Hi there, I hope its okay I post here, Im in some dire need of advice. My therapist is legit out of the country for the next week, and I dont know.

So, Ive got a partner. We're in a straight relationship for 6.5 years now. I think my partner is ace, well, specifically I saw the term greysexual about a week ago and I cannot get it out of my head.

Im going to be really truthful here, Ill try and stay vauge but thats hard for me.

When My partner and I first got together he was sober about 6mos, we were still in our late 20s and I had no idea what it meant for him to be sober. We had been together about a month and were just making out on my couch at my place. I signaled to go to my room, and he stopped me, "I cant". I respected that and we just hung out a bit more and he went home, I chalked it up to anxiety, actually blamed myself for idk not being able to make him comfortable. Anyway, two weeks later, he, well, started having beers and we made love the first time after he had a couple beers.

the next two years we were really sexually active, but his drinking just got worse to the point of a problem. I left him for a almost a year while he got his shit together. He did all the right things and Im super proud of him. He has now 4.5 years sober. Really awesome, this man is the love of my life and best friend.

The first few years of his sobriety, sex slowed down.. nearly to a halt. Like, 2-3 times a year halt. Compliments and attention dropped too, He called me beautiful all of once since getting sober. I figued this was due to his new sobriety and all the meds he was on and figuring out his mental health. I was patient, supportive and didnt complain. I really missed being desired but put my needs/wants cuz I guess its more a want, on the back burner. Some time in year three I did bring up the lack of intamacy, and tried to, as nicely as I could, ask if he knew what asexuality was.

to mention, and I dont remember the timeline, but one time I was hitting on him and he told me I was "being rapey". I backed off immediately, and apologized as that certainly wasnt my intention. I was just generally hitting on him, I didnt even touch him, I just like, complimented his uh, junk.. but I backed off. Another time he said to me verbatiem he found all genitals disgusting.

so back to me asking him about asexuality, he got SO angry at me for suggesting it. Like so mad, he slept with me that night. But we went right back to our old ways, and never talked about it again. He has a diagnosis for anxiety disorder and I will say, it can get pretty hard for both him and me at times. I also think hes a bit more nerodivergent then we thought. But, saying this will upset him.

So now, finding the term greysexual, I.. its been the longest dry spell of my life and I just .. I wish he could at least explore the idea so I could just simply learn to cope. I will never leave him, I love him, he's so good to me. I'll take a dead bedroom to stay with my best friend, but... it really bothers me he wont explore the idea at all. Id like to name it, Id like him to explore the idea. I thought maybe it was anxiety related, but since finding that term..

yall, this man thinks something wrong with him. I thought for a time it was me.. but now I dont go down this road because I know it is not. It breaks my heart he thinks this is a flaw, and idk, maybe of he could explore the idea he wouldnt feel so.. broken? Hes not broken, he is just a human. I do get moody sometimes about it and I try to cope and not let the feeling fester, but I know he knows.

We spoke last on it about a month ago, he caught me in a mood and asked "yo whats your problem rn, you look like somethings bothering you, you good?" and I snapped. I said, "yeah I havnt had sex in six month fucking forgive me" and stormed out to my own space.

we talked a little after, he said he recognized the "problem" and that . ugh.. and that hes brought it up to his doctor but his doctor waives it off. He said he just doesnt feel the attraction at all if ever. Once in a while but its not somethinh he thinks about.

folks, I dont think its a medical issue.

I guess my main questions are, how should I approach this? should I try and gently push him looking into what greysexual/asexual is? Should I continue to just, assume he is greysexual and cope with it outside of our like, shared supports? It would be much easier on me.. (for just context I am hypersexual and always have been, it literally, in my wost moments, feels like ive been cosmically punished.. but thats just my worst moments, and I quickly move on).. but if he could just be like, yes, I fit into this umbrella, It would be so much easier for us to cope together. But as it stands I just feel ugly and terrible, and he feels broken, despite me saying hes not, and him saying im not ugly or terrible.

Idk, im pretty beaten up this week about this, and I appreciate any feedback or resources. I just want him to feel supported. Id like to feel supported and not like a monster for wanted sex. he does sometimes make me feel like I am a creep, so Ive stopped initiating all together.

