Is it weird that I cringe whenever someone calls my name and I avoid using peoples names when talking to them?
It's not a childhood trauma thing. I had a decent upbringing. I've been like this all my life. I'll talk about people using their name to others when the named person isn't around, but I avoid using their name as a vocative to their face.
Same thing with people using my name. I don't mind people summoning me by calling my name, but I cringe when people use my name as a vocative in front of me. I also get irritated when people I don't know and have no intention of establishing a relationship with use my name.
I worked in a call center and we had the usual opening "thank you for calling _____ my name is early_riser, how can I help you?" I assumed the unspoken rule was that I'm giving my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints or commendations, not because I want to establish anything more than a client-employee relationship. Also, I always use "sir" or "ma'am" when addressing clients, and hope they reciprocate that respect.
Edit:
Yes I know what names are for. Also “angry” was too strong a word. I don’t lash out at people when they do this. I understand that people are trying to be friendly when they use my name and that the irritation is unwarranted, but it’s there and I want to know why.
I think you're just autistic, buddy. This is not typical behavior for people that are not neurodivergent. The tell is that you get "oddly angry" when someone uses your name when they're strangers. Good luck navigating life with this one.
As an autistic person with ADHD too I was going to say this. I hate my name being used, I strongly prefer dude or mate, I'll even take "hey you", but using my name is very similar to extreme eye contact or touching my hands. No, no thank you, I would prefer not to.
It's not an unreasonable gripe and autism isn't an insult.
Some people use your name too much and it does feel weird, like they're trying to use their self-help book advice on you. "Good luck navigating life" is a nasty thing to say. Don't be a dick
I'm not insulting or being a dick. You just are tone policing text, which is wild. I am autistic too. My "good luck" was sincere. Fuck yourself, you holier-than-thou loser.
Tone matters and it didn't sound sincere, it sounded like you were putting someone down. Immediately resorting to calling me a loser and telling me to fuck myself is telling on yourself. OP was talking about something a lot of people can relate to and you came off mean and condescending. They're just trying to have a conversation. Sorry you react so poorly to differing opinions, you'll have a hard and lonely life.
Anyway, not talking to you anymore, there are a lot of people who read some book like how to win friends and influence people and use that advice in a way that you can pick up on. If you feel something is sleazy and off you should trust that gut feeling.
I told you to fuck yourself, because you were attributing something to me that was not said or implied. Fuck yourself again :)
Your response to OP was unkind and your behavior after was egregious. Think about your wording next time. You don't know what others are going through and your desire to get the last word in could harm a stranger for no reason.
You're the one that was attributing malice and rudeness where none was implied or stated. I was not being rude to OP, you simply interpret it that way. You're wrong, and fuck you again :)
If your response to someone telling you you sounded mean is fuck you fuck you fuck you then you should look at yourself
Feeling this. My preferred method to acknowledge people when talking is to look at them. Bad enough, in my opinion. About the only time I use a person's name is in a greeting or, more often, to get their attention.
At least there is the Fediverse. And STEM.
Being good at any part of STEM is kind of a superpower
Names exist specifically so other people have something to call you. There is no point in having a name if it isn't explicitly for the purpose of being used by other people.
Doesn't mean you have to say it repeatedly lol I know what my name is
I get where you're coming from, YawningNostalgia!
Woooooow. I dislike the Dutch now
Damn, all of them?
Same, mostly.
My cousin's dutch ex bf was really hot so I could make exceptions
I'm just bad with remembering names so I've learned to just not use them.
Hah, for me exactly the opposite: I repeat peoples' names when I talk to them so I remember them. At first it felt awkward, like OP described, but now I do it naturally without thinking.
I tried that and it didn't work, just like all the other memory tricks. Hell, I talk to four friends online almost every single day for over a decade and occasionally one of their names slips my mind.
ADHD sure makes social interactions fun!
i write down people's names when i first meet them on a notebook in my phone. it works!
i.e.: 2026-05-12, university, department of chemistry, charlie (in the context of a new research group i encountered)
note that the example is made up. nobody's called charlie.
