You can change the spelling of one word in the English language to match how they are pronounced. What word do you pick?
I'm picking "Colonel" needs to be respelled to match how it's pronounced.
Try to pick a word no one else has picked. What word are you respelling?
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Comments393
In this thread, a lot of folks who would use their one wish to make the language better.
But I would change "their" to be spelled "the're" and pronounced "all'y'all's".
I hope I do grow up to be more like the rest of you, and make better choices, in the future.
People like you being in charge is how English got to this position in the first place!
Your rite, and I regret my choices.
twitch
I would expect nothing less, MajorHavoc 🫡
Nesscary
...Neccisary
.......Neseccary
Fuck it, it's now "Nesisary"
"Needed"
Do the needful.
Required
English is a second language to me, and at this point it's probably the only commonly used word I consistently mess up. It usually ends up something like 'nessecairy'
Totally understandable, one of a handful of English words that I both know are spelled “wrongL and also have to put conscious thought into spelling before I write it.
Ironicly, "conshus" one such candidate for me.
Can never remember how to spell this absolute fuckery of a word. I concur.
English is my second language, but I've always remembered it by "one cardigan, two socks" necessary
That's so weird. I'm dyslexic and all but this word is very much common sense for me. Maybe because I'm a polyglot and in Italian it's necessario?
That’s a bit unesesary
Necessary is literally spelt how it's pronounced though.
I'm not sure you meant this as a joke but it is funny.
Learning yet another irregular pronunciation because some N-hundred years ago their majesty Shithead von Cunt wanted to sound fancy and everyone just played along is not funny.
cries, not knowing how to properly pronounce most English words
Necessary? I would have never thought of any of those weird spellings. It's spelled like it's said lol.
Nesree
wait was it nesisary or nesusary.
nesesary? nesasary? nesysary?
English orthography is awful. Hard "c" AND soft "c"? Are you crazy? How about that "k" that is already the hard c sound? It should be "kat" and "kar". And it only goes downhill from there (or their?!?).
We should clean it up someday. But we'll probably end up with LOL-WTF-speak.
Some of the low hanging fruit would just be to pick one pronunciation of "oo" and stick with it:
The problem is that English has far more vowel sounds than vowels. And that's without even having certain sounds that are common in other languages like "ü".
Linguistics would teach that it is the orthography that is flawed. The English language has many vowel sounds, more than most languages. But as you demonstrate, the orthography "lumps" many of them together. Which, again, is why I think English orthography is awful.
There's a great article at Wikipedia, scroll down to the "Vowels" section: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_phonology
There's a link the the article above to this page, which I don't suggest viewing on your phone. It has a great effort to document vowels across dialects of English, scroll down again to the huge table: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Phonetic_Alphabet_chart_for_English_dialects
Be careful, the linguistics "rabbit hole" is deep (but fascinating)!
Thanks, I really like the IPA and I wish it were something that was taught in high school. It would be great if people were competent at reading it and could maybe use it to explain how something sounds. It's hard enough that English has such flawed orthography. Then you add the fact that there are dozens of English dialects and it only makes things more complicated.
Do you know about Dr. Geoff Lindsey's YouTube channel?
https://www.youtube.com/@DrGeoffLindsey
I do not know about that channel. I will check it out, thanks!
His topics are really interesting, hope you enjoy them like I did.
It's not all bad. The varied spellings of English help with visual pattern recognition and increased reading speed.
That must have already happened and we got the Geordie accent from it!
Comfterble
Kumfirtubble
Macabre. Why do you need two silent letters?
Blame the French.
Please wait in the queue with four unpronounced letters
I always pronounce this "quayway"
What you spelled there would be pronounced key-way haha
British English voices those letters in most accents. I think the two silent letters is just a North American thing.
Similar to herb.
Not saying you're wrong at all, it's not exactly a common word to hear said out loud. But I've never heard anyone do this and the very idea of it blows my mind.
(NE England, here)
The last syllable is usually pretty subtle, like the br- in bread, but very quietly voiced. I'd say I hear it maybe 75% of the time I hear the word. Currently in Yorkshire, via SW England, London and NW England. The syllable is a lot less subtle in a West Yorks accent!
Did you learn French at GCSE level? Possibly there's a relationship between that and pronouncing the re like that in French-derived words. Cadre is another example. If it is related to learning French, then it's probably on the decline as French teaching is on the decline and foreign languages are no longer compulsory at GCSE.
