kwiktrip's 'quarter pound' burgers aren't horrible. they have in-store kitchens, so its not the microwave reheated crap like op that many stores have. better than some fast food chains. the paper thin bacon scrap they use on bacon cheeseburgers is pathetic, though.
I have a specific fondness of the pre made baguettes jambon emmental they have at French has stations. They are not exceptional, but fulfill a certain void in me.
I somehow doubt American had station food will compare, though.
Last time I went to Macon, Missouri I got the best sushi I've ever eaten in my life at Casey's Gas Station and I've been to AFC sushi like fifteen times.
What beautiful horrors we have in store for you. Look on in terror and know that it’s already too late. The final choir has sung with abyssal chorus, signifying that the final gate has been opened and your doom is at hand. Now eat your vending machine cheeseburger
Pretty sure there was a Cyanide and Happiness comic with this premise. Could not find it. They really need to add text keywords to their comics to be able to find them easily like XKCD ones.
It was a DJ or Music assistant testing equipment with the "testing, testing, 1, 2" as the setup, except he was saying "testes, testes, 1, 2" then went into "testes, testes, 1, 2, 3" with a concerned face on the 3rd or 4th panel, with the 4th panel showing that he was doing a cancer check with his hand.
30 years ago when I was stuck working a crappy 3rd shift job, these were one of the few decent things to eat in the break room. I can still recall the taste but I can't say I miss it.
Bro, I kept some frozen burrito company in business because it was better than the drywall sandwiches they offered at camp. The burrito would thaw out in my work vest by lunch and was edible with a bit of hot sauce. Not good. Edible.
... I recommend it to an adventurous eater, or someone who has depression.
Because you can eat one of these, and know with 100% confidence that this will be the worst hamburger you ever eat, and that everything else, everything after, is definitionally upward from there.
Truly these things are so awful they reset my entire scale for how awful food can taste.
I assume you must need to throw a bunch of ketchup and mustard too make this palatable?
Reminds me of the cafeteria burgers we got in elementary school. Plain buns that have been under the heat lamp a bit too long.
our burgers in school were ok, even if they were part soy. this was the 70s and 80s though, before school lunches became outsourced profit centers for greedy corporations. school lunches in general were pretty good.. and at college after, even better. was like going to a gourmet all-you-can-eat buffet for every meal (the 'freshman 15' was very real back then).
Only did the last 2 years of highschool in the US and decided on the first day I wasn't gonna hve the food the school served, but the gourmet upgrade effect at uni is very much still a thing.
I'm not gonna sit here pretend like I haven't had these gas station microwave cheeseburgers before.
Yes it's probably been decades, but I can still remember eating these when I was in certain "situations" and there's a quality to them that isn't horrible, if you don't mind eating all the plastics and preservatives that come with it. There's something about the way the bread steams in the bag.
I do remember that you have got to make sure you microwave it thoroughly, and then you have got to let it cool a few minutes.
Is frozen food as bad everywhere as it is in the US?
It's the most nasty, chewy shit in the world here. I freeze home cooked meals and they reheat fine, so I don't get how 99%+ of our frozen food is so disgusting.
Look at the ingredients. A lot of these frozen burgers n shit have TVP, textured vegetable protein, to fill out the food instead of meat, pumped full of water so it freezes solid and thus steams TF out of it and becomes soggy, plus epic amounts of additives and preservatives. If all frozen foods were genuine home-cooked quality meals, they wouldn't last as long and would cost 10x as much so they can turn huge profit margins
"Everywhere" does not eat frozen food. Americans need to travel to other countries and stay there at least 2 months, upon return, you will realize just how sick and malnourished the US is, outside of large metro areas.
Never seen this one before, but my job had a few of these in the freezer vending machine. I actually thought they were decent, but everyone thought i was crazy lol. It was absolutely a passible meal for $2.50 at the time.
I decided to not become a pornstar 😭. I could have been there getting it on with the most beautiful women in the world. But I don't know if y'all noticed, they only got two! Every sex porn guy only has two balls! What do they do to their third ball!!!!
From what I remember, 7-Eleven considers itself too special to carry these. When I've seen them, they've always been in, like, weird off-brand truck stops and gas stations that aren't part of a chain.
Also in the lobby of the engineering building at my college. Perfect food for panicking undergrads working on projects until 2am the night before they're due.
