NASA scientists says astronauts should not masturbate in space
https://www.indy100.com/science-tech/nasa-astronauts-masturbate-space-2676664628Open linkView original on mander.xyz243
Comments166https://www.indy100.com/science-tech/nasa-astronauts-masturbate-space-2676664628Open linkView original on mander.xyz
Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.
Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?
The chances of a solar particle hitting your RAM and causing a bit to flip are tremendously unlikely as well, but there's hardware made to prevent that from happening (I realize ECC does more than that).
I mean, do female astronauts/cosmonauts regularly float naked in the space station?
I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.
Nut allergies strike again!
Stroke?
Not long ago I learned nut allergies aren't really a thing anymore. https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2025/nov/11/peanut-allergies-declining-children-explained
Bam. Fun fact.
Awesome! Thank you for this!
All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.
Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn't melt. Cock socks that don't leak and are easy to clean.
This is why we fund NASA!
The NASA ScRoTE. Self-contained Repository of Testicular Ejaculate.
Receptacle*
These guys never heard of a "posh-wank?"
Edit: a posh wank is when you jerk it wearing a condom. Its also helpful if ur guy that doesnt like "the feel of condoms"
I never beat my meat at Oxford. What’s a posh-wank?
A wank whilst wearing a condom
With a condom is what I have heard. Expensive hence posh I guess!
Jacking it with a condom on
That's when you eat your cum so you don't have to clean up right?
Thats just normal recycling
Yeah but you have a side salad with it
That's a normal wank...er...right? Right?
Not exactly haha...its when you jack it with a condom on
Jack what?
Wow...
IT
I could Google it but I’d rather hear it from you since, no, I have never heard of a posh-wank.
Have they actually done a fluid simulation, I still hold the position you can't bukake in space or microgravity as it where
Semen isn't gravity fed so I don't think the lack of it would make a difference.
Idk I think semen can have a little gravity, as a treat
I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first
Female astronaut: Here I go clam slammin in the cabin.
This hypothesis generated by the same guys that are pretty sure sororities are just for naked pillow fights.
Not buying it at all... I'm not saying it's impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy... not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!
No, it's true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.
Also lady bits work like a vaccum, just sucking up all the stray dirt and food crumbs as well. Its why women are so good at staying at home.and vaccuuming, its literally natural.
(/s)
Doubly so when you consider space is a vacuum
Am I Pragnent?
How is babby formed?
Preganté. You has it.
gregnant
I had to look it up. It's still flippin' hilarious but holy moly it's 9 years old!!!!
👵 i made your internet. This bit is much older, 2006, it's got many variants that came after. Looks like gregnant was 2016.
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/how-is-babby-formed
It was on the news this mroing
Probably
Dangerops, prangent sex
Im out there shootin tardigrades
women floatin gonna get some babies made
that's why I knew this rap was gonna be great
I wacked off in space and now my commanders ...late...
This sounds like a Dracula Flow bit lmao
"We out here shootin' tardigrades. Smokin' on that baby-back, third-degree, JB Weld, mega-millions Zaza. Shot a rope on the spacewalk and that bitch encircled the entire planet. This shit ain't nothing to me, man. I'm twelve million years old, I left a brick on the moon back in the BC era. Don't fuck with me."
Semen from various astropervs just floating around in the capsule sticking to peoples' faces, getting in their hair, etc.
Additional protein, yummy 😋
Well that explains all the masterbation
Space invaders: genetic boogaloo
LMAO. Gold.
well the article is from the future so we have to take their word for it
Damn, that's already after the butlerian jihad
This is not a serious publication.
if you nut in space will it push you backwards
And since penises are usually not that close to the body's centre of mass it would also impart some rotation, unless the astrowanker has very good aim.
Yes. That’s so you can catch it in your mount on the way around.
I don't think they let them masturbate while riding horses in space
wtf horse? Where the hell did that come from? This is deffo gonna fuck up the math.
:P
Aw beans. Ya got me.
Gravity 2 starring William Dafoe
Directed by Quentin Tarantino, full title - Gravity 2: The feat of space travel, which definitely isn't a pun.
Gravity 2: a cold wank
Depends which way you point.
nutting thrust is nothing compared to the poop fart
The same happens on earth
Asking the big questions.
The quote has been misattributed: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/masturbation-in-space-nasa-warning/
It's a valid emergency propulsion method and I'm sick of being told it's not.
One day I'm gonna save a space station, that will show them.
there should absolutely be a shitty trash movie about this.
I hope it's really techy talking about overall force, nozzle velocity, etc, but also soapy, so the audience knows what the main propulsion expert is fighting for ...
"if you nut in space, it push you backwards." - Griffin McElroy
"CRANK THE THROTTLE!" "STOP CALLING IT THAT!"
