mix it up and play those songs on one of those recorders they teach you to play in elementary school.

3

Wham! — Wake Me Up

TMBG — Wake Up Call

Bullfrog ft. Kid Koala — Music for More Morning People

(I used to use Hokus Pick's "I'm So Happy" but it just hits different under the current presidential administration)

13

My grandmother would regularly play mariachi music at way too early hours of Saturday as she was cleaning because she liked it. I learned to wake up before the crack of dawn on those days so I could be out of the house in time to avoid it.

Anyways, spice it up with things like yodelling, bagpipes, any cultural music with extremely high pitched instruments or vocals, and particularly emotional songs from popular musicals. And maybe throw in a soundtrack of metal pots falling down the stairs or glass crashing in between songs, just to keep them on their toes.

13

I had a roommate who would play "Burning Down the House" by Talking Heads every morning at top volume.

It starts slow and quiet, then the drums kick in hard, launching you out of bed. By the end of the song we'd be pogo-dancing around the apartment.

11
infosec.pub

Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner

Elephant Talk by King Crimson

Hocus Pocus by Focus

9

Especially if you sing/scream along at the top of your lungs for the last one. I'm actually not even sure it's possible not to.

1

Might I suggest: Who Let the Dogs Out followed by Around the World and lastly The Final Countdown.

9
lemmy.world

The trick is to pick something and sing it yourself. Preferably some old traditional song.

8

When I was a teenager who had to get up for school my mother would do this and I had to tell her to stop because I started to genuinely loathe her singing, whatever noise gets picked for an alarm you're getting conditioned to have a negative reaction to

2

I was playing video games with a friend while listening to music and said out loud "is this a Tom Jones cover of Burning Down the House?" and her immediate impression of the song was dead on even though she'd never heard it before

3

I think you're going about this the wrong way, You won't have wake them up if they can never fall asleep listening to every song here all night. Tell them you'll only turn it of if they set their own alarm.

Right now you're training them that the obnoxious music will be their alarm.

Also, if your kid has an android I love the alarm app called AMDroid. It is super customizable, (who knew an alarm could have so many options). It can set to do things like send a notification after a few minutes "are you awake?", if you don't respond the alarm goes again. You can set various math or word challenges to stop the alarm, you can make it only turn of if you're close enough to the router, or at a certain light level, and so on.

7

Also do you have a way to unlock the door? Not from a privacy breaching point, you shouldn't do that, but as a you just heard bloody murder and need to get in (or you don't get any response from them). Don't let a locked door be a 5 minute difference you'll regret.

2
piefed.social
  • The 1812 overture. If that's too long, just focus on the section with the cannons.

  • Crazy frog

  • The macarena (I was struggling to think of a third song, but I would hope the first two would do the job)

6

make your own song entirely out of gen alpha memes and slang that you don't even understand and make it as wrong as possible

6
lemmy.ca

Marc rebillet good morning wake up

6
  • MELT-BANANA - The Hive
  • Anna Meredith - Nautilus
  • Aphex Twin - Come To Daddy

If they're not enough for your child to choose an alarm instead, I don't know what is.

5

AC/DC — “Thunderstruck” or “For Those About to Rock”

And—please don’t hate me for this, everybody—that horrible Kars for Kids jingle. Play it on something he has to physically get out of bed to shut off.

5

When I struggled to get up in my late teens and early twenties, I used a submarine dive horn as an alarm. That worked well, but my roommates were not a fan.

Edit: This is a fun post and I kinda ignored the game, my bad!

I use Fleet Foxes' Sun Giant as an alarm, the deep inhale in the beginning gets me up instantly then the soft music is comforting as I stir awake. But might not be as useful for a teen who can't wake up.

Streetlight Manifesto's Everything Went Numb starts with horns and quickly gets upbeat and fast, great track that seems hard to sleep through.

Moxy Fruvus' King of Spain has a good mix of upbeat, percussive vocals and a slightly embarassing Weird Al/comedy acapella vibes that might make it insufferable to sleep through.

I could easily see Blue Swede's Hooked on a Feeling becoming a dreaded familiar wake up call. Ooga Chaka Ooga Ooga Ooga Chaka Ooga Ooga Ooga Chaka...