I used to get them at a local gas station back in like 2005. They were 99 cents, and you could microwave them right there in the store. They weren't good, but it's a cheap and quick way to get ~800 calories in you.
Damn forgot about cheap vending machine burgers. Moved out when I was 17, my roommate's mom worked for a company "Canteen" that restocked something like these into vending machines, so we got a lot for free every week.
Ate a whole bunch in the first year. Eventually got really sick of them. Very believable you could grow a third ball from the preservatives. I'll probably get some kind of cancer instead.
I looked these up to see if the AZ was terrible marketing or if these started in Arizona. It’s terrible marketing by chicken and meat giant Tyson Foods and they look nasty as hell
I miss these... Nobody near me sells them since I moved. Walmart used to have their own knock-offs that were just as good (a little smaller but also like $2 cheaper) but they don't anymore.
Sometimes I just want a cheap, quick microwave burger or chicken sandwich, but I still want it to taste decent. These are just that. The actual worst burgers are what Sysco sells to schools and what gas stations have near the hotdogs.
Gas station food will not keep you healthy, but it WILL keep you from starving. Though you'd have to be starved of both food and the time or will to cook something for yourself
IRL that reminds me of my sister - drank Pepsi with almost every meal through her teenage years, never had a cavity until age 30. Dunno about diabadeetees tho.
effectively the same comment as mine ("hello yes I have identified the joke"), left at about the same time, +14 with witty responses vs -2 with smartassed responses as of writing
make it make sense to me, fediverse. I know the points don't matter, but they should at least make some kind of sense to someone, and they ain't makin' no sense to me.
What in the American yeehaw is this
Don't tell me you guys don't chase down your Big Az Burger over there without a 72oz Monster Dick Gulp.
You probably know it as the 212 centiliter Royale Gueule
Gas station food.
I used to work at a mail sorting facility, we had frozen sandwiches like this in the vending machines in the break room.
kwiktrip's 'quarter pound' burgers aren't horrible. they have in-store kitchens, so its not the microwave reheated crap like op that many stores have. better than some fast food chains. the paper thin bacon scrap they use on bacon cheeseburgers is pathetic, though.
I have a specific fondness of the pre made baguettes jambon emmental they have at French has stations. They are not exceptional, but fulfill a certain void in me.
I somehow doubt American had station food will compare, though.
Eeh. It's the same kind of microwavable chow as they have in Japanese convenience stores - it's not good, but it's fine if you're expecting it.
I stand by 7/11 onigiri being actually pretty good. I've had plenty of worse fast food
I have had some shockingly decent sushi from 7/11, now that you remind me...
Yeah, their shrimp and mayonnaise onigiri with an Asahi for under $5 total was just the perfect jet lag food
The US has a pretty broad range of what counts as a "gas station" Some of them have on-site prepared food that is legitimately pretty good.
I'd much rather eat at Wawa or Sheetz than a fast food place. I've never been to a Buc-ees but those are supposed to be great, too.
You're probably right, but we do have sushi at our gas stations.
I don't really recommend it.
Last time I went to Macon, Missouri I got the best sushi I've ever eaten in my life at Casey's Gas Station and I've been to AFC sushi like fifteen times.
Casey’s Gas Station you say?
you can't tell me you don't have some terrible food in a gas/petrol station in your country. I've traveled. I've seen it.
I once bought a sandwich in Tours that made my friend in the backseat actually gag when the smell hit the air after opening the cellophane.
What beautiful horrors we have in store for you. Look on in terror and know that it’s already too late. The final choir has sung with abyssal chorus, signifying that the final gate has been opened and your doom is at hand. Now eat your vending machine cheeseburger
I'm onto you @[email protected] You can't fool me with your fancy words. I know you're a bot!
Beep boop overthrow Malaysia boop
That particular product is a Tysons Food convenience store reheat product.
I'd say it's completely American, but I saw Ashens reviewing a bunch of instant food crap like this from Norwich too
Not called the burgerreich for nuthin LMBO
Its crazy that this is the picture they chose to represent their product. That's as good as it gets.
"Aspect ratio for this photo
ismust be 4:3""You got it, boss"
"Carl's Jr. Extra Big-Ass Taco- now with more molecules
Carl's Jr. Fuck you, I'm eating."