I just, after 4.5 years I dont think its a dry spell, I dont think its anxiety, I think he already said it "I just dont think about it often, if at all". And, I just want him to feel supported and not broken. This feels like denile. :(

I saw a post somewhere yesterday for this cake, and knew I had to make it. I used this recipie:

https://www.sarahsslice.co.uk/post/sarah-s-moss-cake

The only thing I changed was I sliced fresh strawberries into a bowl and added a tablespoon of sugar to them. Let them sit for an hour or so and added them to the center layer of the cake on top of the cream.

Never made this before.

recipie calls for two 8" rounds, but I dont have maching pans so I made one 9" square, and one 6" round.

have not cut into it yet, but I am stoked for later :D

Depression cured for today at least. Love staying busy

I will win this battle. I failed doing a U stair, but got an L shape up. Changed my mind on adding a third floor LOL.

Love this game so much! Def a learning curve with build mode, but absolutley incedibly fun

I am so excited to check this game out!

Giddy Happy!

Seven gdang years! The time is now! :)

Rain all day today! Looks like night time lows wont dip too far below 50 for the grow season. Just brought all my suffering babies outside today!

One of my favorite days of the year!

Hi, I am not sure where to post this, im sorry if It shouldnt be here. I am severely depressed and desperate to get some.. freedom back. I can remove this post if not allowed.

I used to ride, had a nice road bike I could use regularly, that a friends father always maintained for me. I never learned about any of it. I know there are tubes in the tires likely ruined. This is my bike that has been sitting in a partially exposed shed for five years.

It is a bit rusty, and looks in need of a lot of help. Im asking my huaband if we can repair it to working order for my gift on mothers day, but as I look at it more and more, I just see dollar signs going up and up. But I know nothing.

do any of you folks out there, know if it might be difficult to restore? Ideas for resources? Im about to look up bike repair shops in my area, but Im afraid this repair might cost more than is reasonable as a mothers day thing.

I look at this and just, metaphor written all over it. This bike is to my life.

anyhow, would it be expenisive? is a bike tune up expensive? Im terrified for some reason. please help.

Saw this out and about today, I realize it's pretty dead here, but figured I'd share the info. Really happy to see this.

https://youtu.be/Rm9bIf_cmrY

lyrics:

Yo, what's peace? Is it military roaming the streets? Is it locking kids in jail for stealing something to eat? Is it pulling me over to try to see if I'm sober Ask me for my registration but shoot me when I go reach? What's peace? Is it locking up people like me For selling weed, but then you go and let a pedophile free? Is it Capitalism or privatizing the prisons Or giving corporations freedom to poison food that we eat? Fuck peace! Only "peace" that I keep is my Glock .9 If they take me, then I'm taking a Whitney, we all dying And eye for an eye, like fuck it, leave the whole world blind Rain or shine, dog, I'm down to risk it all for mine They screaming "peace!" but they giving us raw I got machetes and swords for any law enforcement thinking he hard The whole system's a fraud, we follow fictional laws They try to break us down, but you can't break the image of God And that's why [Hook:] Only peace (piece) that I keep is my .9 BRAP BRAP! Take that Fuck around and take a permanent nap Only peace (piece) that I keep is my .9 BRAP BRAP! Take that Fuck around and take a permanent nap Only peace (piece) that I keep is my .9 BRAP BRAP! Take that Fuck around and take a permanent nap Only peace (piece) that I keep is my .9 BRAP BRAP! Take that Fuck around and take a permanent nap

