Texas Prevents People From Owning More Than 6 Dildos. Now Lawmakers Want to Ban Sex Toys at Walmart.
https://www.xatakaon.com/magnet/texas-prevents-people-from-owning-more-than-6-dildos-now-lawmakers-want-to-ban-sex-toys-at-walmartOpen linkView original on ponder.cat592
Comments226
Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it's more than 6, but is Christian?
Need to go candelabra style with them all attached at the base.
They just need to add a way to mount it to a gun and then its not a dildo, its a gun accessory.
You mean like the one from Eurotrip?
Like a swiss-army knife. (the AI refuses to render this.)
That's why we will always need human artists
You rang?
Edit: ... I think I should mark this nsfw. Um. No idea how though.
This is beautiful
thank you, i try.
The instance doesn't allow NSFW content, so I don't think you get the option.
Luckily, this falls under a satire or parody exemption (probably), so I'm allowing it.
I hadn't even considered that it might not be allowed at all, my mistake. Thank you for indulging me :)
Magnificent
We need a global network of connected dildos. I propose to call it „Interdildo“
Imagine making some sort of open peer to peer sex toy network. Where you are randomly paired up with another person and you control their dildo and they control yours. But no other communication is possible. That would be a fun experiment.
Does a straw have two holes or one hole?
Straws have one hole.
Is your mouth and anus one hole?
Yes, and don't forget to give your granny a kiss next time you visit.
Yes
Christmas tree dildos you say?
I dunno, are the Christmas tree dicks circumcised?
I assume a menorah of dildos is out.
Yay! More small government and freedom!
Small government (for businesses) and freedom (to be a certain type of Christian)
Small enough to fit in your underwear drawer!
Once again, SO glad to have left that shithole state after 42 years there.
The great Republican war on orgasms have begun.
They've been stopping orgasms from happening for a long time.
Begun? Texas has always had a war on dildos.
Yet, they keep voting for one as governor. 🤔
Hypocrites! They do this tomfoolery but make classrooms hang up the approved lord and savior:
As long as there's no more than 6 per student
But Jesus had 12 disciples.
sharing is caring
6 double-ended dildos are legal.
I'd like to see the legal statute that specifies that multi ended dildos are considered one dildo and that the other ends of said dildo do not count against the legally allowed number of dildos that a resident can own.
What if one broke in half, taking you over the limit?
New Exorcist reboot just dropped.
The Sexorcist
... Honestly, I bet that exists.
The real question is do I want to Google it or not...
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0127877/
This one’s a bit more tame: https://www.discogs.com/release/4322377-White-Zombie-La-Sexorcisto-Devil-Music-Vol-1
The passion of the dildo
“…the Spirit of God came upon him…”
I don't know how to make a quote line but this one stood out to me and made me laugh.
"Parents do not consent to their children being exposed to obscene devices while shopping for toothpaste."
What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?
My local supermarket has sex toys on upper shelves in the family planning section, which is in the healthcare department. They don't look like dongs, so people shouldn't recognize what they are unless they know about them already. But kids might still ask their parents what that is on the shelf, and that is apparently worse than school shootings.
Yeah but have you considered that vibrators are very likely causing school shootings?
Vibrator goes brrrrrrr
Gun goes brrrrrr
Do you see the pattern?
My Walmart has them next to the pharmacy, 2 or 3 aisles away from the toothpaste
Meijer has them on the same aisle as the deodorant
It does baffle me that there are parents that think that a kid seeing that box will be ‘scarred for life’
Well, it may lead them to satan. As you know, only pure people go to heaven. So don't even think about sex. And if you do, then better whip yourself until you forget about it or you pass out.
Put
>before the linetest
The Meijer I shop at regularly has vibrators in the same aisle as toothpaste, might be the next aisle over but they're real close to each other.
Maybe they were talking about those vibrating obscene electric toothbrushes
I’m guessing that part is performative. I doubt there are dildos for sale at Walmart.
They sell small vibrators in discreet packaging, on the top shelf near the condoms.
Very discreet packaging indeed. I worked at Walmart for a short spell a while back and I stocked them a few times before finally I was like, "Whoa, Walmart sells sex toys!?"
