And that's why many people never 'grow up'. They refuse to take responsibility for themselves.
Blows my mind how many highly educated professionals in their 30s/40s think they are hapless victims and everyone else is the problem in their life. And they absolutely refuse to believe they have any power over their personal choices. As if the hand of god is forcing them to overspend, drink excessively, and otherwise hate their life.
I think my favorite is when they blame other people for 'upsetting' them by merely existing in a different way than they do...
Some never become adults, becoming an adult to me is self-realization. That you have the ability to think and make decisions with input on your own. That you are self-capable of change in your life. It's accepting you have responsibilities outside of just yourself. I feel hat's part of it.
Was about to say something similar. There's no real moment. It's not turning a certain agem it's when you realize you are a sum of everything you've done, your faults and your wins. When you realize how silly you were as a teenager and are glad you've moved on. No date, but you'll know when you already are.
Never. There is no line to cross, no milestone, nothing.
You will always be the same entity you are now. You should always work to improve yourself, but the stream of consciousness that is "you" is always going to be the same you.
Every day you wake up 1 day older and have 1 more day of accumulated experience. It's that accumulated experience that makes people think you're an "adult".
If you really absolutely need to assign a binary "I'm an adult" label, I think it's the day you realize that there is no such thing as an adult and all the people you thought were adults and therefore could handle adult responsibilities were actually just making it all up as they went, the same as you are doing right now.
Well said. At this point in my life I can say I am an adult, but I can’t say when it happened. It was just a dawning realization one day, that was oh, “I’m the adult now.”
I think it’s when you decide it, plenty of children walking around in grown bodies paying bills but also letting the whims of the world carry them with their current never taking a stand and steering their own lives. To be an adult is both a choice to be free from undue influence but also to be fully responsible for your own actions.
I read somewhere that a parent's job in life was to make themselves unecessary to their children.
Parent does everything for a baby, but as the child gets older a parent teaches them to do more and more stuff for themselves: getting dressed, tying shoelaces, reading, good study habits, time management, relationships, cooking, good financial practice, etc. Eventually the parent has nothing left to teach the child and is no longer necessary (though hopefully their company is still appreciated). That would be the point at which the child becomes an adult.
I'm lucky enough to be in my 30s and still have grandpa and his wife (my grandma by all accounts, but she doesn't want to be called that because it makes her feel old). I was visiting with them recently and said "I still feel like a stupid teenager. I don't feel like I'm an adult that knows what they're doing, I'm just doing the best I can" and my 83 year old grandpa replied "sweetheart, I still feel like I'm in my 20s, I don't think anyone ever really figures it out, no one knows how to be an adult".
When the prefrontal cortex is mostly formed, somewhere around 25 to 30. It's the part that helps inhibition, like controlling your emotions and impulses, and also the last part of the brain to be finished. It's quite downhill from there!
That lack of inhibitions can come back late in life. I've worked with many patients with frontal lobe impairment, and it always makes me wonder if the damage made them like this, or if this is what they were hiding before. Like, one old lady who always appeared so classy and proper, and then now all she talks about is poop. Every sentence is about pooping.
It could happen to any of us, and I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you, like me, aren't constantly suppressing potty-mouth.
I kinda wonder the opposite, if there is a part of them buried and suffering that really cringes at themselves and would like to stop but has no control over these compulsions.
Well, that was just how it expressed itself for her. For me it might be saying "whoa, nice butt!" when someone with a nice butt walks by, because that is definitely what I am thinking but not saying. Someone else might have violent thoughts or whatever.
When they no longer feel a desire to argue with reality that they have faced fully (no lying to oneself) and have accepted that everything is temporary.
And they understand that the above is not a call for nihilism and resignation, but inner peace.
In my personal experience this happens when you start taking responsibility on.
Society at large depends on members ensuring certain things, even at their own peril, without concepts of fairness and such, so others don't have to worry about negative circumstance affecting them.
The most simple form of that is parenthood and similar concepts. You take responsibility for other live because at first they can't do that themselves. No matter if you are hungry or cold or tired, you will always provide for this life at any cost.