Great... Another job I'm not qualified for
It was odd that the question was at the top of the application form too!
it's highly unlikely, fluids stick together and make drops in the air which you can easily see and avoid. and also, come on, women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm floating through the air is even less likely that women getting accidentally impregnated by sperm swimming in the water of the public swimming pool ...
Good point, don't wank in the swimming pool either.
What about wanking in the hand lotion at least ?
Well I guess that's fine. It's a long time since I was at school but I don't think hands can get pregananant.
Urban legend, dude wanked in the hand lotion and sis used it as lube or something.
The chlorination of a public swimming pool is deadly to sperm, so I imagine the chances on a spaceship are a lot higher.
Also "easily seeing and avoiding" is just not realistic. You don't have eyes on your vulva that are focused on checking for stray sperm globs 24/7.
Clothes they are wearing clothes.
Haha imagine a female astronaut free breeze for the lolz. Maybe even the reason the male astronaut is cranking.
This website is complete junk.
Oh cum on, it's going to be really hard to handle that. Mind you, I'd be more concerned about the stray 'liquid' getting into machinery and shorting something, rather than accidentally impregnating three women at a time.
Fortunately we don't have to worry about this yet as "This article was originally published on 23 July 20222".
Wasn't that a joke from some comedian?
I know this is science memes, but this is just straight up bullshit repackaged with a clickbait title
It is, it was a bit in one episode of Conan's podcast, they even mentioned in another episode that some website reported it as true.
That reads as "male astronauts should not mastrubate in space". So it's absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It's not like she's going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.
Lmaoooo
I thought you were dead, but nice try, Kellogg
Bwahaha, his ghost lives on in space heaven [hell]
New fetish unlocked
Pornhub: no Problem, we deliver.
Pornhub getting into the space race would be a hilarious and welcomed turn of events. The rockets naming potential alone is worth it.
Like how would it even get all the way up there lmao
Well everything needs to be studied conclusively but wow.
Shouldn't it be "NASA scientist says-" or "NASA scientists say-"
I'm dyslexic and not native English speaker so I'm not sure. But it sounds weird when I say it in my head.
Than about the other thing: the subject. Doctors say it's necessary to ejaculated at least once a week to lower the chance of prostate cancer. Also, not doing anything about being horny is fucked up. I'm wearing a catheter for 4 weeks (one and half weeks to go) and it sucks so bad. Every woman I see makes me horny now, whenever I see something sexy like a bikini in a commercial or 2 people kissing during a show, I get a woodie, which hurts because I had surgery on my eurethra. Every night, the entire night, I have a woodie. I know, because the pain it causes keeps me awake. The longer the horniness is cropped up, the worse it gets. I know astronauts didn't have surgery down there, but not jurking off makes many men bombs of cropped up horniness. It can also affect concentration and performance of tasks. Men need their relief. As do women.
So, NASA scientists, why don't you invent a seed killing, particle capturing jerkoff sock for astronauts. It sounds stupid but it's oh so important.
Edit: about the Grammer, I was right.
Also, what a slop website.
Yup, awful website. No cookie rejection option and "This article was originally published on 23 July 20222"
I trust people in the future would know more about space than we do.
Pretty good English to intuitively recognize that. My brain just autocorrected to "Scientist says".
Yes. The 'thing' you're describing is subject-verb agreement.
We might soon have a drug that stops sperm production. That would be welcome news for space gooners.
Edit: I just wanted to say "space gooner".
A male birth control pill has been right around the corner for like 30 years. I wouldn't hold my breath.
We already have drugs that stop women from getting pregnant from direct nuts, let alone stray ones. I'm not saying that female astronauts should go on birth control to let the boys blast rope, but this cannot be the actual reason.
I'm not looking to have a baby, but I gotta admit that if I were an astronaut and the one-in-a-million chance of getting impregnated by floating sperm happened, that'd be incredible. I'd have the first baby conceived in space! What a cool story to have in a family's lore.
Of course, that's provided it survives the rest of the trip.
This is how we get Space Jesus
General Kenobi...
You are a bold one.
And the daddy is an astronaut too! Not bad.
Magnificent.
Lol. Chances for accidentally short circuit something with stray fluid are much much higher than creating a new human this way.
The female astronauts shouldn't have dressed that way /s
when you nut, it push you backwards
Love seeing mbmbam references in the wild
I wanna see the cumball formed by ejaculating in 0 gravity.
It is at ~3:40 in this recent SNL sketch: https://youtu.be/FOI8vLhRzkE - super gross!!
This is garbage
Sounds like there might be an emerging market for fleshlight shaped jizz vacuums.
Imagining some poor horny astronut with suitcase sprawled out on the bed the night before his big flight. His inner monologue churning out scenarios, crunching probabilities of situations where he'd be caught in an embarrassing situation with his vacusuck 2000 as he repeatedly packs and unpacks it.
