Hey Lemmy! Who ya voting for to be the new pope?
I'm going with Danny Devito! That fuck would straighten out the church. He got good morals. He just a nice guy. What about you?
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I'm going with Danny Devito! That fuck would straighten out the church. He got good morals. He just a nice guy. What about you?
I thought the crowd favorite would've been Luigi, though I have no idea what the requirements are for being elected Pope.
Be male Be a roman catholic Get enough cardinals to vote for you
So you're saying Luigi has a chance?
For each of these requirements there's at least one Pope who didn't meet them.
Huh. Pope Joan?
Dang I might have to change my vote
I'd vote for him
Vermin Supreme.
John Mastodon
Thomas Ladder, the guy who invented that thing
Satan. I'm pretty sure he would greatly increase the morality and the accountability in the Catholic Church.
If nothing else he would send all the pedo preists to hell.
Accountability.
I think we should reelect Francis.
We just gotta set up one of those WH40K Golden thrones for him!
Guarantee they have something that's already halfway there tucked in a warehouse.
No no no. You aren't allowed to elect dead popes, just prosecute them.
The pope goes by AD&D druid rules. The new pope is the guy who killed the previous pope.
So it's J D Vance.
Last one was on the liberal side. Expect a hardcore, gay hating conservative this time.
I had read that Francis appointed 80% of the Cardinals who pick the new Pope. So it's possible that the new Pope will have similar views to Francis.
The pope elections always last long cause every man always votes for himself. Just like the pirate king of brethren court
The Gang Bankrupts The Vatican
theme song
Cue Musk with his lottery for votes.
I'd vote for Elon Musk as Popeking of Catholicism.
The same way Elon "improved" Twitter and the US Government, I would love it if he did the same for the Catholics.
Elon can't be trusted with a literal sovereign nation, but I guess between The Vatican and US... What's he gonna do with it, harbor predators?
Probably purchase nukes and then become another North Korea.
Do you think that is why JD Nonce was in the Vatican? To force the Pope into announcing Trump as his successor?
I heard he was there to kill him. Hence his death shortly after.
All the pope had to do to live was say thank you, but he didn't.
Adam Savage
Yeah Danny sounds good. Or Jack Black would pope the hell out of that Vatican, literally.
Can't
Screw it, I'll be the pope if that means I can release the records on their pedo priest protection program.
Donald Glover
I don't know much about him, but he's always seemed super cool. I'm down with a cool pope.
He didn't get to be Spider-Man when it was age-appropriate and people were buzzing about the idea. I feel like Pope is a good consolation prize.
Robert Smith of the Cure.
that'd be badass.
+1
Well he did defeat Mecha Streisand.
The Archbishop of Kabul
I see what you did there.
"You're the pope?? I didn't vote for you..."
Honestly I don't care (well, beyond making this
popepost), as I am not catholic. I am technically a protestant by heritage, but the truth is that I find even the term "agnostic" to be too religiously loaded to the point where I usually refer to myself as areligious instead.As for the pope. Well, he's... there.. well, not right now. But he will be soon-ish. I'll just accept whoevers named announced while venting smoke from the cardinal thunderdome as being the new pope. And then he'll be there again.
Beyond that, he doesn't affect my life in any way. Nor do I affect his life in any way. Unless he accepts my challenge to an offroad and uphill car race. Yes, he's gonna have to drive the popemobile himself for this. I'll be driving my new AWD Lolvo. I'm sure it'll be fun for anyone involved, no matter who wins.
But having said all of that: I think Robbie Coltrane would do well as a pope.
Joe Biden
I vote for whomever Francis had on mind (hopefully he discussed that before passing).
There's little chance of getting someone as decent as him.
Yes he had one candidate, if I understand correctly: Luis Antonio Tagle. He has a vision of a church adjacent to the poor and the working population in general though he seems regressive on LGBTQ. But going by the sign of times, it'll probably be Raymond Burke. I suppose Vance visited the Vatikan to pave his way.
Personally I concur Danny DeVito would totally be the man for the job. He would gonna get real weird with it and he certainly doesn't diddle kids.
John Oliver
I'm votin' fer yours truly. I'd make a kick-ass pope. 😤
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and vote for you.
Me. If not me, Bob Odenkirk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT0zJaH69Go
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYpjyrWpy_8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XF4kSvWg90
Lucien Greaves
The guy who's already two thirds pope. Popeye of course! Popeye for Popey!
Lol
Deadmau5.
The tapes of some of these Catholic hymns are getting kinda worn- let's get some fresh beats to liven things up. And a laser lightshow in St Peter's Basilica would help appeal to the "hip youths" ensuring a continued Catholic hegemony for the next century.
Gilbert Gottfried
I'm thinkin' Father Guido Sarducci will come outta nowhere and sprint to the win.
Bill Burr
Resurrected harambe
Bill Burr would be pretty funny I think
There's been some great ideas here, but I like yours the best.
Bill Burr complaining about being forced to be the pope would be amazing.
Bernie Sanders. Christianity spun out of a Jewish apocalyptic sect, so why not, in some very small part, bring it back toward its roots?
Weird Al
I am nominating myself, being as I am a Discordian Pope.
Idris Elba
Roman, probably. Maybe Kendall.
Leaning towards Cardinal Pietro Parolin - Cardinal secretary of state.
Pope Ringo George
Eckhart Tolle. I personally think he has a neurological disorder but he'd make life better.
420 Blaze It
Justin Trudeau
I think Bill Maher should put his name in the hat. I know he's atheist, but he got on his knees for Trump, so maybe he's willing to give Jesus a fresh look.
Fuck off with that Danny devito crap. No one but Americans like that dude, and you've seen how utterly brain-dead America is.
Damn I've never seen a Danny Devito hater. Welp I hope one day you are able to experience the joy of his Holiness Danny Devito the Pope.
Love it that you dumb down other people's arguments to your level, and simplistically call anyone's stance "lover/hater" because your brain can't fucking comprehend anything beyond black and white.
Sure proved you're American though.
My apologies for reducing your opinion to "hater". May I inquire into the reason you have such strong feelings for Mr Devito? It appears it may be related to his being American. Would it effect your opinion of him if I told you he isn't actually American? He was born in New Jersey, which to many isn't really part of America, more of an unwanted growth of New York.
I know I have offended you and for that I apologize. However, I will not leave your person attacks unanswered. I will have you know my ocular spheres transmit to my brain a far larger number of colors. I would safetly estimate I can comprehend as near as 3 colors! Maybe more!
Sounds like a hater ass thing to say to me
Obviously the DeVito hater is an ableist, smh.
Okay buddy cunt.
When in doubt, double down with more slurs, I guess?
I like him, so we're up to America + this one guy