When I was a kid, in 7th grade science, I overheard a boy asking a girl out. She rejected him, he wasn't her type. He asked what her type was, she mentioned a guy she was seeing, and casually mentioned he was 22. At the time, I was thinking this poor kid was woefully outmatched and would never have a chance. A few years later, it dawned on me just how fucked up that whole situation was.
Yeah in my high school, a girl I knew got into serious trouble for trying to bring her 25 year old boyfriend to junior prom, when she was 16. 😩 For some reason, the district allowed it. 😭😭
16 is the Age of Consent in most places, that doesn't make it right, but I can only guess the district thought "Well if it's legal..." without thinking if it was appropiate.
It definitely wasn't and it endangered the other students
16 is the Age of Consent in most places, that doesn't make it right, but I can only guess the district thought "Well if it's legal..." without thinking if it was appropiate.
That’s not how age of consent works you uninformed denizen softening the ground for pedos.
Your reference is your own comment? Shouldn't somewhere down the chain there be a link explaining this? It would be nice for you to be right, but I don't think you are.
If it were only about activities with other shouldn't be of age people, then it makes no sense. Either they are allowed and it's legal or it's illegal for both of them but neither can be considered criminally responsible because neither can legally consent either.
There are stories constantly about someone older having relations with someone way too young but the jurisdiction has age of consent to make it ok.
TLDR; it is immensely complex, varies country by country, but as a general rule of thumb, having sex with a minor whilst you yourself not being a minor will almost everywhere land you in trouble. As it should. ^applies to regular joe without powerful friends in powerful places only.^
Topic highly unsuited for one line response mediums like this new reddit.
Why do you start every comment with an insult? Their question was reasonable and they didn't treat you the same. That really doesn't make you sound as smart as you think it does, especially when you're referencing yourself in your original comment, and the comment of your own that you referenced doesn't actually clarify anything, it's just another example of you insulting somebody and telling them that they're wrong.
Besides, age of consent laws differ in how they work based on what country you are in, and not everyone is from your country. You're expecting people to know shit they're not reasonably expected to know, and you're mad at them about it and being a child about it.
For example, the age of consent in the US state of Delaware is 18, but it is allowed for teenagers aged 16 and 17 to engage in sexual intercourse as long as the older partner is younger than 30
16 and 17 is still under the age of consent, but they have a special exception for partners under 30. So the age of consent is still exactly what people think it is
Circumstances of the relationship
Generally it still looks like for those jurisdictions the age of consent is pretty much what people think it is, however the bar for consent is much higher. The Pennsylvania example is closest to what you describe, but seems to be that they basically prosecute for some other crime because age of consent is low enough but they have other laws. Guessing it's rooted in some provisions for young marriage but still able to prosecute premarital sex as corrupted morals.
In short to all these jurisdictions, just raise the damn age of consent instead of having all sorts of weird loopholes that make it sometimes ok for a 45 year old to get with a 14 year old.
In the US, age of consent varies by state. In most US states the age of consent to sex with someone who is not in a position of authority is 16. Often with a close in age exception. 18 gets used in US media so much because that's what it is in CA and NY, and that's where most media is made.
18 is also federal age of consent, but that only applies when an incident involves crossing state lines.
I saw that kind of thing too. I figured those girls were probably dating the popular guys our age. A while later I found out that not even those guys were dating them. It was the 20 to 30 somethings.
So for that 27 year old dating a teenager it would certainly not be okay. 27/2=13.5+7 which i would generously round down to 20 years of appropriate minimum age.
I was groomed by a guy in his 40s when I was 16 to 18. He was also suspected to have sexually abused younger kids. I've been in a relationship with my current partner who's my age for over a decade now. The abuser knew very well how to take advantage of vulnerable girls. And yes. That trauma will stay with me. I still have nightmares. For the first year with my partner I would frequently wake up from these nightmares and be so relieved to be next to my partner to comfort me. I found out very recently that the asshole is still out and about, but got cancer, so there's some karma there.
I'm sure that if I had better friends and wasn't so lonely and had a better situation at home I wouldn't have fallen for this. These abuser really know how to pick their victims.
As in, at the surface and readily used? Yes and no. Sure, there was some amount of oil at the surface, but it's very low grade and mixed into the soil. This presentation has an image on the first page to give you an idea of what they're starting with. It looks more like asphalt than oil (and is very similar). In fact, this stuff is so difficult to extract that, even though it was known about in the 18th century (by Western civilization), it wasn't mined until 1960.
You're not wrong, but I would call out a point of clarity, that youth is far more fetishized for women.
I'm a dude, but as far as I can tell, guys need a bit of luck in the looks category (not the most important thing, but not looking disfigured generally helps), ambition, and success (mainly money). I had terrible luck with women. I'm not the best looking guy out there but I'm certainly not the worst either... And I could find relationships, but it always quickly fell apart. Once I decided to improve upon myself, and go to college in the pursuit of a well paying job, I found that my ambition was generally enough to keep people's attention, romantically.
I was hanging out with this girl my age in high school a lot, we were both 17, I thought it was going well, then some full grown adult said she was pretty at Walmart and I had to move on with my life.
Bro it was such a shit show when I was growing up.
Just military bros spending their entire military paycheck on a mustang and picking up high school girls.
Still remember my friend crying/begging for help because military bro didn't get sex and wanted to beat her up. And this dirtbag was going to get shipped with a rifle to some brown country.
While rape culture is huge among Republicans and dating young women is more popular among them, this issue is far more vast and definitely involves men across the political spectrum.
Until this obsession with youth=beauty and women under 130lbs being the beauty standard changes, this will still be a problem.
In school, when I was 13, one of my friends was "dating" a 19 year old. I vividly remember how cool we all thought this was. Reflecting on it makes me feel sick.
My husband kicked me out once he realized flashing his money at 19 year olds worked. The teenagers didn’t ask him to stop playing FIFA and walk his dogs.
I remember how creepy it was to see that once the girls in my class got boobs (around 8th grade, 13-14 yo) full on adults would start hitting on them. I recall seeing a few class mates in a local park, all 3 were 13 I think, they still looked like little girls, it's just that now they had boobs and wore bras. So I see these 3 girls, each sitting in the lap of an 18-20 yo dude, and making out...