Cool, cool. While doing multiple things can slightly improve the chances of me remembering someone's name until the next time I sleep when my brain flushes anything it doesn't consider important that it didn't drop already. Writing names down does not work for me as a long term solution, but it can be helpful in a short window.
I tried literally every possible approach over decades and nothing sticks for names of people I don't interact with often. Sometimes my brain does remember a few people's names, but I have no control over when it works and when it doesn't.
My favorite thing at work is our photo directory! It lets me see the person to connect my memories to their name in an email or meeting roster because I remember literally everything else about a person except their name when it is relevant. My brain just doesn't consider names to be important I guess.
in the modern world, they are most often not. in some spiritual traditions, names actually mean something. each name has a unique meaning attached to it, that describes the person or some aspect of their character.
There's the kiki/boba effect for it.
I do something similar! Though my notes are usually more like
Charli - girl w nice ass in yellow pants
Tommy - her bf :(
hahah, wasn't expecting that
Yes it is weird. It is your name, what else should they call you? “Cat with the fluffy eyebrows”?
The call center would certainly now you took the call without needing your name, but you are partially correct. You giving your name humanizes your interaction with the client so the client is less inclined to submit a complaint. Also so much of customer satisfaction with outages and issues is achieved just by having someone address the issue.
"oh bespectacled one, could thou lend your pen to this poor unbepenned soul? I need to write a shopping list"
When a customer reads my name tag in an attempt to be friendly
I used to always wear someone else's name tag because I got a kick out of them calling me by random names
It feels more personal to use names. I use them to remove distance between and the other person. I wouldn't like that for a sales call either, but otherwise I think it's important for building relationships.
it's also important for manipulating people.
I think that's implied by "removing distance". The only reason to do that quickly is for manipulation.
I mean.. yes of course. Being socially inept I read up on it and try to use it, not for some nefarious reasons, but to actually build a connection. But if any conscious alterations of speech is "manipulation" then, yeah. It's why I don't like it in a sales call.
I hate being called "sir" it sounds pretentious as fuck. Use my name, its far more personable and normal. Titles are like dress codes - completely made up theater that people play along with.
In the event of a call center scenario, it wouldn't even be hard to track down who took the call whether they remembered my name or not, so I still wouldn't care.
The only time it would be weird/annoying is if the person so constantly using my name instead of a pronoun, or if they're using a tone to imply negativity toward it.
Yeah, we got rid of nobility for a reason. Demanding being called sir, madame, doctor, etc. Is just a holdover of middle class envy towards aristocracy. I'd much rather prefer to be called by my name than some arbitrary words meant to separate people into hierarchies.
I think in this case it's more about them repeating your name. Feels fake.
In general I don't use titles but at work I usually call men sir when they're 50+ and I've never seen someone get bothered by it. It feels weird to go up to a stranger and say "Hi Brian, I heard you're having chest pain today and I have some questions for you" or whatever. They don't react negatively and seem to feel more respected. I don't call women "m'am" because I know that can be irritating.
I think doctor only makes sense when you're in a role at work. If you're a visitor at a salon, don't insist on it. If my boyfriend is booking a plane ticket he shouldn't add Dr., but if he's at a conference for fellow PhDs they should. If I'm at work they better call me doctor and not Miss or by my first name or I'll be big mad
Must be a cultural thing. Where I'm from, if a doctor doesnt call you by name it is a red flag. It means they didn't read the patient's file. Teachers would flag student doctors negatively for it. You treat people, not loosely grouped collections of symptoms. Nurses are also strictly trained to call people by name (perhaps by Mr/ms surname, but that's part of a holdover from reinforcing hierarchies), you know why? Because our hospitals have wards of anything between 12 and 30 beds and up. Calling "Sir please return to your bed" means nothing with 40 men in the same room, you have to be specific.
