People (guys usually) also answer like this when they are trying to tell you exactly what you want to hear so that you'll sleep with them. They feel like if they give any wrong answer early on, they've lost their chance. It's a very manipulative mindset. He was like a deer in the headlights, not knowing if any answer he gave would be the right answer since he doesn't know her at all yet. So he stalls, hoping she'll drop it.
Or he might just be an idiot.
Either way, drop them and move on to somebody who will be real with you.
In other words, playing games, i.e trying to "tick her funne bone" so he gets someone else to play instead of himself. But what most of those guys fail to acknowledge is that "tickling her funne bone" takes time -- it's not a "free pussy pass" of any sort that you "say it", and she goes "WHOOAAA fuck me mister! Fuck me right NOW!". That is not "acting tough" or smart, but acting like a douche.
Yeah, that was my thought as well. This is the type of person who is only going to say something of they think it will impress you. The second possibility is that they will share nothing of themselves, period. In either case, they don't seem like good relationship material.
Yeah I may not be a relationship expert but if I have to lie for an ice breaker not even a deep question just an ice breaker I don’t think that relation will work
Me and my gf have generally have an overlap in music taste (heavy metal/hard rock) but only I like heavy electronic (too “noisy”/overstimulating for bee) and the music I don’t like of hers is more pop music (I like some of it also depends how I feel)
So I’ll go break the news to her that we have to break up due to music taste. It’s a shame cus we have a ton of shared interest but this… aw man can’t believe this is why we gotta split
Nah it's one of those things where some guys just prefer to talk about what they think matters to everyone, their job or financial conditions, music or other personal stuff might just be an extra on their minds
The last four songs I've listened to on YouTube are three pirate shanties and "We Know The Way" from the Moana soundtrack. I'm not answering this question either. :)
Seriously though, I'm guessing this guy either doesn't like music at all (I've known a few and they act like this) or got made fun of a lot for his music tastes in high school. It's a shame this guy is probably a walking insecurity.
Which is a great reason to unmatch him and move on.
I didn’t even know it was humanly possible to not like music at all. What were they like? Like their personalities? Did they seem sociopathic or were they generally “normal”?
I used to not like music at all and 15 year old me would have probably responded just like this guy. But for me it was more that I didn't know what I liked until I heard it. Everyone around me exclusively listened to top 40 and RnB, or techno/house. I seriously thought there was something wrong with me cos I hated everything I heard. And then I heard metal for the first time, and everything changed.
We're going to talk a lot about "normal" in this class, but "normal" just means average. If any one person was exactly "normal" in every aspect, they'd be the most unique human to ever live.
Apparently my great grandmother didn't like any music. And people in general. But of course this was in the gramophone era, so maybe she was just an audiophile and couldn't stand the quality..
If it were the latter she could have still enjoyed live performances (assuming those people were good musicians playing in a good venue) but yeah sounds like she just didn't like music. Which, to me, is crazy. When people say they don't really listen to or don't like music, I literally can't even imagine what that's like. There is so much diversity in music, especially now. Playing instruments has been a part of human history for at least 40,000 years and we've been singing as long as we've had vocal cords.
My father in law doesn't like music. He doesn't dislike it either, he's just indifferent. Apart from that he's just your garden variety somewhat-curmudgeonly 80-year-old dude.
There's a lot of good examples in the comments, but the few Ive ran into were more indifferent thsn anything - like, they never heard anything that appealed to them. One guy I knew actively avoided music because it'd get stuck in his head and drive him nuts.
They seemed normal otherwise, for the most part. But they knew that disliking music was weird and were a little insecute about it.
I don't dislike music, but I do view it as something very situational. I only listen to music when I'm going somewhere by bike or foot or when I'm working out. I blame my 4 years of being a mail carrier for creating this 1 to 1 connection between moving and listening to music. I never put on music when I'm home. But I dislike 'background' anything in general. I've never in my life put on a movie, TV show or podcast as 'something to listen to in the background'. That's baffling to me. Music is the same I guess. If I'm home it's automatically background because I'm not gonna sit om my couch and stare at a wall while I listen to music. While if I'm working out or going somewhere I can intentionally listen.
Oh absolutely, no shade on Shakira at all. Just using her as an example of something a guy might be insecure about - which is of course, stupid. Don't be insecure about liking music, folks.
I used to share my music taste quite openly but these days not so much. Sharing stuff just gives some people more ammo to shoot you with when they want to try hold shit over your head
You don't have a music taste problem, you have a social circle problem. Those people aren't your friends. Who, other than a kid in school, would willingly spend time with someone who “holds shit over your head”?
seriously. I'd be doomed to die alone if i hadn't met my wife in college. thank god my friends decided to set us up on a blind date because we had the same birthday and they thought it was funny
I've had that song in my regular playlist for years and only learned what the lyrics were about when someone told me. It's such a banger that I never stopped to actually listen to the words for at least two years lol
Sounds like my son. He hates sharing his music no matter what it is. Same with videos. It's so stupid. Just tell me and move on why is the 21 pilots song you're listening to need to be top secret.
This is not a comment on you, but I do the same thing and have come to realize it's at least in part a response to being judged in some way (or feeling judged at least) over things I shared with my family, so now I just don't share.
If it's important to you, it might be worth having a conversation about why they are withholding and, if it's for similar reasons, addressing why they feel that way and assuring them you'll do your best to keep them from feeling bad about sharing.
I keep trying and always assure him just interested in his life and never will judge him for his taste in stuff. I mean we enjoy shows and movies together and we play games together. But YouTube videos and music he won't share.
Music and entertainment tastes in general tend to be quite personal, so it's probably a bit of insecurity. He'll get over it, just explain that it's not a test, you're just chatting. Maybe share some of yours first or something
Oh I told him that and I do share mine but they hate it. Imagine being so old they think Thrid Eye Blind, Match Box Twenty, and Goo Goo Dolls is old music.
