What are your favorite joke/insult names for corporations?
I'm thinking things like "Same-sung" For Samsung, because all their products look kinda generic and boring, or Ford standing for "Fix Or Repair Daily" because of the engineering and build quality, or "McDiabetes", for obvious reasons.
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I mean microslop is pretty dang good
Less good but also M$
Micro$lop
I bet they wish people had stuck with "Micro$oft"
I usually call them Microshaft
He already named his company after his dick
Swasticar
And their premier vehicle, the CyberStuck
There's a gas station chain called Kum & Go but it's also referred to as Jizz and Jet or Ejaculate and Evacuate.
Skeet & Yeet
Bust & Bounce
Nut & Bolt
Nut and Bolt is fucking great!
Nut & Bolt is getting added to the repertoire. Something about how the double meaning relies on changing them from two nouns to two verbs tickles something.
Blow Your Load and Hit the Road
Shoot your shot and ride your rod
With a name like that you could say they were screwed from the start.
There could be a whole thread just on the variations of that concept, but the most obvious for a gas station has to be "Pump and Dump"
I believe they just rebranded as Mavericks. At least the ones around me did.
Iirc, Maverick is/was its own chain. Maybe they got acquired. The name change seems like a good move.
Also, not to hail corporate too much, but the Maverick burritos are legitimately the best value meal for food to go in my area. About $7 for a big burrito that doesnt make me feel like shit, and that I can walk in the door and grab from under the heat lamp myself.
Honestly I hate to sound like an ad but I love mavericks. A: like you said, the burritos kick ass, no fast food breakfast even comes close, but B: they have the best implemented self-checkout of any place I've ever been to. No interruptions for special offers (but tbf the same can't be said for their pumps), they seem to take every kind of card and tap, it's not laggy and slow, no companion app necessary. It's just scan burrito, scan drink, scan card, bolt. If I know what I want I can be in and out in like a minute.
Second button down on either side of the screen mutes the ads. I keep a sharpie in my car and write it on the button.
Haven't been there in years but I recall the "Big azz" burruito was pretty good. I'm a Don Miguel's fan though. The blue or yellow wrapper varities were my favorites.
I have a queer friend that calls his GMC Yukon his Gay Man's Chariot. When we go places in it he usually initiates by saying something like "to the chariot"
That is both awesome and the best acronym for GMC I’ve heard. The best one I’d previously hears was Get My Chequebook.
Whole Foods -> Whole Paycheck
Walmart is its own insult.
I’ve never understood this. Whole Foods consistently costs less than competitors in my area.
That is a nightmare, sorry to hear
When I had a Samsung TV, I hated it intensely and printed a label that said "scamsung." That TV eventually went to the recyclers with that label still covering the Samsung one.
McDonalds→McDicks→McPenis. I'm mature.
Some ppl say "Mc D" or "Micky D" so ive taken to calling it "Mickeys D" or "Mickeys Dicky"
Where I am from we call it MacDuk
The American embassy for McDonalds
Found On Road Dead
Just Empty Every Pocket
Fix It Again Tony
I prefer "Find Immediate Alternative Transportation"
And wanted to add "Acutely Unreliable Despite Investment"
I haven't heard that one before! That's good!
Drips Oil Dirt & Grime Everwhere (or everyday)
Fehler In Allen Teilen (failure in all parts).
Für Italiener ausreichende Technik
Ive heard Fix Or Repair Daily
Ford: Fix It Again Tony
That's Fiyat Dale
There’s a trucking company called Swift that gets a lot of flak for hiring inexperienced drivers. One of the nicer ones is So What I Failed Training. The rudest one I’ve heard ends with Toddlers, you can probably work out the rest, but you probably shouldn’t.
Stevie Wonder Institute For Trucking is my personal favorite
See What I Fucked-up Today is another good one
Sure Wish I Finished Training.
See What I Fucked (up) Today
"Home Despot" is one of my favs from Joey Santore of crime pays but botany doesn't.
I've heard "Home Desparate" before
Always remember that Microsoft literally means small and limp.
It's Microslop now
So, I guess, the same? LOL
Nintendon't on account of their rabid intellectual property protection and litigious nature.
Works as both what they might say to would-be infringers as well as advice to avoid them. (Which people ignore because Zelda, Mario and childhood memories.)
Sega started that. “Sega does what Nintendon’t.” Going back to the 80s. Maybe 90s.
Interesting. For as long as I've been alive, it hasn't been legal here (UK) for a brand to specifically name and disparage another brand in their advertising like that. (This doesn't apply to political parties, for "reasons", but I digress.)
That is, I'm not sure how it came to be in my head. I had thought I had come up with it independently, but I have to admit there's a chance I've seen someone else use it over the intervening decades, and it has ultimately come from the advertising you're quoting.
That slogan was used for ads comparing the Genesis to the Super Nintendo. The SNES released in 1991 in North America so it's no older than that.
I don't ignore it, I'm aware. I buy their stuff regardless because it's that good.
Electronic Farts
Cockstar Games
Ubibad (pronounced You Be Bad)
Micro$haft (pre-MicroSlop era)
Nintendon't (thank you, SEGA)
Jizzard-Gotnovision
just Electronic
The arts are missing
Jimmy Johns: similar to Pei Wei & PF Chang's, there is a fancier, more expensive version of the restaurant named James Jonathan.
Fiat: Fix It Again Tony 🤌🏻🤌🏻
Google: it used to be an in joke with my friends to say "giggle it" instead of google it. Now we don't use google of course...
Best Buy: Worst Buy
Target: it is pronounced "tar-jay" because it is the fancy version of Walmart
711 was a part time job!