Maybe set up a subwoofer under their bed and hit em with something like Aquagen's Ihr Seid so Leise.

5

Firestarter by The Prodigy

Wipe Out by The Surfaris

Mars from Holst's Planet's Suite

5

The Humpty Dance - Digital Underground

Twist - Korn

Everybody (Backstreet's Back) - The Backstreet Boys

4

When I went to band camp, they'd wake us up by setting up giant speakers in the dorm halls and playing Eye of the Tiger or Convoy

4

Bodies - Drowning Pool

It gives nice quiet and loud so that it isn't easy to tune out

4

Wake up song improvised by Marc Rebillet Good morning sunshine by the narcissist cookbook Happy morning - The song from the folgers coffee ad

4

Aphex Twin - Rhubarb (#3 on Selected Ambient Works Volume II)

Tycho - Awake

Ray Parker Jr - Ghostbusters

Gentle come-up, gentle rhythm introduction, followed by unresistable urge to dance

4
lemmy.world

Just start playing Pantera's Cowboys From Hell album from the beginning and I guarantee he'll get up. If you want to spice it up just start it on a different song each morning.

4

Cranked as loud as the stereo will go:

  • Hank Williams - Your Cheatin’ Heart
  • The Carpenters - (They Long to be) Close to You
  • Christopher Cross - Sailing
  • Anything by Conway Twitty.

If necessary, find covers by the easiest of easy listening orchestras. If you want to have one album rather than individual songs, make it a Christmas album. I would recommend Loretta Lynn’s Country Christmas.

3
Pat
feddit.nu

1: Good Morning Vietnam monologue. 2: Whatever march music you find appropriate. I'd recommend the March of the Red Cavalry. 3: Dead Kennedys: Kill The Poor.

3

When I struggled to get up in my late teens and early twenties, I used a submarine dive horn as an alarm. That worked well, but my roommates were not a fan.

3

Get very bright smart bulbs. Set them to standard brightness all the time and then blastthe fucker come alarm time.

3
lemmy.ca

Life is a Highway

Life is a Highway

Life is a Highway

3
dan1101reply
lemmy.world

Life is a Highway

Life is a Highway

Life is a Highway

Walking on Sunshine

Life is a Highway

Life is a Highway

Life is a Highway

3

Rosetta Stoned - Tool

Hammer Smashed Face - Cannibal Corpse

Flirtin' With Disaster - Molly Hatchet

I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred

3

Start with

Nuco - Fairest of the seasons

And just as it sets in beautifully... peaceful... you immediately play

System of a down - jet pilot

And round it all out with

Crazy Frog - Axel F

Also, lobby your kid's school for later start times. Kids need that sleep.

3

Psychosocial-Slipknot Coming Undone-Korn The Devil in I-Slipknot

Man, I would wake up in a great mood

3
lemmy.dbzer0.com

Come to daddy - Aphex twin Godhood - Humanity's last breath Bleed - Meshuggah

2

I remember the first time I heard Come to Daddy was on cky2k, and the ong blew me away. At that time I'm listening to basically pop punk, and then this song knocks my socks off.

2

Nana mouskouri’s Guten Morgen Sonnenschein. This one on repeat was always used to wake us up with weekends away with our association.

2

My dad loves Harry Nilsson and this was his go-to vinyl to get me up when I was a lazy teenager. I now inflict it on my children.

2

Burning heart - Survivor

Eye of the tiger - Survivor

No need for third

2

You only need one song at loud volume. Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music, Pt 3. They'll be up and out in less than 30 seconds.

2
  1. PEELINGFLESH - FFWAS
  2. Lorna Shore - To The Hellfire

Then finish them off with:

  1. Tiny Tim - Tiptoe Through the Tulips With Me
2

Melvins - Night Goat

If theyre not up by the first wail they will be once hes done.

Runner up would be A History of Bad Men since that starts with "WAKE UP you never looked so glum"

2

Elvis Costello Welcome to the Working Week

Pink Floyd Another brick in the wall

Evanescence Bring me to life

A dance version:

Belle and Sebastian The Party Line

Scissor Sisters I don't feel like dancing

Wham! Wake me up before you go go

ETA, if you are desperate, use the song the Feds did to try to drive the cultists out at Waco TX:

Achey Breaky Heart

Achey Breaky Heart

Achey Breaky Heart

My favorite song to gently wake up is Hammock, Ten Thousand Years Won't Save Your Life - but the reason it's so good is because it is good to hear while I am sleeping, so not a good alarm. But so nice to hear while laying in bed.

