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I DID THE DUMB THING! I VERIFIED WITH A FACE SCAN AND SCAN OF MY ID!

Why? Well I had to verify with CompTIA to get my Sec+ certification, I passed by the way, and have been requesting to have my stuff deleted. CompTIA sent me to Pearson VUE who sent me back to CompTIA and now I am getting nowhere.

It has been like 3 weeks of email volleying and I have gotten nowhere. I don't know what to do. Should I keep pushing and risk my stuff spilling in a breach that will inevitably happen? Should I threaten legal action?

I am so fucked, dude. I am SO fucked! 😭👍️

i made myself get out of bed and called an old freind to meet up even though i know damn well i have 15 dollars to my name. on the way here, my timing belt started shredding and i had 2 choices, get it home safely in a limp, or go through with the date and get my car potentially towed. I went ahead and chose option 2 because im so starved for human contact. The last 6 months since my wife beat me and went to jail i have been homeless intermittently and ive been having ptsd flashbacks and nightmares and shit. She isolated me from everything and everyone for 10 years and it took this long to try and reach out to people. Ill be damned if anything will stop me. I have a great new job I start on monday that is my ticket out of all this, and I might have thrown that ticket out with my car today. Idk ill find out. Im not telling this dude ANY of that, im just gonna act normal as possible. but like im DYING on the inside jeesh. nobody knows buy yall really. i feel like im on the edge but im fighting it. times are tough as fuck i dont even eat every day. fuck

I’m 23F he’s 23 M

Hey guys, I will try to make this short but it’s hard without giving full context. So I started talking to this guy roughly 1.5-2months ago, we initially met through a friend of a friend. We initially just did sexual stuff and then started talking more… over the time, I had been confused on what he wanted from me (relationship or not?). I’m gonna just put in dot jots of the things he has done through out that upset me and made me feel as if he didn’t care…

1. ⁠when we first started talking and going out more often or whatever we had went to the movies and then at the end of the night I just wanted a nice quick hug so I was joking around laughing and I told him come give me a hugggg get outttt the car, and he didn’t bother. He made a comment saying “this isn’t a movie” or whatever. And I ended up slowly walking back to my car and he rolled up his window as soon as I got inside and left. This was also before we were clear that we are dating for intention of being partners
2. ⁠mind you, I cut off my guy best friend irl and a long term gaming buddy I had for him, out of respect. So that also pisses me off that I feel disrespected by him and I did those things which I know is bare minimum and trust me, I don’t care to do those for someone I want to be with but for respect to not be reciprocated idk?
3. ⁠1-2 weeks before it was clear he wanted more, he made a “joke” or whatever he said he didn’t mean it that way where he texted me saying “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t be in a relationship because I’m not emotionally mature or wtv” and this because I told him that emotional maturity is a biggest thing I look for in a relationship
4. ⁠he used to joke around and call me “dumb” “bitch” or whatever (I guess not in a serious way like we’d be doing a game or whatever) and then I ended up telling him I don’t like it and I think it’s rude. I ended up now telling him like ok whatever it’s fine like if we’re gaming or whatever it is cuz I do sometimes would say it back now so it doesn’t affect me as much in certain situations only.
5. ⁠I feel like whenever I tell him about my feelings and things he does to upset me, he becomes combative. It’s like he starts making all these excuses. When I told him about everything he did, he started going one for one of why he did that, not even acknowledging how I’m feeling. It’s just like going back and forth with someone who doesn’t see what they did wrong, and he even says that he doesn’t know what he did and I need to tell him. Like it’s not that hard and I’m honestly tired of explaining
6. ⁠tonight, I picked up these items from Facebook from this girl after work (11:30 pm) and she left it on her porch. I told him I’m going to be quickly picking up some stuff and he was chill about it over text and just saying oh why now? And I’m like well it’s only 7-10 min from my work and on my way back home. I shared my location with him and then he said to FaceTime him when I get there. I FaceTimed him as soon as I grabbed the bag as I just saw the message, and I let him know that I got them and I’m safe. And then he says something along the lines “so why are you FaceTiming me?” I’m like “what? U told me to” and says well u already got them so why” and was just having an attitude. And then he basically was telling me “dumbass” for going at night to grab stuff off Facebook and whatever and saying stuff like “it’s like those dumb bitches who go into the woods at 2 am and then something happens and people wonder omg why?” … I got upset after this and it made me cry because I don’t get why u have to call me these words.

