Pete Hegseth Announces New Required Pentagon Testosterone Tests
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126 replies
Gotta love it when evil assholes sabotage themselves.
Gender affirming care.
One step away from penis inspection day
That is some seriously tiny dick energy.
What a fucking weirdo.
I hope they cripple our military
More material for Colin Jost, I guess. Something reality seems more far-fetched than what any comedian or writer could imagine.
What the fuck is wrong with these people
There is this book you see....that advocates evil. Republicans really like this book. Even Trump has his version of it.
Too much testosterone?
They all need hugs, a nappy change, and a safe snowflake space. Trumpland is a cacophony of cries for help all day every day.
This guy beats women and more than likely rapes children
Typical Christians. Their holy book / deity advocate for all the things you listed and more evil.
Is he testing women too??
Edit: yes, probably
This guy is such a pussy. He overcompensates all the time and clearly has an inferiority complex. Must have a rather tiny penis to think being that macho is somehow important or a good thing. Probably an incel, too.
He's an insult to pussies and penises alike. He's smooth down there, like a ken doll
In fairness, TBIs can cause long term testosterone deficiency. This isn't the worst idea for combat veterans... assuming that the reason is to get them proper medical care
Narrator: that was not the reason.
I think Kegsbreath should be required to take sobriety tests, but it's not my call...
This is the guy from Dr Strangelove that falls down a YouTube rabbit hole about preserving precious bodily fluids, commandeers a nuclear facility, and causes the end of the world.
I thought this was the Onion. WTF?
I notice it doesn't mention sex or gender, at least not at the start of the article. Sooo, testosterone for everyone? The Pedo Class won't be satisfied till we've 'roid-raged ourselves into nuclear holocaust.
Also, for fuck's sake, how is this not gender-affirming care?
You know Lindsay right? He used to be Lindsay as a kid. Joined the forces and started taking testosterone...and yada yada yada....he became the person we knew as Lindsay.
The same class of people who caused the economic and environmental conditions which caused widespread testosterone diminishment are fixated on addressing it as a matter of individual masculinity.
These Nazis control our society
This is humiliation and punishment of the US military for failing to give Trump a victory in Iran. He doesn't like losers.
When war gets declared, whole lot of HRT drugs are gonna start showing up in the barracks.
u can’t make this shit up
Poor Onion
I never understood the prase "you can't make this shit up." Because... you can. But I think this time I finally get it.
i mean, you could, but who would believe you?
This is kinda thing was was something you’d see in South Park.
This will surely not result in more hot guy on guy action
The focus of these goons is off. They care more about who is protecting us than if we are protected.
In other words, Pete Hegseth introduces mandatory gender-affirming tests as part of servicemember health evaluations.
Loyalty, instead of competence. Testosterone instead of wisdom.
I thought Idiocracy was supposed to be a movie
I fucking hate this comparison.
The government in Idiocracy actually tried. They were just idiots. The bad guy in that movie is stupidity.
When these comparisons started that wasn't even a fair comparison. And I mean like, it was common enough when W. was still in office, among the like 10 people who had seen it by that time.
We have actively malicious state actors who love that you're so willing to believe they're only stupid.
Also Mike Judge is terrified of poor people.
The government of idiocracy is decades after the stage we’re in now, but we seem to be in the prologue part of that movie, if not further in.
I mean... the bad guy in Idiocracy is actually "inferior genetics" and "the poors", Like... I find it hilarious but holy fuck did that movie do a lot for advancing eugenics among the cultural zeitgeist...
But yeah. President Comacho actually cared and was trying to make the world better. And once Not Sure showed them that toilet water worked, they used it. Rather than insisting on shoving horse medicine up their asses out of spite.
It's an apt reference when talking about the population rather than the government. But you're right. Camacho was an infinitely better president that actively listened to the smartest person in the world. He was surrounded by idiots too, but he tried.
Care to clue in those of us who aren't celebrity watchers, and know nothing about Mike Judge?
Mike Judge is the creative mind behind Idiocracy, king of the hill, and office space. A core theme behind the first two is "poor people are stupid and crazy."
The theme of king of the hill is not poor people are stupid.
I would disagree with it being a core theme. But most of Judge's work very much punches down on poor people. Whether it is Beavis and Butthead living in squalor and working at a mcdonald's (and most of their villains being "trailer trash") or many of Hank's "villains" also being "white trash". And a big theme of the first few seasons was Luanne triumphing against having grown up poor.
And... I love Office Space but it is hard to not look at Peter choosing to be a construction worker to be happy as "willful stupidity is bliss".
To my knowledge, Idiocracy is the only thing where he took that farther since the entire movie is predicated on Smoothie becoming Smoothie too soon and the eugenics that followed. Which... I think Idiocracy is funny (even if it is probably too painful to watch these days) but holy shit was that movie pushing eugenics harder than that creepy house Waypoint stayed at for an E3. Especially when the closing gag is something like "Not Sure and Rita had three of the smartest and most beautiful children ever. Dax Shepard had fifty of the dumbest".
