What's your hypothetical death row meal?
You're allowed anything on the planet
No there is no clever way to use this meal to escape your fate
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You're allowed anything on the planet
No there is no clever way to use this meal to escape your fate
Heart of Billionaire x (however many billionaires there currently are)
How would you like that prepared?
I'd like it served as is, fresh from the chest cavity.
Any sides?
A second billionaire's heart
edit: didn't read the first response all the way - let me at the liver first
Considering how many drugs some of those billionaires do, I'd suggest skipping on the liver.
Are you joking? They might have quaaludes in there
Give me their lungs for haggis then.
Yes, eating the liver would be bad for their health for the next hour.
1 cubic meter of pure gold, sliced into bite sized cubes, completely enclosed in a nice icing, and not that fondant stuff.
Leftovers are to go to my family.
Like suodiu, but gold.
I had not heard of that, but yes.
Heck, I might swallow one or two. My family can deal with my body as they wish. (Not sure if cremation would melt it)
A kilo of dried magic mushrooms and a fat bag of mdma. I'm going to be glowing with transcendental joy and tripping the light fantastic. Hopefully I'd get the chair, can you imagine how good electricity would feel in that state?
Jeff bezos roasted in a bronze bull with a pinch of lemon and some butter.
Ditch the lemon. Pork needs apple sauce.
RIP to the commenters.
That's why OP specified that it's anything, instead of normal or reasonable rules: to get fun answers.
And you can't be executed until you've finished all your spinach?
How much spinach are you talking here
All of it!
I would probably want to smoke crack. Not like I can get hooked and ruin my life if I'm on death row already.
Imagine smoking crack and getting a stay of execution after but being a crackhead.
Fair one, make sure to ask for enough that if you do get hooked, you're covered until it's your time to shine
Depending on how you are being executed it might make the lethal injection more prolonged and painful
32 ounces of medium rare ribeye steak, bowl of spaghetti with alfredo sauce, 30 chicken wings (10 buffalo, 10 BBQ and 10 garlic butter), 750 of eagle rare 17 year bourbon, pint of peanut butter ice cream and a 2 liter of Dr. pepper.
I'm curious about your preference for spaghetti with alfredo sauce. Why not fettuccine?
Same question. Less curious, more saddened.
If it wanted to be chosen, it would have been easier to spell. But really its just my preference.
Cheeky 30k bottle of booze in there, are you working on that through the meal or is that the grand finale?
I edited because I realized I had the 17 year before not the 30. Did a quick google of the oldest eagle rare because thats what I thought I had. Turns out it was a 17. So the low low price of like 2 grand instead 😉. It'll be sipped throughout and then demolished when I'm ready.
tbh I think Id be in no mood to actually eat anything, and trying to decide on anything in that circumstance sounds like itd just compound the anxiety , so given that itd be kind of a waste of food and wouldnt be of much comfort, Id probably just turn it down.
Its more for the benefit of your executionists. A fig leaf for their shame.
Well, that's your prerogative, of course
You've got a few hours so knock on the door if you change your mind
Paradox: Request to eat the brain stem of the person who will deliver the killing blow / throw the switch / administer the injection / etc.
If you are then killed by their replacement, then you weren't given what you asked for, contradicting rule 1. If you succeed, rule 2 has been contradicted.
But seriously. It's hard to choose. There was this one pub I visited (with parent) as a child that made the most delicious, dare I say, succulent, miniature pasties. I think I'd like to gorge on those.
The executioner plugs the electric chair into a timed wall outlet. In 30 minutes, you will die. You do get revenge on the executioner first though, so that's cool
Maybe if they set the timer to go on and off at set intervals or made you eat the meal in the chair, which is unusual.
Otherwise you could take your sweet time eating that brain stem and they'd be unable to put you in a live chair without risking anyone else.
There's also the problem of what to do if there's a power outage.
Half an hour is plenty long enough to zom out on some brains, then get strapped into the chair. Even then, they can just set the timer for more time if they need it. If the power goes out, then good news! You get another serving of someone else's brains tomorrow
it isnt a person, too bad (we implemented claude code onto our automatic execution system)
Someone has to tell the bot when. There's always a human if you go deep enough.
Morrisons did these mini Cornish pasties, might still do, years ago. They were fantastic.
Provided I have a little while to eat...
A slice of bacon and cheddar quiche with real pie crust.
Chorizo breakfast burrito.
Pork green chili over fresh made tortillas and crunchy hash browns.
Two slices of Oscar Meyer bologna on the cheapest white bread one can buy, with a small handful of plain lays potato chips.
Peanut butter and half a cosmic crisp apple.
A bag of ruffles potato chips with onion soup mix dip.
A new York strip with garlic mashed potatoes and onion strings.
A small sourdough bread bowl of western clam chowder.
A bowl of ramen with garlic tonkatsu broth and two soy eggs.
Carbonara with some garlic bread.
Cobb salad with blue cheese dressing, no olives.
Apple crumble with vanilla bean ice cream.
