Spyke

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Customer: Why is there so much latency over my tunnel from us-east to us-west?

Me: checks latency seems pretty normal, what's the issue?

Customer: The latency is too much. Why is it not as fast as us-east-1 to us-east-2?

Me: They are near each other. Us-West is across the entire United States

Customer: Make faster

Me: This is the speed of light. And over copper it's about 2/3 that

Customer: hmm are you sure that's as fast as it can go?

Me: Well, unless we change the laws of physics your not going to get any better latency

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Essay

But if I edit the word doc in notepad and rip out some of the metadata to corrupt it, I can submit it now and have another week to procrastinate before actually starting.

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Suspected gunman dies after exchange of fire with Secret Service agents at White House checkpoint

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To be fair, a completely credible and real shooter using a real gun actively putting live rounds into the whitehouse with actual real life deadly bullets, for real and not in any fictional or euphemistic manner, would also not really be something I care about.

Well, unless it ended the life of a fascist, then maybe there would be a silver lining I could appreciate.