Spyke
NatakuNoxreply
lemmy.world

Single straight man that works in child care. Let me tell you, single mom's treat compassion like catnip. I keep them as far away from me outside of the school environment because me simply enjoying my job which naturally involves compassion is intoxicating to them.

Hard pass for me dating a single mom but if you are having a hard time as a straight single man dating (only perspective I can give advice on) is to be genuine and compassionate. Instant attraction for 99% of women looking for partners.

33
1984reply
lemmy.today

Ive become a bit of a cynic in this area and I think the women seeing your passion for child care and being a nice guy... They know they can wrap you around their fingers and get a lot of benefit from you.

Nice guys like yourself need to be very careful around todays women.

-6
lemmy.zip

Toxic people mistake kindness for weakness and you just told on yourself, assuming everyone thinks the way you do.

3
1984reply
lemmy.today

Amazing analys doctor, but I think you may be seeing yourself in this rather than me...

Im not very toxic, just very honest about what I see. Even when its unpopular.

-2
1984reply
lemmy.today

If you cant understand basic things, then sure. Very toxic. Lol.

1

You told a guy who does childcare that women know they can wrap him round their finger, which iabsolutely is mistaking kindness for weakness, a very negative way of thinking, which is the toxic bit.

You don't see at as toxic, but others do and you know it's unpopular but you do it anyway, which is the no filter bit.

Unapologetic and unwilling to reconsider your position, you then start insulting people and being snarky, which is both toxic and lacking a filter.

I won't be surprised if you double down and go more abusive and dismissive in response to what I've said because you clearly see no intrinsic merit whatsoever in kindness, so why would you hold back from the nastiest you could be?

Some of us learned social lessons at school (alongside academic content). Trump did neither, and thinks that playground bullying is strength. Be less Trumpy.

4

Bravery. My wife she's a revolutionary. She was on the street when they kicked out the dictator and they were shooting real bullets. I admire her

72
lemy.lol

I'm going to be so shallow as to claim that if they look attractive, I find that instantly hot.

67
lemmy.world

I'm a lonely male so the answer is if they give me a modicum of attention and kindness.

53

Every drop of water makes the river, don’t forget you’re a part of the world, and you’re important, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

4

Its this.

IDK about "lonely" exactly but I definitely dont get a lot of attention or kindness from people.

Now I think about it i dont offer much either but thats life i guess.

3

Depends on the derivative. SteamOS definitely does not count unless (possibly) you're running it on something other than a steam deck.

0

Just need a job as a mortician, or become friends with a mortician who has questionable morals and needs money.

6
sh.itjust.works

If you can get a youth to dig corpses up for you, I think you've negated the need for the corpses in the first place

5

Kindness, low ego, emotional intelligence, positive mindset.

34

Passion. Idc if they like fixing up cars, playing guitar or painting. Although that's not something instant. It's more on a getting to know them basis but oh well xD

32

This is also something that I deeply value. And even in today's world, in which anti-consumption should probably be a priority for pretty much everyone, I rarely find someone that values that.

And where is the hate for corporations? Everyone walking around as if they were a walking billboard, with branding in pretty much every item they own.. Yikes yikes yikes.

3
shalafireply
lemmy.world

Fine, you're my wing man. I'll take the flat-chested friend, you get the thick one.

4

Couple of girls with average breasts eyeing us at the bar. Now we're fighting over which one has the stuffed bra.

"Fuck it. Let's be tacky and just ask."

2
lemmy.world

Unfortunately, I seem to favor the neurotic. It's not a thing I can control. I know damn well not to act on it, but attraction/infatuation can be a bastard sometimes. On the flip side, on the not-instant side of things, plenty of togetherness and shows of affection and tenderness can also call forth attraction over time.

24
piefed.social

In my experience the greater the emotional challenges the person has to face, the more amazing they are at sex

4
arinreply
lemmy.world

Idk man, got called a rapist when she previously consented.

2
piefed.social

Ouch!

okay that's ... abusive (on her part)

and definitely never bed an abuser.

I guess the trick is finding the right kind and level of emotional issues

2

To me it's passion. Talking about their topic of predilection with fire in their eyes. That does it

19
  1. That they give a shit about other people, and contribute in some way to their community/society.
  2. Capacity for/evidence of personal growth. This one's not always easy to see, but it's amazing when you do.
19

Not easily predictable without being completely random.

16

Unapologetic intellectual curiosity! I absolutely love being around people who love learning new things and who get excited to find out more when they discover a new topic.
It's one of the first qualities that really stood out when I first met my husband - in a University lecture with 1000 people, he just nonchalantly sat down in the frontmost row because that's where he could hear the professor the best and ask questions. No shyness or awkwardness about it, which I found incredibly inspiring for some reason! I usually hid in one of the back rows because I was massively overthinking everything and afraid that the professor might call me out when he sees me not paying attention.

15
piefed.social

I’m attracted to women with a more traditionally masculine personality or presentation. The helpers/protectors. Or non-binary. Bonus points if their whole Look is to deliberately intimidate strangers.

TL;DR image basically this but in all black.

13
lemmy.world

A good wink. A guy can be medium attractive or not my type, but if they make a little joke and then give me individually a subtle wink, I'm smitten.

Not talking about a compliment followed by a wink. A joke, and then they let me in on it with them with a wink.

12
Madziellereply
lemmy.dbzer0.com

I am the total opposite, if you wink at me I'm going to be wholly creeped out.

14
null_dotreply
lemmy.dbzer0.com

How do you feel if someone who is not medium attractive winks at you?