An ice cold Dr pepper, an ice cold barqs root beer, a large glass of milk, and a few liters of southern sweet tea.
Honestly for me, I think I'd want a Berlin gemuse kebab, probably the Mustafa's one (mit käse of course) given I've got a lot of good memories attached to it.
Serve it up with a nice citrusy IPA
Probably finish with a tiramisu made by an Italian nonna
I'd eat my prosecuting attorney, jokes on him.
I want what they are having at the Palais de l’Élysée (the French presidential house).
A huge table of the best of French food made by awesome chefs, from starters to desserts.
The living face of Steven Miller.
I'm going the same way I came. covered in shit, vomiting, and screaming to go back.
You entered this world covered in shit? ಠ_ಠ
....😐
we all do. babies still piss and shit inside the embryonic sack. it's rare for shitting, but it does happen.
Badly prepared pufferfish. Checkmate
Are you really escaping the fate there? Just pulling the appointment up really
I'm fairly sure most pufferfish are safe to eat too, I guess if it's particularly badly prepared, it might give you salmonella
Not sure I'd go for that, but it's your meal
Poorly prepared pufferfish (aka: fugu) would probably kill you. The pufferfish skin contains a toxin that, when expertly prepared, will make your tongue tingle a bit. When poorly prepared will really make your tongue tingle and will probably stop your heart shortly after that.
I wouldn't specify poorly made. I want the first one of a newly trained chef. Let em practice for real with no real consequences.
Had to double check my original assertion, but I was more or less on the money
Fugu is a Japanese delicacy, specifically tiger pufferfish which has that neurotoxin, prepared by an expert to have the toxin safely removed.
Most other pufferfish have no toxin to be worried about regardless of how poorly it's prepared
100 lbs of saffron
What's your ideal serving suggestion for that?
I don't want to eat it, I just want my execution to be hella expensive
Nah you should eat it, it'd turn you neon orange but you'll smell absolutely incredible.
If you get the chair the scent of your cooking flesh would be boardering on divine, and not to mention being the best smelling corpse the morgue will ever take delivery of. Hell, the section of graveyard you end up in will probably smell like saffron for weeks after thry put you in the ground.
Depending on how much you weight, that much saffron might even preserve you, like some kind of extra bougie mummy.
You convinced me. I'm gonna become 1/3 saffron when I am executed and I will request the chair.
After seeing all the memes about how many calories are in uranium, that would be fun to try.
Self heating
Just as it comes or would you like a dressing?
Hmm, how about shavings of uranium garnishing a massive chocolate lava cake with whipped cream (the real stuff made from whipping cream, not the stuff from a can or the abomination that is cool whip)
Diet Pepsi and Mentos. Cabbage and baking soda.
I want my dead body to explode and spread foul smelling shit all over the place.
Just a ton of bacon, egg, potato, and cheese breakfast burritos with some good salsa, a pile of churros, and 100 cans of Juicy IPA.
Edit: Hell, with the state of things right now, give me a guarantee that I would get that as my final meal and I’ll do a crime that’ll get me there.
I'd probably just want something simple that'd bring back good memories from childhood, like battered, pan-fried plaice with remoulade sauce and some lemon wedges, that always felt like a luxury meal when I was a child, that'd be soothing, a last chance to remember a time of innocence.
Root beer float, mozzarella sticks, an Arby's beef n' cheddar, and a medium pizza from my favorite local place with the little grease-cup pepperonis, mushrooms, and 12 tabs of acid.
Nice, to be clear, is the acid included in the pizza topping list or separate?
Cooking the lsd will destroy it, eat it seperatly!
TIL!
As a topping. A little paper eating isn't gonna matter at that point.
Anything on the planet you say?
Well I wanna eat the entire planet...
Not sure if the planet could be considered on itself
Hush, while I eat you too...
Begone, World-Eater! By words with older bones than your own, we break your perch on this age, and send you out!
Monkey brains.
I'm going to die, fuck it. I'm going to try something I've never eaten.
There's probably a lot better things you've never eaten.
Ok, Indy.
serpent-surprise !!
Nothing fancy- Corned beef hash, eggs over easy, with swiss cheese melted on top and a nice cup of black coffee.
Give me a ricin ball. I'll still die, but it will be on MY terms.
Fair play, nothing to wash it down with?
A slice of pizza, a piece of Carnegie Deli cheesecake, and a small saucer of fentanyl.
Any particular pizza?
Is the fent right after the cheesecake or are you giving yourself a bit of digestion time first?
I don't know, anything good, the food is too hard to pick. I love NY style, I love Chicago style, I love Detroit style, I love Neapolitan. It's all magical.
I mostly just want the fentanyl to go out in peace/quickly.
...I'm hoping that's how it works. I don't actually know, but I figure a full saucer should do the trick, surely.
Anything with an overdose of any good drug. If I'm dying I'm dying with a bang.
Chicken fried rice, lots of it.
Pan pizza and wheat beer. Maybe I can't escape my fate, but I can make it... quite messy for the executioners.