I always called BestBuy Worst Purchase
Ford = Found On Road Dead
Dodge (n.) - To avoid
And, Fix It Again, Tony.
I'd tell you what Pontiac stood for, if it was still the 1970s. It hasn't been politically correct since then.
Mopar: Nopower
Dear Old Dad’s Garage Experiment is what we used to call Dodge back in the day.
F*ckin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
Samsung --> Samsucks
PlayStation --> PayStation (Not a company name, but relevant enough)
Edit: more names I came up with (I don't use all of these but they are reserved in case I have to):
Roblox --> Blowblox
Discord --> Disscord
Apple --> Crapple
McDonald's --> FakeDonald's
Dunkin --> Bunkin
Sam's Club --> Scam's Club
NoPayStation is software used to download PS games to install on consoles with custom firmware. (I'm not sure if it downloads from PSN or just pirated copies from somewhere.)
Fiat: Fix It Again Tomorrow, Lotus: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
Food court near me named Choices gets called "Chances".
Pontiac stands for Poor Old Neanderthal Thinks It's A Cadillac.
When I grew up it wasn't neanderthal 🫤
Some friendlier ones. There was once an expensive camera brand called "Exakta" but Exakta owners affectionately called them "Approxima".
I worked near a slightly fancy Chinese restaurant called Royal East but my coworkers (who went there often) liked to call it "Royal Eats".
There was a nearby supermarket called Purity Supreme but people called it Poverty Supreme. That was waaaay before Whole Foods.
Amherst, Massachusetts was sometimes anagrammed to "Hamster". I mean you could address letters that way and they'd get there.
I sometimes call McDonalds „The Gilded Seagull Inn“
Fucking amazing. Some DnD game master is absolutely going to steal that and see how long it takes one of the players to break character.
Charbucks
Starfucks
Cock-a-Cola
Pisspi
Dr. Pecker
Shitzza Hut
Little Weiners
Mountain DooDoo
Ball-Mart
Worst Buy
Shams Club
Panda Sex Press
Sub-standard Way
Pizza Slut for Pizza Hut
McDoogles and Brogger Krog for mcds and burger king. Not sure why..
I still call it reddit. It is already the name of a joke of a corporation.
Walmart = Wally world Target = tarj mahal
Throwing Tar'je in the ring.
Delta
Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive
-or-
Doesn’t Ever Leave The Airport
Idiots Become Managers
Broadcum
But I've also just seen IBM and broadcom be used a verb for price hikes or rug pulls.
Comcrap Slaveway Krueger Home Despot
Accidenture.
In our household McDonald's is nearly universally McZargald's, based on the Calvin and Hobbes strip. They're not much good for anything except a reliable place to stop and take a leak when you're on the hyperspace bypass anyway.
Similarly, I don't think anyone in my circle has referred to that Baja Blast, chalupa, and fried chicken establishment as anything other than "Cluckin' Bell" for several decades thanks to the early 3D GTA games.
Before they became Microslop, they were Micro$haft in the IT world. The double entendre is self explanatory.
Everybody in Canada knows, "Crappy Tire".
Microslop, microcrap, goo-gle
Home cheapo (home depot) Hazzard fraught (hobo freight) Clown fair (town fair) Found on road dead (Ford) Bonus: what do u call a f150 with a dual exhaust? A wheelbarrow with heated grips. Fix it again tony (fiat) Just empty every pocket (jeep) Hanafartz (hannafords)
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lame Engineering Techniques (Chevrolet)
McDeath
Burger Death
Needless Markups
The Ford one made me think of a good one from old Top Gear:
LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
How Not To Build
Microslop, crApple, Scroogle (i know its from that lame MS commercial)
Warmart
I will never respect Facebook's attempted rebranding, especially not a rebranding based on the name of their hilariously failed product.
facebook is facebook. instagram is facebook. whatsapp is facebook.
Whenever my grandmother talks about United Parcel Service, she always says "ups", one syllable, instead of U-P-S like most people do.
Lately though, whenever she gets a package that arrives damaged, she calls them "Oops".
Whenever I'd encounter 18-wheelers out on the road, everyone has the usual jokes about Swift. Sure Wish I'd Finished Training, Stevie Wonder's Institute For Trucking, etc. but there's jokes for every large trucking company.
TMC: Turtles Moving Cargo
Prime Inc: Please Remember, I'm Missouri Educated
CRST: Crash 'n Roll Stunt Team
U.S. Express becomes Useless Express in my head. The list goes on.
Flip Over Read Directions
Home Despot
Blood Bath and Beyond
Wally World: But not for Walmart. When I was a teenager I worked for a garden center called "Walnut Ridge" and everyone that worked there referred to as that.
Blows hardware store.
I've always like Microshaft, I don't know if anyone still uses that since every one calls them Microslop now.
I also used to see people use Microshit occasionally.
Purolater not Puronow instead of Purolator
Day & Loss instead of Day & Ross
Loosit instead of Loomis.
Obviously I work in shipping and have to deal with a lot of courier companies
Edeker
BMW: Bring Moms Wallet
Not a corporation, but my late uncle used to call the show "Big Brother" the big bother
My family calls Au Bon Pain "House of Pain". We also say Pantera Bread and Dimmu Burger (for Burger King).
Luis vattion but pronounced like a dude you met in New York.
Chanel like Channel
Annie's for ana crombe and finch
"BD"H&M
Gucci but pronounced the same as Buc-ees
I just really hate those brands lol. I heard a homeless man cussing them out to himself while fishing talking about burning one down. I have more respect for him then those brands, so yeah fuck em