As a kid I recall seeing it and thinking "wtf is wrong with those guys?"
I live in a country where the age of consent is 14, and this shit is still pretty common. I voted Fidesz because I thought they'd fix the situation, by rising it. They added a close-in-age exception, so if you're 17, you can prey on 12 year olds.
Fuck that, they distract you while demonising everyone that criticises them as "LGBT pedos" (when the LGBT people are the most threatened by the actual creeps, ie Fidesz, and his fat oaf Orban).
But seeing as you don't anymore...
How come you changed views?
Got my face eaten by the leopards (was a college student at that time, now I'm in their "communal work program" for half the minimum wage so their voters can say "at least he works"), so I read up about all the evils Orbán and co wanted to protect me from.
Some girl when I was in middle school, 14ish, used to get picked up by some tatted up 20 something, pretty sure he was at least 25 but no idea. We thought he was like an uncle or something. Nope, turns out he was her boyfriend. Pretty sure that guy went to prison for meth related activities.
I know a guy who ended up in bed with a twelve year old. She didn't look twelve and didn't act twelve. He ended up going in to the military to flee. He didn't have to worry because of course this same girl ended up pregnant in less than a year.
Her story was all too common. She had been abused and trafficked from a very young age and had associated approval through sex. When this all came out her mom and step dad faced no consequences. They went out of their way to try to punish her. She ended up getting court ordered counseling which despite the parents continuing to try to interfere she got better.
She eventually ended up married to a pretty decent guy and they left for parts unknown a few years later. I don't think she was quite eighteen when they left.
The scumbag parents are still around. They are considered fine christians in the community. After all they asked god for forgiveness. Not their victim mind you but god, so its all okay.
When i was in grade 9 a girl in my class started dating a guy that just graduated. His family was Hella poor but this dude had the nicest of everything cars, clothes etc. He was very obviously a 19 y/o drug dealer dating a 14 y/o tgat couldn't even qualify for a learning permit.
And everyone was just cool with it. This was in tulsa Oklahoma circa 1999/2000
Still remember my middle school girlfriend brag about cheating on me and fucking guys that were buying her beer. Would have been nice to get authorities involved if I had anyone to talk to and wasn't being neglected and abused at home. Kind of wild to lose hope in people at the age of 12.
I accidentally ended up with a very young lady. I know how this will sound, and all I can do is assure everyone that, at least for my part, everything I say is the absolute truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I went to college late, I was 23 by the time I applied to college, and turned 24 shortly after starting classes. My birthday is in the first quarter, or so, of the year.
Anyways. I think I was in my second year of college when I met this girl, I don't even remember how I met her honestly; it wasn't a dating app, those things barely existed at the time and I haven't ever used one; I just haven't seen the need... Anyways, everything seems cool, she's telling me she's 17 and has a bday coming up. At this point I'm 24/25, and I'm thinking that's a bit young, but since she's basically 18 at this point, I don't really see a problem with it.... Anyways, birthday happens, Yay, and life goes on. After a few months as things get more and more complicated, as happens in most relationships, I come to find out that her birthday, was her 17th birthday, she was 16 when we met. I'm suddenly very not ok with everything.
It didn't last super long after that. She was also preggo with her exes kid and never told me. The relationship was only like 5-6 months long.
She lost the kid, I believe it was a miscarriage, and I'm sad for her that happened, but too much weird bullshit and deception was happening so I called it off.
She wasn't a good person. She's on a short list of exes I don't talk to anymore. Most of my exes I still consider good friends, even if I haven't seen them in a long time.
I'm in a stable, long term relationship with a more age appropriate partner, for... Gosh, it has to be 10 years now? Time flies. There's.... 6? ish years between our ages, and we met when I was 30-something.... I'm much happier now. Heh.
This just sounds like you were misled and it was awkward. I don't think you intended to chase young women.
When I was in high school in the 80s it was not uncommon for high school girls in higher grades to have adult men as boyfriends. One of my teachers in fact did it, and got put on leave for a while LOL.
I was hoping that's how it came across, since that's what happened. So thank you for the confirmation.
I've never been much for dating significantly younger women, since they're usually a bit unpredictable. By the time my SO and I got together, we were established in our careers and just looking for someone that wouldn't constantly stir up drama. Our relationship has thankfully been extremely drama free. If there's a problem we talk about it like the adults we are.
I honestly question what one does when you are dating someone when you are 15 and 17 respectively, which is no big deal, but then it becomes 17 and 19? Like you aren't really doing anything wrong, you've just had a relationship. But what's the legal take on that?
I know someone and this happened to her son, and he ended up on a sex offender database because he was 18, she was 17, and she sent him a nude or something and then cried foul to her parents. I just wonder about these grey areas. Believe it or not there is a subreddit for registered sex offenders so they can try and figure out how to navigate the details of life, and clearly some of their crimes are more along those lines than preying upon an actual child. I don't think you did anything wrong, I think you just got misled.
In the instance you specifically cite, depending on the laws in their specific jurisdiction, that can certainly happen. I'm aware that there are laws in some/many areas (honestly not sure how common it is), that I've heard referred to as "Romeo and Juliet" laws. They specifically exempt people from such charges if their ages are too similar.
Of course the specifics are going to depend on the laws in the specific jurisdiction where it happened, when it happened.... But I'm aware such laws exist.
I met a guy when I was that age, adult but not old. Friends, hung out with other people. The minute I turned 16 he asked me out. I declined and it was no big deal but who does that?
I can earnestly say that, as a former 13-year-old boy myself, none of the other girls my age really compared me to George Clooney. All of us were ugly and awkward at that age, and if you think otherwise, I might grow a little leery of your intentions.
Did I say otherwise? I ment exaxtly that, puberty is horrible to everyone. I also had 13yo and have a 12 and a 15 yo boys at home. The same.go for.girls of course
Probably the same thing that YouTube did where they hid dislikes because they “inspired negativity” or whatever when generally downvotes on Lemmy are “damn that’s a really shit take and most people think so, do better.”
There's a post explaining it somewhere, but IIRC, the reasoning is that due to the population and purpose of creating the instance in the first place, it's to help protect people from brigading and the like.
