My son got Nikes so he doesn't get teased.
He's always wore sketchers. Like since he was 4. Recently, he got really emotionally taking about shoes he wanted for middle school. He said if he doesn't get Nikes he's going to get teased. Great fucking marketing work Nike.
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It's not a Nike thing. It's a kid thing. Kids are dicks, sorry
Is that why Apple has got the US by the balls because people want to avoid the dreaded green bubble in iMessage? I'm not from the US so that might be me misunderstanding the situation, but I've been told that even many adults in the US view that as a valid reason to avoid anything that's not an iphone, because of some social stigma attached to the green bubble.
As far as I hear every time: Yep
As an American I’m still not convinced.
Apple successfully sold themselves as a better choice, the “in”thing - to adults. Most adults I know have iPhones and the ones who don’t seem self-conscious about it. It might have partly to do with Android phones originally sold as the budget alternative. We’re the shallow ones.
Kids can take their cues from adults: they see iPhones as the “better”, more desired choice. But also take it to the next level, with teasing and bullying.
I find it hard to believe anyone cares about the color of text bubbles, especially since kids don’t use iMessage, despite all the media making that claim. It’s just an excuse, but the social stigma is real
Green bubble shaming is real and I felt it in middle school but more so in highschool from my own softball team. Hated that shit, but I loved my Moto g7 play so those bitches can fuck themselves.
You can call it social stigma but it’s really just that there’s more you can do when texting someone else with an apple phone. A lot of the time the same messaging has a totally different vibe than when both people are on iPhones. Things can be lost in context etc.
Some of that has disappeared with RCS support, fortunately.
But yes, Apple successfully positioned their texting app as a rich formatted chat app when used between iPhone users, behaving more like WhatsApp or KakaoTalk or other chat apps than like traditional texting. But when messaging people without iPhones, it was just standard texting (worse, since they would degrade the quality of MMS images more than necessary, as I understand). To the uninformed, this seemed like everyone else were the ones lagging behind. “How could your phone be any good? Images you send are terrible. I can’t name chats that have you in it. If I react to your messages it spams the group chat.” Etc.
Brilliant, but absolutely evil, move by Apple. Unfortunately it worked. The only reason I use an iPhone today is that years ago I got tired of being left out of conversations and media sharing by my family and my wife’s family, who all use iPhones. So when my OnePlus 7T Pro 5G McLaren Edition died an early, watery death (rest in peace, king among phones) and nothing else really wowed me in the Android space at the time, I bit the bullet and went to the dark side. I enjoy the iPhone, but I’m still bitter about why I got it.
Yep. Agreed
Most of my immediate family are on Android and use Signal. I'm happier this way.
I broke down and got an Iphone because everyone I know expects me to just magically know how to use any piece of tech. I got one just so I could help family with theirs and I can say I enjoy it more than any android I ever had.
When I was a kid, there was a phase where everyone was obsessed with red flannel. Went on for like 3 months.
Imagine a pro dominantly black/Latino school in the hood where we're all dressing up like Al Borland from Home Improvement.
I mean, I can see it
Caprice (or Taurus?) police car and fingerless glove really date this photo.
That sounds awesome.
It's both. Kids suck and can be clique-like over the dumbest things. But these corporations also realize the amount they can make when their brand is a "status symbol", and they purposely market around that.
Because they learn from their families, usually. I remember the uppercrust side of my family kicking dirt from a family member's grave onto his second wife's grave. So classy.
I got teased for my shoes. I got better shoes, I got teased for my jacket, I got a better jacket. So then they just made shit up to tease me about.
I saw the fucker that bullied me relentlessly for all three years in middle school about 10 years later. He was pounding stakes in the ground setting up for a carnival. He stopped me in apologized which was kind of surprising. I gave him an absolutely hollow but convincing thanks and what about my day.
I did a little light internet stalking, turns out he's vocal that can't keep a job, construction companies fire him for "no reason" and he's now down to whatever local company will hire him for physical labor. The only truly sad part is he has multiple children with multiple women and will not own up to any of them.