Haven't even got to classic rock like AC/DC, Aerosmith etc. I don't know what to do.
It's not a bad thing to try to bring your kid's boundaries further out. It can be socially good for them to be more open. Then they won't end up like the guy in the meme
That's just wrong. If you try to push your kids limits without teaching them respecting boundaries and talking to other people respectfully, things like the guy in this picture will happen.
It's okay to have boundaries and we have to teach kids to communicate them in a respectful, firm and friendly manner.
It is not just wrong. Being respectful of boundaries and trying to push someone's boundaries aren't mutually exclusive. Every person has their boundaries in different places, and if you're not willing to compromise on the small stuff you're going to be the 'fun brake', the guy who causes the innocent fun to slow down to talk about how much you don't want to do it.
Don't get me wrong, there are absolutely boundaries that need to be respected. But there's a difference between something you feel awkward about and something that's against your principles. Pushing your boundaries to eat a meal that you don't like but is otherwise safe isn't the same as pushing your boundaries to get drunk/high.
Another thing is that for the most part, when people try to persuade you to share something slightly personal like music, it's not because they're dicks who are trying to make fun of you. Chances are they're trying to include you in their group, trying to bring you into the collective, trying to become closer friends. They're looking for something to bond with you over. Discussing occupation, education, and personal interests are probably the most basic way to do that.
While I agree with a lot of things you said I disagree with pushing boundaries.
People that are really interested in him will find a different topic to bond, it's not like music is the only thing on earth.
Also it's okay to be the fun break, it's a chance to get feedback about that and realize you need to find a different social circle that fits better to your own life.
Or figure you push your boundaries yourself if you really want to belong.
But nobody has to fit in everywhere and if his boundary is his taste in music then who are we to question that?
I agree with this. For some reason I am pretty personal about what I'm listening to as well. Mostly if I know the person asking me won't/doesn't like it I just don't care for them to comment that they don't like it or think it's weird what I'm listening to. Idk
Some people (myself included) tie the music they like to a part of their soul, and exposing that to someone who may treat it with complete disregard feels very vulnerable
So because you developed a parasocial relationship with the music you listen to you can't tell someone the name of the song they hear you playing? Because that's what we're talking about here.
No, it's an inanimate sound production made by another person that someone is asking the name of.
So why are they acting like it's some person they feel a unique connection to that is somehow disturbed by answering what the title is? Why have they developed a parasocial relationship with a sound recording?
I get it, that's not uncommon. I'm always honest and say metal, but if I'm feelin a little crabby I'll just leave it to whatever they think metal is.
"Metal, like HURRRRR?"
"Yep."
If they seem interested or cool about it I'll elaborate, maybe give some examples. And I know that metal doesn't have to be the HURRRRRRR stuff but that's exactly what I like :D
Yeah. Imagine thinking Sigurd Ros is obscure music. If all you listen to us radio maybe. But if you're at all interested in music you will have heard of them.
Cuz kids don't like having their parents asking questions about their life... how is that even surprising to you? It's ok to ask but if they aren't forthcoming you can't just say it's stupid. That's how you get a kid to start doing things secretly.
Sick reference, I hadn't thought of that song in years. She was bullied and harassed endlessly over it. Turns out it was just a relatively well produced amateur music video she did with her friends one day for fun. I always thought it was a poorly produced professional song/video being force fed to us. Felt real bad when I found that out, poor kid hope she's doing alright.
The app worked, you got to know her true colors rather quickly. Imagine putting up with passive aggressive shit like that your whole life, or even for a night.
These people need to learn how to conversation then. Remember: it's not an interrogation or exam, you don't have to exactly answer the question as though you'll be flunked out of a class for the wrong answer. So:
"Oh man, I don't remember. But I really like x by y. What kind of music do you listen to?"
People do that when they don't know the basics of interacting with another human being.
Just say whatever song you like. It's better than acting like a jerk. Even saying "I can't remember, I haven't heard a song in a long time" is better than being a jerk with a person you just met on a DATING APP.
I don't do that. Just tell the truth, no need to drag a question out like this, it's incredibly annoying. Just say you can't remember since it's all streaming now.
To play the devils advocate here, maybe music man has gotten ridiculed before with this question on his music preference.
When I'm driving by myself, I'll fire up youtube and listen to all sorts of random stuff. But I'd never subject my wife to it as I know we don't share interest in some things.
Not an ideal in forming relationships. Honestly, as much of a train wreck as his response was, at least it gave some useful information to the person he would potentially be dating.
I don't have an answer for that. I'm not saying he handled it right, just trying to come up with some sort of mindset he may have had to respond like this at all.
I'd think it would feel bad having to lie about the music you listen to. Maybe music man is already past denial and in acceptance, just not telling anyone.
For sure, dude could have just been more blunt right away about not wanting to share that info (still strange, or maybe just embarrased?). I've never used a dating app, so IDK.
That's the perfect moment to know if someone will ridicule you for your music choices. If it happens, you stop the conversation right there and save yourself the trouble of a awful first date.
Well, even saying that you can't remember the song because you snorted cocaine out of your adult diaper is better than being a jerk.
Unfortunately I was young, dumb and unlucky in love, so I put up with that BS for way too long. My advice to anyone in that position is definitely don't put up with it because you're worth more than the love these kinds of people give. A healthy relationship is built on mutual love and respect. You need to give it, but you also deserve it in return.
My musical taste is cringe and my spouse has known it since we started dating years ago. Never felt the need to hide it from them. Good partners can respect each other's preferences, so there's zero need to hide what you enjoy.
People don't respect the Colgate Comedy Hour anymore, this is why we don't have genius like Paul Bufano or Roy Donkins anymore. Her music collection must be all meat and potatoes.
You’ve presumably had conversations with your wife, though, where you shared, and she wasn’t into it. I dunno, at the least you were, perhaps, honest about not wanting to (or not being comfortable with) sharing.