On the other hand, if you work a position of power, most people will call you doctor. It's lawyers fault, really, as they historically used to hold all the political positions. They insisted so aggressively to be called doctors that now anyone in a position of authority or hierarchy, however slight it might be, is called doctor, even if they aren't. Including in the medical field. Tons of people who aren't doctors in medicine are called doctors, students of medicine are called doctors from day one, administration staff in medical settings will be called doctor, etc.
It also reinforces the first part. Lowly patients must call everyone inside a hospital doctor, but doctors don't owe any title to anyone below them. Sure, it might arise from general ignorance about how the education system works, but it also illustrates how titles are always about separating people into hierarchies. It's just an academic dick measuring contest.
Where are you from? Do you have a caste system? I'm in the US and I am pretty nice to patients and it's rare that someone has a problem with me. Here we are called medical student or student doctor but it's pretty clear we aren't the ones in charge so it's not like we're tricking the patients.
I trained at a center with a majority population of Black and brown people and a lot of disadvantaged people, so I thought calling every man sir was a good idea, since it gave the implication I didn't think I was any better than them. We have a long history of medical racism here. Or more rarely I do Mr/Ms Firstname
Latinamerica, no caste system. But tons of colonialism.
Lotta machismo too.
Very interesting, ty for giving me another perspective. I find titles onerous unless you're working--don't call me Dr at the corner store, I'm not gonna thank a random off-duty veteran for their service, etc--because it ranks people as though some are more worthy than others. I didn't know that about lawyers in latin america
It depends on how you define weird, but this phenomenon has a name (if that gives you a clue as to how common or uncommon it might be): Alexinomia
I also not only struggle with not feeling weird when I hear my name, but I also just avoid using other people’s names to the point that people get upset with me when I am trying to tell them about things involving multiple people because I will simply never name any of them. It makes listening to me rather confusing for others, and I’m not even entirely aware I’m doing it. And I die a little bit inside whenever I’m in a situation that requires me to address someone by name.
Might be worth looking into Alexinomia for some more information if this is bothering you.
I wonder how people who are afflicted with this and also named Alex feel about that label.
"Yooo, alexei, dude!! It's been so long!"
"Alexei? No, Mia. I'm in the process of transitioning, just started on estrogen half a year ago"
Have you asked yourself why you feel this way? Names literally exist to be used. No cultural norm I am aware of prohibits their use, other than it would be weird in limited contexts like if you called your parents by their names. But even that is not universal. A stranger using your name is not disrespectful in the least, so getting mad about that seems like a problem.
Me and my siblings called our parents by their nicknames, which led to some confusion - my little sister told someone "I don't have a mommy, i only have a ".
there are absolutely norms that prevent their usage, but it's one of those formality things that's probably starting to become extinct these days.
Like how one would be expected to address nobility by their title, "your highness" or "m'lord".
IIRC in tibet people are given names when they enter puberty, so at 13 years age. before that they're just called "child".
Sorry, but, source?
There's nothing I can find that suggests this is true other that Tibetan names are usually regular nouns and usually given by Lamas to the family. But in general it seems kids are named on their third day by the Lama, but also before they are born. Not at 13 years. There's nothing to suggest that they're just called child until puberty.
I found this, about way of life in Tibet.
hmm maybe it was some other nearby country. i'm not sure anymore, will check later.
That is so stupid
Because it is false.
They apparently just made some shit up so they could be mad at me or something. People are strange.
Interesting. So there are exceptions to what I said, but I think OP would've mentioned it if that applied here.
Yeah, I fuckin hate it when people use my name while talking. It feels very awkward and creepy to me, especially if they use it often. I don’t wanna hear that. I know who I am.
Spamming my name in conversation is a whole other thing. It feels like they’re trying to sell me something, or otherwise persuade or convince by faking a level of trust they haven’t earned.
YES ABSOLUTELY. It squicks me out so much. I used to work in a call center and I was very friendly but definitely all business—with what I was doing, the reasons for calls are very cut-and-dry. When I would pick up the phone and greet someone and they’d go off with:
“Good morning, Rai. How are you doing today?”
“…great”
“That’s good to hear, Rai. Rai, can I ask…”
I instantly am in a nightmare world and want to delete them from my life.