Responsibility can take many forms. Start a business, take responsibility for your employees stable paycheck. Choose a job that society needs done like nursing or such.
In theory every full member of society takes on a little responsibility more or less to their ability which results in a stable social construct.
So I would say: taking on responsibility makes you an adult. I have heard that phrased often as "realizing life is not fair", which usually comes with taking on responsibility for others and yourself.
There are plenty of faux metrics like age. You can find plenty of old people unable to take on basic responsibility. There is plenty of experienced or wealthy or educated people that can't be trusted with anything but maybe looking out for their own interests.
Taking on responsibility has to happen responsibly, nothing worse than taking on too much and drowning while exposing others to negative consequence from that. So taking responsibility for your own life entails realizing that you put your own oxygen mask on first and then start helping others if you have the choice.
When I was in college (so maybe 20 or 21 years old), I asked my mom when I would start feeling like an adult. Without missing a beat, she said "I dunno. If you find out, let me know!" <3
I guess I started feeling more like a "real" adult when I started working full-time and rented a house instead of an apartment, though now even that pales in comparison to when I finally purchased my own home. Each phase of life feels more "grown-up" than the last, with new perspectives, greater understanding of my relationships with God and people, and matured confidence going into the new phase's challenges. And yet I'm still me at heart--as I like to call it, "a big kid with bills." I am very blessed.
Adult is essentially like age-based gender. Different cultures say adulthood starts at different ages, physical markers, or after some ritual transition, and assign adults a certain role in society. Some people identify as adult or not adult regardless of what their culture assigns to them. It's all part of the arbitrary, usually unspoken rules each culture defines for itself.
Some people identify as adult or not adult regardless of what their culture assigns to them
Uhm are you disagreeing about the intent of this individual because you are unfamiliar with this particular talking point or are you also advocating for raping children, Virtvirt588? Because one of their things is that they should be allowed to identify as a child in order to have sex with children, and this is that. Or are you just on their side?
It's not a talking point. It's a description of fact into which you have added your own inferences. Regardless of whether you or I agree that it is legitimate to do so, some people DO identify as the things as which they identify. Identification is a mental state, not a description of externally accepted reality. The pope identifies as a servant of god whether or not it's true.
Okay. I will say this forthrightly. You are wrong. You are inserting ideas into what I said that simply aren't there. You are identifying as a good person to yourself by attacking an imaginary version of me. You are not a good person. You are attacking a stranger on the internet out of your own self-righteous foolishness. You are wrong. You are deluding yourself and you should probably seek professional help rather than being online.
I hope that's clear enough for you. I will not be talking to you further.
Other xennial here, can confirm. Always felt like there would be some defining moment or like clear transition of my priorities. I am basically slowly melting into adulthood and I’m not even all the way there yet.
It’s weird for us because we still like a lot of things we are told are just for kids; like animated shows and video games - even though they clearly make some of those things for adults.
Well, in the legal sense, I suppose it has to do with contracts and contract law. Some time ago in the US, it was determined that 18 was the legal age for adulthood because by then a person would be old enough to understand the terms of a contract and hold to those terms. Marriage is a contract. Military service is a contract. Getting a loan/mortgage is a contract.
It varies but I would say typically around 25. Years 18-24 are still mostly spent coming to terms with adult responsibilities and unlearning oversimplified teenager worldviews.
Life altering events or lack of can influence this one way or the other. Like moving out, starting a relationship, having children or loss of someone close. (Literally anything that makes one re-evaluate ones values and thinking)
Like someone living with their spouse and 2 children at age of 25 will likely act more mature than say socially isolated NEET still living at their parents at age 30. (Not trying to shame with the latter, just pointing out how life experience outweighs age in this)
I spiritually felt like an adult at 16, which was also the traditional age of majority here, but then i moved back in with my parents to do university and felt less and less like an adult
I'm definitely more fond of the idea it's a different age for different people. I started puberty early and always felt other people my age were out of step with me - people like me physically and mentally become adults sooner than other people. (But we shouldn't try and use this in regards to consent laws or drinking age, of course)
But the most important consideration is if you treat people well and do things on your own initiative.