And tbh, I never was treated like this by someone who supposedly likes me and see’s a future with me. It makes me upset because I want it to work and I know he’s a great guy and has a great soul underneath but there’s this part of him he seriously needs to work on or I am just being too extra/dramatic (as he says). I told him he upset me a lot tonight and just basically says “omg everything I do is bad” “you are taking it too far”….

Idk guys. I really like him and I’m supposed to meet his mom soon who really wants to meet me, I’m just getting emotionally exhausted tbh. And it’s not good for me to feel this way because I don’t want to end up fully not caring. Because that’s how it usually goes.

My stomach burns, literally out of stress. I wish to call someone, but there is no one right now.

I am from the country where Donald Orange attacked, and living in UAE.

UAE has no naturalization law. So no matter what a resident would never get citizenship.

UAE started deporting random people from random countries for national security reasons.

It did deport some years ago when their tensions between uae and my country. They would call you and ask you to pack within three days.

It is hard. I am not smart enough to move out to a country where I can settle.

And I rather be here, it is the country I know.

I am not very bright. I don't know what problems mentally I have except autism because I got diagnosed young and I can see the issues I have and had, but even that I wonder what is it exactly because they say it is a spectrum and don't like gradients, i like definitive diagnosis. Clear black and white

Diagnosis of mental or neurological stuff is not simple and costly.

I have the money... well, my father has, but I feel ethically I can't use it on me, except for absolute necessities.

I had memory lapses, the best the neurologist did was a test on paper! Questionnaire! And got diagnosed with MCI.

The same goes with Epilepsy, autism, etc.

I wish if there was a brain scan or something.

Anyway, that why I am very sick. I didn't treat many health issues since 2018, since I told him or maybe he told me, just sit and eat and do nothing.

I do remember though, that I told him I will eat and spend only on necessities. That why, I don't go out, buy stuff, or go doctors unless the situation is bad.

I tried to work and leave this country, i didn't realize how mentally slow I am. Well life humbles you.

I envy those in countries where they get help with things they can't do because of their condition, and oh they also get help to work. A job they are capable to do.

Sitting in a room 24/7 for over 6 years is not fun.

I am doomed, when he is gone, I don't know what I will do? Except end it.

If I got deported, I have no idea what I am gonna do, but end it.

I have online friends asking me to go learn programming, or something online to feel productive and happy, but it is not easy.

The stress is always there. Oh, I can't go back to my country, it is the country where Donald boy attacked 6 month ago.

Life is a game and I lost. Damn it... well, my stomach is not burning, I think typing these along with those hot tears helps feel better.

Peepeepoopoo

I didn't know humidity cause discomfort in cold temperature.

It has been not less than 60% whe that happens something bad happens to me that I can't describe.

I can't sleep, I don't feel okay to move or do something.

I didn't sleep for so long and when I get tired and kinda sleep, I wake up and feel sleepy until I sleep again.

I am fed up.

I have autism, and I can't buy a dehumidifier, it is complicated.

It is humiliating.

The air breeze or wind from.the AC, what should I call it! That air stings. Sticky heavy something not right.

I also sometime peepeepoopoo. You go peepee and then it turns to peepeepoopoo, it stinks these days not the feces rather the situation

...

My wife and I have a baby and a toddler who take an absurd amount of energy every day, my wife and my family can't stand each other, so I effectively don't have an immediate family, but the catch is my wife is not a nice person.

So I've given up my family for a person who is rude, demanding, impatient, doesn't show empathy, and is extremely controlling, but shows a nice face to everyone else.

The thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach because of how difficult of a process it is, trying to explain all the changes to my toddler, how much harder solo parenting is, and being in a marriage and a home had a ton of financial and practical benefits, but I'm just so tired and lonely and sad.

