You guys have any conversation starters to offer a poor lemming?
The semester is starting back up and i'm terrible at speaking words.
This doesn't have to be aimed at college students, just conversation starters anywhere would be very much appreciated.
101 replies
Situational commentary is a great way to start. Look around, comment on what you see to your soon-to-be conversation partner. Especially easy if anything out of the ordinary happens: thunderstorm, someone busking, squirrel appears etc. Make a comment, ask a question, go with the flow
Correct answer.
This is an old post i saved for this kind of moment so here ya go.
About 6 or 7 years ago my college roommate told me: Conversation isn’t something any one person is good or bad at, it’s a skill like anything else. Everything changed once I thought about it like this.
The more new people you talk to the easier it is. Especially the opposite sex.
Everyone else has their own anxieties and fears. They’re just better at hiding it or masking it than you. Use this to your advantage to point out things you have in common and relate to them.
When someone talks, LISTEN. Don’t worry about your posture, your dog, your clothing. Listen to them. If you don’t understand something, stop them and ask. Engage with them. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t know.
Ask open ended questions. Don’t ask, “Did you have a good day?” Instead ask “What was the best part about your day?” “What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about your job?” Make them feel important. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. So do you. Take that feeling and shove it way down. When they ask about you, that’s your turn to shine. If they don’t, you don’t really want to be friends anyway.
Never one-up people. Even if you are way better, or know way more than the person talking to you, build them up.
If someone is telling a story or saying something and they get cut off, find the next opportunity to bring them back in. “Hey, _______ you were talking about X, what did you want to say?”
Laugh at their jokes. Laugh at your jokes. We’re all weird brains walking around in these skin things. Don’t take it so seriously.
You will remember your mistakes WAY more than anyone else. Stop taking yourself so seriously.
My last and 2nd most important tip. Start every conversation with a compliment. I don’t care if they’re a dude and you’re straight as fuck. I don’t care if they’re mean, evil to you, or disagree with you politically in every way. Find something about the way they look, and compliment it. Someone did this to me once when I was a new guest at someone’s apartment. “Hey man, that’s an awesome jacket, where’d you get it?” I fucking loved that jacket. And I was self conscious about it. I felt instantly at home.
Take the things you like, and be that person for someone else. If you’re on a date, be genuinely interested in that person.
These are things that worked for me. Find your own style.
The #1 tip!! Go into EVERY room as if people will like you. Seriously. Walk through any door, in front of any group of people and smile. They. Will. Like you. Keep that in the front of your mind and you will enjoy conversations with anyone.
As someone who used to be terrible at socializing but had to learn because I'm an extrovert you've more or less summed it up.
Charisma is real and it's a factor, but it's more like having a good voice and natural presence for public speaking rather than the skills to confront stage fright, properly comport yourself on stage, and work with an audience. A person with 0 interpersonal charisma may never be making a living off socialization, but if they build skills they can easily be well liked and have plenty of friends and a partner. Meanwhile a person with a ton of charisma and no social skills is going to have a hard time keeping people around.
But yeah, practice, practice, practice. And as someone else said, benign comments are great tools. "Some weather we've been having", complimenting something someone is wearing especially if it's bold (as someone who likes bold looks "that [thing] is bold and you make it work" is great), or even "ugh this is way too [early/late/midday] for this [everyday bullshit]
Complimenting people on their outfits is a great one. I do this a lot (the folks in my town are great dressers, what can I say?) and while about half just say thank you and move on (perfectly fine), I have had some people follow up with some other comment, like where they got it from. The last compliment I gave was to a woman with a cute skirt and she was like, "Thanks! I keep looking for the pockets."
Honestly some grade A advice! Im definitely stealing this No take back!! :P
With #4, don't be surprised if they give you a short almost unengaged answer. They might not be warmed up, they might have something else going on ,or they just aren't interested. Either way, give them a couple of chances to signal if they want to join your flow. If not, that's cool... Just move on.