It gives me the big cringe lol
It's less painful having a conversation with ChatGPT than a person like that, istg hahaha
This 100%
Yes! It’s akin to someone touching me unbidden. It’s gross and it feels gross to use people’s names around them. I almost never call my partner by their name to address them and any time they do it to me I absolutely hate it.
Oh my godddd, that's exactly what it feels like! It's the verbal equivalent of a stranger placing their hand on the small of your back and refusing to leave.
They're usually just trying to remember your name so they repeat it a few times in the first few conversations and whenever they forget.
I used to feel like you to some extent and I realised that it takes me a long time to remember people's names, and part of why I hated hearing my name is because it reminded me that I might not know the other person's name and they might be upset that I don't remember it like they remember mine. That was my "trauma" that made me hate hearing my name in conversation.
100%, I'm terrible at remembering peoples names so I force myself to say it a few times after meeting someone new, really helps it stick.
I hate it when they constantly repeat it. It's a stupid management/politician thing and it isn't natural. But why should I mind "Hello Mrs X" or "Hello Starling"?
yes, it makes me really uncomfortable! I had a friend who would always say my name while talking to me, and it felt somehow... diminutive? Like she was trying to be motherly? I don't know.
I had a friend in school who did this. Really nice guy, but he would constantly say your name while having a regular conversation. It was always unnerving and distracting.
I had multiple classmates do this too and they were genuinely wonderful people. I think they heard it once as a tactic and decided to keep using it. Nothing against them but it's terrible advice What if it was a psyop to make life more difficult for autistic people lol
I don't mind when people say my name, but I am reluctant to use names. Even when I know the name of the person I'm talking to, I'm afraid I'll say the wrong one.
Same lol
Whenever somebody uses my name I immediately feel like I'm in trouble, then when I realize I'm not, I feel like they are faking intimacy by continuing to say my name and are attempting to manipulate me.
I'm also that guy that will be completely clueless that you are in to them until you grab me by the junk. So, there's that.
It may be possible that a work incident has made it so hearing your name in passing making you twitch is because it's always used in a non-positive way.
I worked at a toxic workplace and if I ever heard my name that wasn't directly at me, it was because someone was sharing drama that involved me. Or I was being mocked. Or worse, they were preparing to rip into me.
My new job, everyone is pretty positive and if I hear my name across the hall, I'm excited.
I don’t like people using my full name as nothing good usually follows, but I’m pretty that’s a cultural thing, parents addressing their kids by full name usually means the kid is in trouble.
What bothers me is people who use your name constantly in conversation. "Mosspiglet, I saw this movie last night. Yeah, Mosspiglet, it was really good."
I do the same "hey man, what's up?" Because it takes my brain a second to use the search function. I know their name but I can't come up with it in time for passing chat. So "hey man" comes off as less of a dick move than just standing there staring blankly at them.
Same for me. I don't care about pronouns that are used for me but hearing or seeing my name used anywhere feels weird as hell. Maybe it just plays into my general dislike of being perceived.
I despise hearing/reading my name. So much so that when I found a book series I loved, but the MC shared my name I actually put down the paper version, grabbed the e-book, and did a global find/replace on all 12 books to remove my name.
I don't think this is uncommon, but definitely varies in the level of discomfort caused.. For me using a name is a degree of familiarity. My favorite people saying my name feels great. But in general I don't like most of the social/sales "hacks" for speeding up the process of intimacy/social closeness.
"Keep my name out of your mouth"
Yeah I think it comes down to social deixis. I took Spanish calls as well as English. Spanish has a formal and informal “you” Usted and tú, respectively. I got the same irritated reaction when clients used informal pronoun and verb forms with me.
To be clear this irritation is completely internal. I understand it would be rude to snap at people who I know are just trying to be friendly. My awareness of how inappropriate this reaction is is why I made this post.
Chiming in with the 'you might be neurodivergent' crowd.
Absolutely typical.
Welcome and feel free to ping if you want to know stuff.
Is your name a TrageDeliah or something?