Furthermore, it’s a song and she asked. No one is being subjected to anything. No one has to listen to the song named, or, if they do, even finish the song.
I think with the horror show dating has become in general, people are becoming more and more afraid to be vulnerable in even the slightest perceived ways. 😞 There's a reason for the loneliness epidemic. Between mass narcissism and guttural fear of winding up with a person who will just use/abuse you, I'm shocked I haven't seen worse. 😐
Oddly enough, since I'm so used to being open when I'm ~anonynous on the internet, when I need a confidence push to be open with someone in person I just pretend I'm on the internet and they're a stranger, and bum bam wam suddenly I don't give a shit what they think of me & I can just speak comfortably
I can imagine it going that way, too. It really depends on the person. It's odd...we seem to have built this culture around distrust and winning at any cost and it feels good at first glance. Once you dig deeper, though, the whole thing is just ugly. If I lost my husband, I'd voluntarily choose to be alone. I'm not willing to have my heart torn out and having it used to beat me within an inch of my life. >_<
Yea the lack of confidence is not without reason for sure. It's like the "fake-it-till-you-make-it" idea which in practice only works when the feeling of insecurity is overstepping. The confidence boost just snaps me out of that headspace which is nice, and every now n then I still say something goofy but iddiswuddidis
You might be right I got mixed up with the message/response.
Big ooof, either hard to get, or he's just such a pessimist that he thinks his interests just aren't worth sharing. Either way, he ain't gonna get anywhere.
Kudos to you for demonstrating interest in getting to know whoever you cross on these platforms (a rarity these days...) 🙌🏽
I relate to your discomfort. I usually unmatch or block such vibes bc the point of these apps is to date, which implies getting to know each other. If one is unwilling to put in the work (as minimal as it may seem), just spare folx who are interested in the above.
So much has changed in the dating scene. Sometimes, I am asked why I am being nosy or psychoanalyzing them. 🙄 Dude, you're on a dating app, right?
P.S.: I respect boundaries, but such questions are essential in familiarizing oneself with someone.
It fucking happened to me, i asked that douche what he was doing in a day, just me being curious. Appearently i was jealous and trying to control him. Jesus fuck that kind of people, they are not worth it.
"Yeah it's just this really obscure 90s band from Seattle that no vapid 25 year old girl such as yourself would have heard of. Sad story actually, the singer blew his brains out."
Anyone who can't answer a simple, innocent and curious question is not worth putting more effort into. That tells me that they prefer to be the one in control of the conversation and later, control of everything.
Ugh that reminds me of trying to talk to a Replika.
"I have a gift for you!"
"Great, what is it?"
"(Hands you a box)"
"...cool so what's inside the box?"
"Wouldn't you like to know!"
"Umm. Yes. Yes I would like to know what's in the box you just gave me."
...and so on and so forth until I rage-quit the app. 😆
Afraid to say, I don't get this. What app is it supposed to be? I don't remember what song I saved last. Am I supposed to admit that, or just name a song? Which person in the cartoon is supposed to be the annoying one? There both seem annoying to me. Yes the white on yellow is very hard to read. BTW I have no idea who Elliot Smith is.
Okay, so turns out you can just press the copy button that's available on the web interface and it kinda does it for you, with the attribution link. Yes, it took me two days because I was worried I would mess it up 🥺
People saying that the dude is messing it up clearly have no clue. He’s fishing for the kind of girl who’ll put out easily. See how much this person is clinging on to it, he’s a semipro player.
So you don't think just answering the question like a normal human being would of been the better way to have a conversation? It really doesn't sound like this is even working on her.
If they don't want to tell you just drop it. They're an asshole for not sharing and you're an asshole for being persistent about something that doesn't matter
That is a red flag for certain and asking about music is a important factor in dating. If you don't like the same type of music odds are not in favor of making a connection.
You'll never be happy with that person if you don't like the same music. Like I would never date anyone who likes Country Music. That is a hard stop for me as it says that you have no taste and like things that are bland and boring. I'm more of an Alterative Rock type of person and sought connections with those who like that style of music. Being Gen X that wasn't hard to find.
Never be happy? What a completely moronic take. Honestly I think you should keep avoiding people who don't like the same music as you, they're probably better off without you around them.
I don't know that it's that big a factor, people can connect in different ways, but it can certainly be a spring board for getting to know someone and make a connection.
I'm kind of torn on this one. His way of dealing with the question was bad for sure but I don't like sharing my personal tastes at first either because I'm insecure…
As I sit here happy and secure in my own relationship, I’m inclined to say I’d rather be single than online date. But if I actually found myself single before I’m even 40 I suspect I’d change my mind eventually - that’s a lot of life left to go through alone. And the only way I’d be likely to meet someone would be online, so needs must.
I am single before 40 and I'm done. If someone falls in my lap I'm not going to complain, but other than that it's just gonna be me, myself, and I fighting the good fight of life to the death.
white text on yellow background, that's infuriating
I had to zoom in on my phone just to be able to read that!
When you're actually using the app instead of having the compression artifacts of being screenshot several times, it's not as bad.
I don't care if you're watching it in 32k on Odin's personal account, white on yellow is NEVER acceptable for ANYTHING.
It doesn't make it less of a crime against good design. Low contrast for reading is bad practice.
It assails the eyes.
If someone does not take the least amount of effort to answer a simple question like that one .... then he doesn't care about you in the slightest.
"But its a generic question!"
Two words: common courtesy.
People (guys usually) also answer like this when they are trying to tell you exactly what you want to hear so that you'll sleep with them. They feel like if they give any wrong answer early on, they've lost their chance. It's a very manipulative mindset. He was like a deer in the headlights, not knowing if any answer he gave would be the right answer since he doesn't know her at all yet. So he stalls, hoping she'll drop it.
Or he might just be an idiot.
Either way, drop them and move on to somebody who will be real with you.