Personally, it's the only thing I don't like about having an account here. The idea behind the choice is solid, but it does make it difficult to actually know what people think of a comment or post.
It's why even though I'm a transbabe myself, I don't use blahaj. I approve of protecting transfolks, but I don't approve of overprotection to the point where it feels like I'm in chains..
I'm not say that's 100% the case at blahaj, but I've had bad experiments with Left Leaning groups that meant well, but suffocated me or worse, turned on me when they suspected I was a problem. So I don't wanna risk it.
For the record I'm a leftist myself, and I'm not blaming Leftist Ideology itself persay, just...
Yep, and that's one advantage Lemmy has over other social media. Don't like the way an instance is handled? Make an account somewhere else and you most likely won't even lose the content from that instance.
I don’t disagree with the theory, but I think it doesn’t work in practice on a platform like lemmy due to the federation. But that’s a cool thing about the fediverse is you can use an instance you like, and while you can’t just move everything, if an instance changes or you want to change instances, you can. Or instances can evolve. Or you can even start your own, if you want full control and are willing to put in the work
Exactly. If it bothered me enough to care, I could easily just set up on another instance, or even have multiple accounts on different instances. That's one advantage Lemmy has over other social media platforms.
And that's why you don't do racist, sexist or pedo jokes online. No matter how obviously non serious you think you are, some idiot will agree with you.
These kinds of jokes used to be made a lot. The premise is that it makes no sense to make the joke if you are a pedo... so I would assume they just made a joke that is not seen the same way these days. South Park would 100% make this joke now though, and (almost) no one would care.
I'm the only one in my friend group that watches anime and it led to them making lots of pedo jokes at my expense. I'm not a pedo and my friends know that. It's just a running joke. And then they make a joke when someone new is around and everyone needs to explain I'm not actually a pedo...
Not really, because guys that age are 100% INVISIBLE to females. All you got is zits and a curfew, which you can't even violate because neither you, nor any of your friends have a driver's license.
Wait it's only about what you can do for them and give to them, your material usefulness? What about youthful vigor? Doesn't that count for more, way more, than a driver's license, spending money and social status? What about love and shit?
Love isn't something you can just show somebody and provide empirical proof of, you have to change your perspective to recognize it, because it's everywhere.
You seem to be in a really not-great place emotionally speaking and that is probably preventing you from being vulnerable with people. Vulnerability is necessary to building deeper connections with people.
My advice whether you're willing to hear it or not is to get used to feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable and open yourself up to people, or you will never build deeper connections.
Whether you believe me or not, I won't be suffering, but opening up may help prevent further suffering on your part.
It's pretty convenient for me that you only offered a one-line assertion, so I could reply with a one-line assertion!
This is one of those subjects where you can write an essay in reply or throw out simple phrases that might highlight some profound thing to those who are already on the other side of the issue from you.
And I'm sitting here with my family wanting to play a game with me, been with my wife for 25 years, so let me take a shot at very broadly and generally logic-ing my train of thought to love being a "real" thing and worthwhile:
I am naturally a recluse computer nerd personality who doesn't talk to anybody. Yeah I'm married but I have never personally asked a girl out, nor have any ever asked me out. Very lucky to have had her randomly find me on freaking ICQ of all things, and obviously our chats went well enough to meet up.
I'm married, and it's a whole social and legal construct, but I'm not talking about any of that stuff here. This is about the effect of relationships on the human psyche.
Nothing is "real." I look at the universe through what I think of as a "positive nihilism" lens. Things like meaning, purpose, love, justice, and others are constructs of our conscious minds, not features of the physical world (and yeah technically they kind of are part of the physical world because our brains are, but I think you get my meaning). The upside is that this can be a very freeing feeling. It is OK to figure out what you really care about and pursue that. But the downside is that you can very easily and very significantly limit your own life experiences due to nothing more than your own perceptions.
Humans are a very social species. Belonging to families and tribes is programmed deep within us, even if we reject it (see my #1) or are ignorant of it and let it drive negative behavior (see political parties, sports teams, racism, etc).
Lust is not bad. Let's not be puritans. I don't lust after everybody I love (eww) but I lust after my wife all the time and it's awesome fun.
5a. Speaking of #5 there, an important underlying thing to remember is that you have to allow yourself to enjoy life and have fun. And yeah, it sounds like an empty platitude of a saying. "That's what I'm trying to do every hour of every day" I hear my old self saying. Yeah but there are a lot of self-imposed limitations and assumptions that we don't even realize we're putting on ourselves. I mean, I'm a white male USian on Lemmy. I am keenly aware of how fucked up things are all over the place despite my locale not changing at all. Oh and I was raised by angry conservative Catholics. And those things only cover the guilt-based aspects of what you're supposed to do. I think having a kid helps me keep myself balanced here. It would be evil and irresponsible to ignore the plight of other people, but it would also be pretty wrong and irresponsible to make my 8 year old's world miserable just because they were born onto the same fucked up planet the rest of us were.
The goal here is to improve the life experience of myself and those around me. There isn't some ideal state where we have officially reached "love" status.
To have the best effect on our psyches, our life experiences need to engage our senses and affect our environment. So I am talking about sharing the same physical space with loved ones and not just texting constantly or being super active on Facebook or whatever site. And I am not being an old luddite that thinks it should be this way (see #1). Digital communication is awesome, but generally the person to person connection is better as you involve more senses. Think of text -> call -> video call -> in-person visit, whether it's to figure out something for work or to learn about the new baby in the family.
Love isn't just an emotion. It usually means having affection for the person, sure, but it is also a level of respect and a level of commitment to that person or people. And it is certainly not always selfless, but it can be. And there are degrees. There are plenty of friends' children that we love and would do all kinds of stuff for. And we often do, and don't ask for anything in return. And you might think this sounds like we could let friends take advantage of us. And to that I would say, that is an approach that puts negativity and greed foremost in your mind. What usually happens is that we go into the situation in a positive and generous way, and the psychological benefit that WE get is far greater than whatever time or money we spent.
