I mean people usually suck at naming roads. Water St is often where the water tower is, Railroad St runs parallel to the railroad, Fish Hatchery Road is where the fish hatchery is, and then there's the tons of roads named after specific families who lived on the land they run through. Granted it's way less dark than the countless cities that are named after the people/natural features that were killed when founding the cities. So many places are named after who and what was once there...
Water St is often where the water tower is, Railroad St runs parallel to the railroad, Fish Hatchery Road is where the fish hatchery is, and then there’s the tons of roads named after specific families who lived on the land they run through
it would probably be more along the lines of you having to pay potentially lost profits directly to the company, while the driver has to pay his own bills... and the driver has to pay for potentially lost profits too
No seriously, the term "late stage capitalism" is so old, it has existed longer than capitalism exited before its coinage. So if this really is the last stage, this last stage is already longer than the stages before were.
They'd never what, attempt to profit off of an emotional reaction by presenting an option that most wouldn't even have thought of on their own but kinda makes you feel guilty to decline?
Double oopsie! Your driver delivering flowers to your other driver was in an accident! Would you like to deliver flowers to the driver who was delivering flowers?
"Your dasher crashed, but based on his tracking, he's still crawling towards you. This could induce some delay. If you go meet him on the way, you can get a rebate on your tipping fees!"
It's a trap. Like in the famous documentary, 'The Santa Clause', if you examine the crash site the drivers body will disappear and YOU will become the Door Dasher, and be required to fulfill all of their commitments.
Your flower delivery driver crashed 0.3 away from your food delivery driver. He can still crawl through the fog of pain to the flowers but they might be fucked up beyond all recognition.
Send chocolates to your flower delivery driver's hopsital room!
If you can't be bothered to step out of your comfort zone and travel .3 AU to pick up your food, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you want the crippled driver to spoon feed it to you.
They retconned it to mean that the Kessel Run was close to a black hole so you couldn't go near unless very fast and agile, so most ships had to take a longer route, so parsecs became distance again
Honestly, online service platforms have come up with so many odd and manipulated behavioural patterns they shove down their customers' throat as long as it makes them money...
If an A/B test actually showed that offering to pick up your food from a traffic accident site led to better customer satisfaction outcomes than just cancelling the order I seem them doing this 100%
"Your dasher wears a medical bracelet identifying his next of kin. To expedite access to the crime scene to retrieve your order (1x bagel bites, 4x lubricant and 1x grain alcohol) dash++ members can unlock this name to then pose as a direct relation when authorities ask."
Even on non-takeout, I still won't tip sometimes. It's mental how some counter service places are asking for tips. I begrudgingly tip if the person actually does something service related (like bringing me my food), but if I have to do the work to get my order, I don't tip.
Don't misunderstand me, I still tip at places where tipping makes sense, like a restaurant or something.
But I'm not going to subsidize every business' payroll just because they found out they can enable a tip prompt on their POS. Like, I don't need to tip every store that has workers making food, especially if they all stay behind the counter.
Maybe that makes me an asshole, but I'm not tipping every business just because they ask for one.
The application let's you send flowers to your "dasher's" hospital room
Taking about dystopian.
We don't care about that motherfucker that damn near killed himself and inconvenienced us, but hey, that's why we do the gig thing so we don't have to insure them! But hey, YOU totally should send him flowers!
There is an artist around who spoofs the big app interfaces to make these even worse thought experiments. I'm guessing it's one of his or hers. Unfortunately I don't remember the name / handle.
I'm not going outside in this weather. Especially if I have to put pants on. They should just send a second driver to pull my Arby's out of the burning wreckage and finish the delivery without me having to tell them.
The last time I used doordash Uber eats whatever was 2019 and one day it was raining hard so I went outside to meet the delivery person at their car and they thanked me 😄
Away what? Apples? Eggs?
.3 of a delivery, duh.
As in, they were .7 of the way done when they crashed.
Most well universally known measurement system is likely light years, so probably that
The SI base unit for length is the meter, so they crashed 30cm (12 inches) away from you.
Wow, and whoever posted the screenshot did nothing to help. SMHing my head.
Seeing as everything else in the notification seems to be about money, I'm guessing 0.3 dollars.
Surprised they didn't suggest getting another delivery driver for half price to bring it the rest of the way.
You can send flowers to the hospital room tho
Miles.