But as someone with a Chinese Name in an English-Speaking country, I do feel very weird when someone calls my name...
They'll never get the real version of the name, only an Anglicanized version of it.
It feels weird, like it feels kinda like a name that only Chinese people are supposed to call me, having a non-Chinese say that name feels like if a teacher called you those nicknames only your family members are supposed calls you by...
I never feel weird saying someone elses name. Like wut bruh?
But yea I get it, the phone call giving their name is very weird to me... like c'mon you're supposed to be a faceless nameless person who I talk to for 10 minutes lol
Even in person customer service is still weird unless you're more long term.... like I'm a client or something... like real estate agent or car sales person
Not fucking customer service or a fastfood, dont wanna know your name and I don't like giving out mine either
I think they were talking more about someone who says your name unnecessarily in regular conversation but the Chinese name thing is so real. I'm half-Taiwanese and speak at a grade-school level but it irritates me so much when someone says my Chinese name wrong. Like just don't say it if you're gonna fuck it up
for reference "anglican" is a form of christianity in britain, the word you're looking for is "anglicized"
I so agree. I can't quite explain why but it feels so weird. I know my name.
Some people do this to convey that they are listening and paying attention. However, when overused, (like saying sometimes name 5 times in a sentence in a one to one conversation) I have always found it disingenuous and try to avoid doing it myself.
When I worked in sales, it was in our training to try to use the customers' name once you found it. It was supposed to establish a rapport, but it always felt forced and manipulative to me.
I bet it was one of those things where there was a study or focus group that suggested it increased sales or customer satisfaction. I also bet it's one of those old business stories that hearkens back to the 60's, or the sample size was tiny, or it was some CEO spouting bullshit that was taken as fact. My point being that it's one of those oft-repeated sales techniques that may not be based in reality.
Even if it's a real thing and statistically more people either like it or don't notice it: I always found it super alienating and I know I'm not alone in that opinion. When I notice someone using too many of these little psychological tricks, I've gone to shop elsewhere because I just don't trust those people.
When I call into a call center, I try to close the conversation by repeating your name. Like "Thanks early_riser, you were a big help today." I hate the phone, so I probably don't actually want to talk to you again (no offense), but somehow that feels more human to me.
Then again, I'm also paranoid that I misheard your name at the start of the conversation. I hope you don't take it too personally if I call you Thagomizer because it sounds similar.
I too had a decent upbringing, but, after a bit of introspection about why I'm so wary of my own name, it came down to this:
I have two names. One is my given name and the other is "son".
My parents have always tended to use my given name in negative and neutral contexts and "son" in more positive ones. It's not intentional on their part, and I expect my father got the same, but I think it's at the root of it all.
Good upbringing or not, how many of us are still terrified of being addressed by our full name in an irate tone? I'm convinced it's related.
The only wrinkle that bothers me is when a sonless aunt once called me "son" and it made me very uncomfortable. But, I figure there are other reasons for that.
Chiming in to say, yep, me too. One example that used to really drive me nuts was when I'd go to the gym and the person at the front desk would acknowledge me by name, even though we've never had an actual conversation or anything. It felt fake and forced and I hated it so much.
I also always felt so awkward as a kid talking about my friends' parents. Mr./Mrs. LastName usually felt weird, but it also usually felt weird to use their first names, so I'd almost always refer to them as Friend's mom/dad.
Here, kids usually call the parents Ms. Firstname. On sir/ma'am, I did tell my kids to use that with servers, cashiers, housekeepers.
i feel that. i assumed it is an autistic trait ... also theres a trans thing in my life. i like my new name a lot better.
still there are situations, in which i think it's unneccesarry to say my name. especially , when you already have my attention. people pointed to 'removing distance' as a function. i usually like my distance. "hi, kluczyczka." sounds waaay to forward, as if you want to eat me. if you already have my attention, just say "hi". ...
in languages which have strong formality, i tend to use these forms a lot more than others too, this usually uses the family name , which has a nice distance to it? so "hi, ms tchncs.de" would be fine with me.