Our bodies run on feedback loops! It seems fairly ubiquitous that for so many of our daily actions, our body directs resources to get better at the things we do more of, and worse at the things we do less of. This goes for way more than physical strength. So it might sound stupid, but making the conscious decision "I am going to be better at loving X person, and better at loving and taking care of myself" and start letting that mindset drive your little decisions in one direction rather than the other, it can add up in small ways and start to snowball. So this is where the annoying circular sayings like "to be happy you must choose to be happy" start to make sense once you see it in action.
So yeah, that has got to be enough typing for now. Loving somebody doesn't mean they are perfect and that I never have a problem with them. And loving them unconditionally does not mean that I never try to get them to change their ways or improve something. It's like the old saying "you get out what you put in."
Disclaimer: If you need medication to keep some issue(s) under control, this advice is not meant as a magical "you can do it buddy" alternative to that. I am still on my medications for depression/anxiety and ADHD. So, loving others well is something I choose to do because it is best for me and those around me. However, it is a WHOLE LOT harder to act like I want to act when I am in pain and half asleep all the time.
"TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF GREED, ONE MOLECULE OF LUST"
~Death
But if you had any experience with love, you wouldn't make those dumb statements about any of them.
Young girls were intentionally manipulated into thinking this behaviour from older men was acceptable. It's called grooming because these were naive young women who literally did not have the brain development or experience to know that when a man says "you're so mature for your age", he's fucking lying.
Don't blame these young women for the grooming and trauma inflicted on them from a young age. Blame society for teaching men that they should be pursuing the youngest women possible.
Graduating high school made me a hell of a lot more interesting to a couple of girls. I figured if they weren't interested before, they weren't interesting enough.
When I was a kid, in 7th grade science, I overheard a boy asking a girl out. She rejected him, he wasn't her type. He asked what her type was, she mentioned a guy she was seeing, and casually mentioned he was 22. At the time, I was thinking this poor kid was woefully outmatched and would never have a chance. A few years later, it dawned on me just how fucked up that whole situation was.
I remember that sort of shit. The girl I knew got divorced so many times after that.
Yeah in my high school, a girl I knew got into serious trouble for trying to bring her 25 year old boyfriend to junior prom, when she was 16. 😩 For some reason, the district allowed it. 😭😭
Cause the men in charge could relate
16 is the Age of Consent in most places, that doesn't make it right, but I can only guess the district thought "Well if it's legal..." without thinking if it was appropiate.
It definitely wasn't and it endangered the other students
That’s not how age of consent works you uninformed denizen softening the ground for pedos.
Educate first, then loud blab on the internet.
Ref: https://lemmy.world/comment/18382947
I'm sorry, I don't understand what's going on here.
Your reference is your own comment? Shouldn't somewhere down the chain there be a link explaining this? It would be nice for you to be right, but I don't think you are.
If it were only about activities with other shouldn't be of age people, then it makes no sense. Either they are allowed and it's legal or it's illegal for both of them but neither can be considered criminally responsible because neither can legally consent either.
There are stories constantly about someone older having relations with someone way too young but the jurisdiction has age of consent to make it ok.
My god, this place is overrun by petulant children who can’t do their own research and are criminally unaware of the laws surrounding this.
You want a link, here’s a link
also this
TLDR; it is immensely complex, varies country by country, but as a general rule of thumb, having sex with a minor whilst you yourself not being a minor will almost everywhere land you in trouble. As it should. ^applies to regular joe without powerful friends in powerful places only.^
Topic highly unsuited for one line response mediums like this new reddit.
Why do you start every comment with an insult? Their question was reasonable and they didn't treat you the same. That really doesn't make you sound as smart as you think it does, especially when you're referencing yourself in your original comment, and the comment of your own that you referenced doesn't actually clarify anything, it's just another example of you insulting somebody and telling them that they're wrong.
Besides, age of consent laws differ in how they work based on what country you are in, and not everyone is from your country. You're expecting people to know shit they're not reasonably expected to know, and you're mad at them about it and being a child about it.
16 and 17 is still under the age of consent, but they have a special exception for partners under 30. So the age of consent is still exactly what people think it is
Generally it still looks like for those jurisdictions the age of consent is pretty much what people think it is, however the bar for consent is much higher. The Pennsylvania example is closest to what you describe, but seems to be that they basically prosecute for some other crime because age of consent is low enough but they have other laws. Guessing it's rooted in some provisions for young marriage but still able to prosecute premarital sex as corrupted morals.
In short to all these jurisdictions, just raise the damn age of consent instead of having all sorts of weird loopholes that make it sometimes ok for a 45 year old to get with a 14 year old.
In the US, age of consent varies by state. In most US states the age of consent to sex with someone who is not in a position of authority is 16. Often with a close in age exception. 18 gets used in US media so much because that's what it is in CA and NY, and that's where most media is made.
18 is also federal age of consent, but that only applies when an incident involves crossing state lines.
I saw that kind of thing too. I figured those girls were probably dating the popular guys our age. A while later I found out that not even those guys were dating them. It was the 20 to 30 somethings.
Hey, we're name siblings!
When I was 14 I got turned down by a friend who proceeded to date a 27 year old man.
Gross.
Be a little nicer to them, they got rejected for some old dude!
Hah. I know likely comedic misunderstanding but, in case it was not clear, the 27-year-old pedo was the gross one.
Don't worry, I got what you meant. I assume the other poster did as well, but had to make the joke haha.
They deserved it. They should have known to wait 13 years to date a 14 year old. The equation is 1/2 your age +1.
... The formula is 1/2 your age + 7 tho.
So for that 27 year old dating a teenager it would certainly not be okay. 27/2=13.5+7 which i would generously round down to 20 years of appropriate minimum age.
I think they're being sarcastic...
27/2+1=14,5 so don't think i can agree with this ancient wisdom.
They got the formula wrong.
Half your age +7 is the correct one. Works surprisingly well.
it's transcended "works well" to "has literally become the cultural standard," IMO.
My wife's sister dated a guy in his 30s when she was 19.
So much trauma for a decade.
I was groomed by a guy in his 40s when I was 16 to 18. He was also suspected to have sexually abused younger kids. I've been in a relationship with my current partner who's my age for over a decade now. The abuser knew very well how to take advantage of vulnerable girls. And yes. That trauma will stay with me. I still have nightmares. For the first year with my partner I would frequently wake up from these nightmares and be so relieved to be next to my partner to comfort me. I found out very recently that the asshole is still out and about, but got cancer, so there's some karma there.
