They should do something like "Young Indiana Jones" but for Bond. He's an awkward teen with none of his later suave and self assured mannerisms. Michael Cera would knock that out of the park.
i can't find the original steven seagal chapo clip that made me cry laugh the entire time. if anyone knows where it is or has an archive link please let me know
I mean, he's done serious acting and been phenomenal at it.
Watch Uncut Gems if you don't believe me that his range is incredible.
Only problem is his age would mean you'd have to set him as a retired or M-style Bond.
Honestly, a Bond that survived, became the leadership at MI6 and got drawn back into the field could be a great movie.
Edit: this made me rewatch The Man From Uncle when I realized I was describing a certain character. Put him in one of those roles and I think he'd nail it.
Or not, suave might be outside his range after all 🤷♂️
I mean…under the right director, she could pull it off. Wooden acting is perfect for an emotionally stunted character; I'd boycott the film but I could see it working.
... ok but they could make a legit Bond movie (within Bond universe and everything) but cast the whole gang in it (the four of them on the "good" side ofc, maybe Waitress as the villain).
“Come on. You have me tied down to a table with a laser slowly moving towards me, do you really need your henchmen wearing tuxedos?
Look at him, it doesn’t match what is happening right now, why is he so dressed up? Plus he looks uncomfortable.
He can barely move around cause it’s not even fitted well to him.
Come on. Let him wear something more casual. He’s already doing all your dirty work, risking his life. He can wear something more loose fitting.
Oh I’m being an asshole? You think I’m the one that’s… well then ask him. Go ahead and ask him what he would actually prefer and do it without a threatening tone and let’s see what he says.”
Shit, didn't have to read past the first comment to find the first name that popped into my head. Agreed, he would be terrible. And yet, I have a feeling I'd still watch the shit out of it.
Or revive it, I don't think I've seen a James Bond movie since one of the very first ones but I would 100% watch a Goldberg Bond movie because I don't see how they could play it other than leaning hard into how inherently silly it all is.
100% serious Bond movie, but using only comedic actors
Whoopi Goldberg is Bond. We never acknowledge it's a woman playing the role, she literalky plays JAMES Bond, not Jane Bond or something. Q is Bill Burr. M is Chris Rock. Dave Chapelle is the villain, he kills Q and M, but just before Bond gets him, he makes the movie's only fourth wall breaking joke, about being cancelled because of what he did to the alphabet people.
It gets to the end of the movie, and he says "OK, i think I'm ready to do this for real. It pans out to a huge set. The whole thing was just The Rehearsal for James to actually go on the mission.
I can just imagine him awkwardly leaning his head way in, with exaggerated kissy lips, and she gives him a brief peck. Then, they embrace. At one point, she says "ow!" And grabs her boob in surprise. He just says "sorry" as he looks to the camera and goes "can we... can we just cut that part?" He turns back to her, attempting another kiss, and she just pushes him away. She just hands him the diskette with the secret plans and asks him to leave. He asks if he can call her sometime, and if they could go out again. To which she just flatly replies with a curt "no" and shuts the door.
Rebel Wilson. Shit wait they already did that movie. Uhhh Rowan Atkinson. Oh God dammit nevermind they did that one to. Okay okay, hold on, I have the perfect one. We get Larry the Cable Guy, but it's not actually him, he reprises his role as, get this, Mater from the Cars universe!
Oh wow I really suck at this.
I used to be annoyed by him from the movies and the interviews and stuff but i think it was drew gooden who talked about that and cemented my hatred of him just overall.
I did not need another reason to hate Andy Dick, but I sincerely appreciate the contribution to it. Phil Hartman was gone too soon. John Lovitz was a hero for slamming Andy Dick's head into a bar.
Jack Black
LOL, just thinking about is too funny,
Except this is fhe one role Jack plays calm and serious, which is totally off putting.
DJ Qualls:
I'd watch that though.
sun-dried Tobey Maguire
(just a joke i like him more than Tobey)
Also kind of like a dehydrated/big-head-mode Tom Holland. And also the guy who played the British Dwight on the original UK Office.
funny that you likened him to another spider-man actor.
btw British Dwight was called Gareth in case anyone's curious.