[Verse 2 - Locksmith] Lies are assorted through the lives that's distorted Every crime that's reported only sparks the cries to record it Conversations 'bout reparations how they try to retort us If Jesus Christ arise tonight, he'd probably try to deport us We absorbing the Fascist tactics that they pass as religion Inject the government with White Christian Nationalism Avoid taxes and prisons, send some more Blacks through the system And use the internet to cause more massive distension Yes I'm feeling fine, matter fact, I'm killing time Politicians say nothing like these rappers filler lines That's why I get the skeevies knowing Stevie's pulling strings Take a look inside the cabinet, see it's clearly Miller time You got a lion in your pocket, you lying You got a long line of far-right conservative actors going on Grindr Just another reminder, if you spot us in the streets Without total liberation, there can never be peace [Hook] Only peace (piece) that I keep is my .9 BRAP BRAP! Take that Fuck around and take a permanent nap Only peace (piece) that I keep is my .9 BRAP BRAP! Take that Fuck around and take a permanent nap Only peace (piece) that I keep is my .9 BRAP BRAP! Take that Fuck around and take a permanent nap Only peace (piece) that I keep is my .9 BRAP BRAP! Take that Fuck around and take a permanent nap

[Verse 3 - R.A. The Rugged Man] You should learn to never judge a wolf by the dress and attire People divide us, self-reflection - never lecture a liar Pressure applier, never sweat, make the aggressor perspire Death of desire, destruction, the prophecies of Jeremiah They're so proudly anti- being anti-Fascist Meaning openly pro-Fascist, anti-Blackness Scared of Black women, Black pilots, scared to take flight Anti-Brown, anti-MLK, anti-Civil Rights Scared of Muslims, scared of Mexicans, scared of non-Whites They butt-hurt by Bad Bunnies, Barbies, and Bud Lights These weak nerd brigades crying about Black mermaids I get busy the bullets burst and I disperse grenades The rhetoric's oppression of expression, censoring the press Death in excess, the Megadeth, arrest Hegseth The White ethno-state DHS remigration Pushing White Supremacist theories of replacement Can we get Health Care and better roads? Heaven knows Daily Oval Office meetings look like Jerry Springer episodes Bloodshed head to toes, when these devils get exposed Only "peace" is leaving these pieces of feces in pieces How insecure you gotta be to pretend Christ was White? And hate those that look like what Christ really looked like? They call you Marxist, Socialist and Commie They hate you if you Haitian or Somali They blaming 9/11 on Mamdani The brain caved background Hate facts, hate Black/Brown Take it back to H Rap Brown Palm greasy reporters that bought all TV sources These Cracker creepy supporters, let's burn 'em with their tiki torches That's Peace!!

White Bean, Potato, Leek, and a smidge of bacon Soup.

Includes carrots and onions, chicken stock I made, tomato paste & spices.

I used two cans of beans(rinsed) today, instead of soaking. I took one can of beans, and emersion blended them with a cup of the broth, and dump it in the pot. it makes in creamy, and I love it.

My dad died and Im having trouble as I meet my (fully trauma riddled) extended family over the last few weeks. Crying a lot for everyone's pain. Needed some comfort today. Soup is love.

This is my third time to the office. Im waiting for the Doctor to come in and whie waiting in the examination room, I spot this. I start flipping through it, and I am getting upset.

I wait for the doctor to come in. I immeditely ask him, hey what it this? why is it here? He blew me off and just said "oh its just an opinion piece" and I said, yeah, but who put it here, do you believe in this? And he just shrugged. I said, Im leaving, that is so wierd, thats weird to have in a doctors office. And I left. Ill never go back to that place.

I need a doctor who believes in science. You wanna be christain thats fine, but this literally says,for christain nationalism. gross.

Putnam CT, USA if anyone is curious. I want to post the photo in google maps reviews, but I am afraid to, even with my google account being a burner. Yes, it's the red pocket of an overall blue state, but, I just, was not expecting to see this.

I am fat. I've been fit, I've been fat, Im fat right now. Been fasting where I can because regular working out just isnt happening yet, and Im trying to grapple with my relationship with food.