I'm in therapy and we're in couples therapy, but she started pulling away the first time the therapist challenged her so I don't have any hope for genuine change.

It's just a Groundhog day of exhaustion, loneliness, and misery, and the only person left in my life i could lean on is at the core of the problems. I'm not going to kill myself, but things are so dark right now.

I heard the online priest she listens to say depression is caused by satan. Then, I asked her if she doesn't ever doubt a single thing that man says. She denied it.

I know I heard this same discourse forever, but damn, my mom's too invested on this shit. After she began suspecting I have schizophrenia she's been trying all she can to get me a psych ward hospitalization (including threatening me with such), been talking less to me and GOT ME. ON. CATECHESIS.

Yes, Catechesis. For schizophrenia.

What the fuck?

I can't do many about it, I'm 15 and finding a job is really hard. I think this is my 12th CV and nothing.

I swear to god my nightmare is being injured for the actual wedding day

I post occasional video links in Videos from time to time, and the amount of people asking if it's worth watching is insane. Anything over 5 minutes is "too long"

The next complaint is about the videos actual title. Apparently any video title is "click bait."

I swear I'm gonna have to integrate subway surfers gameplay into the videos soon.

Now there's a whole bunch of lore I won't get into with him taking over the department eventually, but for this part of the story all you need to know is, he's a very quiet Russian guy who apparently doesn't talk much but suddenly explodes with little shit.

I was having a pretty good day when we got back from doing a load out when he comes up to me and says "you put the little pins here" I'm thinking okay this is one of his new sorting methods he's trying out since he'll be taking over and I'm about to say "oh alright my bad."

Before I can "this is not where they fucking go" "do you not fucking understand this?"

Now I'm a pretty level headed dude but one thing that sets me off is disrespect. I shoot off with "mind your attitude angel, I'll move them over but you need to speak to me with respect"

"Youll fucking do it no matter what"

This really set me off, since it had been a weird double manager situation he went off to complain since we were listening to the old manager more who actually knew what he was doing and our supervisors boss "the department head" told us "listen to what angel says"

Which we have been for 3 weeks, things have been getting done and weve been cooperative, but somehow he's got it in his head that he can speak to us however he wants. I draw the line at that and I will have this discussion again with my department head if I'm called in. I kept my mouth clean, I'm in the right here and I will tell the boss the same thing I told him "I will follow your orders but you will not get in my face and swear at me, I will chew you out every time"

I already had to do this when he first started and started unfairly chewing out one of the young out of high school guys who very calmly asked him not to "call him retarded" and he started going off on the young guy. You could be my bosses bosses boss and I will take the firing before allowing this kind of meaningless disrespect when you can much more easily say "please don't put these here"

That's all, and I'm serious - who will be my 'crastination champion? Step on up, step on up! I can't ask people I know irl to do it because they'll either get too lazy with it (you see why I am the way I am, huh?) or be weird and annoying about it. Just a DM on a regular basis saying "don't procrastinate today/this week!" (A week might be better tbh) Would be grand.

I drank three beers yesterday. I cried. My life partner is lying through his teeth to me, possibly his whole family is using me to scam the government, but the nonexistent relationship he had with his mother is a complete farce. He got into her car yesterday, when supposedly he refuses to even talk ABOUT her, running out of the apartment when she came over and threatened me in skillful ways, dismissing all I was saying about being manipulated, in a similar form of manipulation as he does to me.

I don't know what is and isn't true about him. He lied to gain my trust, learned more about me, manipulated me, and then skillfully made me seem like the crazy person while crafting his story that I am a horrible, evil cult leader and he is the vulnerable person getting abused. I'm the one that hits him, but I am the abused one. I don't choose to hit him. He skillfully goads me, deceives me, conflates the conversation, gaslights me, ignores me, etc to intentionally provoke my triggers so I become emotionally dysregulated and then he uses my reaction against me as proof that I am insane and he needs to be the one making decisions.

Do you know what happened to Richard Simmons? His housekeeper kept him a prisoner in his house for years. No lock and key. Skillful manipulation and using his high agreeableness against him. Same as the cult did to me, but I also have a narrative structure that has become malleable from trauma and drugs and manipulation, in that order, which is what Byoomth uses against me.