"Have you noticed gum has gotten mintier lately?"
You just reignited an ancient synapse. I'm now forced to use it at work on Monday.
The thing about Arsenal is they're always trying to walk it in.
Wut was Wenguh finkin sendin Walcaw in!?
Hello fellow humans! Have you consumed any good carbohydrates today?
Greetings fellow humans! have you consumed your daily complex carbohydrates and proteins today, and consumed a liquid with a organic suspension of the extracts from the plants coffea arabica.
I expect to able to function within normal parameters once i have consumed the usual quantity. Until then I would appreciate being left to my own devices.
He speaks of the dirty bean water!
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Not much room for dialogue from there.
But it does tell you if the other person likes dark humor or not. Not a given these days, and definitely something you want to know from the jump.
Eat any good books lately?
Oh, very good Worf
Talk about what you're interested in. Or let the other person talk about what they're interested in and be engaged in the conversation. Either way you build report
Rapport, not report btw
"Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?"
When making small talk, ask for opinions farther down someone's list. Like, "What was the third best trip you ever took?" It catches people off guard in a good way, and garners better answers than asking for their top choice.
You can do it the other way, too. Saying, "that was the fourth funniest thing I have ever seen" immediately prompts questions from your audience. Just be ready with a good follow-up story if you try this.
Another option is to learn little party tricks that don't require much talking. Learn to fold simple origami, or some coin tricks, or whatever. When you're with a group of people and you don't know what to add to the conversation, you quietly do your thing until someone notices. Suddenly a banal moment becomes a memorable moment and you didn't have to say anything.
That's the third most autistic thing I've read on Lemmy today.
What was the fourth?
That's the 11th funniest comment I've read today!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
He was sitting on the deck.
hearty pirate laughter
"ARR ARR ARRR!"
Yes, this is indeed what it sounds like. But when I wrote it out like that, I couldn't help but imagine seal noises.
Damned seal pirates. Scourge of the seas!
What's a pirates favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be Rrrrrr, but a pirates first love is the C!
What's a pirates least favorite letter?
"We regret to inform you we have detected illegal tormenting at your home IP address...."
The other pirate couldn't steer his ship because the only wheel he had was sticking out of his pants. If you asked if it bothered him he'd say "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Beautiful city we live in... Have any good advice on interesting places to visit or things to do that are off the beaten path?
You might get some great places to visit you might not know of and you might start up a nice conversation with someone interesting. Don't be afraid to ask followup questions to engage in more conversation.
Relax, smile and be yourself! Most importantly have fun with it.
For people I know a little I usually talk about something recent that happened in one of our common areas of interest (e.g. new game releases, what we played recently, what annoyed or hyped me, books we bought and / or read, ...).
Another friend of mine became a parent two years ago and this and the house they are currently building are actually the only things she can talk about anymore, so I adapted and usually start with something one of my niblings did recently (e.g. my 3 year old niece told everyone she can't wait to finally grow up and can do what she wants like going alone to school, eat fries and dance! All very nice life goals IMHO and a good convo starter :D)
For people I know less I try to find something that relates to the current situation (like how I experience things, or what they are currently doing, ...). I feel like it's important, that you are genuine as in you are actually interested in what you are talking about and what the other person has to say.
E.g. after class you can discuss your perception of the lesson (that was loooong / interesting / difficult / ...) and ask them how they perceived it. Or if you meet someone for the first time you can ask how they decided to go to this class and continue from there.
Fun fact: I found my friends at uni (still friends > 10 years later) by befriending the weirdest guy in the group and then being introduced by him. He loved to talk about toilets, maths and how he felt like the Mensa was his new mom. He was super smart and weird and actually everyone liked him because he was honest and real. I used this as a cue to overshare all my weird family stories in that group (not the best conversation starters), I guess the shock value still worked :D
In the end it feels way more difficult, than it is. I still sweat like I've walked a marathon every time. The best tip is that you're genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. If something really doesn't interest you, engage in another topic or ask friendly for more insights, maybe you'll learn something new. Stay friendly and appreciate the time, the person is spending with you and you're good!