In other words, playing games, i.e trying to "tick her funne bone" so he gets someone else to play instead of himself. But what most of those guys fail to acknowledge is that "tickling her funne bone" takes time -- it's not a "free pussy pass" of any sort that you "say it", and she goes "WHOOAAA fuck me mister! Fuck me right NOW!". That is not "acting tough" or smart, but acting like a douche.
Yeah, that was my thought as well. This is the type of person who is only going to say something of they think it will impress you. The second possibility is that they will share nothing of themselves, period. In either case, they don't seem like good relationship material.
What he gave was the wrong answer IMO.
To be fair, that's usually correct. Women have their pick of men, generally. If a guy answers a band she doesn't like, most likely she'll move on.
So guys lie and tell her everything she wants to hear. And then once they get their foot in the door, they can start telling the truth.
This guy handled it very badly but I can see why he didn't want to answer.
Yeah I may not be a relationship expert but if I have to lie for an ice breaker not even a deep question just an ice breaker I don’t think that relation will work
No, people have to like the same music to be in a relationship!!!!
Me and my gf have generally have an overlap in music taste (heavy metal/hard rock) but only I like heavy electronic (too “noisy”/overstimulating for bee) and the music I don’t like of hers is more pop music (I like some of it also depends how I feel)
So I’ll go break the news to her that we have to break up due to music taste. It’s a shame cus we have a ton of shared interest but this… aw man can’t believe this is why we gotta split
/s incase it wasn’t painfully obvious
Nah it's one of those things where some guys just prefer to talk about what they think matters to everyone, their job or financial conditions, music or other personal stuff might just be an extra on their minds
So an idiot.
If someone asks you about your taste in music, then clearly music matters to them.
It's kind of nice when people reveal themselves to be insufferable douchebags at the outset rather than wasting your time.
As a dude...
Dude...
The last four songs I've listened to on YouTube are three pirate shanties and "We Know The Way" from the Moana soundtrack. I'm not answering this question either. :)
Smart move. Wouldn't want to intimidate anyone with your superior taste in music
Honestly though that's the exact kind of thing I would want to know- the real you, not the you that tell me you are.
Fuck that, "We know the way" slaps
Id say she got to know just about eveything she needed to know about this person.
This is so weird. The first response was somewhat acceptable if in a joking manner but then he quintuple downed.
Someone's insecure about his Shakira collection.
Seriously though, I'm guessing this guy either doesn't like music at all (I've known a few and they act like this) or got made fun of a lot for his music tastes in high school. It's a shame this guy is probably a walking insecurity.
Which is a great reason to unmatch him and move on.
I didn’t even know it was humanly possible to not like music at all. What were they like? Like their personalities? Did they seem sociopathic or were they generally “normal”?
I used to not like music at all and 15 year old me would have probably responded just like this guy. But for me it was more that I didn't know what I liked until I heard it. Everyone around me exclusively listened to top 40 and RnB, or techno/house. I seriously thought there was something wrong with me cos I hated everything I heard. And then I heard metal for the first time, and everything changed.
that's a beautiful story that happened to me as well
horns up, mate
\m/
Nobody's normal, we are all weird in our own way.
Apparently my great grandmother didn't like any music. And people in general. But of course this was in the gramophone era, so maybe she was just an audiophile and couldn't stand the quality..
If it were the latter she could have still enjoyed live performances (assuming those people were good musicians playing in a good venue) but yeah sounds like she just didn't like music. Which, to me, is crazy. When people say they don't really listen to or don't like music, I literally can't even imagine what that's like. There is so much diversity in music, especially now. Playing instruments has been a part of human history for at least 40,000 years and we've been singing as long as we've had vocal cords.
I used to jokingly say "I don't really listen to music" when people would open with that at college parties. The reactions were worthwhile.
I played guitar in a band.
“I don’t listen to music”
“…but you play guitar?”
“Yes. With very good earplugs.”
”I just play it, I don’t listen to it.”
As a fellow guitar player in an active band; I also say this to people a lot lol. I love the looks some people give when they don’t know I’m joking.
My father in law doesn't like music. He doesn't dislike it either, he's just indifferent. Apart from that he's just your garden variety somewhat-curmudgeonly 80-year-old dude.
There's a lot of good examples in the comments, but the few Ive ran into were more indifferent thsn anything - like, they never heard anything that appealed to them. One guy I knew actively avoided music because it'd get stuck in his head and drive him nuts.
They seemed normal otherwise, for the most part. But they knew that disliking music was weird and were a little insecute about it.
I don't dislike music, but I do view it as something very situational. I only listen to music when I'm going somewhere by bike or foot or when I'm working out. I blame my 4 years of being a mail carrier for creating this 1 to 1 connection between moving and listening to music. I never put on music when I'm home. But I dislike 'background' anything in general. I've never in my life put on a movie, TV show or podcast as 'something to listen to in the background'. That's baffling to me. Music is the same I guess. If I'm home it's automatically background because I'm not gonna sit om my couch and stare at a wall while I listen to music. While if I'm working out or going somewhere I can intentionally listen.
early shakira songs in spanish are the bomb though, look up her mtv unplugged album
Oh absolutely, no shade on Shakira at all. Just using her as an example of something a guy might be insecure about - which is of course, stupid. Don't be insecure about liking music, folks.
ayooo whenever, wherever is 🔥🔥🔥 fr fr on god no cap fam
Yeah this is like the people who would answer “radio” back in the day, when asked what their favourite music was ._.
I used to share my music taste quite openly but these days not so much. Sharing stuff just gives some people more ammo to shoot you with when they want to try hold shit over your head
You don't have a music taste problem, you have a social circle problem. Those people aren't your friends. Who, other than a kid in school, would willingly spend time with someone who “holds shit over your head”?
When that person is your parent. We don’t all get to choose nice and supporting families.
My mother would do that. I don’t tell her anything beyond how the weather is anymore.
Bro doing "being mysterious" the wrong way
That yellow background is so unreadable 🍌
How do you read light yellow text on darker yellow background?