But it's always possible that he's really CIA and he intentionally had me see him at a time he knew I must be going to the library to see him, as he used a defunct card to financially abuse me, which he knew I would hear about that because I was trying to call my bank to figure out how to pay for this expensive laptop he needs for his critically important CIA job that involves falsely accusing me of touching him inappropriately to his father and in public. But I love him, so I forgive him, as I know he'll forgive me for telling the police everything I know.

No idea how I'm gonna afford this, maybe I should have just stayed home

Great. Got a text from my apartment complex. They may do a unit inspection because we can't stop smoking. My way of stopping is to not have it in the house. I can't do that. He has the willpower of a monk and wears me down until I cave. And he's going to look like the victim! He's so in control of himself that he deliberately plays dumb to set me off so he can wrangle control of the situation.

I'm mentally ill. That is self-evident. I'm being used by a master manipulator for supply. But is that real, or is he just pretending to be awful to me in skillful manners that make me out to be the bad guy? Is he CIA? What he says and what he does makes sense. But I also have to contend with the fact that he may have a screw loose? I can't do anything. Doctors. Police. His mom. I'm alone, I feel, and while his mom invited me to cone over, she deceived me, slightly, playing dumb a little bit, as if she were aware what my life partner is doing is benefitting me in that it gives me chances to resist anger and strengthen my prefrontal cortex.

And I look like the devil. I want to kill myself, but I won't. I just have to be better. Keep trying. I can't give in like I have these past few days. I need to be stronger. But I am so hurt and tired and scared and caught in the MKULTRA that I can't manifest my intentions. I am dysregulated. I see a doctor once a month. She throws pills at me. They help slightly in some ways, but these are tremendous life problems I'm dealing with. Help. Help. Help.

I took DXM yesterday, on it now. Low doses, and I didn't buy it. It just shows up at my apartment, thanks to my compassionate life partner financially abusing me. That's gunna come up in the court case, undoubtedly, but like DXM previously allowed me to click in my head that I might be gay/have feminine qualities way back, fackin', thirteen, fourteen years ago now, the afterglow of that first plateau trip led me to the conclusion that I have nothing to fear and that I should go to the police about this situation.

So, I did. And nothing. He's not TECHNICALLY doing anything illegal, sorta, I think? He doesn't have a warrant I found out. But he's making me look like I'm a supervillain in the eyes of the observing law, that I understand now is trying to put me away, not whatever mission bullshit God had me believe was gunna magick itself, which I still believe so (I'm not a top, just a bottom-feeder atm), but I also know I have to fight the bullshit that I am forced to go through so that I live through this and get to be a "top" again, as a real man this time! Direction, too!

But, despite not being able to help me, the police officer, whether he was conscious of this or not (God weaves us between parallel universes to facilitate our Karma), caused a synchronicity where my brain double-clicked (I thought of part of this last night, too), and I sent an email to his mom, which in the process of typing this sentence, I realized he's going to see this.

Which makes me confused. My reality is so fucking warped through deception it's not funny! The aliens just gave me a kumquat that yes, it is funny, and I have to agree, from an outsider's perspective, y'know, schizoautismo retard lolcow juggler n skilled righter gets embroiled in super huge government conspiracy because he told his ROTC cadre his nonexistant sister got him pregnant, that's funny, obviously. BUT I'M BEING SET UP BY JOE ARPAGIO'S FINEST UNIFORMED CRIMINALS AND THAT'S SCARY AF!

What do I do? Should I delete this, so he never sees? Well, that's the thing; he prompted me yesterday, talking about AI, saying it lies to him all the time, but he did it with this tone he does that means he is saying something to me, which I interpreted as him telling me he is always lying to me, so I need to do something about this situation. And I got a pimino melon this morning (my neighbor, who definitively knows who I am and cross-talks me from his balcony, said the word, "dimorphism" to catch my attention, then said something clear as day to me about the roles we play), so I really feel like he and God both want me to turn him in.

