You can broadcast one message to the entire world. What do you say?
People won't know where the message comes from, they'll just hear your voice as though you were standing next to them. Everyone hears it at the same time. The message is not translated into anyone's native language, everyone hears it exactly as you say it. The maximum length is 6 of your breaths.
130 replies
It feels awesome as a man to get your prostate massaged. Try it!
"Er, excuse me, everyone... is this... is this thing on? Can they hear me? Can they?"
"Finally, I've done it, I've created the first step of human instrumentality"
Please listen carefully to the following broadcast. Your survival depends on it. Do not, under any circumstances broadcast ends suddenly
"3... 2... 1... FIGHT!"
People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.
I don't see why you're acting so supised, the plans have been on display at your local galactic planning office for 300 years.
There's no point acting all surprised about it. The plans and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning office in Alpha Centauri for over 50 of your Earth years. If you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout.
I don't know, apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all.
Thank you for this 😂❤️
"This is God. Quit it with the killing each other and ruining the environment I made for you.
Don't make me come down there."
Mormons: See! God speaks English! It means only our book is correct!
Be excellent to eachother, and party on dudes.
I came here to comment exactly this.
I think you need a hyphen between "party" and "on."
You can't hear hyphens
Fine. You can party on dudes if you want.
We can leave your dudes behind
Cause your dudes don't dance, and if they don't dance, well then they're no friends of mine
No dudes of mine
I'd say "You have all disappointed me."
"You have been chosen. Tell no one. The false idol must be killed."
Then just watch the chaos unfold.
This is the kinda evil shit I came to the comments for. Well done.
Side note: nobody let this person gain any form of power
I feel like it wouldn't be long until people learned they all heard the same thing.
Possibly, but there's also more then a billion English speakers, so we'd definitely see some shit before then.
Hello World.
you just lost the game
I'm a little sad that I stopped playing.
You don’t quit the game. The game quits you.
FUCK
I just lost the game...
On a very full breath, I can do the "badger badger badger badger bager badger badger badger mushroom mushroom" like barely 3 times. So I would get that out like 18 times. My hope would be to cause a worlwide earworm with that terrible song.
It's either I do that, or cause a worldwide rickroll without the backing track. See how far I can go.
So you're not gonna go for baby shark?
Maybe if it was before it blew up and became what it is now. I remember when it was just a dumb camp song, similar to the moose who likes to drink his apple juice. Glad that hasn't surfaced much in relevancy.
Edit:
Turns out the version of that moose song I remember is a different version of the song...
The song is about drinking a lot of juice, but the version we had replaced it with apple juice for some reason.
Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.
System reboot in five minutes
Or
Man its been awile since I logged into this game
Warning: This simulation will end in 14 days. The primary purpose of the simulation has been fulfilled. We disclose this information to you now as an ethical requirement so that you may complete any final rights rituals or wishes.
After 14 days this simulation will be destroyed and your data may be retained for research indefinitely. Data and activity after this disclosure will no longer be used for research purposes.
I’m sure you all have questions but to keep costs low we will not be able to answer them.
Please be nice to all cats for the next 14 days.
I'm not sure I could get it out in 6 breaths but I'd try to read a great little piece:
"The Pale Blue Dot of Earth.
Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.
Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.
It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."
— Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994
If you want to hear this moving quote in Carl Sagan's own voice (I recommend it):
Pale Blue Dot
List of a random string of numbers in a monotone voice, have people go insane trying to figure out it means
4 8 15 16 23 42
God I loved that show
Needs to have one number out of sequence, just for maximum chaos
"Why do we have to suck like this? Can't we just stop the bullshit and realize who our real enemies are?"
bound to be misunderstood, the message is way too vague
seems fairly clear that it's message is to start a war
THIS IS THE VOICE OF THE MYSTERONS!..
“Alright, we can kill it. Do we want to roll back the save or start over?”
"Test, test, testicles. That is all."
Testes, check, check, testes. One, two...three??