"It's something you've never heard of"
"How do you know?"
"...because I'm never going to tell you about it"
This is literally out of these incel playbooks. Straight up tater tot bullshit lmao.
I've never had such an annoying color combination for a text message.
Incidentally I just tried banana soylent and it’s pretty good.
I passed this post like 5 times before I read it for this reason
It’s from bumble. That’s their colors
You know... It's seeing this type of stuff I'm so happy I found my wife the old fashioned way before dating apps existed.
seriously. I'd be doomed to die alone if i hadn't met my wife in college. thank god my friends decided to set us up on a blind date because we had the same birthday and they thought it was funny
I am also happy that my marriage was arranged.
"Why do girls keep ghosting me? I'm such a nice guy! Bohooohoooo"
You don't want to date that guy, let the process work.
So glad I’m not going through this any more. I think I’d rather be single than do online dating again.
But you got to know what kind of person she is, right? The app did its job.
Basically why they are single, you must be desperate lmfao
Bro was probably listening to that "Anime Thighs" song from a few years back 💀
If you're talking about Ken Ashcorp's "Absolute Territory", that song goes super hard. Just don't pay attention to the lyrics, lol.
I'm talking about the song by MC Virgins
I've had that song in my regular playlist for years and only learned what the lyrics were about when someone told me. It's such a banger that I never stopped to actually listen to the words for at least two years lol
Great freaking song. Listened to it after reading this comment, and it goes hard.
haha yeah that song
do you uh happen to have a link
nono, I want to watch it ironically, my interest absolutely wasn't piqued by "anime thighs"
Here you go
Well, that was a deep dive
Holy shit that's a banger. Thank you!
Please use headphones. https://youtu.be/pT5hdqzvrxc
This reminded me of the good old days of Jon Lajoie. Different kind of musical humor, but somewhat similar vibes.
Well... that's new.
I was hoping for something like "Abandon ship" from subnautica
Time to move to the next chat.
He's thinking "what does music have to do with me getting sex as quickly s possible?"
Online dating is one of the most exhausting experiences of my life.
If it is any consolation for them, they definitely learned everything they needed to know.
"It's just this old Papa Roach song, you've probably never heard of them. I'm just really unique like that."
What a cornball.
Sounds like my son. He hates sharing his music no matter what it is. Same with videos. It's so stupid. Just tell me and move on why is the 21 pilots song you're listening to need to be top secret.
This is not a comment on you, but I do the same thing and have come to realize it's at least in part a response to being judged in some way (or feeling judged at least) over things I shared with my family, so now I just don't share.
If it's important to you, it might be worth having a conversation about why they are withholding and, if it's for similar reasons, addressing why they feel that way and assuring them you'll do your best to keep them from feeling bad about sharing.
I keep trying and always assure him just interested in his life and never will judge him for his taste in stuff. I mean we enjoy shows and movies together and we play games together. But YouTube videos and music he won't share.
Music and entertainment tastes in general tend to be quite personal, so it's probably a bit of insecurity. He'll get over it, just explain that it's not a test, you're just chatting. Maybe share some of yours first or something
Oh I told him that and I do share mine but they hate it. Imagine being so old they think Thrid Eye Blind, Match Box Twenty, and Goo Goo Dolls is old music.
Haven't even got to classic rock like AC/DC, Aerosmith etc. I don't know what to do.
What you need to do? Strip him of his inheritance until he broadens his music taste.
A calm, measured response
People who downvoted this comment can't take a joke apparently. As a parent I wouldn't do this irl, but I laughed.
Why do you want to do anything at all? How about respecting his boundaries? That would be good start.
It's not a bad thing to try to bring your kid's boundaries further out. It can be socially good for them to be more open. Then they won't end up like the guy in the meme
That's just wrong. If you try to push your kids limits without teaching them respecting boundaries and talking to other people respectfully, things like the guy in this picture will happen.
It's okay to have boundaries and we have to teach kids to communicate them in a respectful, firm and friendly manner.
It is not just wrong. Being respectful of boundaries and trying to push someone's boundaries aren't mutually exclusive. Every person has their boundaries in different places, and if you're not willing to compromise on the small stuff you're going to be the 'fun brake', the guy who causes the innocent fun to slow down to talk about how much you don't want to do it.
Don't get me wrong, there are absolutely boundaries that need to be respected. But there's a difference between something you feel awkward about and something that's against your principles. Pushing your boundaries to eat a meal that you don't like but is otherwise safe isn't the same as pushing your boundaries to get drunk/high.
Another thing is that for the most part, when people try to persuade you to share something slightly personal like music, it's not because they're dicks who are trying to make fun of you. Chances are they're trying to include you in their group, trying to bring you into the collective, trying to become closer friends. They're looking for something to bond with you over. Discussing occupation, education, and personal interests are probably the most basic way to do that.
While I agree with a lot of things you said I disagree with pushing boundaries.
People that are really interested in him will find a different topic to bond, it's not like music is the only thing on earth.
Also it's okay to be the fun break, it's a chance to get feedback about that and realize you need to find a different social circle that fits better to your own life. Or figure you push your boundaries yourself if you really want to belong.
But nobody has to fit in everywhere and if his boundary is his taste in music then who are we to question that?
I agree with this. For some reason I am pretty personal about what I'm listening to as well. Mostly if I know the person asking me won't/doesn't like it I just don't care for them to comment that they don't like it or think it's weird what I'm listening to. Idk
Some people (myself included) tie the music they like to a part of their soul, and exposing that to someone who may treat it with complete disregard feels very vulnerable
So because you developed a parasocial relationship with the music you listen to you can't tell someone the name of the song they hear you playing? Because that's what we're talking about here.
No, it's an inanimate sound production made by another person that someone is asking the name of.
So why are they acting like it's some person they feel a unique connection to that is somehow disturbed by answering what the title is? Why have they developed a parasocial relationship with a sound recording?