Clearly I need to work this word into more conversations with people and listen closely! That said I only just found out recently that most of the country pronounces the middle weekday as "Wensday" so contrary to stereotypes I think we might be the ones talking properly up here 😉
(schools around me were generally an even split between French and German for GCSE, dunno how that affects your theory, also I had no idea languages were going away from school and this makes me sad to learn)
Why use a French word then?
"queue", 4/5 letters are silent.
Ma-carb, much better
Wait how is that pronounced? I've always read it as Mah-Ca-Burr. It's one of these words I learned through text exposure rather than English classes...
Arkinsaw
"Arkansas" and "Kansas" are both from the Osage language, but the former passed through French on its way to English.
i'm from somewhere in europe and always wondered why you guys would pronounce those two so different!
America has a lot of place names that come from Native American / First Nations languages; but they also come via different European languages.
And some of those names are actually words that refer to a different Native group. "Arkansas" and "Kansas" are from the Osage word for the Quapaw people. The name of the Snake River between Oregon and Idaho is a translation of the name that Plains people used to refer to the Shoshone: they were the "snake people" and that wasn't a compliment.
I've heard that, but "Ar Kan Saw" is nothing like how a French person would pronounce "Arkansas"
That is interesting. Do you have a source?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arkansas
In Spanish they do rhyme and their endings are pronounced the exact same, as in Kansas. I was greatly puzzled when I discovered that the French managed to mangle the name Arkansas that badly back in the day
It's the pirate Kansas.
2010 Arkansas Code Title 1 - General Provisions Chapter 4 - State Symbols, Motto, Etc § 1-4-105 - Pronunciation of state name.
Be it therefore resolved by both houses of the General Assembly, that the only true pronunciation of the name of the state, in the opinion of this body, is that received by the French from the native Indians and committed to writing in the French word representing the sound. It should be pronounced in three (3) syllables, with the final "s" silent, the "a" in each syllable with the Italian sound, and the accent on the first and last syllables. The pronunciation with the accent on the second syllable with the sound of "a" in "man" and the sounding of the terminal "s" is an innovation to be discouraged.
Brit here, I only realised a couple of years ago that the Arkansaw I heard mentioned in American TV and movies was actually the Arkansas I could see on maps. I think it was something said on Reddit, probably a thread similar to this, that was the revelation. And when I tell other Brits they're invariably similarly clueless, and quite gobsmacked. I'm not sure if anyone I've mentioned it too has said "oh yeah I knew that".
Might start an argument but:
GIF -> GHIF
It’s actually pronounced “JIF”
It stands for the Jraphics Interchange Format
Giraffics? 🦒
JIF is peanut butter
Jif is a surface cleaner.
“It’s a floor wax.”
“It’s a dessert topping.”
“It’s a floor wax.”
“It’s a dessert topping.”
Vanilla ice cream and peanut butter ❤️
Linux is a detergent.
so is Barf
I'd rather use Linux than Barf on my clothes!
Jolly Image Format
https://youtu.be/Nrk8sqZfsgI?si=20rIrWuZbuPPeJua
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GH as in "laugh"? People'd start flame wars over whether "FIF" is the intended pronunciation...
Since Queue has already been posted: Quay. Now spelled Kee.
You and I pronounce 'quay' very differently.
How do you pronounce it? I had some American tourists ask me for directions to the "kway" before. Only time I've ever heard a different pronunciation.
I've always heard it pronounced kway... Is that wrong?
I can't say really. Where I live (Ireland) it's definitely pronounced "kee" but where you live "kway" might be correct. Fascinating stuff!
That's wrong, even in the US.
It's pronounced kway in a Pavement song.
It's pronounced "kaye" in a Pogues song, but songs aren't a good indication of pronunciation...poetic license reigns.
Hell, "reigns" is another candidate word.
In my dictionary spelling is [ki:] so like "kee"
Quay is one of those words like bowline or boatswain that's commonly mispronounced because people see it in writing without hearing it said. Bowline "properly" rhymes with pin, and boatswain sounds like bosun.
A similar thing happened to solder in Britain, where it originally had a silent l as a nod to its Latin etymology, but some people started pronouncing it.
kɛɪ 🤷
relevant username
It's aluminium you stupid Americans.