I think using people's names is an old life hack from "How to win friends and influence people". Most people respond well to it.
It's also a nice thing in a group where some people might not know or might have forgotten other people's names. Then they don't have to ask.
I hate it when salespeople who have my data in their system use my name over and over again, feels so false. In moderation it's nice though... Also one guy working at a large store last year remembered my name as soon as I walked in after a month or so, I was definitely impressed.
I like when peoole use my name but i also avoid using them
I don't like when people work my name into a conversation ("that's a good point, glimse!" Not "hey glimse how's it going?") because it makes me....suspicious. Like mind instantly jumps to the tactic taught to sales people to build rapport with prospective customers.
My guess is that it's a defense mechanism. I've been taken advantage of after blindly trusting someone before, now I'm predisposed to look for the signs.
I'm sure it doesn't help that I don't really love my name. I don't care enough to change it but it wouldn't have been my first pick.
I feel the same way. Names are weird and icky.
I use names when specificity is needed. E.g., if I'm in a room with two other people, and I want to address only one of them, I'll use a name (or nickname if there is one) to clarify who I am addressing.
If I'm in a room with only one other person, then using a name to address them would be redundant, unless I am not getting their attention otherwise (e.g., they're engrossed in a book).
That's a pretty good description of when I use names.
so many young people get all bent out of shape when i say sir. i dont even dare say ma'am bc i will get yelled at. but i wish they were acceptable, bc i struggle with name recollection.
That’s a cultural thing for sure. Here in Texas all women are “ma’am” regardless of age.
In the Midwest, too. I had to learn to use "Miss" instead when I moved East because damn Yankees assing some kind of negative age valuation to "Ma'am" or "Madam".
I make it a thing to say the person's name that I just met at least 3 times. It's the only way I can remember their names.
If you work in a call centre it might be the de-escalation training they gave you. I have the same issue with my name and I know it is coming from the fact that I know that people in call centres are trained to address the caller by name very often to… calm them? Establish a good relationship? I don’t know but it makes me furious if someone is doing this to me.
lol what training? They just had me shadow someone for a few days while they set up my station.
Haha, nevermind then.
I'm same, but it is weird too.
No. I feel the same way. I don't use people's names in general unless I have to like yell at them.
It might be weird, but you're not alone, I'm the same way.
For most people, their own name is one of their favorite sounds in the world. If my friends didn't call me by my name, I wouldn't think we were as close of friends.
If you know somebody's name, it's really good and normal to greet them using their name. Even if you only say their name during the greeting, it will improve relationships and moods with just that. It's so important that I would even recommend that you "fake it 'till you make it" in this case. Even if it feels awkward, start greeting people in person by saying something like, "Hi Steve," or whatever similar greeting feels comfortable to you.
You can use people's names more that that, but it's a skill how to use names without being too weird. So if you're not used to it, start with greetings.
I'm blind, which I could have mentioned in the OP for extra context but eh. People often greet me without telling me who they are, or even making it clear I'm the one they're greeting.
Remembering names, as I understand it, is a very visual thing. Humans use visual cues to tell people apart. I don't have that option, and there's no polite way for me to say "hi, who are you again?" When I have the chance I'll tell people to identify themselves when saying hello to me, and ideally also remind me how I know them if they see me out and about as opposed to wherever I first met them.
If I only have to interact with you over a single day, I can pretty easily use things like clothing, hair and skin tone to differentiate people, but one change of clothes later and you're a stranger. Over time I can match voices to names but it's not as quick as the visual method. Odor is another big one, if they use perfume or body spray, if they smoke, or if they cook in a way that produces distinct odors.
I suspect that blindness changes the rules and expectations by quite a lot, so most of my advice would fly out of the window.
However, I do personally have a problem with remembering names, and so I have one bit of advice that I think is relevant.
My advice is that, if you think you have, say, a 60% chance of getting their name right, just say that name. If you get their name wrong, they'll probably correct you, but if you're anything like me, when you think it's 60%, the odds are actually much higher.