I learned something new today!
My local walmart has a whole aisle, locked in a glass case. You have to go ask an employee to get your dildo for you.
Oh god, at that point you might as well just go to a sex shop. At least those employees deal with absolutely nothing else and are totally non-judgy about it..
Walmart absolutely sells vibrators and plugs. They're in the section near the condoms, which does happen to be near the toothpaste/deodorant/shampoo area.
Funny how they use the word "consent" here that is usually used by progressive people to advocate for safe sex. This is surely done on purpose. To make it sound like seeing dildos in the store is something close to sexual harassment.
Funnily enough, they frame it as sexual harassment against the adults. As in "now I have to explain my child about sex toys". And completely ignore the children's perspective. If there was any risk in seeing sex toys, the children would be much more prone to getting "damaged", as they are children. But since when do "conservatives" even care about the health and safety of children?
The parents should be very well able to deal with seeing sex toys. They are adults after all.
The children will not care about just seeing the sex toys. The biggest risk is that the parents scare them with a bad explanation, and then when they get older they will be scared of sex or think they need to do some things they don't want to.
Conservatives have no qualm engaging in behaviors that they criticize in others. If they think something will let them get their way they will use it, regardless of double standards or hypocrisy.
That quote reminded me of this funny commercial https://youtu.be/_hgN4Fqulmw
I get why they would ban that. Texans might think toothpaste was lube for the dildo.
Government so small it can fit in your bedroom!
How were they enforcing this?
It's just a tack on when they do search warrants.. oh we did not find any drugs but we found 7 dildos.. Off to prison!
That's not a dildo, it's a stirring stick.
They'll know I'm breaking the law, because I'll be flying my custom gadsen flag with 7 dildoes on it that reads "Come and count them"
That just lets people know you have dildos to steal
Lmao. Police officers can legally use an array of didos for 'law enforcement'.
You'll be arrested if you cheer them on for it tho...
BUT if you can prove it's medically necessary; you're welcome to have a cornucopia of rubber cocks.
I think the DOJ needs to investigate how exactly the police in Texas have been using dildos in the performance of their duties...
"Come out with your hands up or we send in the dildos!"
Suddenly the kidnappers realised they'd brought guns to a dildo fight and surrendered.
They need to keep them on hand in case they find one and need to plant 6 more.
I have loose bowels, I need 7 dildos to plug it and stop my anal leakage.
UHC denied my claim for my medically necessary dildo.
Is there a shortage of dildos in Texas that they need such laws to stop hoarding?
There is decidedly not a shortage of dildos in Texas.
Have you seen their politicians?
those are just plain ol' dicks
*trying to buy salad ingredients for the family cookout*
The cashier: sorry state prevents us from selling more than 5 cucumbers at a time.
How...how are they enforcing this?
Its something to charge you with when the cops go on a fishing expedition at your house for weed or whatever else.
Its just a punishment law that cops get to use at their discretion totally fairly.
At least they can fuck themselves while they're at it I guess
Guten Tag! Ve are from se Small Government Staffel, here to inspect your bedroom. Vere are your papers for sese?
Herr Oberdildogeneral
A government so small it can fit inside your butthole.
Is it in yet?
You are sheltering them under the floorboards, are you not?
Se Fuhrer will make you all build Autobahn if we discover you are hiding something in here!
Wouldn't surprise me if they treat toys like Sudafed. Gotta flash your ID to buy one.
"Open up, morailty police!"
"Sir, do you have more than 6 dildos on the property?"
Which episode is this from?
Reverse Cowgirl.
The one with the TSA
People like to sample the produce as they shop, granted it's usually a bag of crisps or a handful of grapes but it's the same... ballpark.
I usually munch on a crisp refreshing onion while shopping.
Makes sense to me.
I’m guessing they are not limiting the number of guns you can own though.
Ever bring a dildo to a gun fight?
No, but there was the time someone brought a dildo wielding drone to a campaign event and attacked the Bernallio county Sheriff with a “dongcopter.”
https://www.dailydot.com/debug/dildo-drone-attack-foia/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJuxbDIvsAk
LOL, how had I never heard of this before?