Though, I really suppose I owe a lot of who I am to the hell he put me through. Insults mean fuck all to me and I can ignore stress in a bad situation and make solid decisions.
How much did your repairs cost?
priceless
for everything else there's mastercard
My grade school bully is serving life in prison for attempted double homicide. IIRC he’s also a sex offender.
Obviously the decisions he made as an adult are his responsibility, but honestly I feel bad for him. He didn’t have much of a chance. His home life was terrible, and he took it out on those around him. He had no positive role models in his daily life besides those at his school, who were always punishing him because he couldn’t conform to a world utterly foreign to his own where people weren’t constantly shitty to one another, and the school didn’t have any better idea how to handle him. The kid had no support. His father was in and out of jail/prison, his mother was overwhelmed. He fell through the cracks.
It’s no surprise he turned out a piece of shit.
That doesn’t excuse his actions. Plenty of people come from difficult origins and are good people leading decent lives.
But I do pity him.
He chose Hookas instead of Hoka
The kid who bullied me relentlessly in middle school had an extremely unique name. I've been following his career since as he's been listed in news articles for being arrested for increasingly severe crimes, most recently being described as the kingpin of a car theft ring. Glad to know he's been quite successful in his career so far with credentials like that!
Did you try to teach him to be proud of his independence and differences? Maybe you can work with him on nice come backs against the teasing.
As far as I remember (25 years ago), this doesn't work. Kids just don't appreciate witty comebacks
If anything they lean in and double down.
It works if they're not comebacks, but actually hurtful insults.
They go hard, you go harder.
That poor kid is getting beaten up lmao
When I first got a girlfriend in highschool this one kid was teasing me for it so I flipped it and said "hey at least I have a girlfriend" I hit him so hard where it hurts that he actually never bullied me again and he actually tried to be my friend for a bit
I avoided bullying in school by being fucking oblivious. It was effective.
Maybe that could be taught
You know what works?
Punching your bully in the face
Being proud of your independence and difference is bad advice? What's your world like then, submitting and following others?
Comebacks dont matter when you can just point at the shoes and call him broke (im not a teen anymore but come on guys lol, thats when you fit in to avoid issues or have issues, no magical way out)
There is a way out, but it involves not caring what classmates think. That's a high bar for a lot of kids, especially in middle school. Kids have to come to that conclusion on their own. No amount of adults telling them "you shouldn't care" will change things.
By high school I found social success after not caring what others thought. But I had been bullied my whole school experience up til that point, so by high school I had run out of fucks to give. In other words, I learned the hard way, but that's something every teen has to figure out for themselves.
Is it even possible to not care at this age though? At this point school and interacting with your peers is a vast majority of your life. I don't think I have ever seen a kid being bullied every day at school and not caring. How can you not care if you're scared?
I guess it is possible as you get older, more mature and closer to adulthood. But for a kid in a primary or middle school? Kinda hard to imagine for me.
Yes, if they have already figured out how to handle bullies in grade school/middle school. Early grade school there was a bully who picked on me and my older brother helped out. By grade five I was the one helping other kids who were being bullied.
A lot of credit goes to youth groups like 4-H for helping to build self confidence and how to care for others. May have been lucky getting a solid local group though.
Oh, it's absolutely possible, but only after experiencing such abuse and isolation that you come to prefer your own company.
The last straw for me came when I finally stood up to my so-called "best friend," who acted perfectly sweet when we were alone, but who threw me under the bus whenever my bullies were around. Our families were (and sadly, still are) friends, so I'd known her since she was born and there was a lot of social pressure for us to hang out together. She abused me constantly and loved to fuck with my head. I figured that if that was the "best" friend I could have, then I didn't need friends at all. One day on the bus home, shortly after she'd spread yet another rumor about me, I called her a traitor and a backstabber.
She immediately turned to the bullies sitting behind us (whose hobbies included talking about me, stealing my stuff, and putting gum in my hair) and said, "That's so funny! She just called me a traitor!" Yep, I was done.