I just wish we spelled things in a more German-'esk' fashion. They use K more appropriately. Examples such as "panik" and "akkordeon" for accordion. I find their spelling to be more straightforward and sensical.
Thou shalt spell the word "Pheonix" P-H-E-O-N-I-X, not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
feenicks
Fenix, like the dude from StarCraft?
Dan Le Sac - sweet reference.
Oasis, just a band
The Beach Boys? Just a band.
Nirvana?
Worcestershire
Wednesday to Windsday or Wensday.
Aisle should become something like ile.
Though shall now be spelled: Tho.
Ressepee
I like this one because I instantly knew what word it was despite it having a brand new spelling. Almost like letters should have meanings.
I was wondering if Reese pee was liquid peanut butter for a moment.
English isn't my native language. I thought for years (and I'm talking of 10+) it would be pronounced "ree-sipe".
Re-ci-pe... yeah that's just how yoy read it.
Oh boy, a word wouldn't be enough.
I would make English as consistent as Spanish is regarding phonetical consistency, or even more.
Oh, you have never seen this word ever before and you don't know how to pronounce it? No worries, these universal rules will allow you just get it right, because letters always sound the same!
“Spanish regarding phonetical consistency”
Checking in from Oaxaca
I dunno, Oaxaca seems pretty straightforward. oa is pronounced kinda like "ua", I guess, but midword x is usually a "hh" sound anyway so that's the only slightly weird thing.
Fun fact, the Spanish X used to be pronounced like the Greek χ, which is why Meχico, Teχas and Oaχaca are pronounced the way they are now in English (formerly like a "kh" and now like a "ks")
To be honest, that was barely fun
I mean knowing romance languages makes spelling in English easy. Also knowing something about Greek and Latin. Understanding the root of a word etc makes it a lot easier.
Right about spelling. For a non-native, it becomes somewhat difficult when it is about the "right" pronunciation of the written language. There's a lot of French influence for example. Now they have a lot of French words, some feel horribly mispronounced and some aren't. And then there's a lot of dialects so that mixing pronunciations can hardly be avoided.
The only one they changed is the double l. ll to sounds like a y. But in some circles they consider that a seperate letter to the Spanish alphabet. Overall it is fairly consistent.
Even better, Spanish words are typically broken into two (or is it to or too) letter syllables.
English is pretty good (generally) at doing the same thing.
Y'all are just bringing up words that English stole from other languages.
You can use phonetics to figure out how to pronounce most words in English.
We just really wish when we stole them we changed the spelling to match the pronunciation if we wanted the pronunciation to stay the same of where we stole it from.
The amount of words that are not "stolen" from other languages is neglible..
Cat from German Katze, from Latin catta
Car(t) from German Karren
Kitchen grom German Küche
Bike/Bicycle from French bicycle
Leaf from German Laub
Beef, mutton, pigeon from French boeuf, mouton, pigeon
Cow, sheep, dove from German Kuh, Schaf, Taube
Computer from Latin computare
Sun and moon from German Sonne and Mond
Lunatic from Latina luna
Death from German Tod
Snug from Norse snøggr
Funny from Swedish fånig
Breeze from Spanish brisa
Ranch from Spanish rancha
Brave from Italian bravo
Arcade from Italian arcata
Dildo from Italian diletto
....
--James D. Nicoll
You may like this essay on why English has weird spellings. Think technological timings.
https://aeon.co/essays/why-is-the-english-spelling-system-so-weird-and-inconsistent
I think the main issue with this is that pronunciation changes over time, in addition to varying by area. So if we keep changing the spelling, written works will became unreadable faster.
But I would suggest that any band names that use umlauts/foreign letters should be pronounced accordingly.
All those words that are pronounce the same but have completely different meanings. Particularly the common words.
To two too
No know
Their there
By buy bye
Then there there ones spelt the same but two different meanings and silent letters to even be better.
Go right, you're right.
Didn't know how messed up English spelling/pronunciation is till I started to learn Spanish and nearly every word is pronounced exactly as spelled.
Segue
I always trip over that one and start reading it as French.
I just learned last month I've been doing the same thing and mispronouncing it for over three decades. But it's Italian!
In the uncut version of Romeo and Juliet, there was a vague segue to a Montague tongue.
tongue, there's another fucker, I tells ya
Problem is that when you write it as pronounced, it becomes segway. Which just makes me think of those two-wheeled scooter thingies.