To me having the bar be some outside goal seems so strange? So if a person is disabled and can’t “earn a living” or have the ability to navigate “the things needed for day to day life” whatever that means since it’s different for everyone, remains a child? To me this is a very dangerous way of defining adulthood and anyone denied the opportunity to earn money/gain skills is subjugated to being a child? Historically speaking this would make nearly all women children until the 1970s. Adulthood is a mindset
This question makes me think of a scene from one of the Little House On The Prairie books where one of the characters, a teenager (Mannie maybe?) is registering for a homestead in a new settlement area. The government agent is asking for his details: Name, birthplace, age.
Until relatively recently, in common law and some civil law countries you weren't fully autonomous from your gaurdian until you turned 21. At which point you no longer needed a gaurdians approval to make some legally binding decisions. Some institutions (eg car rental & insurance companies) find 25 to be the cut off for risky behavior. However, these measures don't capture emotional maturity as I've met people in their 50s that still act like teenagers.
I remember one time someone told me "being an adult is when you realise you can cook yourself bacon whenever you want, and just eat it, and nobody will stop you".
It's a gradual thing. People (are supposed to) acquire more and more agency and responsibility as they grow and at some fuzzy point they are the main responsible for their own life. Some people never really get there.
That is a very subjective question with no right or wrong answer. If we're talking legally, generally on their 18th birthday. But in a more practical sense, well I guess it happens sort of gradually. Some might say when they internally feel like an adult. Some might say when they behave like an adult. Some might say when they have adult responsibilities like a job or a family.
For me, it’s when you start paying utility bills out of your own pocket. So even if you’re living with your parents/relatives but you are old enough to be contributing with household expenses, you’re now an adult.
What about all the adults without jobs or parents whose labor primarily stays in the home? I think a stay at home parent with no income is still an adult.
A child knows the adult drink is coffee.
A teenager knows the adult drink is alcohol.
An adult knows the adult drink is water.
I like this and the "when you wish you were young" answers the most
Biologically: After pueberty.
Socially: Around 31.
Realistically: Never.
43, here. Based on anecdotal evidence I'm disputing your second statement, and confirming the third.
By the way, imma be a crane driver when I grow up.
My definition of an adult is simple:
"To be an adult, a person has to understand when it is appropriate to be childish"
Me: like right now! Look at that belly, I'm gonna rub it! Does it tickle, does it tickle? You can't hold back the laughter forever!
The surgeon: sir please get out of the operating room
It's a spectrum
When you are at the point where essentially everything in your life is up to you. You make the decisions, you deal with the problems.
Gen X kids were adults at 8.
My Gen X mother still isn't an adult.
And that's why many people never 'grow up'. They refuse to take responsibility for themselves.
Blows my mind how many highly educated professionals in their 30s/40s think they are hapless victims and everyone else is the problem in their life. And they absolutely refuse to believe they have any power over their personal choices. As if the hand of god is forcing them to overspend, drink excessively, and otherwise hate their life.
I think my favorite is when they blame other people for 'upsetting' them by merely existing in a different way than they do...
Some never become adults, becoming an adult to me is self-realization. That you have the ability to think and make decisions with input on your own. That you are self-capable of change in your life. It's accepting you have responsibilities outside of just yourself. I feel hat's part of it.
Was about to say something similar. There's no real moment. It's not turning a certain agem it's when you realize you are a sum of everything you've done, your faults and your wins. When you realize how silly you were as a teenager and are glad you've moved on. No date, but you'll know when you already are.
A hat is definitely part of it!
A good, stylish hat helps certainly.
Never. There is no line to cross, no milestone, nothing.
You will always be the same entity you are now. You should always work to improve yourself, but the stream of consciousness that is "you" is always going to be the same you.
Every day you wake up 1 day older and have 1 more day of accumulated experience. It's that accumulated experience that makes people think you're an "adult".
If you really absolutely need to assign a binary "I'm an adult" label, I think it's the day you realize that there is no such thing as an adult and all the people you thought were adults and therefore could handle adult responsibilities were actually just making it all up as they went, the same as you are doing right now.