Source?
Sauce!
This dude knows where the purple dildo is in GTA Vice City.
Exactly!
yea that'd be a rookie mistake
https://cyberpunk.fandom.com/wiki/Sir_John_Phallustiff
As the 2015 New Zealand horror classic Deathgasm demonstrated, when you’re fresh out of guns, dildos are quite effective bludgeoning weapons against demon-possessed zombies.
This has very strong “If I can’t make my wife come, nobody will
cumcome!” vibes.Didn't cheat on her husband at all
The One Star State is at it again. "Freedom" there is not really a thing since the government obviously owns the citizens.
Will United Healthcare cover dildos if they are for medicinal purposes?
I am told Vibrators were invented to combat female hysteria.
ROFL I need 6 because of... uh.... constipation!
There are definitely some Texas billionaires that own more than six politicians.
Sounds like the government wants to hoard most of the dildos to go fuck themselves. 🍆
Snorted and almost choked on my coffee when I scrolled past this.
The worst part about this is that I'd rather Republicans waste time with pointless legislation such as this rather than something damaging that they could actually enforce.
Oh don't worry. They'll get around to doing that as well.
Rofl, they were afraid for their right to bear arms instead of their right to bear dildos.
We call this one “the grizzly”
Bare arse, more like!
Neo-puritanism needs to die. I'm getting excited because I think humanity is just generally getting fed up with control. We're done with this shit.
At least none of these people should be violent. They can have their views. But law is always violent. So it has no business being an extension of anyone's sexual views. If you violently impose your sexual perspective on others you are as good as a rapist in my book.
Only 33% of the US voting population actually voted against Trump who ran on a platform of control. You might be putting too much faith in the general population.
So I know what you mean and I agree, but there are plenty of sexual things that we would want outlawed because of our sexual perspective. Things like rape, sexual assault, pedophilia, etc etc.
The difference between our sexual perspectives and theirs is that we draw the line at harm or lack of consent, they draw the line at disgust.
First, they came for the dildos, and I did nothing.
They came for the dildos….. and BOY did they came!!!
Look, I have SIX perfectly fine dildos, all in their individual velvet pouches. My grandma even gives me a knowing wink when she sees them on my nightstand (she's very with-it, my grandma). But the minute I walk into Walmart and snag NUMBER SEVEN - BAM! 💥 The world implodes. Little Timmy starts twerking in the cereal aisle, the self-checkout beeps incessantly with unholy vibrations, and a rogue bag of gummy worms spontaneously transforms into a life-size silicone replica of the Lone Star State... it's CHAOS, I tell ya! This clearly-reasonable six-dildo limit is PROTECTING our precious Texas innocence. Seven just unleashes the primal urges, and nobody wants that, especially not while picking out a new can of Copenhagen. 🤠
#SixIsTheMagicNumber #TexasStrong #ProtectTheInnocence (and the Gummy Worms)
So... are there like, auditors? Does the government pay someone to go around and inventory peoples' sex toys? Do you have to register your devices? Are they serialized? Do you have to report them on your state tax return?
Who are these
peoplewhackjobs that spend so much time thinking about what other people are doing in their bedrooms?If you want an example of what enforcement of this looks like, take a look at Iran's morality police. That is the end game for these kinds of laws.
The solution is clearly to set up sex toy libraries.
...They would never interfere with libraries, right?
What about a service where you could rent sex toys through the mail? They would never interfere with mail delivery, right?
I would never have thought to go to walmart to buy a sex toy if I hadn't seen them somewhat prominently displayed on my way towards the vitamin aisle.
Don't most people just buy them online anyway? How the fuck would they even enforce this? The whole thing is a joke.
They're criminalizing things more likely to be owned by people they're trying to cleanse. Maybe cops show up and find you've exceeded your government allotted sex toy limit... would you lose your job? Your kids? Do you even call the cops? Do you hide the dildos in a gun safe and leave the guns out, to make the cops happy?
I find it hilarious that cops are going to start driving around with dildos in their car. You know, in case they need to plant one.