Thanks, this is a really insightful response.
As another commenter said, situational commentary is a good way to start a convo with a stranger.
But your deeper issue is almost certainly anxiety. The real way you learn to start conversation is by just saying whatever the fuck. Then notice if people are interested, amused, confused, angry, etc - and then continuing from there. Over time, you naturally, without trying, start thinking of things which garber positive reactions from others, and become more adept at guaging their reactions, which drives further inprovement. Anxiety hinders you on both of these fronts - taking action (saying something) and noticing peoples reactions.
Be aware of this anxiety, notice it, and remind yourself that it doesn't actually mean anything. If you say something weird, so what? Lots of people say weird things in college. That's what college is for. Being a good conversationalist is a skill, and as a skill, you will suck at it at first. Sucking at it is simply part of the process. So allow yourself the ability to suck at conversations long enough to get good at them.
If you know you are going to be in an informal group setting (for example, going on a camping trip where everyone will be sitting around a campfire), get a copy of the book 3000 Questions About Me. Everyone takes turns thinking of a random number between 1 and 3000, and then everyone answers the question. It's kind of a fun game, but it gets deep really fast.
"Don't mean to brag, but I just shit myself." 😏
Make an observation, any observation, and say something about it. You'll find that it's fun talking to randos even for just a few words. Like if you say "This line is long." And they just grunt.
And about silly things. I was at a restaurant and, as listed in the menu, they has a "boneless chicken pot pie". So I asked the waitress if I coukd have the chicken bone in. Silly things like that.
Hope that helps 🙂
IT GOTTA HAVE THE BONES I WILL TAKE NOTHIN LESS
You hear about Pluto? That’s messed up!
Hello, fellow Psycho
Start talking about The Spanish Inquisition. Nobody ever expects that.
'Ave you seen that ludicrous display last night?
(apologies, I don't like talking to people)
That's the thing about Arsenal
Can you hear that?
What?
Sounds almost like... Ice breaking.
What music/game/ movie have you been into lately ?
What have you created lately?
How do you feel about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the patriarchy?
All normal things
Hi.
I started training myself by asking people for the time. I don't think that works so well now that everybody has a phone on them all of the time. I would also compliment people on something they were wearing, for example. Everybody loves that.
It's easier to start with something small like that. Then once you're comfortable asking and interacting with someone about that simple question, you can go for something more open ended.
Fashion compliments if you see someone wearing a cool shirt or a good looking style, makes the day of the person, even if no followup conversation happens! (i got a compliment regarding a shirt once, and i am still thinking back to that - it's been years)
Just check yourself against accidental sexism/intimidation, because I'm sure no lemming would do it on purpose, and rephrase if necessary.
'That's the third best t-shift I've ever seen! I MUST have it!', or what how could you picture if being said wrong?
"I must have it!" or "where can I get one?" is a good addition, makes it clear you're paying attention to the shirt, not what's under it.
(Edit to add, the same words can come off different depending on who's talking to whom. For example, a guy compliments another guy's new shoes and adds, "I bet you can run really fast in those!" It's a funny nostalgic meme reference. The same sentence to a random girl, she's starting to wonder if she'll be running from him....)
I know you're following up on previous comments but to me, adding "third" feels a bit clickbaity, and also a bit backhanded, like you're starting an argument rather than a conversation.
My favorite conversation starter works great in college but also everywhere else! But you have to actually be interested in the answer, whatever it may be.
“So, what have you learned or learned about recently, say in the last 6 months, that you found particularly interesting, and what about it is interesting to you?”
They usually ask for some sort of clarification because nobody starts conversations this way, and I frequently have to emphasize that I want to know what they found interesting, not what they think I will find interesting.. But if they have anything to talk about, you’ll hear it, very quickly. Saves a ton of time with small talk (I’m low-masking autistic; small talk is pain)
One of my favorites was some random old guy at a bar who designed the machines for making trash bags. He told me about some new design quirk he’d come across that was going to improve the machines, and he was very pleased to tell me all about how it worked and could be implemented.