I'm sure that if I had better friends and wasn't so lonely and had a better situation at home I wouldn't have fallen for this. These abuser really know how to pick their victims.
Are you seriously slut shaming a 14-year-old who was groomed by a 27-year-old? Using a sexist misconception no less?
That's fucked up
Maybe they were referring to the penis side of the groomer?
One can only hope.
15 years of marriage and four kids later, there's no noticeable difference in vagina clearance. Please stop saying this shit.
↑ mods pls ban
Been a snitch your whole life ?
You been a misogynist fuck your whole life?
Brother, your comment having been removed has nothing to do with someone asking for you to be banned. Back off
FYI - real vaginas don't stretch like flesh lights.
That’s not how it works.
being a girl is scary cuz the moment you turn 13, creepy men are ogling at you
Oh honey, the creeps are sadly ogling you well before 13... Learn to stab.
I learned a lot about women wearing ice pick-sized hair pins in their hats during the early 20th century for this very purpose.
There was even a song called Never Go Walking Without Your Hatpin.
Can confirm, had my first sexual encounter when I was 5 and he was 18.
Fuck I am so, so sorry. That is so fucked up and way too fucking common.
https://youtu.be/Pz_XjQzs4v0
Fucking great band.
For girls, it isn't the age, it is when they start developing breasts
yea, i said 13 to mirror the post, but you’re right
Yeah but they've got the market cornered on Catholic priests, that's gotta count for something.
We can't count it because they don't report it.
This is what wars are for. Young men slaughter each other while old men bang the young women.
I thought wars were for oil?
*lube
Wars seem to predate oil by ... a few thousand years.
Doesn't oil just kinda happen in part of Canada?
As in, at the surface and readily used? Yes and no. Sure, there was some amount of oil at the surface, but it's very low grade and mixed into the soil. This presentation has an image on the first page to give you an idea of what they're starting with. It looks more like asphalt than oil (and is very similar). In fact, this stuff is so difficult to extract that, even though it was known about in the 18th century (by Western civilization), it wasn't mined until 1960.
You're not wrong, but I would call out a point of clarity, that youth is far more fetishized for women.
I'm a dude, but as far as I can tell, guys need a bit of luck in the looks category (not the most important thing, but not looking disfigured generally helps), ambition, and success (mainly money). I had terrible luck with women. I'm not the best looking guy out there but I'm certainly not the worst either... And I could find relationships, but it always quickly fell apart. Once I decided to improve upon myself, and go to college in the pursuit of a well paying job, I found that my ambition was generally enough to keep people's attention, romantically.
I was hanging out with this girl my age in high school a lot, we were both 17, I thought it was going well, then some full grown adult said she was pretty at Walmart and I had to move on with my life.
One thing I HATE about military bases. All the E1 soldiers wandering the local high schools looking for girls. Was really sickening
Bro it was such a shit show when I was growing up.
Just military bros spending their entire military paycheck on a mustang and picking up high school girls.
Still remember my friend crying/begging for help because military bro didn't get sex and wanted to beat her up. And this dirtbag was going to get shipped with a rifle to some brown country.
competing with grown conservatives. the list is almost to 1500 examples.
Question: Oh, you think conservatives are pedophiles? Give me 1,500 examples.
Answer: (your comment)
Don't hang around so many republicans and the competition would thin out.
It's hard for 13 year olds to emigrate.
But they can get deported easily
While rape culture is huge among Republicans and dating young women is more popular among them, this issue is far more vast and definitely involves men across the political spectrum.
Until this obsession with youth=beauty and women under 130lbs being the beauty standard changes, this will still be a problem.
I'm not giving democrats or anyone a pass on this. I just really hate republicans.
Understandable!
In school, when I was 13, one of my friends was "dating" a 19 year old. I vividly remember how cool we all thought this was. Reflecting on it makes me feel sick.
Members of Congress, clergymen, the fucking PRESIDENT. What's a boy to do!?
My husband kicked me out once he realized flashing his money at 19 year olds worked. The teenagers didn’t ask him to stop playing FIFA and walk his dogs.
What an idiot.
Has he put himself on the poor house yet by spending all of his money to appease the young women he wanted a booty call from?
Because that kind of behavior seems to be rather expensive.
Could be a gay couple and it's young men
True. I made an assumption, you have a point.
Thank god we've achieved clarity after addressing the assumption
No idea. He gave 5k to one before he kicked me out. What was our house is for sale now though.
I remember how creepy it was to see that once the girls in my class got boobs (around 8th grade, 13-14 yo) full on adults would start hitting on them. I recall seeing a few class mates in a local park, all 3 were 13 I think, they still looked like little girls, it's just that now they had boobs and wore bras. So I see these 3 girls, each sitting in the lap of an 18-20 yo dude, and making out...
As a kid I recall seeing it and thinking "wtf is wrong with those guys?"
As an adult I wonder wtf the fuck is wrong with those guys.
If "he's got a car and he's dead mature, like" is your main selling point, you need a better selling point. And to not be a fucking nonce.
In the 90s we didn't even know what a paedophile was. I don't recall even seeing that word before Sarah Payne was murdered.
It took a while for UK residents to get used to this new exciting word.
Hopefully today's kids are a bit more aware...
Oh wow that article's a blast from the past
jfc what's wrong with people
I live in a country where the age of consent is 14, and this shit is still pretty common. I voted Fidesz because I thought they'd fix the situation, by rising it. They added a close-in-age exception, so if you're 17, you can prey on 12 year olds.
I hope that's the last time you vote Fidesz
Yeah, it was 2010. My most regretted action.
The day that change was announced, I was so angry, I shaked and looked like that veiny guy in the meme, also didn't sleep a single minute that night.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that! Wishing the best for 2026!
Wtf? You voted for Nazis?
Fuck that, they distract you while demonising everyone that criticises them as "LGBT pedos" (when the LGBT people are the most threatened by the actual creeps, ie Fidesz, and his fat oaf Orban).
But seeing as you don't anymore... How come you changed views?