"Well, honey? You bringing your Thirsty Kirstie® or not?"
Hahahaha
By the same reasoning women should never sit on a single man's computer chair either.
Maybe they shouldn't rub one out using the chair as sloppy seconds.
I can't say I have ever hit the seat. The geometry is wrong. Keyboards are threatened though
I'm going to make a bet that most female astronauts are going to take hormones to stop menstruation. Which will also stop ovulation.
I mean there are other reasons why this suggested is invalid . See other comments.
But I'm also pointing out this one.
Oh my god. I never once stopped to think about how much periods in space must suck.
Brb, need to research this
Skipping up to three mensurations has been tested and found to be safe. They called it a tri-cycle
More isn't unsafe, just unknown to science
Long term suppression has been researched and found to be safe. I personally haven't had a period in 5 years. Best decision I ever made.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/combination-birth-control-pills/in-depth/womens-health/art-20044044
Many women are misinformed about this topic.
You do not grow a uterus lining while taking these types of contraceptions. You don't need a period to be healthy. Infact periods often result in depleted iron and other body nutrients.
The only reason to allow a menstrual cycle is to prepare for conception. If you aren't trying to get pregnant there is no reason to have a normal cycle. Stopping it is fine.
So many women going through the monthly discomfort and fatigue for no reason.
It can be hard to find the right hormone pills that stop periods without side effects. But I would encourage you all to try. I had given up on that until I tried a newer one that only caused about 1 or 2 months of light side effects . Then nothing.
No more anemia. No more feeling like shit 4 -5 days a month.
I think a female astronaut is less likely to get pregnant if everybody is allowed to rub one out when they're horny.
"Life finds a way"
Good thing NASA isn't my mom.
Wrong attribution to NASA aside, I think all adults know that there is much more surface tension than water in errr...the rope. Thanks Raiderkev for that awesome rundown in the comments.
(a spherical teaspoon of white glurp floats past)
"Wot? Wadn't me."
John, you're the only man on board..
"Don't know wot to tell ya, mate. Said it wadn't me.."
The point of thrust is offset so you'd spin around uncontrollably.
LMAOOOOOOO
Fuck you, I'll shoot ropes up there!
Well guess you have a better excuse than “I tripped and fell in to her”
Imagine you just get a wet dream and all of the female crew gets pregnant of stray cum
That's got to be a fetish in the future.
deranger beat you to it lol
There's a research grant to be had here.
NOFAPSA
That's an interesting confirmation that everyone on the ISS has no trousers on at all times.
What kind of psycho wears trousers at home
false article, but fun fact!
astronauts on Mir got porn sendt up, as well as having a small supply of alcohol for special occasions.
aaand nobody got pregnant.
Thought you couldn't get it up in zero G - and even If you could, we don't actually know if the mechanisms needed to ejaculate would function in zero G.
As far as I know, everything would work fine. If it's something you can do right-side-up, up-side-down, or prone, and in each orientation it works exactly the same way, it should work in zero G. It's just hydraulics anyway. Not gravity dependant.
Getting hard is a matter of hydraulic pressure; don't need gravity for your heart to pump blood. And ejaculation is a mechanical action, like swallowing.
This article is bullshit taken from a comedian's joke.
I'm not sure nofap is the only viable strategy. What about requiring vasectomy or unisex birth control?
Btw, porn in space is an unfapped market niche.
Astronauts on mir got porn and probably used it too 🤷
Yeah definitely man. I mean if you wanna go to space why don't we jump to required castration while we're at it?
Then provide reproductive healthcare in space
Lol wat
can't have neither in the long run, people will fuck in space sooner or later
Am I missing a joke or something? "Stray fluids" aren't just forcing their way into people's vaginas.
Listen.
The shit that went down with Suni Williams and Butch Wilmore with the Boeing Starliner incident was written like a NASA fanfic.
Stranded for 10 months alone on the ISS? I hope they used protection lmao
::: spoiler epilogue
"Let's just retire after all this so things aren't weird." :::
I love your telling of the story but there is one very inconvenient detail.
They definitely weren't alone on the ISS, there was a full complement of crew from both Dragon and Soyuz in the station with them
huh huhuhh hhuuhhuhuh you said spunk
I'd feel awful for anyone that needs to masturbate in space. Zero gravity fornication has got to be the bees knees. I would hope our astronauts are so orgied-out that by the end of the day they really just don't have it in them to want to do that.
Jack off with a condom. Problem solved. That or make a designated jack off Suit that keeps all your fluids on one spot. A full body condom if you will. I know some here are born with one, but it wouldn't hurt to have an extra layer.
I don't think there will be any problem if you do it with just one hand instead of two, since you'll need the other hand to hold onto something. Although they have all sorts of straps there, so the problem is completely made up.