Well said. At this point in my life I can say I am an adult, but I can’t say when it happened. It was just a dawning realization one day, that was oh, “I’m the adult now.”
Apparently it depends on skin colour and the severity of the charges. /s
I think it’s when you decide it, plenty of children walking around in grown bodies paying bills but also letting the whims of the world carry them with their current never taking a stand and steering their own lives. To be an adult is both a choice to be free from undue influence but also to be fully responsible for your own actions.
When they start acting like it.
Which (to me) mostly means taking responsibility for their actions and taking care of the responsibilities they have.
Self-sufficiency, responsibility
I read somewhere that a parent's job in life was to make themselves unecessary to their children.
Parent does everything for a baby, but as the child gets older a parent teaches them to do more and more stuff for themselves: getting dressed, tying shoelaces, reading, good study habits, time management, relationships, cooking, good financial practice, etc. Eventually the parent has nothing left to teach the child and is no longer necessary (though hopefully their company is still appreciated). That would be the point at which the child becomes an adult.
Or... is that the point when the parent (having now learned what it takes to make someone else independent) finally becomes an adult?
When they decide to
Maybe even a bit more every time they decide to.
Some bits of adulting are harder than other bits
I'm lucky enough to be in my 30s and still have grandpa and his wife (my grandma by all accounts, but she doesn't want to be called that because it makes her feel old). I was visiting with them recently and said "I still feel like a stupid teenager. I don't feel like I'm an adult that knows what they're doing, I'm just doing the best I can" and my 83 year old grandpa replied "sweetheart, I still feel like I'm in my 20s, I don't think anyone ever really figures it out, no one knows how to be an adult".
So i think the answer is: never
When you are legally considered that in your country's law. Any other distinction is fuzzy and unlikely to be really useful.
No guarantee that you are gonna be an adult once you reach a certain age treshold, though. There are many children in grown people's bodies out there.
Around adulthood.
When they start thinking about the consequences of their actions, and act accordingly instead of following pure impulse.
When there's a bump in the night and you're the one responsible to go find out what it was
When the prefrontal cortex is mostly formed, somewhere around 25 to 30. It's the part that helps inhibition, like controlling your emotions and impulses, and also the last part of the brain to be finished. It's quite downhill from there!
That lack of inhibitions can come back late in life. I've worked with many patients with frontal lobe impairment, and it always makes me wonder if the damage made them like this, or if this is what they were hiding before. Like, one old lady who always appeared so classy and proper, and then now all she talks about is poop. Every sentence is about pooping.
I'm certain the damage made them like that.
It could happen to any of us, and I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you, like me, aren't constantly suppressing potty-mouth.
I kinda wonder the opposite, if there is a part of them buried and suffering that really cringes at themselves and would like to stop but has no control over these compulsions.
Well, that was just how it expressed itself for her. For me it might be saying "whoa, nice butt!" when someone with a nice butt walks by, because that is definitely what I am thinking but not saying. Someone else might have violent thoughts or whatever.
You become an adult when you wish you were young again
When I was 10 I wished I was 7 again, so idk about that
When they no longer feel a desire to argue with reality that they have faced fully (no lying to oneself) and have accepted that everything is temporary.
And they understand that the above is not a call for nihilism and resignation, but inner peace.
When they learn to be ok with cleaning the icky stuff from the sink.
Nah. But doing it anyway, yes.
In my personal experience this happens when you start taking responsibility on.
Society at large depends on members ensuring certain things, even at their own peril, without concepts of fairness and such, so others don't have to worry about negative circumstance affecting them.
The most simple form of that is parenthood and similar concepts. You take responsibility for other live because at first they can't do that themselves. No matter if you are hungry or cold or tired, you will always provide for this life at any cost.
Responsibility can take many forms. Start a business, take responsibility for your employees stable paycheck. Choose a job that society needs done like nursing or such.
In theory every full member of society takes on a little responsibility more or less to their ability which results in a stable social construct.
So I would say: taking on responsibility makes you an adult. I have heard that phrased often as "realizing life is not fair", which usually comes with taking on responsibility for others and yourself.