Got my face eaten by the leopards (was a college student at that time, now I'm in their "communal work program" for half the minimum wage so their voters can say "at least he works"), so I read up about all the evils Orbán and co wanted to protect me from.
Hmm, I see. How'd you radicalise at first?
That said, I'm glad you realised their true faces, comrade. Now if only the rest of Hungary did so too...
I don't know about you, but I always thought the 21 year old hanging around my high school dating a 16 year old was a fucking loser.
Yeah. That was my experience as well. An adult dating a highschooler was a skeezy loser who peaked in middle school.
Kinda ironic that a young Matthew McConaughey is the archetype of this.
Was a loser, was fucking.
You mean “they,” right?
they not like us
ousted himself lol yikes
At college, there were 16 and 17 year old girls with boyfriends in their twenties. Even at the time, I thought that was weird.
At least I never heard about anything younger than that.
Some girl when I was in middle school, 14ish, used to get picked up by some tatted up 20 something, pretty sure he was at least 25 but no idea. We thought he was like an uncle or something. Nope, turns out he was her boyfriend. Pretty sure that guy went to prison for meth related activities.
I need to sleep
He calculated the odds, but boy he was bad at math.
I know a guy who ended up in bed with a twelve year old. She didn't look twelve and didn't act twelve. He ended up going in to the military to flee. He didn't have to worry because of course this same girl ended up pregnant in less than a year.
Her story was all too common. She had been abused and trafficked from a very young age and had associated approval through sex. When this all came out her mom and step dad faced no consequences. They went out of their way to try to punish her. She ended up getting court ordered counseling which despite the parents continuing to try to interfere she got better.
She eventually ended up married to a pretty decent guy and they left for parts unknown a few years later. I don't think she was quite eighteen when they left.
The scumbag parents are still around. They are considered fine christians in the community. After all they asked god for forgiveness. Not their victim mind you but god, so its all okay.
That's legal in most states, but not weird in none of them.
Yeah, it's legal here.
thought i needed a car to get a date. married a date with a car.
How'd you'd get the fruit to talk back to you?
Revved the engine, duh
One of the dudes in my gay group tonight:
"My momma cleaned hunter's cabins and those hunters were real nice men if you know what I mean."
He was talking about a time when he was early teens.
So it's not just girls who get this treatment! If that makes you feel any more egalitarian.
I'm a bit dense. They were "nice" to each other, or "nice" to him, or they were actually nice looking, or...?
They would have sex with him.
Ah okay -- as in, he seemed to like it(?) but he was also way too young for it to have been having it
Gross. Accurate. Took me way too long to understand why my friend’s dad was acting the way he was around 13-17. Decades later and it still sickens me.
When i was in grade 9 a girl in my class started dating a guy that just graduated. His family was Hella poor but this dude had the nicest of everything cars, clothes etc. He was very obviously a 19 y/o drug dealer dating a 14 y/o tgat couldn't even qualify for a learning permit.
And everyone was just cool with it. This was in tulsa Oklahoma circa 1999/2000
Still remember my middle school girlfriend brag about cheating on me and fucking guys that were buying her beer. Would have been nice to get authorities involved if I had anyone to talk to and wasn't being neglected and abused at home. Kind of wild to lose hope in people at the age of 12.
Bad times.
Ah, yes... Pedos... Known for waiting until OP turns 13 so they can ethically swoop in and steal their girl.
Cus 12 is waay too young… but not 13 /s
I accidentally ended up with a very young lady. I know how this will sound, and all I can do is assure everyone that, at least for my part, everything I say is the absolute truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I went to college late, I was 23 by the time I applied to college, and turned 24 shortly after starting classes. My birthday is in the first quarter, or so, of the year.
Anyways. I think I was in my second year of college when I met this girl, I don't even remember how I met her honestly; it wasn't a dating app, those things barely existed at the time and I haven't ever used one; I just haven't seen the need... Anyways, everything seems cool, she's telling me she's 17 and has a bday coming up. At this point I'm 24/25, and I'm thinking that's a bit young, but since she's basically 18 at this point, I don't really see a problem with it.... Anyways, birthday happens, Yay, and life goes on. After a few months as things get more and more complicated, as happens in most relationships, I come to find out that her birthday, was her 17th birthday, she was 16 when we met. I'm suddenly very not ok with everything.
It didn't last super long after that. She was also preggo with her exes kid and never told me. The relationship was only like 5-6 months long. She lost the kid, I believe it was a miscarriage, and I'm sad for her that happened, but too much weird bullshit and deception was happening so I called it off.
She wasn't a good person. She's on a short list of exes I don't talk to anymore. Most of my exes I still consider good friends, even if I haven't seen them in a long time. I'm in a stable, long term relationship with a more age appropriate partner, for... Gosh, it has to be 10 years now? Time flies. There's.... 6? ish years between our ages, and we met when I was 30-something.... I'm much happier now. Heh.
This just sounds like you were misled and it was awkward. I don't think you intended to chase young women.
When I was in high school in the 80s it was not uncommon for high school girls in higher grades to have adult men as boyfriends. One of my teachers in fact did it, and got put on leave for a while LOL.
I was hoping that's how it came across, since that's what happened. So thank you for the confirmation.
I've never been much for dating significantly younger women, since they're usually a bit unpredictable. By the time my SO and I got together, we were established in our careers and just looking for someone that wouldn't constantly stir up drama. Our relationship has thankfully been extremely drama free. If there's a problem we talk about it like the adults we are.
I honestly question what one does when you are dating someone when you are 15 and 17 respectively, which is no big deal, but then it becomes 17 and 19? Like you aren't really doing anything wrong, you've just had a relationship. But what's the legal take on that?
I know someone and this happened to her son, and he ended up on a sex offender database because he was 18, she was 17, and she sent him a nude or something and then cried foul to her parents. I just wonder about these grey areas. Believe it or not there is a subreddit for registered sex offenders so they can try and figure out how to navigate the details of life, and clearly some of their crimes are more along those lines than preying upon an actual child. I don't think you did anything wrong, I think you just got misled.