It also weeds out boring people who legit have nothing other than themselves to talk about, like the people who try to explain sports or something.. if that’s really what they are into, cool, but they never choose interesting deep info, just basic superficial stuff. Those conversations never go anywhere, but at least I didn’t waste much time!
This also works with friends you’ve had for ages! It’s a great “I have nothing to talk about but I’m bored and want to talk to you” sort of thing.
Not a great lead itself, but a useful poke a hippy at a festival taught me when the opening conversation starts to fizzle out a bit: "what do you want to tell me? It can be anything at all, take a moment to think about it." Then sit with the silence a bit (don't stare at them, let them think).
Some people will tell you some wild shit and/or open up like crazy if given this invitation. The person who used it on me got my whole life story, shit I was trying to work through by (in part) being there in the first place, etc. The last person who I did this with told me some defining moments in the development of their politics and worldview.
Create comfort, give an open invitation and a little space, and you'd be surprised how quickly you might move from small talk to more substantial stuff. Recommend everyone try it once just to see what the outcome is, so far it's been pretty neat.
You might like the "If you could invent anything in the world, what would it be?"
I used to sketch out ppls' answers and give them the drawing to remind them they're creative even if they never considered themselves in that light before. Bc every single person I ask can come up with at least one thing, from jeans with a star patch on the back pocket to a tiny home village arrayed a certain way.
I absolutely love this. Also, what's a poke-a-hippy?
Well I mean, obviously they are hippies you can capture and collect. Sometimes people try to get them to battle, but 99% of them don't like/aren't particularly good at fighting, so they are mostly pets.
Lol, j/k. By poke I meant a conversational poke/prod technique, by hippy I meant...well, a hippy that shared the tip.
Aaaaah the poke isn't describing the hippy! Got it
Good! And no worries, that one is on me. It's a very poorly written sentence :)
A hippie that uses autocorrect.
Would you rather talk to an Australopithecus or a whale?
One time conversation or just chatting whenever?
Was the Australopithicus revived in our time, or am I transported to its time?
You said "talk to ". Will either of them intelligibly respond?
You have a universal translator. They're as intelligent as they are/were in real life
Besides the top answer of situational openers, sometimes people ask what you're up to or what you've done. I would always keep in mind three things that I've done recently or even interesting observations I've had in last week or so.
A university-specific one: look up what the agenda of your student leadership is currently debating, then say “hey I heard the student body president is trying to [thing]” and go from there. You might accidentally learn about yourself along the way.
Bruh nobody even cares about the student gov in uni
Weekend plans are a good conversation topic with anyone you're already talking to. People spend their weekends with the people they like, going to places they like, doing the things they like. Talking about what people did the last weekend reveals what's important to them, and is a glimpse into their interests and hobbies. If those overlap with yours, you've got something to talk about. Even if they don't, maybe ask about them anyway, and see if you can learn something new about a new interest or hobby.
Two options: 1) (If you're looking to make friends) What's the biggest animal you think you could take in a fight? 2) (If you're looking for a relationship) What's your favorite type of flower? You'd be surprised how many men would respond to 2
Puppy - Poppy
Here's your cliché small talk starter: the weather.
UK version:
Sarry, wat was 'at Bruv?
Our climate is getting so bad it's becoming a very good conversation starters. Hehe, a bit dark but it's actually true. Don't know how to start a conversation? Just ask about yesterday's weather and comment about how hot or cold yesterday was. Or maybe ask about how it's getting hotter or getting colder each year.
Do you want or actually need to talk? I know that places like the US love their smalltalk, but a lot of the world is perfectly content to sit in silence.
If you need or want to for some reason, it seems like you got some good info in other comments. Do read the room for receptiveness, I guess. Realize that, as with any skill, it takes practice and building.