That is actually what I do, personally, as a person who is bad with names. I realized that I used to mentally punish myself when I messed up a person's name, but conversely, when somebody else messed up my name, I didn't care and immediately forgave them. Basically, I was holding myself to an insane standard that I didn't hold anybody else to.
So, instead, if I think I more likely than not know the name, then I say it. I've only had one person get upset with me in all the time I've been doing this. It's a person who I used to run into fairly frequently, like once every couple of months, but I seemed to have a mental block on his name specifically, and I simply couldn't remember it no matter what I did.
My only other advice is to be careful about letting people know you can identify them by odor. It depends on the odor and the person, but some people could probably be offended by that.
I'm face blind and your methods of telling people apart sound very similar to mine. I don't use odor but I do use gait. I also often just assume that I know someone if they act like they know me, and I play along until I figure out who they are.
I also didn't like hearing my name much until I changed it. Now I'm happier to hear it, and even diminutive forms of it.
I've never thought about it, but if I do think about it, it does make me a little uncomfortable. I think it may stem from have the focus brought squarely on me, or when I say someone else's name, I'm putting them in the spotlight.
It may be similar, but I struggle hard with eye contact. Always have since I was a young child. I can pull it off well enough in professional settings, but otherwise I can't stare at people's eyes.
Eye contact is also hard for me.
When asked what I prefer I use the shortest version of my name and even then I almost don't want one but you know you have to have some designation I suppose.
I wonder how much of this has to do with the fact that most of us don't chose the name we have? I've met people whom simply do not "look like" their name. It feels strange to refer to them by something that feels....other. I imagine this is why some cultures allow people to move through names as their lives go on. If we were given the space to emerge as a name, one embodied and truly ours, I think this phenomenon would be lessened.
I don't really use names either unless I have to or I'm very familiar with people. I'm very bad with names and I'm always afraid of calling someone the wrong name so even if I know their name, I still won't call them by it because in a couple days, I may have forgotten their name and what if I'm wrong and I call someone I've known for years the wrong name?
Everybody to me is "Hey Y'all"
Oh my gosh, I genuinely thought I was the only one who felt this way.
I've even seen people online in smaller communities referring to each other by their first names instead of their user handles and it always made me cringe a little for some reason haha
The bright side being that I'm completely immune to "neurolinguistic programming" or whatever weird shit manipulators are taught to use. Every single time I hear my name emphasized or repeated, it's like I can hear the slash 8-bit sfx and my HP going down.
Do this enough times and I will begin to avoid you like an actual viral contagion, bwahaha
yes
"Dude," "bro," and "buddy," and "son" make up how I talk to everyone too.
Idk seems like egg behavior
Identifying this as egg behaviour might be egg behaviour.
Sorry, should have prefaced that, it seems like egg behavior non derogatory.
yeah i get that, honestly i've had the same thing for a lot of my life. turns out it's just because my name doesn't really fit me at all, i got to legally change it eventually, now i like being called by my new name :3
edit: also i'm autistic yeah, because the comments mention it a lot
Definitely weird but ultimately doesn't make a difference
Yes that's weird.
i dont like people using my full, un-abbreviated name, it is a dead sure sign they don't know me at all. When i use peoples names it always feels like im talking down to them?
I do like to use names that i make up for people, little nick-names (if they accept them and they stick)
Extroverts (and/or salespeople) use the name of their conversation partner a lot, as a way of connecting, I guess.
I'm the opposite I don't care who you are, don't ask who I am, we are here for business transaction xyz, let's get it done and be on our way.
I also am like this but it’s partially trauma. The general agreed upon “advice” is that if this isn’t related to trauma it’s because of neurodivergence, at least that’s what professionals have told me. My issue is from both.
I dont hate it, but it's wierd enough to me; so that i only ever do this to other when i am angry, with elevated voice
I think it's because we primarily use someone's name to get that persons attention or to pay attention, for better or worse. If you are already invested in what's going on and someone uses your name it almost feels like an unnecessary call out.
I feel like this could be a deep dive yt essay, because I wonder if it's like this in other cultures and we deviated or it's like that everywhere.