In the instance you specifically cite, depending on the laws in their specific jurisdiction, that can certainly happen. I'm aware that there are laws in some/many areas (honestly not sure how common it is), that I've heard referred to as "Romeo and Juliet" laws. They specifically exempt people from such charges if their ages are too similar.
Of course the specifics are going to depend on the laws in the specific jurisdiction where it happened, when it happened.... But I'm aware such laws exist.
I met a guy when I was that age, adult but not old. Friends, hung out with other people. The minute I turned 16 he asked me out. I declined and it was no big deal but who does that?
🤮
😳😳😳
The thing about 13yo guys ia that you are on the beggining of your puberty process and most boys are ugly and awkward
Edit: what does that have to do with competeing with pedos?
I can earnestly say that, as a former 13-year-old boy myself, none of the other girls my age really compared me to George Clooney. All of us were ugly and awkward at that age, and if you think otherwise, I might grow a little leery of your intentions.
Did I say otherwise? I ment exaxtly that, puberty is horrible to everyone. I also had 13yo and have a 12 and a 15 yo boys at home. The same.go for.girls of course
How many 13 year old guys are you trying to date? You been to a private island in the last 10 years or so?
What? What a stupid comment. I'll just aaaime.you are 14
So, what, 13 year old girls (children) should be pursuing adult men? The fuck are you getting at here?
13 year old girls are also awkward as fuck lmao. Acne, stretch marks, figuring out wtf to do with a period.
All that and having to navigate being coveted by adult men while not understanding why.
For sure!!!
Bruh wtf💀
That was in impressively poor taste.
I saw the joke on Sickipedia.net circa 2010, maybe it should have stayed there.
why? it's obviously a dark humour joke that hints at the true problem, because it's an absurd statement
kids obviously cannot be sexy. that you interpret it as anything other than an absurd statement reflects on yourself
you do realize that you're in shitposts, right?
Lemmings are famously uptight
I'm just impressed that I haven't been shit on yet for expressing this opinion
on reddit I'd have been mass downvoted, told to kms, and banned. have been for similar things.
I can't wait for the day Reddit fucking dies, seriously, I want to have discussions on LEmmy that aren't just politics
Ah classic. Joke didn't land? Blame the audience.
I did say it was impressive lmao
If you want an actual opinion https://lemmy.world/comment/18414842
Sometimes, there are downsides to being on an instance that disables downvotes.
I gave him mine for you.
You're doing the FSM's work.
R'amen
wait, blahaj disallows downvotes? why's that
Probably the same thing that YouTube did where they hid dislikes because they “inspired negativity” or whatever when generally downvotes on Lemmy are “damn that’s a really shit take and most people think so, do better.”
There's a post explaining it somewhere, but IIRC, the reasoning is that due to the population and purpose of creating the instance in the first place, it's to help protect people from brigading and the like.
Personally, it's the only thing I don't like about having an account here. The idea behind the choice is solid, but it does make it difficult to actually know what people think of a comment or post.
It's why even though I'm a transbabe myself, I don't use blahaj. I approve of protecting transfolks, but I don't approve of overprotection to the point where it feels like I'm in chains..
I'm not say that's 100% the case at blahaj, but I've had bad experiments with Left Leaning groups that meant well, but suffocated me or worse, turned on me when they suspected I was a problem. So I don't wanna risk it.
For the record I'm a leftist myself, and I'm not blaming Leftist Ideology itself persay, just...
Do you get what I'm saying?
Yep, and that's one advantage Lemmy has over other social media. Don't like the way an instance is handled? Make an account somewhere else and you most likely won't even lose the content from that instance.
I don’t disagree with the theory, but I think it doesn’t work in practice on a platform like lemmy due to the federation. But that’s a cool thing about the fediverse is you can use an instance you like, and while you can’t just move everything, if an instance changes or you want to change instances, you can. Or instances can evolve. Or you can even start your own, if you want full control and are willing to put in the work
Exactly. If it bothered me enough to care, I could easily just set up on another instance, or even have multiple accounts on different instances. That's one advantage Lemmy has over other social media platforms.
I got you.
I've seen that joke in somebody's stand up somewhere. Can't recall where.
Doesn't seem to have landed well with the audience here, lol!
I think it was in a Jimmy Carr special?
It does sound like his kind of joke, but I'm not going to Google "sexy kids" to find out!
holocaust guy?
I think that's Hitler
Lmao
Oh what the fuck
That thought could've stayed inside your head bud
Lemmy moment
Lefties, amirite?
Charitably: This is the kind of joke that only lands if your audience knows you're 100% not a pedo.
And that's why you don't do racist, sexist or pedo jokes online. No matter how obviously non serious you think you are, some idiot will agree with you.
Edit: added missing word
These kinds of jokes used to be made a lot. The premise is that it makes no sense to make the joke if you are a pedo... so I would assume they just made a joke that is not seen the same way these days. South Park would 100% make this joke now though, and (almost) no one would care.
Ah well, see the problem there is you're not accounting for people who aren't funny.
I'm the only one in my friend group that watches anime and it led to them making lots of pedo jokes at my expense. I'm not a pedo and my friends know that. It's just a running joke. And then they make a joke when someone new is around and everyone needs to explain I'm not actually a pedo...
That sounds like people who don't support you.
Yes, my friends don't support me. Thanks random internet person.
Reporting a shitpost on shitpost lol.
Lulz
Whoosh
jesus christ go back to reddit
Children are responsible for the crimes comited by adults?
Victims are responsible of the crimes?
We are on lemmy shitpost, so I wouldn't take it seriously
you guys are really proving that it's not any better around here than on reddit on something, still plenty of dumb people
Average internet user exposed
Not really, because guys that age are 100% INVISIBLE to females. All you got is zits and a curfew, which you can't even violate because neither you, nor any of your friends have a driver's license.
😎
🙄
“Guys” and “females.”
Zits and curfew aren’t why girls weren't into you then and it’s not why women aren’t interested in you now, incel boy.
Is there any need for this, really?
Yes.
Wait it's only about what you can do for them and give to them, your material usefulness? What about youthful vigor? Doesn't that count for more, way more, than a driver's license, spending money and social status? What about love and shit?
Love doesn't exist. Only greed and lust.
Well fuck that then
Well, with that attitude…
Show me where I'm wrong.