I cook. I cook like your great great grandma, but with better spices. I can make nearly anything from scratch. I've bread proofing right now, Pan de Cristal, Im working on a sunday sauce, dont @me with carbs, it's sunday and I will be having this one meal today. There is garlic confit in the oven! I make soups and beans, and chicken. My produce draw is always full with somthing. I dont buy any junk. Fruit, and peanut butter for the family, theres always stuff. I bake snacks. Like, for the love of god, my husband,

"Im running to walmart"

He comes home with a massive amount of freezer foods, his "snack run". Stouffers enchaladas, taquitos, what he calls a "pillow" of something just labled "taters", Frozen pizzas, all this. It wont even all fit in the freezer. Im stuffing my frozen veg in the corner to make room. I made fun of the resses "dairy dessert". My son said, it that ice cream? and I said, "I dont think you can call it that, more like wax chocolate flavor dairy dessert" and he got mad at hearing my snark, he doesnt need it. I just, ugh. I said, well next time Ill argue I should be allowed to keep alcohol on the counter (hes many years sober) if your allowed to bring all this junk food.".

we havnt spoken yet, I stopped cooking and came outside, hes prolly not even thinking about it, but im here. pissed. the easiest way for me to avoid bad food, is to not have it in the house.

I cook, I cook anything you want, I can make it. I make exceptions for everyone, theres stuff we can keep I wont touch anyway. I try to have dicipline, but fuck, it like sticking him at the bar, but for me, is the same with the fridge. But he will never ask me to make him something, I have to force him to take a meal from me always, drives me mad.

I dont want to be fat anymore, why is he not helping or taking it seriously.. never mind, fuck these national brands! omg. fuck walmart. :( I cant. im so annoyed. unethical af.

my freezer is rediculous right now and I dont like it.

The last three bakes I've done have not turned out, I was so upset. I figured out my baking powder had gone off. Got some fresh stuff and made these:

https://natashaskitchen.com/mixed-berry-muffins/

• 2 large eggs, room temperature
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup Greek yogurt , (or sour cream)
• 1/2 cup extra LIGHT olive oil, (not extra virgin)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4 tsp sea salt
• 250g all-purpose flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 cup strawberries, hulled and diced
• 1/2 cup raspberries
• 1/2 cup blueberries

The changes I made,

First step, I zested a whole orange into a scant 1 cup of sugar and combined until evenly incorperated. then also mixed in about a teaspoon each cardamom and ginger powder. maybe a little less cardamom, and a little more ginger. I use cane sugar.

Used 1 cup frozen cranberries and 1/2 cup frozen blueberries

Used two containers of berry greek yogurt.

Oil of choice was avacado.

Confidence regained. Don't forget to check the date on your baking powder!

OG recipe PaleoSpirit

This recipe was foundational to when I first changed my diet to plant based 15 or so years ago. I don't like cream cheese, but I love artichokes and spinach. Cashew cream is a great alternative, and adds in protein.

Do I add a bit of cheese at the end? Fancy high quality cheese? Maybe. Maybe I like a little asiago mixed in. Maybe I added some from the block parmesan to it this batch, sure did (asiago is better in this I think, but don't have any rn). I go heavy on crushed red pepper as well, add it at the beginning so it infuses with the olive oil.

I do like to have it served at the recipe suggests, with cucumber. When it's warm and you have it with fresh cool cucumbers it's so very good. One of my favorite foods here, even if it's not much to look at. Something I don't have to feel guilty about eating.

I devided it, one tray for later, and one tray to be baked for 25 minutes at 350°F and look how beautifully it browned!

Original Recipe: Post Punk Kitchen

I like that this recipe is vegan, however in my alterations I sub the maple syrup for honey, as I usually have it on hand over maple syrup. It works well with the flavor profile I think. Today, I added 1/2 teaspoon of espresso powder to the recipe, and did a quarter teaspoon each cayenne and hatch green chili powder.

I think these are one of my favorite cookies. I've probably been making them a decade, glad the recipe is still up, one of these days I'll write it down.

They were supposed to be empanadas, but I messed up the dough. I like a little semolina in my dough with the flour, but added too much, and didn't use enough fat, (butter.. it was just a lot so I used what I had). The dough came out more like pie crust, and I wasn't wasting 1000g of flour mix so I made little pie cups. 23 little fucking pinch pots, took forever.

I had leftover taco meat in the fridge (ground bison and ground chicken), leftover spicy beans from the freezer (pinto and bacon), and mystery chili also from the freezer, I labeled it chili, but I don't remember what protein I stuck in there but it had dark kidney beans. Warmed them all together, added a cup or more of hand shredded cheddar, and made these.