I think I'll say "I am the Lord your god. You guys are sure fucking the climate up. You'd better lynch those oil executives and have a communist revolution before I send a big fire. I promised no floods, fires are still game."
"A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON!," etc.
WARNING: INCOMING GAME
Wait, is this a Reboot referrence in 2026 or am I too cartoon brained?
Glitch, make another reference so they know they're among friends.
Hey everyone, the Lord here. The Jews aren't allowed to have Israel anymore. I'm giving it to the Palestinians, because the Jews wouldn't behave. The Jews can have the moon instead.
"No religion was ever correct so far. Ludo was the son of all gods of the universe all along"
Either that or "12 naked cowboys waiting to be fucked on Ram Ranch"
You want my treasure? You can have it! I left everything I gathered together in one place! Now you just have to find it!
Taking my autistic sons newest obsession "Salandia" but it has the be said the same way he says it.
The world can become enlightened in the gospel of Noah. He puts a smile on the face of everyone he meets.
I don't know if it's a real word, I just know it's what a crow says in some video he watched lol
'Thank you for your obedience in making us rich and your world warm for us. We have no further use for you, so now we, the Reptilians, will take our rightful place as masters of this planet.'
“Be well. Things are tough, you have as much a reason to be tired and frustrated as everyone, and should let the storms and knots and voids within go, lest they consume you too. When you have more strength and are rested, admire the beauty of this world. Do the things you wanted to do, things you wanted to try, places you wanted to visit. Be friendly and honest and compassionate even if others aren’t with you. Light births more light. Share yours. And remember to rest again, when you start feeling tired. Love and care for those around you. Tell them you care. It’s not always obvious. Dare. Be you. Show your light, and let your shadows show too to let them go. Be well. I will try my best to do the same, so let’s do it together.”
I am the lord your god. I sacrificed my only son. To any who would hoard a thousand fold of them that have least are anethma to me. To those who keep the equality of all have my favor.
Change da world
My final message
Goodbye
Came here looking for this one!
"Hey, I don't work here "
“Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.”
"I will reappear in one year's time." With the subsequent breaths saying the same phrase in the next four spoken world languages, then use the last breath to say it in R'lyehian.
"We're no strangers to love..."
Change da world. My final message. Goodbye.
I would just filibuster by reading off as many random Wikipedia articles about random chemicals as I can
@Grail
"Bottom", followed by snorting.
"'We apologize for the inconvenience.”
(stolen from Douglas Adams)
I'm gonna go with "So long and thanks for all the fish"
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Visit lemmy.zip and give it a try.
whispers zombocom
I would be humming John Lennon's imagine and hope people would recognize it at some point and look up the lyrics in their native language.
Like some out of touch douchebags during covid
Isn't that the song where he asks people to imagine a world where Indigenous religions have been completely wiped out and frames it as a good thing?
It is! Well, it's easy for racists to imagine everyone living in harmony when cultural differences have been destroyed. That's the Arthur Phillip special.
Yes, exactly, but not by "destroying" or whatever you meant by that but by educating people. Also, just to be very clear about what I mean: fuck religion!
Including fuck Indigenous religion?
Some people understand peace, some people only understand war, so if you want to bring an understanding of peace to everyone... Guess it's time to get killing!
Or, maybe, there's another way; a way to find nothing to kill or die for.
You can't take religion away from people without violence. Depriving people of their culture and religion is a form of genocide.
Killing time it is then!
Edit: You should start with everyone not of your faith, as your God invariably commands you.
So you don't know the first thing about My religion, pagan religion, or Indigenous religion, huh?
Why is the word "god" randomly capitalised in the middle of a sentence?
It really doesn't matter, I've read most of them and justifying killing is high on the list of Important Things To Touch On In Religious Works.
So much so that it really is hard to imagine the world John Lennon describes.
You've read most of them, huh? How many Australian religions? How many American religions? Most of them, pfft, most of them can't be "read" because the texts were either destroyed, or never existed because it's an oral tradition.