Seg-Yoo
That's how my coworkers were pronouncing it, til I pointed out... Who knew how long that was going for, lol
The now-defunct electric scooter company spelled it as it should be, Segway.
Jraphics
I can't help but pronounce this like Jurassic
Highpurrbolley.
I pronounced it hyper-bowl in my head for a loooong time until I had to say it out loud one time and got laughed at.
As someone who read a lot as a child I still find myself saying hyperbowl. I'd certainly heard the correct pronunciation but it wasn't until very late that I made the connection to the word I'd learned by reading.
I was it my 30s before I found how to say it properly. It really doesn’t help that hyperbolic is spoken properly. Hy-per-bol-ic. Damn you written words.
Same!
Aphrodite, Hyperbole.. Greek Eta sounds like ee.
The fact that hyperbolic is pronounced like that makes it so much fucking worse
Gif
wierd.
February. (US pronunciation)
Ghoti
Arkansaw.
IF KANSAS IS PRONOUNCED "KANSAS"
THEN WHY ISN'T ARKANSAS PRONOUNCED "ARKANSAS"
Diarrhea.
The pronunciation already matches the spelling!
Starts like "diary" the journal, ends like "rhea" the bird.
Then consider the British-English version of the word, diarrhoea :)
Why the extra o?
@thelsim
when they were transcribing it, the man speaking gagged
Cha cha cha
Oooohhhh that took me back
Diary uh
the article 'the' - ðə
Bah, I always forget eth is different in IPA than how it was used in Old English.
Ah okay.
Þ ?
I came here to "correct" you to that, yes. But then it's not really IPA anymore, and the other character doesn't make sense now. May as well stick to the more universal system.
queue
But that's already pronounced how it's spelled...
Ah yes good old queweyouwe
Okay, I'll grant you, the second ue could've been trimmed in editing. I always viewed it like the ue in monologue but it's clearly of a different sort.
I'll go downvote myself now.
No, it would just be 'q'. Right now, I would pronounce it kay-way maybe.
Cue-y-hue-y is what the current spelling suggests, tbh.
It only gets spelled correctly when it's a pseudo queue (>!sudoku!<).
Qway-Way
Yacht. Yot.
English really lacks some throat-fricative analogue to the Greek chi (χʼ). Shoud be yaχt in the graχt. imo.
Oh man the various English' pronunciashuns ...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SfhKldRKmo8
I failed to read the the poem properly.
This language is just... ugh.
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Good Bod! Now see what thou doeth.
Werk.
Work is not how people pronounce it.
There were so many that bothered me but now, when called out, I can only think of a few...
Lingerie
Miscellaneous
Subpoena
Lawngeray definitely makes it less appealing.
Fish as Ghoti
Easy: Bologna
What do you mean? It's already written the closest to pronunciation, there's no ń sound in English really, perhaps knee is the only example
I'm guessing they think it's pronounced balony
How so?
I read it as bol-on-ya. I've heard boloney before but didn't know that was the spelling. This thread is throwing up all sorts of learning for me :)
Here is what I found:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-is-baloney-spelled-bologna_n_5bd88319e4b07427610be221
Well that is a fascinating read. Thanks!
BECAUSE OSCAR MEYER HAS A WAY WITH B-O-L-O-G-N-A
Belownya
Skwirl because now one knows how to spell squirrel.thank you auto-correct.
If you ever have an opportunity, try to get German people to say Squirrel. It's why it was used as a shibboleth in WWII.
Keesh
Queue.
Worcestershire sauce
I’m honestly amazed “alot” hasn’t been made an acceptable spelling of “a lot” by now.
But "a napron" became "an apron", etc.
But the meaning usually isn’t “a single apportionment” — it’s frequently used to mean “many”.
Right but alot means “to assign to a specific use”
Are you thinking of the word allot? (2 Ls).
Could be
There's another word that British people would like to add aswell.
Mandatory Hyperbole And Half
Is there a similar comic for lose/loose? Because that’s the one that annoys me.
Lieutenant (leftenant)
Not in British English, no.
The English speaking world outside of the USA.. Much like ‘zed’ or putting a U in colour.
Yeah but British English is dum
Add colonel to that. Like wtf, where are you getting the extra letters from?
Fun fact: Lieutenant literally means "placeholder."
https://www.history.navy.mil/research/library/online-reading-room/title-list-alphabetically/w/naval-traditions-names-of-rank/officer/lieutenant.html
I'd spell cache as cache so Australians know it's pronounced like "cash" not like "kaysch".