But is that crazy? I'm sure some people have no capacity to think beyond the notion that I am nuts and everything out of my mouth is not to be believed, which is a defect in the human psyche the CIA/etc take advantage of in the population so they can do things out in the open and no one questions anything.

Regardless, using all forms of cognition at my disposal, I have to conclude that I have to do something to save myself from this shit, less I be fucked by how much I have been fucked over by numerous people over the years, setting me up because I screwed up, in true Johnny Tremain style. And I'm cool with it, because I know God's got this shit on lock.

in a way this has been my experience talking to people

FLOS un-aware people: "just google it"

me: "no i'd rather we talk about it as humans. i get three 'pages' of heavily filtered searchresults, frontloaded with LLM generated template sites, then there's an end to the search results on most search engines btw... search engines suck these days."

FLOS-unaware people: "huh? no look click search and i get tons of results and this looks like answers to my questions. no problems?"

me: "but i don't get those results you get and i get a cap to the total amount of search results shown to me."

FLOS un-aware people: "huh. (you're) weird (for having this problem with something mundane that i've never considerd.)."

me: "not really, once you consider this is the natural consequence of the propeitary model."

etc.

My partner and I had our second a few weeks ago and I received a number of 100% genuine (and appreciated) "have fun with the kiddo" and "enjoy this time while it lasts" messages and you know what? I fucking hate the newborn phase.

Lack of sleep makes me angry, and the entire newborn phase is a red tinted haze of fury. Here i am in the middle of the GODDAMN night rocking this fucking potato for 45 fucking minutes and it's just staring at me without blinking having the time of its goddamn life. My fucking feet hurt, I'm getting fat because food is the only thing that brings me the tiniest flicker of happiness, my partner is frankly a raging bitch and I'm sure I am in return, the toddler loses his mind at the drop of a hat, and I'm supposed to enjoy it?

Nothing about this is enjoyable. I hate every fucking second and I can't wait to sleep train this goddamn barnacle who I CAN'T EVEN HELP CALM BECAUSE I'M NOT THE ONE BREAST FEEDING and I guess that means the only person the baby will relax with is mom. Being helpful and competent are core aspects of my self image, and this mindless sack of shit has robbed me of that.

I'm so fucking tired.

I'm at a phase in my life where I don't see myself evolving. It feels like I live the same day and make the same mistakes repeatedly over years — I'm trapped in a loop of anguish. I'm not religious, so I don't believe in an afterlife. The life we have is limited time, and we should make the best of it, but I'm failing at that. It seems my fear of trying is smaller than my fear of wasting my life. I have mental blocks that prevent me from trying things that would probably make me feel good, that would make me progress, or at least pull me out of this pit of anguish and frustration I find myself in.

I waste my whole day consuming passive, meaningless content because it offers distraction from this shit life. I'm having trouble finding motivation. When I do find it, it's extremely volatile, never lasting long enough to cause real change — it only generates another instance of frustration.

I don't see meaning in life. I stay alive because I cling to some hopes — hope that someday I'll create real personal connections, that I'll find love. But I'm afraid it'll just be another illusion, another expectation that will be frustrated. What if love isn't as amazing as people say? What if it's like that movie everyone recommends — recommendations fill you with interest and expectations, but when you watch it, you see it's just another shallow cliché, and that hope you had for a brief moment of good entertainment is destroyed when that time gets filled with frustration. What if, when I do find love, it's not salvation or something that gives me the much-needed sense of purpose, something that makes my existence relevant?

I schedule appointments with psychologists frequently during motivation lapses, usually stemming from moments of frustration, but those feelings created by such motivation never last until the appointment day, making me cancel.

It's like the mental block I mentioned prevents me from doing small to large acts that would get me out of inertia. But this inertia has become "comfortable" enough to trap me, like an invisible cage, where I always hit the walls when I move toward progress. At some point, my subconscious simply gave up trying to reach freedom. Even motivation lapses don't give me the power to destroy this cage and free myself. It's as if the maximum I can achieve during these lapses is running in circles inside the cage, while having the false impression of progress. And when that moment ends, I find myself trapped in the same place.