2
  1. Mue by Koki Nakano, something beautiful and strange incase they are actually sleeping.

  2. Lift me up by Moby, time to rise and shine!

  3. Anything (for example Yellow Silk Buddha) by Incapacitants to scare them out of their room.

2

“Teenager” is a fairly broad spectrum of age; there’s a big difference between 13 & 17. You should pick something geared toward his approximate point of psycho-intellectual development. I personally would suggest tinnitus sounds, the kind of droning bass that literally makes the house shake, or an earrape version of “Reveille” accompanied by you banging on something metal, like Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket.

-A 20-something college student who can barely get out of bed in the morning himself.

2
  • JVB - security

  • Beastie Boys - no sleep till Brooklyn

  • HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA

2
gruereply
lemmy.world

LOL, one of the Youtube comments:

HOLY FUCK THIS ONE ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE MUSIC

2

Hahaha I saw that. Compared to some other stuff (I haven't heard a lot) it does sound like an actual song haha. Maybe I'll check out that album.

1

Anyone who can sleep through Bassnectar - Raw Charles deserves some kind of award.

2

Honestly Opus Brain could be the whole wakeup track. If they're not out of bed by 2:00 call a doctor.

2

1: Angelspit - Krankhaus - Vena Cava

2: Blind Guardian - A Night at the Opera - Waiting for an Answer

3: Mick Gordon - Doom 2016 Soundtrack - Damnation

Don't go easy on the volume. If they still don't come out after that, they had a heart attack.

2
piefed.social

Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull
Smoke on the Water - Deep Purple
LaGrange - ZZ Top

2
...m...reply
ttrpg.network

...or you could just go all billy gibbons...
desert high -> spanish fly -> sal y pimiento

0

That would work ;) I picked Locomotive Breath because of the slow, gentle build up to an explosion... perfect way to start the day

1
lemmy.zip

You Suffer by Napalm Death. It’s 1.6 seconds long, but played at max volume, it would wake the dead.

2

I see you and raise you nasenbluten's "rotterdam takes it up the arse"

1
jlai.lu

For a particularly brutal morning :

Strapping young lad : underneath the waves

Dillinger escape plan : sunshine the werewolf

And Levan's polka so it gets stuck in their head for the whole day

<3

2

Sunshine the Werewolf is such a jam, probably my favorite of theirs, really as it all.

1

Cradle of Filth - Her Ghost in the Fog
Rebecca Black - Friday
System of a Down - Bounce

1

I had a room mate once who had the john cena tune as his alarm and every day he would sleep through it for at least an hour.

1

Wake Up by Suicide Silence used to be my wake up song, give that one a go

1

i went through several ways to get up on my own through that age, hated everything, and anything i liked i would eventually hate also, lyrics, beats, voices would become ear worms. Long story short, Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven has been holding up awesome going on a few decades. YMMV

1

May I suggest Igorrr "Spaghetti Forever" At first glance it's sweet and calm but then it becomes pure insanity.

1

I like tull so to cry you a song, minstrel in the gallery, and then high born hunting girl.

1

Catch Fire - Jenix

When I Get Free - Tupac

Goin' Crazy - D12

These were/are the songs I use for my alarms at least and they do the trick. Idk if it will work well on someone who doesn't like hip hop though

1

I know you said three songs but Ghost Love Score by Nightwish is 10 minutes long and is basically 3 songs in one

1

Psyopus - pig keepers daughter

Meth witch - burn victim

Archspire - golden mouth of ruin

1

Holding out for a hero or pink pony club. The door will kick open as they come out singing

1

Do what my grandpa did when he wanted to wake me up. He'd throw a bucket of water on me.

1

This was fun! My suggestions are either themed around sleep or waking, and some are simply weird or discordant. All should be suitable for teenagers. Mostly older stuff that should jangle their brain a bit.