Psoriasis. Eczema. Emphysema.
You doing okay buddy?
You don't like Greek words that are spelled the way they're pronounced?
I feel like I would much prefer the ability to change the way a word is pronounced to match the way it is written.
Well which word would you pick for that?
Do I have an alphabet for you! Ever heard of the IPA No, it's not just a beer!
"Sure". For crying out loud. Who came up with this.
Caulk.
You sick bastard I work at lowes
Lincoln
Pneumonia
OOF Pneumonia.
Like, what a cursed word. How would you even spell that? Nuhmownyuh?
Newmoanyuh
Lincoln is a proper noun, but pneumonia is already pronounced how it's spelled.
You pronounce the p?
Hmm..
There, erfect!
pn together act as one phoneme, like th or kn or sz
Epitome
Scythe
Jewelry
Iron
Cologne
Receipt
CHARCUTERIE, what a fucking stupid word
Realtor. My wife still says "Real-uh-ter"
Zealot (think "Zellers 🍁") I'm tired of people pronouncing my username as "Zee-Lot"
-I know there's more that piss me off, I'll be back
Charcuterie is French for charcuterie.
What's the French word for "entrepreneur" then smarty pants.
"le bweesnesshomme"
Entrepreneur obviously.
apparently » apparantly
and all other "parent" words, like transparent and so on
We should just omit those schwa letters like Apar'ntly.
Choir .. how would you spell it? Quier?
kwire
Kwyre
Koar... Koir... Koair... Koayre... Egh I'm not improving it am I
Salmon as Samon
Quinoa
This one has the correct pronunciation in Spanish, because quinoa is from South America. Despite having pronounced this incorrectly when I first heard about it, I'd like to keep this spelling, because Spanish spelling is so much more consistent than English.
keen wa
I also think Colonel needs to be changed
Subtle
Tough though thought....and knife know etc
Rendezvous. Get the fuck outta here, you look like rendezzvuss.
I am deffinetly picking this one.
It’s two, but I’m just gonna swap ‘sweat’ and ‘sweet’ spellings.
Found Rodrick Heffley
I'd change "I" to "pxmipexokal" just to screw over everyone's typing speed.
We’d just abbreviate it like pxmilexokal
Blood. Looks like wood but you would be wrong.
It's like how laughter and slaughter don't rhyme.
Might as well do food while you're at it.
In some of the accents around here, blood, wood and food do rhyme, more or less.
And, in the other direction : lose.
"next, what your gonna do is...."
NOW.
Restaurant.
Can't spell it without spell check
It should be restrant
Restront
garunteed
Lasagna, now pronounced how it looks!
Cough
"separate" to "seperate"
Fone
Seems like that absolute lot here are just American Vs British pronunciation, and for me, who learned the British version make 0 sense.
Laff
Yosemite to Yos-e-mite.
First of all, you want to replace the way "coronel" is pronounced to match the spelling, not the other way around.
Second, I'd do "bass" and kill two birds right there and then.
The fish can keep the spelling, but the low pitched sound needs to change.
Drop the bayz!
Lieutenant → Lefttennet
Too shall now be spelled to
Wouldn't fuck with it. The road to hell is paved with good intentions
Manure
ma-newer
It's a fun word to say, say it with me
"poop"
Salmon
Draught. Seems we've already respelt it as "draft".
Knight just got the lulz
Lieutenant should be changed to Leftenant while we’re at it.
Lewtenant if you’re American.
Vehicle
Vihikl?
Viakl
Accessoires
That may actually be the Dutch or maybe Swedish spelling. They're all so close but slightly different that I hope auto-correct deals with it.
I don't really understand the problem. You want us to go back to the Latin accessorius?
Conner (sauce: ostreliens)
Exercise as Exersize
Indict, because it doesn't rhyme with verdict.
I'm actually changing the pronunciation, not the spelling. I like saying "in dictation" without the "-ation" part.
Upon googling it I found it's pronounced like this: Uh tow buh kow
So yes.
Not an English word so you need the ref. The place where alders grow.
ask aks ax
excellent
XLent
Recognise. There is a G in it but everyone pronounces it Reckonise. They are actually 2 totally different words so this isn't really what you meant but I hate that people don't prounce the letter G.
Facade -> visade