There are plenty of faux metrics like age. You can find plenty of old people unable to take on basic responsibility. There is plenty of experienced or wealthy or educated people that can't be trusted with anything but maybe looking out for their own interests.
Taking on responsibility has to happen responsibly, nothing worse than taking on too much and drowning while exposing others to negative consequence from that. So taking responsibility for your own life entails realizing that you put your own oxygen mask on first and then start helping others if you have the choice.
EXACTLY MIDNIGHT LOCAL TIME ON THE CALENDAR DATE EIGHTEEN YEARS SUBSEQUENT TO THEIR BIRTH AS RECORDED ON A LEGAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE
/s
The moment they accept they don't know everything/they can be wrong.
Something that can happen at any age bracket, imho...
Thinking about it, that may also mean quite a few people will never turn adults no matter how old they are.
When I was in college (so maybe 20 or 21 years old), I asked my mom when I would start feeling like an adult. Without missing a beat, she said "I dunno. If you find out, let me know!" <3
I guess I started feeling more like a "real" adult when I started working full-time and rented a house instead of an apartment, though now even that pales in comparison to when I finally purchased my own home. Each phase of life feels more "grown-up" than the last, with new perspectives, greater understanding of my relationships with God and people, and matured confidence going into the new phase's challenges. And yet I'm still me at heart--as I like to call it, "a big kid with bills." I am very blessed.
Adult is essentially like age-based gender. Different cultures say adulthood starts at different ages, physical markers, or after some ritual transition, and assign adults a certain role in society. Some people identify as adult or not adult regardless of what their culture assigns to them. It's all part of the arbitrary, usually unspoken rules each culture defines for itself.
This is a MAP people do not upvote them they are advocating for child rape.
That is one hell of a strawman you got there.
Uhm are you disagreeing about the intent of this individual because you are unfamiliar with this particular talking point or are you also advocating for raping children, Virtvirt588? Because one of their things is that they should be allowed to identify as a child in order to have sex with children, and this is that. Or are you just on their side?
It's not a talking point. It's a description of fact into which you have added your own inferences. Regardless of whether you or I agree that it is legitimate to do so, some people DO identify as the things as which they identify. Identification is a mental state, not a description of externally accepted reality. The pope identifies as a servant of god whether or not it's true.
Okay. I will say this forthrightly. You are wrong. You are inserting ideas into what I said that simply aren't there. You are identifying as a good person to yourself by attacking an imaginary version of me. You are not a good person. You are attacking a stranger on the internet out of your own self-righteous foolishness. You are wrong. You are deluding yourself and you should probably seek professional help rather than being online.
I hope that's clear enough for you. I will not be talking to you further.
projecting much?
again, projecting much?
Can you elaborate on that or is it just something someone said to you once and now you say it but really don't understand how to use?
i believe your brain needs a lil' workout, since you're accusing people of things that aren't even there.
so it'd be funny if i did not elaborate
When all your dreams are dead.
Nice, already grown up after my parents didnt buy me the console I always wanted when I was 9.
Do you mean physically or mentally, because the former happened to me without my permission and I'm still waiting on the latter to happen.
For context, I'm a Xennial.
Other xennial here, can confirm. Always felt like there would be some defining moment or like clear transition of my priorities. I am basically slowly melting into adulthood and I’m not even all the way there yet.
It’s weird for us because we still like a lot of things we are told are just for kids; like animated shows and video games - even though they clearly make some of those things for adults.
Well, in the legal sense, I suppose it has to do with contracts and contract law. Some time ago in the US, it was determined that 18 was the legal age for adulthood because by then a person would be old enough to understand the terms of a contract and hold to those terms. Marriage is a contract. Military service is a contract. Getting a loan/mortgage is a contract.
You get your adult trophy after a serious bout of cleaning
https://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
June....
When your primary concern is to help others rather than have others help you.
You're a child until you're 30.
Being an "Adult" just means there is a 50 - 50 that you are able to recognize the right decision / course of action in any given situation.