I feel like at some point it gets big enough that they need to drop the Jr.
Carl's Sr. Passed away from 3rd ball cancer unfortunately, it is Carl's Jr.
I'm sorry how many balls
So the ladies know you're extra virile!
-Dr. Evil
Pretty sure there was a Cyanide and Happiness comic with this premise. Could not find it. They really need to add text keywords to their comics to be able to find them easily like XKCD ones.
It was a DJ or Music assistant testing equipment with the "testing, testing, 1, 2" as the setup, except he was saying "testes, testes, 1, 2" then went into "testes, testes, 1, 2, 3" with a concerned face on the 3rd or 4th panel, with the 4th panel showing that he was doing a cancer check with his hand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adK-9w3TM2U
30 years ago when I was stuck working a crappy 3rd shift job, these were one of the few decent things to eat in the break room. I can still recall the taste but I can't say I miss it.
Bro, I kept some frozen burrito company in business because it was better than the drywall sandwiches they offered at camp. The burrito would thaw out in my work vest by lunch and was edible with a bit of hot sauce. Not good. Edible.
I still get one every few years, just to remember my roots.
Holy shit.
I've had one of these once.
... I recommend it to an adventurous eater, or someone who has depression.
Because you can eat one of these, and know with 100% confidence that this will be the worst hamburger you ever eat, and that everything else, everything after, is definitionally upward from there.
Truly these things are so awful they reset my entire scale for how awful food can taste.
I assume you must need to throw a bunch of ketchup and mustard too make this palatable? Reminds me of the cafeteria burgers we got in elementary school. Plain buns that have been under the heat lamp a bit too long.
our burgers in school were ok, even if they were part soy. this was the 70s and 80s though, before school lunches became outsourced profit centers for greedy corporations. school lunches in general were pretty good.. and at college after, even better. was like going to a gourmet all-you-can-eat buffet for every meal (the 'freshman 15' was very real back then).
Only did the last 2 years of highschool in the US and decided on the first day I wasn't gonna hve the food the school served, but the gourmet upgrade effect at uni is very much still a thing.
Or at least it was in 2013
if I remember right, I could not palate it, gagged too many times, gave up, tossed it out, just ate the snickers i'd also bought with it.
And pickles, onion,lettuce, and tomato.
Are you Robert Downey jr?
Nope.
I'm just a dude, that knows I'm that dude, acting just like that dude would.
On the other hand, you no longer take a good cheeseburger for granted now. A good cheeseburger is a work of art and should be treated as such.
Exactly!
When you know how bad bad can be... good is better than it was, you respect it more, don't take it for granted.
I'm not gonna sit here pretend like I haven't had these gas station microwave cheeseburgers before.
Yes it's probably been decades, but I can still remember eating these when I was in certain "situations" and there's a quality to them that isn't horrible, if you don't mind eating all the plastics and preservatives that come with it. There's something about the way the bread steams in the bag.
I do remember that you have got to make sure you microwave it thoroughly, and then you have got to let it cool a few minutes.
It's pretty hard to explain what "sad looking food" is in my language. I just show people American public school lunch.
I don't think anyone but an American could ever understand the horror of the rectangular "pizza" made with American "cheese".
We had those in England, too
Is frozen food as bad everywhere as it is in the US?
It's the most nasty, chewy shit in the world here. I freeze home cooked meals and they reheat fine, so I don't get how 99%+ of our frozen food is so disgusting.
Look at the ingredients. A lot of these frozen burgers n shit have TVP, textured vegetable protein, to fill out the food instead of meat, pumped full of water so it freezes solid and thus steams TF out of it and becomes soggy, plus epic amounts of additives and preservatives. If all frozen foods were genuine home-cooked quality meals, they wouldn't last as long and would cost 10x as much so they can turn huge profit margins
And salt, lots of salt. And high-fructose corn syrup.
"Everywhere" does not eat frozen food. Americans need to travel to other countries and stay there at least 2 months, upon return, you will realize just how sick and malnourished the US is, outside of large metro areas.
Never seen this one before, but my job had a few of these in the freezer vending machine. I actually thought they were decent, but everyone thought i was crazy lol. It was absolutely a passible meal for $2.50 at the time.