That's for the spoof lol
Citizen Z would make a great bond and there’s nothing you can tell me to convince me otherwise.
Michael Cera. He does a good job, but the whole time you're waiting for him to do his "awkward teenager" character.
Haha, came here to say that too.
They should do something like "Young Indiana Jones" but for Bond. He's an awkward teen with none of his later suave and self assured mannerisms. Michael Cera would knock that out of the park.
Steven Segal
Genuinely bad suggestion, ought to be top comment. Everyone else is just doing lateral stuff that would actually make a great movie
I also noticed this. So many other comments are making the next Austin Powers.
Segal is right to be typecast for the role, and would try his best to play it as a real James Bond. But his best just wouldn't be good enough.
His best is barely watchable, it's incredible that he had a career at all
yeah but it's almost cheating. Sagall is the worst choice, the question almost doesn't matter
Steven Segal
He's the most awful anything to anything though. It's cheating.
it would be so funny to see a 007 who can't be bothered to stand up from his chair
https://youtu.be/RiW8XlqupEg
i can't find the original steven seagal chapo clip that made me cry laugh the entire time. if anyone knows where it is or has an archive link please let me know
Not a clip but him relaxing between scenes of whatever Russian movie this was.
I'm not sure if this is between scenes, it could literally be part of a scene.
You might enjoy his music. It includes him adopting a Jamaican accent and singing the lyrics:
"Me want the punani see for make me nice"
He's such a train wreck...
Adam Sandler
I mean, he's done serious acting and been phenomenal at it.
Watch Uncut Gems if you don't believe me that his range is incredible.
Only problem is his age would mean you'd have to set him as a retired or M-style Bond.
Honestly, a Bond that survived, became the leadership at MI6 and got drawn back into the field could be a great movie.
Edit: this made me rewatch The Man From Uncle when I realized I was describing a certain character. Put him in one of those roles and I think he'd nail it.
Or not, suave might be outside his range after all 🤷♂️
Kinda done.: You Don't Mess with the Zohan
My pick for the new James Bond
I mean…under the right director, she could pull it off. Wooden acting is perfect for an emotionally stunted character; I'd boycott the film but I could see it working.
I thought of another one:
Melissa McCarthy and Amy Schumer are...Jane Bond(s)
(Because they rebooted it, and now there are two of them, but they're ladies with vaginas. But they totally still fart and stuff, too!)
Thanks. I had blissfully forgotten about this.
I thought that movie was pretty decent actually.
And it's fucking hilarious
James Corden.
Oh, that might be unbeatable. You win, I think. 😅
Perfect
Ah. Beat me to it.
Jared Leto
You win 🤢
Within the realm of possibility, yet revolting.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Danny Davito
... ok but they could make a legit Bond movie (within Bond universe and everything) but cast the whole gang in it (the four of them on the "good" side ofc, maybe Waitress as the villain).
I legit had to check if there was a "wrong answers only" modifier.
I thought it was WORST, not BEST!
Whatever is the opposite of this answer is what op was looking for.
Larry David.
Imagine him losing his shit over the smallest incovenience and start cursing all over the bond girl
“Come on. You have me tied down to a table with a laser slowly moving towards me, do you really need your henchmen wearing tuxedos? Look at him, it doesn’t match what is happening right now, why is he so dressed up? Plus he looks uncomfortable. He can barely move around cause it’s not even fitted well to him.
Come on. Let him wear something more casual. He’s already doing all your dirty work, risking his life. He can wear something more loose fitting.
Oh I’m being an asshole? You think I’m the one that’s… well then ask him. Go ahead and ask him what he would actually prefer and do it without a threatening tone and let’s see what he says.”
Rowan Atkinson
You had to pick the worst, not the best!
Yeah, Johnny English is pretty decent.
Already done: Johnny English
Black Adder will always be better than any Bond
Jared Leto.
This is the one.
Because I'm genuinely scared it could happen.
James Corden
I almost that Donald Trump was also an actor.
He acts human terribly. 🤷
John Oliver
I'd watch the fuck out of that.
Oh, now, wait a minute...!
Seth Green
Tom Green.
We have all the sausage in the world.
Okay, but only if Pauly Shore gets to be Q.
The day they cast Tom Green as 007 is the day I know we're finally back on the good timeline we were on in the 90s.