I've got something for you guys...
reach into coat pocket
hold up thumb with a sight tremour
... a good time!
grimace while trying to smile
I don't feel like I can give you literal conversation starters that aren't super boring or generic (like chats about the weather), without way more context than is possible to obtain at this stage.
But, one thing that did help me strike conversations and eventually friendships with people, was just hanging around campus doing stuff that piqued other people's interest.
A couple of times it was me playing on my Nintendo 3DS between lectures, and once someone even came up to me to compliment my Sony Discman.
Other times it might be something as simple as there not being any empty tables in the cafeteria, so you ask to sit with someone. If they're not clearly busy or studying, you might start by asking what course they do, how they're finding it, etc. These are all fairly passive approaches though, and that's possibly related to my extreme introversion.
A slightly more active suggestion – take advantage of group assignments! (As much as I hate them.) Make plans to meet up. Get a few hours of work done together then hang out with a few beers or a soda or whatever. Win-win.
Do you come here often?
The one thing that people like to talk about, more than any other thing, is themselves. Ask the right questions and ask follow-up questions. You'll find that if you do that and and you're polite about it, people warm up to you pretty quickly without you having to say a whole lot.
Stuff like the most (and/or least) interesting things they did this summer are good places to start.
“Hey, I'm kinda lost [and you look a bit lost too]. Do you mind if we band together until we figure things out?”
Show them your white crystal
Hey! I am new here, and I would like to get my fellow students. My name is u/pineapple lover, who are you?
By the way, the English language needs a word for fellow student. In german that's Kommilitone. It's a good word.
Lol but why would we use one word from one language when we can use two words from two different languages? /s
Ask them if they knew that g is roughly pi^2, and ask them if they knew it's not a coincidence
How would it not be a coincidence?
okay, so.
the meter used to be how long a line had to be on a pendulum for it to have a periodicity of one second. This got re-evaluated and standardized to what it is now, which is 1/10,000,000 the length between the equator and the north pole. but that number itself was chosen because it's pretty close to what the meter was before it was set to that value. So the length of the line to get that period on a pendulum is about a meter, and gravity also has an effect on the speed a pendulum swings.
https://medium.com/@roitman.io/a-wonderful-coincidence-or-an-expected-connection-why-%CF%80%C2%B2-g-6e2f9a04e30e
I read something about it on stack exchange, but couldn't find that link anymore, but the one above has the same info
That has nothing to do with either g or pi. Also this definition is long outdated.
t = 2pi*sqrt(m/(mg/l)) is the pendulum formula, it directly calls pi and g. it's outdated, yes, but it's really close to what we currently use as a meter. and the fact that it's really close made it easier to switch to the new meter basis.
The meter is now defined based on the speed of light and a very short time interval.
Im terrible with small talk. I recently just got a customer facing job, which I had been trying to avoid, and it has honestly helped me a lot. I think like some others have said, conversation is a skill. The more you do it, the better you get. Here is an actual tip though - if you just let people yap about themselves, they will love you for it. I get tons of compliments on my customer service because people love talking about themselves and I don't interrupt.
you didn't say what you wanted the outcome of the conversations to be, nor the volume they should be had at.
I can guarantee you will have a reaction to the above.
Hey, what major are you interested in?
FORD Method is usually pretty good
"Did you see that guy on a horse go by? Yeah, it was just a guy riding by on a horse."
have you ever killed a man?
I'm so sick of guys asking me about my body count...
No.....? Have you?
Some classics™ include
But as someone who went to high school and, until the final year, did not know the names of all classmates, it’s fair to say that I didn’t really care about that at all. Maybe I’m just autistic lol
Just talk about the subject you’re getting a Bachelor‘s degree in and go on from there.
This might work on anyone who is a They Might Be Giants fan or it'll just catch people off guard and possibly make them think you're weird, but some lyrics to recite:
If it does work, IDK because I don't really know how to start conversations all that well without being pretty awkward.