Rookie, sprinkle a little KY on him. Perfect.
It's more of an excuse to pile more charges onto the types of people they don't like.
While already in the house to investigate something (real or made up) it gives them an excuse to look through their underwear trying to find excuses to charge them.
Theoretically, it should be possible to have more than six obscene devices without by guilty of intending to supply them - cock ring, butt plug, fleshlight, dildo, strap-on, inflatable sheep, Ben Wa balls, nipple clamps and penis cage. All have different uses, all without intending to supply.
If supply was the concern (although I don't know why), perhaps criminalise that not the bottom drawer of my bedside table.
Fine. I'm a defender of gun rights. No more than six or you intend to distribute. Let's rock.
Ah so it’s basically like with drugs. Once you have more than a personal amount it’s possession with intent to distribute.
A personal amount is limited to one light evening alone as well.
Also ear plugs.
This is disrespectful to George Washington the founder of America who was mostly Dicks.
I heard that motherfucker had like... 30 god-damned dicks.
I heard he was six foot eight and weighed a fucking ton.
Link for the uninitiated - https://youtu.be/qv6OOuPI5c0
I think you're referring to the wooden dildos he stuffed his mouth with. Back then, there was no such thing as silicone.
So its now illegal to have more than 6 bananas in your home in Texas?
Sigh, this is gonna be an awkward call to mom..
She'll say "thanks a bunch" and get on with her day.
Ted Cruz ran out and is trying to hoard them all for himself.
Ran out? Does he know they are supposed to come out as well as go in?
As a non-carbon based extraterrestrial lizard alien, he consumes the soft supple rubber that many dildos are made of as a form of sustenance.
He is a dildo after all
What if it was a dildo-gun?
What part of 'shall not be infringed ' do you not understand!? 🤣
Gun with an erogenous handle?
Hairbrush and shampoo bottle sales about to go through the roof.
Adam Sandler, At a Medium Pace
Don’t want to start WWIII but even I and my fifty buttplugs were surprised to hear that WALMART was selling sex toys.
They're basically just disposable bullet style vibrators.
Disposable for when you get post nut clarity?
Wandering in Wallmart, you see the nice cheap disposable dildos and you remember that article you read about how overwhelming prostate orgasms and your curiosity gets the better of you and in the trolley it goes next to the ready meals, the grab bag of doritos and the six pack of beer. You're ready for the weekend.
Saturday evening rolls into night time and there's nothing on any of the channels. You watch a couple of instructional videos and then it's experimentation time.
Well, it's all quite mind blowing but you're really not sure that that was it, and now you have a dildo you don't want to look at so it goes in the bin and you're back to square one.
Five weeks later you're in Walmart looking for some ready meals and a six pack of beer for the weekend, and something catches your eye above the toothbrushes. Here we are again. The disposable dildos. Maybe you'll catch the wave this time. One more try, maybe?
This doesn't effect me, I don't shop at Walmart or have more than six holes.
But when they came for me..
Texas would rather nobody came for any reason apparently
It's ok but only if a priest is present
Let me introduce you to the all new Belly Button Plug, to get you to seven.
Arguably, if you also count holes in your head, you should get to 7 even as a guy:
Did I forget any?
Actually, do ear plugs count as dildos too? I think you can buy them in boxes of 10 usually. That seems kinda much under this new law.
And belly buttons.
I find your erasure of burn victims and other with atypical anatomy very ableist.
I also never claimed to be human.
IANAL, but this law is (probably) not currently enforceable due to (among others) Lawrence v. Texas.
However, that was explicitly named as being on the chopping block, so at best it's "not enforceable yet"
You said "anal". Heh!
Need to make a proposal to limit cross walls to a maximum of 6 crosses.
And yet they have such unearned pride as a bastion of freedumb.
If you get caught, just say its The Salad Mixxxer.
The new top post in this community. I hope everyone is proud of themselves. I know I am.
I feel honored and touched.
But enough about your personal life...
Oh, I am just
cleaningholding all those for a friend.Like a car, they need to go for a ride every now and then, else they break.
For a friend, of course.
Texas is weird.