If we ignore the wealthy "villains" in King o the Hill like Strickland, Thatherton, Kan, and the occasional rich people through out the show, then sure that could be a correct statement.
There was even an episode where a rich investor from out of state was being an ass and wanted to get the "Authentic" Texan experience but Hank eventually got fed up.
Strickland is 100% "money can't buy class". And there were multiple (?) episodes where Minh and Kahn lost their money and "lived as hillbillies" as it were.
But sure. Feel free to focus on a few exceptions to completely ignore the entire rest of the pattern. This IS reddit after all.
I think you might be doing what a lot of people are. You look at Hank and you say "he isn't rich, he is middle class". And you fixate on when the upper class (like Kahn, even though he lives in the same neighborhood) get what is coming to them.
But you, like most people, ignore how often "the poors" are the villains and are punched down on. Folk like Jimmy and Lucky (although he mostly was comic relief) and so forth.
Which... gets back to Idiocracy. Smoothie and his wife were definitely rich academics. But Not Sure is the very definition of average. He is the everyman. It is just that the world has become so much stupider and so much poorer than he is and...
It's been a LONG time since I watched either of them, so I'll have to rewatch some with that perspective in mind. Seems a bit exaggerated to me, but I suppose it's possible. Thanks for explaining.
Just think of the IQ/reproduction sequence at the start and the kinds of people that were used to represent high and low IQ.
The problem with fucking idiots is that they’re always fucking other fucking idiots and creating more fucken fucking idiots!
Loosergenics
They are rabbits. Incredibly stupid rabbits
Dude in the upper right hand, holy shit
That's Henry Cavill
Can I get more context please
As the one thing goes down the other too ?
As IQ goes up, testosterone trends down
Sorry I fail at silly
You can also read it the opposite way, as in higher testosterone trends IQ down
I just can’t. No one ever suspected that there were a group of people who could be so fucking brain dead and stupid that it would become some sort of superpower. Like the dumbest most inept motherfuckers. MAGA are pedophiles accomplices and idiots of the highest order.
ForcingHeavily recommending gender affirming care.Once again being so anti-trans they end up harming more cis people than trans people.
All these old MAGAts and fuckfaces take testosterone supplements so fucken much. The old owner of the company I work at was one of these dudes. Its all about being s teenager forever.
That sounds like gender affirming care. They should practice what they preach.
Genuinely, it is gender affirming care. It's replacing sex hormones their body won't produce naturally, to counteract effects that are existentially devastating to their psyche.
They don't wanna say that low-T as an older man feels like gender dysphoria. But have a conversation with a trans guy and an old man about testosterone levels and masculinity and self-image, and you'll have almost the exact same complaint. "I just want to feel like the man I know I am inside."
As a not-old guy with low testosterone, I just have an intractable depression.
It sorta responds to antidepressants. It sorta responds to sunlight therapy. It sorta responds to keeping a handle on my diet and exercise.
Sometimes it’s worse, sometimes it’s better. But I’m almost always struggling with not having energy, being irritable, and feeling overwhelmed.
Going on testosterone was like “ooooh, that’s what that’s supposed to be like.”
They will stare deadpanned directly into your eyes and tell you its somehow not.
I don't see it that way. I see it as age denying care. They still want to be the "studs" they (thought) they were in high school. They're the same guys who wax nostalgically about their "glory days" when they were on the football team and how they "led the team to win the regionals" and they "coulda gone pro" but one of "those people" stole their scholarship.
So they're affirming their desired gender ideal state?
Hmm. I didn't think of it like that, but I never considered that either gender has an "ideal state". It's also, I suppose that, for them, at least, that gender doesn't really factor into their desired state.
I disagree. Their gender is their identity, that's why they're so afraid of trans people.
You know, now that you say it, it makes sense. They're affirming their gender to deny their age. When they look back at their teenage years and/or their early 20's, that's when (they believe) they were at their "most maximal manliest manliness", or in biology terms, the point when their testosterone levels were at their highest. As soon as a man hits 30, it's all downhill from there. And I speak from experience as a 35-year-old white guy. Some of my shit doesn't work how it did in my 20's. Some parts of me now ache that previously did not. It's harder for me to get up from a sitting position than it used to be. But I don't think the answer for that is to amp up my testosterone levels to try and go through puberty again.