Or if they just say something weird, like a joke you don't appreciate, and wink at you?

I guess there has to be some kind of established not-a-creepy-stranger before risking a wink becomes appropriate.

1

Physically unattractive, but a good wink would still pique my interest, but it's never happened to me. Winking is kind of rare. It's like proof that they're fast, clever, and confident, and that they desire a rapport with me.

Yes, the wink has to be paired with something clever, or wise, or nice. Some kind of friendly banter. You'd have to be already attractive to wink out of the blue, but if you're already attractive and you wink, I'd probably like that too. It's conveying interest. It's conspiratorial and playful.

2
lemmy.world

Instantly? It’s a somewhat vague term, but magnanimity, having “loftiness of spirit.” To me, it means that when they enter a room they carry a subtle gravity. Their eyes are focused on what and who is around them, taking in each in turn with a clear understanding of what they see but a respect for what they don’t. A trim smile that welcomes greetings and promises warm words in return. They breathe with the calm ease of someone healthy and comfortable in their own skin, and with each step they appear to not just approach their physical destination, but their own personal fulfillment.

12

Instantly hot? Sexuality. Dressing in clothing that shows off their body, the way they smile, being flirty, a sparkle in their eye, etc.

Being hot is just about attraction to me. It tells me they can be fun. Now, you can tank that hotness in an instant by being rude to a waiter, being shallow, unable to hold a conversation, etc. In my experience hot people tend to have weaker personalities because they don't have to work on them as much. Hot is often not worth it, but it can be... hot.

11

Aside from all the things that are instant turn-offs...

Being hopeful.
Also seem to get drawn to BPD

11

Being equitable and fighting for other peoples rights as well as there own, to the best of that persons ability. And the ability to know what consent is and actually use it as best as they can to there ability.

10

When someone laughs at my jokes they instantly become more attractive.

It's not the only thing needed to make someone hot - I don't think I know of one thing that would do the trick regardless of anything else... but it's a big leap towards it for anyone, because it combines them laughing and having fun (which is attractive) with making me feel appreciated and included and good about myself (which opens me up socially to feel attraction).

On the flip side, someone who doesn't laugh at my jokes will become irrevocably unattractive regardless of anything else.

9
lemmy.world

For me, I’m good as long as they “get” the joke. If they think I’m abysmally unfunny, especially if they audibly groan, that’s just as good

5
literature.cafe

I suppose, as long as they actually enjoy it - painful groan or not.

I'm luckily not attracted to people who don't enjoy my company, hopefully neither are you.

2

I think it’s impossible to tell? Terrible abusive relationship with someone who starts off and you’re the light of their world, compared to someone who actively avoided you for years and then ends up being a bestie for life. Yeah

2
literature.cafe

"What takes three days and isn't even worth the wait?"

"Getting AI to produce a halfway decent joke."

1
sh.itjust.works

I confuse "attractive" and "naked" on a regular basis. I frequently have to remind myself to consider if I am seeing an attractive person, or just a person who currently is not wearing many clothes.

8

Understanding and compassion. Kindness. I've been with enough women in my time to be able to definitively say that the HOTTEST woman in the universe yet a total bitch would not be able to hold a candle to a homely kind hearted gal.

7
lemmy.world

It is confidence. It is always always always confidence. Close the thread there's your answer for everything.

7

But then you run into the dunning kruger effect. Way too many assholes and idiots with obscene amounts of it

5

This is like Nazi shit with "inherent attractiveness theories" or whatever bs imperialism

1
lemmy.world

The ability to not give a fuck about what others think about them, showing people close to them that they care about them and tries to help out anyway that they can, showing appreciation when someone does something for them.

I see these qualities in my (guy) friend which is why I had a crush on him. Also he kinda looks like Leon Kennedy sooo...👀

4
HollowVreply
lemmy.world

I told him that I liked him more than a friend a couple months ago. Ended in a friend-zone 💀 . We both agreed that it's best for us to be just friends because of timing. He works a lot and does school full time, so he's not gonna be able to prioritize me. I (still) find him attractive, but he helped me dodge a bullet in saving me from another heartbreak.

1

Well in game Leon is the type to do that so it makes sense. Best to find out then to let it be

2
reddthat.com

Throwing themselves at me sexually. If I'm not going to have to make a lot of effort for it the person gets way more attractive to me, even if they're not someone I'd typically go for. Conversely I've lost interest in a lot of very attractive women when they made it clear they were playing hard to get or just weren't very sexual in general.

3

Having a good "look" or dressing well goes a long way for me. Not even just one particular style, so long as theyre owning it with confidence and flair.

2

You know that crossed-over leg ballerina pose that some girls do waiting for a bus?

Yeah I hate that. Don't do that.

0

being vegan is a big one for me, no bigger turn-off than watching someone eating a carcass

-1
andrewtareply
lemmy.world

By reading the other comments I’d say you might be wrong

10
ICCrawlerreply
lemmy.world

TBF to the guy, I never believed in instant love either for the longest time. Then a couple really shitty things happened, and I was pretty much left with zero emotional anchors. Then attraction/infatuation suddenly went wild, and I was so not ready to cope with it. Maybe that dude is just not there yet for one reason or another. It's hard to believe in an experience you haven't had yet.

-1
lemmy.dbzer0.com

I believe he's taking the question literally, as op asking for some universal truth instead of what each one of us finds personally irresistible.

7

I mean, that seems like a pretty dumb conclusion for him to jump to, but yeah, it could be the case I suppose.

3

Doesn't have to be the same attribute for everybody, but most people will find at least one thing universally attractive.

(Or two. Booooobies...)

6