Yep. Looks like College Station, Texas.
Jfc yeah name a road after your state.
Although there's an Uruguay Avenue in Montevideo so 🤷
I like the Moscow/Saint Petersburg system, wherein they both have avenues/highways named after the other city, leading to said city.
Most of New England is named that way too. The problem is that the same road ends up with 2 names depending on which direction or end you are in.
Got luck getting an ambulance dispatched to the right place (in my unfortunate experience).
I mean people usually suck at naming roads. Water St is often where the water tower is, Railroad St runs parallel to the railroad, Fish Hatchery Road is where the fish hatchery is, and then there's the tons of roads named after specific families who lived on the land they run through. Granted it's way less dark than the countless cities that are named after the people/natural features that were killed when founding the cities. So many places are named after who and what was once there...
this all seems sensible to me
I accidentally 0.3 away. Is this dangerous?
0.3 away from yous
0.3 “inspect element”s away from you
Liters
Is this a late stage capitalism?
👨 🫴🦋
No lats stage would have you, the person whom ordered the food, responsible for the gig workers hospital stay - as you are their employer.
Click here to begin crowdfunding your dasher's ER visit.
it would probably be more along the lines of you having to pay potentially lost profits directly to the company, while the driver has to pay his own bills... and the driver has to pay for potentially lost profits too
Always has been
No seriously, the term "late stage capitalism" is so old, it has existed longer than capitalism exited before its coinage. So if this really is the last stage, this last stage is already longer than the stages before were.
Late stage, so far.
I need to make sure you know this is a joke photo composed with digital tooling. You do know that, right?
Only the "send flowers' is the joke part.
No, looks like a man releasing a butterfly to me.
This is fake?
The real nightmare is you can't even tell anymore.
my exact feelings, I am more horrified at the fact that I am still not sure if this is fake or not (without actual fact checking ofcourse)
It had me until the flower button. Doordash would never
They'd never what, attempt to profit off of an emotional reaction by presenting an option that most wouldn't even have thought of on their own but kinda makes you feel guilty to decline?
It may be the one dude that does nothing but come up with dystopian UIs
Dystopian? Or just the beta version?
This particular image may be, but this is a real thing that happens of the dasher is in a wreck while completing your order.
Why u lie homie
It isn't a lie. Jon Stewart did an entire episode about this. xD
It was. But now, if the idea makes it to the right executive...
Yup
Double oopsie! Your driver delivering flowers to your other driver was in an accident! Would you like to deliver flowers to the driver who was delivering flowers?
Would you like to leave any feedback to your driver? If you purchase a funeral wreath we can print your comments on a card and attach it
"Your dasher crashed, but based on his tracking, he's still crawling towards you. This could induce some delay. If you go meet him on the way, you can get a rebate on your tipping fees!"
"Would you like to call an UberAmbulance?"
Ahem, an Ubulance.
Oopsie woopsie. It wooks wike your uwu dwiwu was in a wiwwy bad caw cwash. Would you wike to caw an ambuwance?
hell yes
Too expensive, I think I'll go with a Waymo Autonombulance. The Dasher can do self-CPR
It's a trap. Like in the famous documentary, 'The Santa Clause', if you examine the crash site the drivers body will disappear and YOU will become the Door Dasher, and be required to fulfill all of their commitments.
Sir you can't be on this side of the police tape. Are you are related to the deceased?
No, but I'm just going to snag my Mickey Donalds right quick and I'll be out of your way.
"sEnD fLoWeRs tO yOuR dAsHeR's hOsPiTaL rOoM" 💀
this isn’t real right? lol
Nope
Yes its real, its a leaked screenshot from 2027 #ComingSoon
"your Dasher has died in a collision but here's a pin drop in the chance you can collect your order from the wreckage"
At least there's still a chance for profit, just got to sell some flowers
Your flower delivery driver crashed 0.3 away from your food delivery driver. He can still crawl through the fog of pain to the flowers but they might be fucked up beyond all recognition.
Send chocolates to your flower delivery driver's hopsital room!
0.3 what away from me? Miles? Kilometers? Meters? Units matter - I'm not driving to the other side of town just to pick up a bloody pizza.
It said it might be damaged. We don't know how bad the accident was and how much blood was involved
If you can't be bothered to step out of your comfort zone and travel .3 AU to pick up your food, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you want the crippled driver to spoon feed it to you.