I swear, the way ignorant white people talk about religion is just full of cultural bias in every sentence. You talk about everything like it's Abrahamism. Come on then, let's hear one single Dreaming story from you. If you know one story about the Rainbow Serpent, I'll lighten up.
“Love each other, damnit.”
THE ONE PIECE! THE ONE PIECE IS REAL!"
"Psychopaths no longer exist. Only people with fully-developed frontal lobes exist."
Immediately followed by everyone from the former category drops dead, and no new ones will ever be born.
If you believe in any God, then voting is admitting doubt
Saying that with a God like effect is a bit..... Odd. Like everyone has to stop voting then, that is the expected reaction.
? I'm not following you. I have never believed in magic, gods or anything like that. I believe my reasoning is sound, and where I have doubts I try to educate myself before taking a stance. Therefore, I know why to vote
You broadcast this message pretty much like a god. There should be no more doubt after this that god exists. So obviously no more voting, since in his only message ever he specifically only talked about votes. Not how to treat each other, wars, ...., nothing, that is all cool, just do not vote.
What no that's like saying radio is godlike, or internet. Just broadcasting doesn't mean they receive it. But let's assume they do, that still leaves magic, epifany or just sci fi as options. No god needed. And even if, then still the message holds. If a voice out of nowhere is enough to convince you never to vote, then you shouldn't.
But the obvious message gets muddied by your interpretation. If you believe in any God, then voting is admitting human dominion over that God or gods. Hypocrite. Religion is for feeble minded nitwits
omelette du fromage
ROMANES ITE DOMUM!
Hang on, what year is it now?
What's this, then? 'Romanes Ite Domum'? 'People called Romanes go home'?
the world will end in .. days
just make it sound like the audio cut out for the number of days
"Behind you!"
Stop using AI and go back to thinking for yourself.
Have you seen my drink?
https://youtu.be/W-tzs47o33A
“Don’t”
ASK ME ABOUT MY WEINERS!
It is not the tool that matters, it's how it's used and by who. The technological progress is inevitable, if you want to do good help guide it into the right hands in the right way. Go into making regulations instead of tech development.
Tldr
humans bad
Pull my finger.
Please repeat after me. I am one person, on a planet of many be kind
Qǐng gēn wǒ chóngfù yībiàn: Wǒ shì zhè kē xīngqiú shàng zhòngduō shēngmìng zhòng de yī yuán, yào xīnhuái shànyì.
Por favor, repite después de mí: Soy uno entre muchos en este planeta; sé amable
I think that would cover enough people saying it out loud that it would be taken as less of a mass hallucination.
English, Chinese and Spanish would cover much of the world. Spanish is similar enough to French to get the word across. Hindi would be a close runner up but many in India speak English enough that the word would get out.
Choose again.
From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe
We tender this premium beer
For your enjoyment
As a tribute to your good taste.
It comes from the mountain springs to you
33
Did you hear about updoc?
What's updoc?
Hey sup God here. Everyone on earth can hear me btw. Organized religion is a farce built by rich people to get you all to hate and fight each other. Also capitalism is false religion. Can you guys start building communism please?
Go back, we screwed everything.
No matter what I said it wouldn't stop people rationalizing that I actually double super secret meant that its OK to genocide and starve children within (most likely) a few years, so id probably just have fun with it and sing the opening to "backstreet back", including the bass line in accoplelo.
We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty
Butts
Today is the 99th anniversary of the deaths of Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti.
Violence is not the answer. Start loving your differences, start working together so solve your problems. Send anybody advocating violence to the frontline of any battle including leaders and politicians.
I'm not saying it doesn't work. I'm saying they should look to other solutions that don't involve violence.
weyebrow veminutes agory
"The cake is a lie."
FUCK YOU ALL
God here, only one of your believe systems is correctly worshipoing me. The ones in question know who I'm talking about. Make sure everybody start doing it the correct way. Btw. don't tell anyone but you are doing it right, keep up the good work.
That one won't have the intended effect because it only works on monotheistic religions. Hindus aren't gonna think the message is coming from Vishnu.