The real heart of the issue is that they have such a small idea of what constitutes masculinity, that they're utterly incapable of defining male as anything but a 20 year old getting drunk, playing sports, and breaking things. They don't understand anything that isn't just that. Mature masculinity, doesn't exist in their world. Men don't nurture, men don't learn, men don't grow. They don't teach, they scream. They don't support, they attack. They don't create, the break. It's a very sad world view. Aging gracefully, mentoring, collaborating, building a community, engaging in art, in self-expression, investing time and effort into people, all of that is "girl stuff." Even having a family, what they want are trophies of their sexual conquest, not relationships. They don't want to guide and mentor or participate in their kids lives. They want the glory. They make themselves so shallow, anyone with any depth at all is a threat.
Oh, gender absolutely does factor in. Women are seen as lesser because misogyny. And, while the normal person wouldn't consider there to be an ideal state, these people definitely have one in mind. It's toxic hyper masculinity on meth
The me I that I didn't realize I was imagining when I was thinking of myself doing cool stuff
Did they score 4 touchdowns in one game?
I'd much rather they were all shoe salesmen instead of running the Pentagon.
Every week they have to regale you with tales of how they scored 4 touchdowns in one game for Polk High
Oh wait this isn't the onion. Of course it isn't. I wonder what his is. He doesn't look bald at all.
Honestly at this point I'm going to make a bet on poly market that Kegseth here will come out as gay given his obsession with manscaping, men's bodies, and now testosterone to keep men turgid.
Wouldn't be the first right wing weirdo that's overcompensating or projecting.
How the fuck is this not The Onion
You could say that about 4-7 headlines per day
Yeah, but this one really surprised me. It was very clearly satire until I actually checked the source, and I'm usually expecting absurdity.
My thoughts exactly. What next? Witch swimming?
Probably. Like, seriously.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, they will not have enough troops to invade Iran.
He seems to be obsessed with the purity of bodily fluids, just like Jack D. Ripper. Even looks a little like him.
You have to protect yourself that's why I only drink grain alcohol and rainwater.
You ever see a Russky drink tapwater, Mandrake?
Yes, let’s also pump them full of methamphetamine and we’ll create good little Sturmtruppens to do the füeher’s bidding.
They already do for special forces.
And it is a pretty open secret amongst pilots.
I don’t know why I’m scandalized by anything anymore but I’m scandalized by this.
I mean, it is long stretches of night flying (generally staring into bright NVGs for extra eye strain) where they have to stay on edge for hours at a time. And it has the same culture of special forces where "it is a privilege to do this and only the best can earn it" which pushes people to push themselves even further.
So... think about that when you hear about helicopters and planes mysteriously crashing into each other or failing on missions.
Mouth swabs only
Prioritizing testosterone makes a lot of sense when you’re an anthropomorphic scrotum.
This guy has a micropenis, doesn't he?
Absolutely 1,000% without a doubt a 2.5in erect peen.
Walking right up to the line of mandatoring "gender hormone therapy"...
He should worry more about the ICC investigating him...
...this is the onion, right? ..right?
Seriously thought it was The Onion
Wait, WHO is forcing hormones down our throat?
Antivax is okay but they gotta give up blood to appease their master.
This alcoholic power bottom wants to make sure all the men around him are as "manly" as possible.
"Exclusive: Secretary of War, Pete Kegsbreath, has decreed that he will personally test the virility of our combat troops by physical examination."
If they get an erection while he has sex with them they are kicked out for making it gay.
Is this to get rid of the women? *Or maybe to make the older soldiers "look better"?
I don't know, but "testosterone replacement therapy" is most certainly gender-affirming care. But since they're not forcing it, I assume this is to institutionalize the bullying and harassment of men the testosterone-addled meatheads don't consider manly enough or women they consider too manly. And we can expect that to include routinely accusing those without the "right" amount of testosterone of being transgender and kicking them out of the military.
Please let them all be magas that get kicked out.
Pete KegSith is a pussy and a moron. His wife would have to piss into the cup for him to pass the test.
Bro loves manly men.
the parody never ends
Why would this matter other than Hegseth wanting to have gay orgies?
Yes, let's also have the whole of Trump's administration do this, and all Republicans and related staff.
Let's also go over their criminal histories and do that test where they're exposed to different images and the blood flow of their penises is measured.
Let's really piss everyone off, and make them all fight!
what in the actual flying fuck??
Assuming he's just asking for personal donations
Wait. Today is not April 1st is it?
I hope they force them to take extra testosterone so their sperm counts plummet and no babies are made. Also hope it jumpstarts a bunch of aging problems and cancers, fuck the military.
There’s not any evidence that happens from HRT.
Exogenous testosterone drops sperm counts. Testosterone promotes hormone sensitive tumor growth.
Testosterone being associated with prostate cancer doesn’t mean HRT causes it. Rather, what causes the cancer also causes raised testosterone. In studies following men on HRT the incidence of prostate cancer was no higher in them than in men not on HRT.
Not spreading medical misinformation is free.
What misinformation?
Testosterone HRT does not cause cancer.