I know it says to pick the most awful, but settle down there Satan. We've suffered enough.
Sadly he is dead but, Gilbert Godfrey would be perfect.
Shit, didn't have to read past the first comment to find the first name that popped into my head. Agreed, he would be terrible. And yet, I have a feeling I'd still watch the shit out of it.
Donald J. Trump. Imagine that masterpiece.
The pedophile?
fits perfectly for the role
Hey this is about the James Bond actor, not the president of the USA.
Steven Segal
Bond. James Bo- hack cough wheeze rasp gasp... cough hack wheeze stumbling fatly
Roger Moore
FUCK YOU I WON'T TAKE IT BACK
Oh, you're one of those people that can't admit their mistakes?
Pauly Shore still acting?
Pauly Shore as Pinocchio as James Bond. Instant hit.
Would have said Danny DeVito, but we all know he would be the perfect James Bond.
You got a petition going?
I'm too lazy xD
Gilbert Gottfreid
(As a zombie)
Tommy Wiseau (the "oh hi mark" guy)
Gilbert gottfried
*yelling Iago voice*
MY NAME IS BOND, JAMES BOND.
I didn't say best for the role!
(As a zombie)
dwayne johnson the rock
Kevin Hart as Q.
Vin Diesel as M.
Rosanne Barr
That laugh. That god damned laugh.
Someone write a scene where Rosanne sexually harasses M's secretary.
gal gadot
Would she be a serious or silly bond?
Bobcat goldthwait
I was gonna go with Sam Kinison but yours is way better.
adam sandler
Hubie’s thermos goes hard, maybe Danny Devito
Jeremy Clarkson.
I would unironically watch this once a week.
I can't decide if Danny DeVito would be perfect or awful for this, but it'd be hella entertaining.
I'd watch it
"So anyway I started blasting," said Bond as he removed an imperceptible speck of dust from the lapel of his Saville Row light grey mohair-wool suit.
Fuck Reddit and Fuck Spez.
Joe Pesci, circa 1995
Nick Frost
You were supposed to choose the worst, not the best
Ah shit I mixed it up
he's a gem though
I think Bond was supposed to look like a boring nobody that was easy to forget and disappear in the background. and easy to underestimate.
Nick Frost is perfect for that.
Bond is supposed to be sexy AF.
That makes him a bad spy, but a good protagonist.
TJ Miller
Ezra Miller
Dennis Miller
William Shatner
Got a shovel?
uh... Shatner is still alive..
Oh man 😔
Gunna need another shovel.
That's the wackin' shovel
Seth Rogen
I'd watch it.
Carrot Top
Kevin Heart
It's Hart like a deer but solid pick
Whoopie Goldberg
I love it, that might finally kill off the franchise
Or revive it, I don't think I've seen a James Bond movie since one of the very first ones but I would 100% watch a Goldberg Bond movie because I don't see how they could play it other than leaning hard into how inherently silly it all is.
OR
Hear me out
100% serious Bond movie, but using only comedic actors
Whoopi Goldberg is Bond. We never acknowledge it's a woman playing the role, she literalky plays JAMES Bond, not Jane Bond or something. Q is Bill Burr. M is Chris Rock. Dave Chapelle is the villain, he kills Q and M, but just before Bond gets him, he makes the movie's only fourth wall breaking joke, about being cancelled because of what he did to the alphabet people.
Rob Schneider
Adam Sandler!
I would love a Tommy Wiseau attempt at Bond. Holy shit it would be amazing.
Shaq
Oh man, I almost want him to try xD
Giles Brandreth
Nathan Fielder (Nathan for You)
It gets to the end of the movie, and he says "OK, i think I'm ready to do this for real. It pans out to a huge set. The whole thing was just The Rehearsal for James to actually go on the mission.
Would be an amazing movie
Watching him seduce the love interest
I can just imagine him awkwardly leaning his head way in, with exaggerated kissy lips, and she gives him a brief peck. Then, they embrace. At one point, she says "ow!" And grabs her boob in surprise. He just says "sorry" as he looks to the camera and goes "can we... can we just cut that part?" He turns back to her, attempting another kiss, and she just pushes him away. She just hands him the diskette with the secret plans and asks him to leave. He asks if he can call her sometime, and if they could go out again. To which she just flatly replies with a curt "no" and shuts the door.