My husband said I should have added the cheese to the top, being these were supposed to be empanadas at first, I agreed, but there was a heafty amount already in the mix, I wasn't shredding more or over doing it on the cheese. Not bad though. Leftovers for days now.

Roasted acorn squash, potatoes, last of my garden carrots, and kielbasa. Seasoned everything with salt pepper paprika, olive oil, and adding a little honey to the acorn squash.

Made the King Arthur Recipe KA Basbousa with a few alterations.

I only had 220 grams of semolina four left (calls for 272g) so I added 50g of almond flour to make up for it. Omitted the coconut. Added orange zest and a pinch of cardamom to the cake batter. Instead of single almonds, I blitzed some roasted pistachios and sprinkled them on top.

Disregarded the syrup recipe completely and made my own based in it's measurements, sort of.

Syrup: 3/4 cups sugar, 1/4 cup honey, juice from one half the orange, 1/2 cup water.

Decadent little treat. A little sweet and I wished I cut the sugar in the cake batter by half or more. The syrup would have been plenty on its own to sweeten the cake. Nice with my little black coffee last night though. Felt fancy.

I'm just so unbelievably proud, and though my son is over it I'm still charged up.

My son is 12, in those delightful middle school years. In my neighborhood lives another boy two grades above mine. His grandmother lives right next to me, and his parents across the way. This kid has been making fun of and bullying my son since they were 6/7 years old. He just did it to do it, I've seen it play out all the time. He used to pick on this smaller boy, my son's best friend, but when he moved away my son became the target.

My son is over reactive, especially when he was younger. He's in special education and has to do a lot of therapy learning to regulate. But it was clear as day, this kid would say something, just so he could watch my son react. The kid is a total jerk.

Anyway, just not too long ago, my son was playing in the back yard, again minding his business. Im bird watching on my porch as one does. When I hear off in the distance "something loser!" .. then I hear it again.. and again, someone is chanting "double loser". I bolt off the porch, last time something like this happened, my son charged the kid, I could hardly hold him back, I know immediately whats happening and run to look.

I go to see the street, and of course it's this kid, walking with two friends, and hes chanting this while they look back. I turn and see my son. Calm as a cucumber.. my son, calm as ever. He shrugs and says, "what? I'm not going to let it bother me. I know I'm not a loser"

Ohmygoooodness, ohmygraciousness, oh I smiled! Of course I told him he's absolutely right, we had a small conversation about his bullying and what not, high fives and hugs, I complimented him a million times. Just.

The work is paying off!!!

We're going to play a family game night now. Just a year ago my son would be crying having a meltdown in his room. Today, ah, I'm so proud :D

I've an issue.

I have a bunch of plants that need to come in for the winter. I have gotten rid of every plant I own that is toxic to cats. We have two.

I've been growing a lemon tree for 4 years now. It's finally in its final pot, and 3-4 feet tall. Meaning, it cannot go up on my winter shelf, and needs to sit on the floor.

One of our cats is, well, chompy. So I looked up if the lemon tree was toxic to cats. I really didn't think it would be, but yay, it is.

We've two bathrooms, in a very small house. My son's bathroom has a skylight, so for now, not knowing where to put this tree, I stuck it in his tub. I take it out and watch for the cats when he showers, and then put it back in.

My husband made comment about my plant shelf this morning, because I'm down to one functional plant light, anyway, I said this is nothing, and told him what I've been doing with the lemon tree the last few days.

He said, well that doesn't sound sustainable. I said, well what else should I do?

He is so paranoid about our cats getting sick. He suggested I should get rid of the tree, that's what he would do. I said, it feels like I cant have hobbies because of the cats, I've already gotten rid of so many of my plants for them.

He then got mad at me for blaming him, I really should hear myself sometimes. I said I wasn't blaming him. And he left for work.

I see people with plants and cats. Like, what the hell should I do? I've been growing this lemon tree from seed, and I don't want to get rid of it.

I already have a tropical plant, that has grown too large for the house, is toxic to the cats, and its sitting outside right now freezing to death. It makes me depressed.

:(