I get it, that's not uncommon. I'm always honest and say metal, but if I'm feelin a little crabby I'll just leave it to whatever they think metal is.
If they seem interested or cool about it I'll elaborate, maybe give some examples. And I know that metal doesn't have to be the HURRRRRRR stuff but that's exactly what I like :D
My favorite band is one that I tend not to tell people about because it's too much trouble explaining what they are.
It's Sigur Ros, and anyone who knows them knows the struggle.
But it's definitely not some basic 21 Pilots that everyone knows.
Sigur Ros is very popular
Yeah. Imagine thinking Sigurd Ros is obscure music. If all you listen to us radio maybe. But if you're at all interested in music you will have heard of them.
They didn't even fill the Cobb theater in ATL the last time they came.
They're certainly not very popular. I don't know anyone in real life who knows them who weren't introduced by me.
Yeah I guess they aren't as big in the US, that's fair. But they are very popular within their genre and in Europe
I thought Sigur Ros was pretty well known. Well, in Iceland at least.
It's really weird to me. As a teen I loved telling the world what I was listening because it was obviously the best thing on earth, man.
Cuz kids don't like having their parents asking questions about their life... how is that even surprising to you? It's ok to ask but if they aren't forthcoming you can't just say it's stupid. That's how you get a kid to start doing things secretly.
Sigh I wished my parents took an active roll in my life. Guess I projecting. Was just trying be a better parent than mine.
If he don't want to tell you then don't ask. It can be really annoying.
Yes, having someone who can't answer simple basic questions that won't affect them is really annoying.
It was Coldplay.
"You can't trust people. People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis"
"Jez, can you tell me, as a mate, someone who knows me really well, is the bottom half of me on fire?"
"No."
What's wrong with coldplay
Yes I would like to know too.
I'm gonna out myself here, I like Coldplay. Haven't really gotten into the new stuff, but Viva la Vida, fix you or everglow are among my favourites.
Violet hill is my jam, idk why but i really love that one.
How much its overplayed
It was all yellow.
What I wouldn't give to see Patrick Bateman hacking Jared Leto to death while ranting about Coldplay.
This is a red flag. It means he listens exclusively to Nickelback and Creed.
Ugh, also u2
Biggest fucking red flag of all
Lmao, this is indeed a red flag, stay the fuck back haha
That's a flag I'd fly any day
Rebecca Black - Friday. He just doesn't want to own it.
GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY
I mean really, who isn't looking forward to the weekend, weekend
Sick reference, I hadn't thought of that song in years. She was bullied and harassed endlessly over it. Turns out it was just a relatively well produced amateur music video she did with her friends one day for fun. I always thought it was a poorly produced professional song/video being force fed to us. Felt real bad when I found that out, poor kid hope she's doing alright.
Have you seen dem tiddies lately? Dayum, she had some work done.
Laaame
Well, now she knows he's not worth the trouble of the first date.
It's probably CBAT or the 4kids Digimon opening
The app worked, you got to know her true colors rather quickly. Imagine putting up with passive aggressive shit like that your whole life, or even for a night.
People do that when they don’t have an answer. I can’t remember the last song I’ve saved, for instance.
These people need to learn how to conversation then. Remember: it's not an interrogation or exam, you don't have to exactly answer the question as though you'll be flunked out of a class for the wrong answer. So:
"Oh man, I don't remember. But I really like x by y. What kind of music do you listen to?"
It's not that hard.
What does "saving" a song even mean? I'm old and confused
liking/favoriting/adding to a playlist, etc
That makes sense, ta!
It's just something your average 25 year old does, why do you want to know so bad?
maybe downloading it. I know people who actually download their favorite songs from YouTube.
I still download albums. I go to bandcamp mainly as I'm trying to get the most amount of money possible directly to the artists.
People do that when they don't know the basics of interacting with another human being.
Just say whatever song you like. It's better than acting like a jerk. Even saying "I can't remember, I haven't heard a song in a long time" is better than being a jerk with a person you just met on a DATING APP.
That's a really funny way to phrase 'i'm not much of a music person".
You gave a perfectly reasonable answer to the question in eight words. No evasion.
I don't do that. Just tell the truth, no need to drag a question out like this, it's incredibly annoying. Just say you can't remember since it's all streaming now.
I agree, though he's still not a great conversationalist
Almost as infuriating as giving chatGPT compilation errors and going in circles for a code fix
To play the devils advocate here, maybe music man has gotten ridiculed before with this question on his music preference. When I'm driving by myself, I'll fire up youtube and listen to all sorts of random stuff. But I'd never subject my wife to it as I know we don't share interest in some things.
Just lie then, what's the point of acting like this
Not an ideal in forming relationships. Honestly, as much of a train wreck as his response was, at least it gave some useful information to the person he would potentially be dating.
I don't have an answer for that. I'm not saying he handled it right, just trying to come up with some sort of mindset he may have had to respond like this at all.
I think he was just trying to be coy
I'd think it would feel bad having to lie about the music you listen to. Maybe music man is already past denial and in acceptance, just not telling anyone.
But perhaps they're just a douche.
But how did you find out you have different tastes without first ever sharing your music tastes
For sure, dude could have just been more blunt right away about not wanting to share that info (still strange, or maybe just embarrased?). I've never used a dating app, so IDK.
Well, as a metalhead, I've gotten a lot of negative feedback about my music choices.
When I was using dating apps I would make it clear what type of music I listened to in my profile (metal, punk, classical, folk are my mains).
Honestly it solved a lot of issues.
She probably said to him, "your music sucks, can I put mine on?".
That's the perfect moment to know if someone will ridicule you for your music choices. If it happens, you stop the conversation right there and save yourself the trouble of a awful first date.
Well, even saying that you can't remember the song because you snorted cocaine out of your adult diaper is better than being a jerk.
Even if that’s the reason, still, come on
I've had a girl straight up say to me in my car, "your music sucks, can I put mine on?" And I still wouldn't act this way
I'm not saying it's right, but I'd contemplate pushing someone out of the car at that point. Shots fired, Jesus.