Sadly he's no longer with us, but Andre the Giant.
Michael Cena
Seth Rogan
The guy that played McLovin
Rebel Wilson. Shit wait they already did that movie. Uhhh Rowan Atkinson. Oh God dammit nevermind they did that one to. Okay okay, hold on, I have the perfect one. We get Larry the Cable Guy, but it's not actually him, he reprises his role as, get this, Mater from the Cars universe! Oh wow I really suck at this.
Fern Brady
Have I met these henchmen before?
Melisa McCarthy
Ronald Reagan. not like when he was alive either.
dig up his corpse and make the fuckin movie.
The President as an actor?!
Hitler
Woody Harrelson
Gone too late 🥀
Will Ferrell.
This one hurt me. Should I point to where it hurt me?
Preacher speaking the truth and it hurts.
Not awful but amazing: Willem Dafoe
Inability to follow instructions.
#FAIL
Logan Paul
Hm... Jonah Hill.
Mayim Bialik
Just recast a Bond movie from Pineapple Express.
James Franco would be worse than Seth Rogen as Bond, because he'd take any sexually aggressive scenes too seriously.
So Seth Rogen gets to be M, Danny McBride is Q, and Amber Heard is the Bond girl.
Kind of fits, in a shitting the bed kind of way.
That last line, lmfao
Kal El no
Neil Breen.. remember, eyes on Breen
Kevin Sorbo
Jesse Eisenberg.
Why not Sly? I mean, the closed captioning budget would have to be huge to let people know what he's saying, but it could be funny.
Elon Musk
Daniel Craig was perfect for that. Worst Bond ever.
Clint Barton was the worst Avenger casting, he's perfect for Craig's shoes.
you mean Jeremy Renner. yeah he's so annoying
I take it you guys aren't on the Jeremy Renner app, then? More stars for me!
I used to be annoyed by him from the movies and the interviews and stuff but i think it was drew gooden who talked about that and cemented my hatred of him just overall.
Right you are! My mistake. Thanks
Leslie Jones
Leslie Bibb
Yee
Moosa Mostafa. Don't know this guy? In 'Wednesday', he plays the beekeeper student.
Yeah a "straight to VHS and DVD" Bond Jr. xD
I'm pretty sure after Wednesday left the Beekeeper's shed, that Uncle Fester ate the hibernating bees
We are just bingewatching the first season before the second comes in, and when I saw the question, I knew the one true answer.
Lol we just re-finished it
We did last night. It was interesting to see it again, knowing how its end.
Timothee Chalamet.
Clint Howard.
Nope I want to see this.
Anyone got a shovel, we're about to bring a career back to life!
Marlon Brando. Hard to play a character well when you're dead
I'd watch a "weekend at Bernie's" Bond flick starring the dessicated corpse of Marlon Brando. However bad it is, I've seen worse.
Elijah Wood?..
Elijah Could but would Elijah Wood?
Neal McDonough.
What is this, the Headgum Podcast?
Steve BuscemiKit Harington.Jack Quaid
That Guy is everywhere.
Lindsay Lohan
I would watch this.
Andy Dick.
But he did that undercover thing in a bar, just like James Bond would!
I did not need another reason to hate Andy Dick, but I sincerely appreciate the contribution to it. Phil Hartman was gone too soon. John Lovitz was a hero for slamming Andy Dick's head into a bar.
Yeah, was never a fan. Don't ask me why that SA stuck in my head, but every time I see the name Andy Dick, I think about it.
Matt Lucas.
Vince vahn
I think he's a bad fit for Bond, but not THE worst. I'm thinking Owen Wilson or Ben Stiller.
The "Borat" actor (forgot the name)
Sacha Baron Cohen. If he played Borat playing Bond, yes, that would be hilariously bad.
Gabourey Sidibe
kevin hart would be entertaining.
i find jared leto hard to imagine in the role.
Pedro Pascal
I'm sick of that bloke now.
Oh man! I mean from what I remember James Bond often had anxiety with the female leads, so it's perfect
Joe Biden?
Kevin Costner
Leslie Jones would be a disaster
Liam Neeson