You seem troubled. If you're ever in Amsterdam, let me know and I'll buy you a beer and you can tell me about what's bothering you.
At least your username is accurate.
Love isn't something you can just show somebody and provide empirical proof of, you have to change your perspective to recognize it, because it's everywhere.
You seem to be in a really not-great place emotionally speaking and that is probably preventing you from being vulnerable with people. Vulnerability is necessary to building deeper connections with people.
My advice whether you're willing to hear it or not is to get used to feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable and open yourself up to people, or you will never build deeper connections.
Whether you believe me or not, I won't be suffering, but opening up may help prevent further suffering on your part.
re: 2. You're wrong.
There, checked that box.
It's pretty convenient for me that you only offered a one-line assertion, so I could reply with a one-line assertion!
This is one of those subjects where you can write an essay in reply or throw out simple phrases that might highlight some profound thing to those who are already on the other side of the issue from you.
And I'm sitting here with my family wanting to play a game with me, been with my wife for 25 years, so let me take a shot at very broadly and generally logic-ing my train of thought to love being a "real" thing and worthwhile:
I am naturally a recluse computer nerd personality who doesn't talk to anybody. Yeah I'm married but I have never personally asked a girl out, nor have any ever asked me out. Very lucky to have had her randomly find me on freaking ICQ of all things, and obviously our chats went well enough to meet up.
I'm married, and it's a whole social and legal construct, but I'm not talking about any of that stuff here. This is about the effect of relationships on the human psyche.
Nothing is "real." I look at the universe through what I think of as a "positive nihilism" lens. Things like meaning, purpose, love, justice, and others are constructs of our conscious minds, not features of the physical world (and yeah technically they kind of are part of the physical world because our brains are, but I think you get my meaning). The upside is that this can be a very freeing feeling. It is OK to figure out what you really care about and pursue that. But the downside is that you can very easily and very significantly limit your own life experiences due to nothing more than your own perceptions.
Humans are a very social species. Belonging to families and tribes is programmed deep within us, even if we reject it (see my #1) or are ignorant of it and let it drive negative behavior (see political parties, sports teams, racism, etc).
Lust is not bad. Let's not be puritans. I don't lust after everybody I love (eww) but I lust after my wife all the time and it's awesome fun.
5a. Speaking of #5 there, an important underlying thing to remember is that you have to allow yourself to enjoy life and have fun. And yeah, it sounds like an empty platitude of a saying. "That's what I'm trying to do every hour of every day" I hear my old self saying. Yeah but there are a lot of self-imposed limitations and assumptions that we don't even realize we're putting on ourselves. I mean, I'm a white male USian on Lemmy. I am keenly aware of how fucked up things are all over the place despite my locale not changing at all. Oh and I was raised by angry conservative Catholics. And those things only cover the guilt-based aspects of what you're supposed to do. I think having a kid helps me keep myself balanced here. It would be evil and irresponsible to ignore the plight of other people, but it would also be pretty wrong and irresponsible to make my 8 year old's world miserable just because they were born onto the same fucked up planet the rest of us were.
The goal here is to improve the life experience of myself and those around me. There isn't some ideal state where we have officially reached "love" status.
To have the best effect on our psyches, our life experiences need to engage our senses and affect our environment. So I am talking about sharing the same physical space with loved ones and not just texting constantly or being super active on Facebook or whatever site. And I am not being an old luddite that thinks it should be this way (see #1). Digital communication is awesome, but generally the person to person connection is better as you involve more senses. Think of text -> call -> video call -> in-person visit, whether it's to figure out something for work or to learn about the new baby in the family.
Love isn't just an emotion. It usually means having affection for the person, sure, but it is also a level of respect and a level of commitment to that person or people. And it is certainly not always selfless, but it can be. And there are degrees. There are plenty of friends' children that we love and would do all kinds of stuff for. And we often do, and don't ask for anything in return. And you might think this sounds like we could let friends take advantage of us. And to that I would say, that is an approach that puts negativity and greed foremost in your mind. What usually happens is that we go into the situation in a positive and generous way, and the psychological benefit that WE get is far greater than whatever time or money we spent.
Our bodies run on feedback loops! It seems fairly ubiquitous that for so many of our daily actions, our body directs resources to get better at the things we do more of, and worse at the things we do less of. This goes for way more than physical strength. So it might sound stupid, but making the conscious decision "I am going to be better at loving X person, and better at loving and taking care of myself" and start letting that mindset drive your little decisions in one direction rather than the other, it can add up in small ways and start to snowball. So this is where the annoying circular sayings like "to be happy you must choose to be happy" start to make sense once you see it in action.
So yeah, that has got to be enough typing for now. Loving somebody doesn't mean they are perfect and that I never have a problem with them. And loving them unconditionally does not mean that I never try to get them to change their ways or improve something. It's like the old saying "you get out what you put in."
Disclaimer: If you need medication to keep some issue(s) under control, this advice is not meant as a magical "you can do it buddy" alternative to that. I am still on my medications for depression/anxiety and ADHD. So, loving others well is something I choose to do because it is best for me and those around me. However, it is a WHOLE LOT harder to act like I want to act when I am in pain and half asleep all the time.
No. Why bother?
Greed and Lust exists just as much as Love.
"TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF GREED, ONE MOLECULE OF LUST"
~Death
But if you had any experience with love, you wouldn't make those dumb statements about any of them.
Given that assignment I think I'd turn in a molecule of testosterone for lust. I think I'd turn in dopamine for greed?
I feel sorry that you've never experienced or I guess recognized love when you see it, both romantically and platonically. I hope that changes.
Young girls were intentionally manipulated into thinking this behaviour from older men was acceptable. It's called grooming because these were naive young women who literally did not have the brain development or experience to know that when a man says "you're so mature for your age", he's fucking lying.
Don't blame these young women for the grooming and trauma inflicted on them from a young age. Blame society for teaching men that they should be pursuing the youngest women possible.
Being over 21 really did get me in good with a lot of girls who were 19-20.
Graduating high school made me a hell of a lot more interesting to a couple of girls. I figured if they weren't interested before, they weren't interesting enough.
The difference being you weren't desperate enough to take "any hole is a goal" as a motto worth following.