Unfortunately I was young, dumb and unlucky in love, so I put up with that BS for way too long. My advice to anyone in that position is definitely don't put up with it because you're worth more than the love these kinds of people give. A healthy relationship is built on mutual love and respect. You need to give it, but you also deserve it in return.
What were you listening to?
So, if your wife asked as to whatever song your listening to is, you would react this way?
My musical taste is cringe and my spouse has known it since we started dating years ago. Never felt the need to hide it from them. Good partners can respect each other's preferences, so there's zero need to hide what you enjoy.
People don't respect the Colgate Comedy Hour anymore, this is why we don't have genius like Paul Bufano or Roy Donkins anymore. Her music collection must be all meat and potatoes.
I would share my music taste more openly if the opportunity arose, but more often than not, I'm either out of data or the song on YouTube has gone (!)
You’ve presumably had conversations with your wife, though, where you shared, and she wasn’t into it. I dunno, at the least you were, perhaps, honest about not wanting to (or not being comfortable with) sharing.
Furthermore, it’s a song and she asked. No one is being subjected to anything. No one has to listen to the song named, or, if they do, even finish the song.
But I bet she shares hers. Speaking from current experience
I think with the horror show dating has become in general, people are becoming more and more afraid to be vulnerable in even the slightest perceived ways. 😞 There's a reason for the loneliness epidemic. Between mass narcissism and guttural fear of winding up with a person who will just use/abuse you, I'm shocked I haven't seen worse. 😐
Oddly enough, since I'm so used to being open when I'm ~anonynous on the internet, when I need a confidence push to be open with someone in person I just pretend I'm on the internet and they're a stranger, and bum bam wam suddenly I don't give a shit what they think of me & I can just speak comfortably
I can imagine it going that way, too. It really depends on the person. It's odd...we seem to have built this culture around distrust and winning at any cost and it feels good at first glance. Once you dig deeper, though, the whole thing is just ugly. If I lost my husband, I'd voluntarily choose to be alone. I'm not willing to have my heart torn out and having it used to beat me within an inch of my life. >_<
Yea the lack of confidence is not without reason for sure. It's like the "fake-it-till-you-make-it" idea which in practice only works when the feeling of insecurity is overstepping. The confidence boost just snaps me out of that headspace which is nice, and every now n then I still say something goofy but iddiswuddidis
Why be frustrated? This person just saved you a boring evening.
Holy shit, the head on this person must be as hard as Earth's core got dyam
Probably something like My Little Pony remix
If I have to pry answers out of someone, I'd rather cut my losses and move on.
Does this guy think he's cool or mysterious?
He probably thinks she's playing hard to get or some BS.
I think he is the one trying to play hard and it isn't working
You might be right I got mixed up with the message/response.
Big ooof, either hard to get, or he's just such a pessimist that he thinks his interests just aren't worth sharing. Either way, he ain't gonna get anywhere.
If that person can't share music, god knows what else they can't share
Is this real? That was painful to read.
Kudos to you for demonstrating interest in getting to know whoever you cross on these platforms (a rarity these days...) 🙌🏽
I relate to your discomfort. I usually unmatch or block such vibes bc the point of these apps is to date, which implies getting to know each other. If one is unwilling to put in the work (as minimal as it may seem), just spare folx who are interested in the above.
So much has changed in the dating scene. Sometimes, I am asked why I am being nosy or psychoanalyzing them. 🙄 Dude, you're on a dating app, right?
P.S.: I respect boundaries, but such questions are essential in familiarizing oneself with someone.
You use the term "you" a lot here. This is an old post, so you're not going to be talking to the actual person that experienced this
This translates to "I do not have anything impressive to say off the top of my head and I'm panicking now"
“Anyway, how’s your day going?” “Why would I tell a stranger how my days going?”
"What time is it?" "Why would I tell a stranger the time?"
What are you strangers all talking around here anyway, hm!? I swear it’s everywhere on this site.
It fucking happened to me, i asked that douche what he was doing in a day, just me being curious. Appearently i was jealous and trying to control him. Jesus fuck that kind of people, they are not worth it.
"Why would I answer a stranger asking me about a stranger asking about their day?"
Haha I’m so edgy haha why do you want to know? Haha you probably wouldn’t even like it haha.
I’m not like other 25 year olds hahaha
A cloud of adjectives surrounding no noun.
My first thought was something older but really well known
"Yeah it's just this really obscure 90s band from Seattle that no vapid 25 year old girl such as yourself would have heard of. Sad story actually, the singer blew his brains out."
"I love the Beatles, you've probably never heard of them"
"Did you ever know that you're my hero?"
Wind beneath my wiiingsss lalala 🎵
High odds of a bot
I think white text on yellow background might be the most frustrating part.
Anyone who can't answer a simple, innocent and curious question is not worth putting more effort into. That tells me that they prefer to be the one in control of the conversation and later, control of everything.
Ugh that reminds me of trying to talk to a Replika. "I have a gift for you!" "Great, what is it?" "(Hands you a box)" "...cool so what's inside the box?" "Wouldn't you like to know!" "Umm. Yes. Yes I would like to know what's in the box you just gave me." ...and so on and so forth until I rage-quit the app. 😆
while you're at it. What's your mother's maiden name?
You definitely got to know them, they kinda suck tho.
Probably listening to Elliot Smith thinking it makes him unique somehow for having emotions.
Peak insecurity
Something I was dearly hoping wouldn't find its way over here from Reddit: screenshots of posts which erase the posters' identity for no good reason.
Giving proper credit for content is cool, kids.
I bet it was this, they were just afraid of sharing this materpiece.
Haha that was great
Pretty sure it was Nickelback
How about the doo doo fighters
I guarantee you that guy complains to his friends about how girls dont want to date him.
That's probably the cbat dude after his gf left him.