(/s, obviously)
Obviously nautical miles
Parsecs, obviously.
According to Star Wars, Parsec is a measure of time not distance
They retconned it to mean that the Kessel Run was close to a black hole so you couldn't go near unless very fast and agile, so most ships had to take a longer route, so parsecs became distance again
0.3 Hamburgers of course!
It's not blood... it's uhm... Marinara Sauce! And that's not an eyeball that's just... a lychee from... another order.
0.3 volleyballs away
the dasher delivering your flowers to the previous dasher's hospital room, has gotten into an accident
I hate capitalism.
"Oh my god is he ok?"
"Yes your food is 50% ok!"
I actually had this happen once. Dasher got in an accident
The app just showed his car going in circles around the point he crashed
Probably hit a fairground carousel
I wonder what % of people seeing this think it's real? People really gotta keep an eye on the community and understand what shitposting means
I mean, I saw the community, yet I had to think of it.
It's “nottheonion” adjacent.
Honestly, online service platforms have come up with so many odd and manipulated behavioural patterns they shove down their customers' throat as long as it makes them money...
If an A/B test actually showed that offering to pick up your food from a traffic accident site led to better customer satisfaction outcomes than just cancelling the order I seem them doing this 100%
Regardless of if it's real or not. I wouldn't even fucking bat one eye at doordash for doing something like this.
But no one using doordash would ever go and actually collect the item to confirm if it's real anyways so it's moot.
Needs instructions for in person pickup.
"Your dasher wears a medical bracelet identifying his next of kin. To expedite access to the crime scene to retrieve your order (1x bagel bites, 4x lubricant and 1x grain alcohol) dash++ members can unlock this name to then pose as a direct relation when authorities ask."
Clean up any bloodstains with cold water.
club soda does wonders.
iykyk
"Use coupon code NOMOBLOOD to get one free(*) bottle of water(**)!
(*) Promo valid only on purchases of $1000 or more
(**) Not cold"
Did you tip?
Nah I'm against the tipping culture
Me too but unfortunately I live in America, so unless it's takeout I tip
Even on non-takeout, I still won't tip sometimes. It's mental how some counter service places are asking for tips. I begrudgingly tip if the person actually does something service related (like bringing me my food), but if I have to do the work to get my order, I don't tip.
I'm not going to punish the service workers for the shitty hyper-capitalist exploitation that is tipping culture
Even in states without subminimum wages, the wage is still usually not a livable one
Don't misunderstand me, I still tip at places where tipping makes sense, like a restaurant or something.
But I'm not going to subsidize every business' payroll just because they found out they can enable a tip prompt on their POS. Like, I don't need to tip every store that has workers making food, especially if they all stay behind the counter.
Maybe that makes me an asshole, but I'm not tipping every business just because they ask for one.
That's how you get shot in 'Murica, since your delivery driver will not understand that its the corpos that deprived them of their pay.
Nah - put the whole thing in, not just the tip.
I can't feel a difference...?
Sucks to be you, then - I got my rocks off, & that's all I care about (as is The American Way).
This looks like a Soren mockup.
The application let's you send flowers to your "dasher's" hospital room
Taking about dystopian.
We don't care about that motherfucker that damn near killed himself and inconvenienced us, but hey, that's why we do the gig thing so we don't have to insure them! But hey, YOU totally should send him flowers!
There is an artist around who spoofs the big app interfaces to make these even worse thought experiments. I'm guessing it's one of his or hers. Unfortunately I don't remember the name / handle.
Here I found him, Soren.
https://sorens.beehiiv.com/p/doordash-accident-order-recovery
This one's a little real for any fellow Americans who are self-employed (or have mucked up their taxes and owe a bunch)
https://sorens.beehiiv.com/p/irs-direct-pay-taxes-with-organs
I'm not going outside in this weather. Especially if I have to put pants on. They should just send a second driver to pull my Arby's out of the burning wreckage and finish the delivery without me having to tell them.
The last time I used doordash Uber eats whatever was 2019 and one day it was raining hard so I went outside to meet the delivery person at their car and they thanked me 😄
nO tIp No TrIp 😂
Source: https://sorens.beehiiv.com/p/doordash-accident-order-recovery
If I wanted to go outside in the freezing cold I wouldn't have ordered out, jackdash.