They'll have to come and take them from my cold dead pu-... wait..
For those curious to read the penile penal code see 43.23(f): https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/Docs/PE/htm/PE.43.htm#43.23
That's interesting:
So it's not just 6 obscene devices, you could have two Rampant Rabbits and break the law. I assume a double-ended dildo counts as one obscene device unless they can be disengaged to make two identical ones.
"Obscene devices" is rather a loose term too. The kinky are likely to have quite a few knocking about but for personal use only.
They define them in 43.21(7), albeit, still quite loosely:
So maybe a devices like the magic wand is in the clear since it's marketed as a massager. I wonder if a vibrator could simply be repackaged and marketed as a massager, as well.
Possession with Intent to Distribute ?
I mean is a weapon of Mass Distraction ?
What is this law ???
They often are.
Interestingly, it doesn't include butt plugs - Republicans must love those, also penis cages and cock rings.
For the double, if it counts as two when split it'd be illegal because two identical devices
Someone needs to make a Swiss army dildo.
That still only counts as one!
Well fuck me, I give up!
Policemen Josh and Wade showing up to a party:
Josh: "Alright Wade, let's make sure there are not more than 6 erections in there."
Rules for thee but not for me, eh Sen. Cruz?
Great, now where am I gonna find BestValue dildos
To Target we go!
The lawmakers are afraid of the competition
Texas is ran by dildos so this is really just thinly veiled self preservation at this point
Pretty sure you can’t be married more than 6 times either. Coincidence? I think not!
So how exes do they enforce this? Random dildo count inspectors? Dildo registration?
Dildo inspector at work:
Well for butt plugs you have:
well hey you only have 3 holes to a person
What if you want to triple stuff?
You would not be in a state of Texas then
Ummm ... Im sure many many many vibratory films are shot and marketed in Texas ..... So this law is already unenforceable.
Pardon me if I choose not to test that theory
7 unless you include the belly button.
Sorry I cannot recognize holes less than a couple inches deep
That sounds like a niche disability - ear blindness?
This the shallows that fail to call those of us that seek depth to assuage our pain
Roflmfao!!!!!!
Guilty as charged!
Imagining muffled cackles from a chamber of dildos
I'm gonna buy a new one tomorrow for shits and giggles. 🤪
At first I was like "barbaric", but then I thought to myself that 6 dildos per person sounds abundant. I've decided to believe that they were about to fight an owner of 7 dildos and implemented that ban to reduce their power. Like "there are 7 of us and you have only 6 dildos what are you going to do" because the 7th dildo would be illegal.
And yes I know that the grounds of this ban are absurd and barbaric, I do wish hunger and pestilence upon those who voted it in, it's just that any discussion regarding it had to be hilarious. What are they trying to prevent by restricting the access to 7th dildo, gang wars?
It's virtue signaling. It implies that anyone who would use a dildo (gays, immoral women who actually enjoy sex) are Godless degenerates that need to be controlled by the state before they go on a rampage through town with all of their dildos!
Or rather, anyone who would use 7 dildos - lets not bundle up with those degenerates the God loving Christians that fight to protect the purity and sanctity of Gods children that do happen to rail themselves with 6 dildos every night. I'd love to know what kind of science they used to calculate that 6 is fine in the eyes of their maker. If you strip away the context of those ghouls pushing slowly and successfuly for eradication of your personal freedom, and just look at the depicted scene as is, it's pretty wacky.
Well obviously you have to use a different dildo for every day of the week, and no dildoing on Sunday.
Although the Bible states Sunday was when God rested, which is when he had enough spare time to break out the sex toys. "Grab the strap-on Mrs God! I'm not doing any more grunt work this week, just grunting." This message may be illegal in the state of Texas. And undress.
isnt 6 supposed to be the devils number?
This Handmaid's Tale prequel both sucks and blows. Luckily one obscene device will do both.
I was so fucking confused I kept seeing Tesla instead of Texas
Oh, good. Bob is still safe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fZkTd2-dAE (or your friendly privacy friendly service preferably)
what is this? nazi germany?
No, nazi texas.
Nezas?
First they came for the dildos...