I'm assuming you'd like the pizza extra spicy?
I do like spicy pizza, but the idea is that celiac disease means that it'll return fast and hot, either way.
My mom's cooking.
Corpse Reviver No. 2 That will be all, thanks.
Big Mac and a glass of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2099.
Two double cheeseburgers from MacDonald’s.
2kg of the Korean fried chicken with the spiciest chilli sauce on the planet. A case of beer to wash it all down.
Sushi
What's your selection?
Well, for a last meal, I'm ordering some specialty rolls haha. There's a local spot near me that has some good specialty options. I'm a big fan of anything with eel, salmon, or octopus (I haven't had it in years after learning the intelligence they have).
Anything on the planet? That's great, let's eradicate some diseases. Give me literally every single deadly virus that's out there in the world right now. With a side of all of the leukemia present in the world to buy everyone some time. Give me my meal in an incinerator, lets go.
I'd also like a whopper or something.
ANYTHING on the planet? A clump of Bigfoot hair, a Zodiac Killer's leg, and a shot of DB Cooper's blood. Let's solve some fuckin mysteries
Edit: I'll also take a side of whatever killed those campers at Dyatlov Pass, a copy of the holy text of the correct religion, and a camera that captured real footage of an alien
You're using your powers to solve cosmic mysteries. I'll use them for a something a bit more self-serving.
I will take my last meal in the form of blood pudding. A very large amount of blood pudding, made from at least 5 liters of blood. Human blood. Specifically the blood of the person set to perform the execution. Oh, and if you change your mind on who the executioner is, that invalidates my last meal, so I get another one.
Well played! Even if you still get executed, you'll live in the prison for about as long as 50 months.
Plot twist, you have to eat the whole meal before you are executed.
Or before you get dessert.
Salad with cheddar cheese boiled eggs & tomato/oil/vinegar dressing, cut mirchi, beef & mushroom stroganoff, a bunch of apples, and some coffee and buttered cinnamon toast.
The heart of my enemies
Big plate of burnt ends, NY style cheesecake and a bottle of Lagavulin single malt.
Panda tenderloin and a side of uranium. I'm curious of the flavor of both
Hemlock. BOOM! Cheated the hangman and had the last laugh! Edit: Oops. This was a clever way to escape my fate and is not part of the game. In that case, a Burger King Veal Parmigiana sandwich from the 1980's.
You will definitely get food poisoning if you eat a 45 year old sandwich.
2 chicken parmas with hot chips, 1 litre of pisto, a bubble o'bill and a few caps of mdma YEEEEEWWWWW!
A really tall glass of whiskey on the rocks, an edible, a drop of acid, heroine, mushrooms.
Make sure im strapped down though. Give me headphones and just let me chill with music.
Then I want a few Mexican tamales with a side of Puerto Rican rice. Then on the other side some genuine South Korea chicken.
I want the guards to also partake in this feast and my goodbye to this world.
Just make sure the physician stays sober.
MRE meatballs and BBQ sauce from 1986 eaten cold with a cold Guinness beer to wash it down.
I'm curious if there's a story behind this choice
(The Guinness needs no explanation, great choice)
In memory of a friend that's not around anymore.
All the radioactive waste I can carry then launch me into space
Salade de gésiers confits de volaille tiède Tagliatelles aux cèpes et foie gras Baba au rhum (the real thing, not the faked ones you commonly find in pastries)
The Ritter Sport Olympia chocolate (Milk-honey-hazelnut flavour) and snickers icecream. I love it so much. Haven't eaten it in 8 years. Also curious to find out if they would bother to use an epipen on me just to kill me a couple of hours later.
Chicken Wing platter from Hing Wah. Chicken A-La-Tony from Luigis. Cheesesteak from Dalessandros. My Mom's chicken and dumplings. A piece of carrot cake. A bottle of Kraken and orange soda.
All the rice, one by one.
Red tuna and Salmon sashimi with wasabi and soy sauce. A bit of seaweed salad and miso soup on the side.
Every piece of evidence against me, so I get to go to assylum for insanity (I don't know anything about mental assylum I just stole a joke from Huggbees).
A microsd card with the plans for a fusion reactor, a step by step manual of how to achieve world peace and utopia, and enough shitcoins and dubious patent claims to overthrow the economy if needed. Plus all the Epstein files, the truth about JFK and all the dirty laundry of all world leaders. Throw in some nuclear access codes of various countries for good measure. Covered in Epoxy. Oh, and I want my whole body to be delivered to my family, stomach contents included.
I’m stuck in a loop of deciding what my goal should be. Sure, you may not escape but how about revenge?
I first thought of stuffing myself, then thought why spend my last moments uncomfortable…… but then yeah why not. Why not overeat to excess, vomiting in your last moments to create a horrifying mess with purifying stench. Let the hangman pay. Let the doctor pay. Let the guards take au. Let the witnesses pay. Let them all regret bring here and carry it to their own end
I'd eat the judge