NOTHING guarantees that this recognition means anything at all...
for me it was when I was responsible for more than just myself.
I'm responsible for my spouse, my kids, the team I managed, etc.
I have to say, it's not worth it 🤣
It varies but I would say typically around 25. Years 18-24 are still mostly spent coming to terms with adult responsibilities and unlearning oversimplified teenager worldviews.
Life altering events or lack of can influence this one way or the other. Like moving out, starting a relationship, having children or loss of someone close. (Literally anything that makes one re-evaluate ones values and thinking)
Like someone living with their spouse and 2 children at age of 25 will likely act more mature than say socially isolated NEET still living at their parents at age 30. (Not trying to shame with the latter, just pointing out how life experience outweighs age in this)
I spiritually felt like an adult at 16, which was also the traditional age of majority here, but then i moved back in with my parents to do university and felt less and less like an adult
I'm definitely more fond of the idea it's a different age for different people. I started puberty early and always felt other people my age were out of step with me - people like me physically and mentally become adults sooner than other people. (But we shouldn't try and use this in regards to consent laws or drinking age, of course)
But the most important consideration is if you treat people well and do things on your own initiative.
It's the moment you figure out your parents didn't have it figured out and were just making it up as they went along.
True adulthood starts when you forgive them for the mistakes they made and try and do better.
For most people never.
Petulant middle-aged children as far as the eye can see with few exceptions.
To me having the bar be some outside goal seems so strange? So if a person is disabled and can’t “earn a living” or have the ability to navigate “the things needed for day to day life” whatever that means since it’s different for everyone, remains a child? To me this is a very dangerous way of defining adulthood and anyone denied the opportunity to earn money/gain skills is subjugated to being a child? Historically speaking this would make nearly all women children until the 1970s. Adulthood is a mindset
In north america its when you realize you are always miserable and none of this is what you planned for or went to school for
when you buy a sensible hat
Personally, I felt like a "real adult" at age 30.
This question makes me think of a scene from one of the Little House On The Prairie books where one of the characters, a teenager (Mannie maybe?) is registering for a homestead in a new settlement area. The government agent is asking for his details: Name, birthplace, age.
"Oh, you can put me down for 18" wink
Until relatively recently, in common law and some civil law countries you weren't fully autonomous from your gaurdian until you turned 21. At which point you no longer needed a gaurdians approval to make some legally binding decisions. Some institutions (eg car rental & insurance companies) find 25 to be the cut off for risky behavior. However, these measures don't capture emotional maturity as I've met people in their 50s that still act like teenagers.
I remember one time someone told me "being an adult is when you realise you can cook yourself bacon whenever you want, and just eat it, and nobody will stop you".
When you stop trying to prove to people that you're an adult.
It's a gradual thing. People (are supposed to) acquire more and more agency and responsibility as they grow and at some fuzzy point they are the main responsible for their own life. Some people never really get there.
When they gain the appreciation of society, which is childish and whimsical.
According to Ally Sheedy's character in the Breakfast Club, it's when your heart dies.
That is a very subjective question with no right or wrong answer. If we're talking legally, generally on their 18th birthday. But in a more practical sense, well I guess it happens sort of gradually. Some might say when they internally feel like an adult. Some might say when they behave like an adult. Some might say when they have adult responsibilities like a job or a family.
When you act against your better interests and act in the interests of others.
For me, it’s when you start paying utility bills out of your own pocket. So even if you’re living with your parents/relatives but you are old enough to be contributing with household expenses, you’re now an adult.
What about all the adults without jobs or parents whose labor primarily stays in the home? I think a stay at home parent with no income is still an adult.
When they consistently act like one. When they take full responsibility for themself and their actions.
When you’re seen as an adult by society
18 years old, no need to complicate it
“It’s relative. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION ON THIS MATTER!”
depends on the country.
When your first child starts walking and destroying things.
Without further definition from OP, I’m worried that this question is more disturbing than we’re all realizing. This is the internet after all
I'd be more worried about their intents if they worked for the government than if they were an internet user.
"You can't shoot me, I'm still a child at heart, that'd be a war crime!"