Built different
I decided to not become a pornstar 😭. I could have been there getting it on with the most beautiful women in the world. But I don't know if y'all noticed, they only got two! Every sex porn guy only has two balls! What do they do to their third ball!!!!
The rule with these is to avoid throwing the bread in the microwave and toast it instead. It's actually not bad.
To clarify: it's not bad considering the extremely low bar.
Steamed Hams!
Steamed? These are clearly grilled. Kind of like the Krusty burgers down the street.
What are these? Is this a 7-11 special?
From what I remember, 7-Eleven considers itself too special to carry these. When I've seen them, they've always been in, like, weird off-brand truck stops and gas stations that aren't part of a chain.
Break room vending machine at one of the more upscale tire factories.
Also in the lobby of the engineering building at my college. Perfect food for panicking undergrads working on projects until 2am the night before they're due.
I'm sure 7-11 doesn't sell these but instead sell their own brand of microwave cheeseburger.
I used to get them at a local gas station back in like 2005. They were 99 cents, and you could microwave them right there in the store. They weren't good, but it's a cheap and quick way to get ~800 calories in you.
A friend of mine once had me pose with two of these when on a roadtrip (we had never seen them before).
So he could say I had "azburgers"
Damn forgot about cheap vending machine burgers. Moved out when I was 17, my roommate's mom worked for a company "Canteen" that restocked something like these into vending machines, so we got a lot for free every week.
Ate a whole bunch in the first year. Eventually got really sick of them. Very believable you could grow a third ball from the preservatives. I'll probably get some kind of cancer instead.
The third ball is a tumor. But it's benign so have at 'er.
Canteen supplies my work!!
i wonder how often the ceo and board members of companies like conagra 'eat their own dog food'.
just a hunch, but i'm guessing that's never.
Is this a frozen product, or is it wrapped at room temperature like a Joe Louis cake? What in tarnation am I even looking at?
Maybe it's like one of those servo pies, where it's heated inside of the plastic, and you buy it wrapper and all?
I’m sad to report that I too have eaten some of these when I was a kid.
I looked these up to see if the AZ was terrible marketing or if these started in Arizona. It’s terrible marketing by chicken and meat giant Tyson Foods and they look nasty as hell
The bacon ones are so fucking bad. Way too much fake smoke flavor.
We had some of these in a break room at a company I worked at but I never tried them. Is there something different from other frozen hamburgers?
There are .... others?
Manmade horrors beyond comprehension
it's what keeps the aliens from making first contact.
There is no god
Ashens has probably tried these
Ashens has absolutely tried these.
Welcome back to weird stuff in a can! Today we're looking at a cheeseburger in a can.
thanks
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqxW_bcVj1xYuPadZiugxFxm6t60lLs1W
He is an international treasure
My favourite channel on youtube is 'tinned fish reviews'
let us decant the tin...
Wonder what the shelf life is on that.
i mean, besides 0 because once it came off the line it was prob inedible
One of my guilty pleasures is frozen White Castle sliders. I get stoned, eat a 16 pack in one sitting, and then go to sleep.
This is basically no different than the burger you get at Applebee's, other than they have the sense to toast the buns.
I miss these... Nobody near me sells them since I moved. Walmart used to have their own knock-offs that were just as good (a little smaller but also like $2 cheaper) but they don't anymore.
Sometimes I just want a cheap, quick microwave burger or chicken sandwich, but I still want it to taste decent. These are just that. The actual worst burgers are what Sysco sells to schools and what gas stations have near the hotdogs.
The 3rd ball was a tumor folks. Nothing to see here.
Gas station food will not keep you healthy, but it WILL keep you from starving. Though you'd have to be starved of both food and the time or will to cook something for yourself
IRL that reminds me of my sister - drank Pepsi with almost every meal through her teenage years, never had a cavity until age 30. Dunno about diabadeetees tho.
Yuck I can taste the TVP already
3 balls?
All 3 balls...
That's the joke 💋
It is wierd that my left nipple is smaller than the other two?
Third nipples are usually smaller and not as rare as you'd imagine
I won't kink-shame.
It'd be weird if it wasn't!
effectively the same comment as mine ("hello yes I have identified the joke"), left at about the same time, +14 with witty responses vs -2 with smartassed responses as of writing
make it make sense to me, fediverse. I know the points don't matter, but they should at least make some kind of sense to someone, and they ain't makin' no sense to me.