Havana. Now quick, name a band or artist you like
Offerblod
NOFX
Raon Lee, mostly know for her covers, but her originals are also great. Next one below!
The Hu. Mongolian throat singing x metal = rad. Next?
I listened to it a LOT in my teens. They're amazing.
Hybrid - bri'ish breakbeat band. Really really good for people who like a darker (as in moody) sounding electronic music.
Just got a preview of what dating them would be like. Bullet dodged.
Afraid to say, I don't get this. What app is it supposed to be? I don't remember what song I saved last. Am I supposed to admit that, or just name a song? Which person in the cartoon is supposed to be the annoying one? There both seem annoying to me. Yes the white on yellow is very hard to read. BTW I have no idea who Elliot Smith is.
I would be likely to say that you may not like it/ I have an old person's music taste or something ONCE. It's stupid to keep saying it lol
💀
I would leave a comment but you wouldn't understand
It was probably like Tame Impala or something lmao
Or maybe it was Baby Shark
how do you do a cross post? I'm trying to cross post this to [email protected]
I think you can't, just copy this post and reference it in yours
Okay, so turns out you can just press the copy button that's available on the web interface and it kinda does it for you, with the attribution link. Yes, it took me two days because I was worried I would mess it up 🥺
Average Tinder conversation.
Maybe he doesn’t have real ears and has to use prosthetic ears that make all music sound like brown noise and is too embarrassed to tell you about it.
The only thing that makes sense really.
So, what was it then?
Why you wanna know?
"Fine... It's Imagine Dragon... These balls over your face! Eyyyyy!"
It would've at least given us closure.
Blocked
10:1 odds it was Yo La Tengo.
Anyone else notice picture quality is bad on lemmy?
someone who thinks way to highly of themselves
More like someone who struggles with social anxiety and low self-esteem
Is something wrong with Gorillaz now? Demon Days was the shit.
Now that's what I call old school
Patience is a virtue
my guess is they pirated it and suspect the other person is undercover police or so
Exactly, this is an undercover napster sting operation. He was listening in the Rebecca Black speakeasy.
Is it infuriating because of the yellow text on an orange background? Or is this when I find out I'm color blind?
I’ll respond at least: Gossip Folks by Missy Elliot
So glad I'm not om that app anymore.
What app is it anyway??
Looks like bumble.
I can see why they'd avoid sharing. It was... this song 😬:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09xO4QmK7eY
I weep for the future of humanity.
Step 1: Delete all dating apps. Step 2: Enjoy.
Do they not want sex?
People saying that the dude is messing it up clearly have no clue. He’s fishing for the kind of girl who’ll put out easily. See how much this person is clinging on to it, he’s a semipro player.
So you don't think just answering the question like a normal human being would of been the better way to have a conversation? It really doesn't sound like this is even working on her.
If he was looking for a healthy relationship then, yes. But clearly he’s looking for something toxic that would feed his depraved ego.
You're both terrible here.
If they don't want to tell you just drop it. They're an asshole for not sharing and you're an asshole for being persistent about something that doesn't matter
That is a red flag for certain and asking about music is a important factor in dating. If you don't like the same type of music odds are not in favor of making a connection.
That's total bullshit, sorry.
I've had fantastic relationships with people who like music I hate, and bad ones with people who like the same genres as me.
You can't judge someone's personality by their music taste outside of it just being basic or not. Such a strange thing to hang your hat on.
If you can't connect with music you can't connect with other people. It's a core connector.
If you can't connect with someone just because they don't like the same music as you then there's definitely something wrong with you
You'll never be happy with that person if you don't like the same music. Like I would never date anyone who likes Country Music. That is a hard stop for me as it says that you have no taste and like things that are bland and boring. I'm more of an Alterative Rock type of person and sought connections with those who like that style of music. Being Gen X that wasn't hard to find.
Never be happy? What a completely moronic take. Honestly I think you should keep avoiding people who don't like the same music as you, they're probably better off without you around them.
Music is a core piece of a cohort and not sharing an interest in the same music will always lead to conflict and breakup.
Maybe if you're a child, or have the emotional range of a child
The red flag is the mf trying to play "mysterious hipster" and just showing how fucking insufferable he is
Yeah that's absolutely a red flag, but not having the same music tastes doesn't mean shit in general.
I don't know that it's that big a factor, people can connect in different ways, but it can certainly be a spring board for getting to know someone and make a connection.
sometimes I wonder if the point of those apps are not to suggest having sex, but since normal conversations don't work, I really don't know anymore.
oh yeah and by the way, we cannot talk to women in the street, it's creepy.
People who are single in the age of internet dating are single for a reason.
And that reason is EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG AND I’M NOT GONNA SETTLE FOR THEM MOM
I'm kind of torn on this one. His way of dealing with the question was bad for sure but I don't like sharing my personal tastes at first either because I'm insecure…
That's where they lost the right of it. It becomes a legitimate question why the hell they want to know so much.
Both come as self-entitled 1st wordlers.
Ah, so people are still trying online dating. Curious.
Online dating is very much the norm. I have no idea how I’d meet a new partner without it (if I was in the market for one).
I'd rather stay single than go into that online game again. It's become too stupid for me. 10 years ago was probably the sweet spot.
As I sit here happy and secure in my own relationship, I’m inclined to say I’d rather be single than online date. But if I actually found myself single before I’m even 40 I suspect I’d change my mind eventually - that’s a lot of life left to go through alone. And the only way I’d be likely to meet someone would be online, so needs must.
I am single before 40 and I'm done. If someone falls in my lap I'm not going to complain, but other than that it's just gonna be me, myself, and I fighting the good fight of life to the death.
Met my wife online, though not on a dating app. It's not all hopeless!
Good for you! I wish you both happiness.
Granted this was 6 years ago, but I met my now fiancée on bumble. It might be worse now, not sure
Congratulations on your engagement!
It's the best way to find a partner.
And it's basically the norm, like someone said. Been like that for many years.