Something classical: Flight of the Bumblebee

A country earworm: Is this the way to Amarillo? by Tony Christie

Disco nonsense: Shake shake shake shake your booty by KC and the Sunshine Band

Punk chaos: 10% Weird by The Meanies

Thumping house: 74 is the new 24 by Giorgio Moroder

Japanese blues: Akita Ondo by George & Noriko

80s hard rock: All Fired Up by Fastway

Bluey's Dad used to be the lead singer in an indie guitar band: Apartment by Custard

RnB: Back to Life by Soul II Soul

80s pop: Beat It by Michael Jackson

Rap: Body Movin by the Beastie Boys

Something French: Ca Plane Pour Moi by Plastic Bertrand

80s metal: Come and Get It by Judas Priest

Scare them awake with some industrial noise: Come to Daddy by Aphex Twin

80s synth pop: Dreaming Of Me by Depeche Mode

Indie: Dreams by Beck

Reggae: Get Up Stand Up by Bob Marley and the Wailers

Naughties pop: Wake Up by Arandhna

1

My entire senior year i had a cd player alarm clock that played reel big fish's cover of "take on me" every morning at 6am after not getting any sleep the night before. It definitely got me up and going.

1

Substance by Haste the Day.

This used to be my alarm clock, the abrupt opening is very jarring, in a good way for waking up.

1

Hide a BT speaker on a shelve or something high up.
Then blast the everliving volume of any song out of it :)

1

If you really want to startle them awake:

Wannabe - Spice Girls has an abrupt start. Someone woke me up that way when I was young and I hated it.

1
lemmy.zip
  • Song one: TAKE THE LOCK OFF THIER DOOR If they don’t like that song, you can play side B of that album which is TAKE THE DOOR OFF THE HINGES

  • Song two: MAKE THEM USE AN ALARM

  • Song three: IF THEY DON’T USE THIER ALARM, BELLOWING AS LOUD AS YOU CAN IN THIER EAR WORKS GREAT

-6
qyronreply
sopuli.xyz

We're going to need links for those. All seem great head bangers but, come on, throw the rest of us mortals a bone.

1
IWW4reply
lemmy.zip

Go look up the album called, parenting your teenager.

When my kid became a teenager creature, I learned a lot from that album.

1
qyronreply
sopuli.xyz

I've been one and have two under my wings right now.

If the message of the lyrics is anything close to what I can intuit from the song titles, that is wasted listening time.

1
IWW4reply
lemmy.zip

Of course it will be if you, like the OP can’t make your kid use a fucking alarm clock.

1
qyronreply
sopuli.xyz
  • Song one: TAKE THE LOCK OFF THIER DOOR If they don’t like that song, you can play side B of that album which is TAKE THE DOOR OFF THE HINGES

The first song must be a joke and of poor taste. Can't imagine the notion of someone not understanding why locks exist and when is it correct to use them. Perhaps it's a message on what lack of respect broods between people. The B side must be the follow up; sadly, it only digs the hole deeper.

  • Song two: MAKE THEM USE AN ALARM

Is this about forced compliance? Because it sounds awfully like it. People tend to subscribe to ideas and concepts voluntarily when they recognize themselves on it. I'm going to risk this is just a waste of recording time.

  • Song three: IF THEY DON’T USE THIER ALARM, BELLOWING AS LOUD AS YOU CAN IN THIER EAR WORKS GREAT

This is obviously the follow up of the previous. Whoever wrote these titles must be a jewel of a human being. And a music genius. Unfortunately, it's the wrong tune for the day. It's easier to get a captive audience by building rapport with them instead of just producing noise.

1

Please go get some antibiotics. Take care of yourself. And listen to new music; that playlist is complete garbage.

1
lemmy.world

The only song I'm playing for a teenager who can't get themselves up on time in my house is the theme song to being grounded. At this age they are perfectly capable of accepting responsibility for getting up on time.

-9

You're not wrong, but you are missing out on the fun of making a playlist.

17

Alternatively: bring them to the doctor or schedule a sleep study to figure out what's going on.

I don't understand how parents can fail their children so consistently. It takes so little empathy and reason to see someone struggling and ask "how can I help them achieve the best outcome" instead of "how can I immediately force the outcome I want". Especially for a loved one!

I can only imagine such parents are so self-absorbed that their empathy and reason were sucked up into their own assholes at some point along with the rest of their humanity and then shit out their mouths during an inevitably bloviated, assinine, masturbatory tirade.

1