That was in my last year of middle school. Going into high school, I was resolved to not give a fuck what anybody said about me. I decided to stop trying to change myself to fit in. I embraced my own interests without a care what anybody would say.
And that first year of high school was when I ended up making actual, real friends for the first time. People who actually get me. The payoff was huge and still benefits me today, but it came at a great cost during my most impressionable age.
I was always a weird kid and had gotten tired of most if my peers in elementary school, so when the cruelty ramped up in middle school I was already ignoring most of what was said or done around me. Most of the fighting was wannabe gang shit so it was easy to avoid. There was a guy I would have punched in the mouth, when he threw a book I was reading in a urinal, but he was quite literally twice my size.
The trick is not to care most of the time. Then the day you start caring and throwing punches they're not prepared
I don't know about now, but back in the 90s the magical out was that you punched them in the face.
Back then the concept of a school shooting didn't exist, and parents didn't threaten to sue the school every 5 minutes.
So teachers would just let the fights go.
"Oh, Billy tried bullying Bobby, and now Bobby punched Billy in the face? Eh....call me when they break bones and spill blood. I'm going to go make popcorn."
These days? I'm sure both kids would get expelled.
Yep. I was poor and weird but I was also 6 foot tall and pretty big. Its amazing what one really good punch to the face of someone does to your rep for the rest of high school.
The kids that dont ocassionally crash out to defend themselves are the ones ppl watch as schoolshooters like the ones that never defended themselves growing up and just simmer, the quiet ones
But it’s not “his independence” if it wasn’t his choice to buy those shoes. You cannot be proud of your own choices when they weren’t your own choices.
That's actually a really good point you've made here. It's easy to defend the shoes as a parent because you're the one who (1) understands the rationale behind buying them and (2) made the decision to buy them
I wonder if a good decision in this scenario is to just give the child a shoe allowance and let them pick. If they want Nike's they will have to find a pair that fits the budget
Kids this age are able to pexress what they want. While he probably didn't at 4, it's possible he agreed or even asked for the last ones he got.
I guess he had more than one pair and he could have been asking for the last ones.
he could be but hes gonna get roasted for sketchers til college probably
Happened to me. Got Nikes, got teased because they were not a good enough model. Kids are monsters.
Yup. Learned that one back in the 3rd grade. This stuff is hard if you're not experienced enough to know how people work.
On the upside, I learned that one cannot buy their way into other's good graces, especially if they're going to require you to modify your behavior to get there; they're lying and that was never the issue. On the downside: holy shit that hurts once it goes wrong the first time.
As an adult I can also appreciate that there are situations where you can "buy your way in" to a club or status of some sort. IMO, those situations are generally not worth it to begin with, requiring an never-ending stream of cash to keep up appearances. Plus, it surrounds you with other people that also believe, and are invested, in the program. It's a recipe for elitism at best, and a big 'ol grift at worst. Better friends and relationships can be had for $0 everywhere else.
Yeah, he's not getting made fun of for his shoes. They're just a convenient target of ridicule. Son is about to learn a life lesson.
I'm sorry. People are shit.
I always knew shoes weren't going to save my kids from bullying, so I got them karate instead.
The bullying still happened, until they decided it was time for it to stop. Then it stopped.
I don't have kids, but I do have a brother who is young enough to be my child, and I was very happy when he broke the nose of his bully.
That motherfucker had to learn.
There was some anxiety on my part when my middle child told me he punched his bully in the high school cafeteria. I had felt his punches through a heavy-duty punching shield, and I assumed it would lead to criminal or civil cases. However, when I asked if the bully was ok, he said he pulled the punch.
That sounds like your kids responded in a way that every karate club teaches against.
*Is legally required to say it is against
Every serious bullying incident I ran into growing up ended when a kid got popped in the mouth. Every unserious bullying incident made no impact when I knew if it got serious, I could pop them in the mouth and likely come out on top.
I've met way too many adults with personality issues that were a product of adults telling child them "physical violence is always wrong, just tell an adult, be the bigger person" etc. It always needs to be taught as a last resort, and it needs to be understood that even justified violence comes with consequences and other tools must be used first, but when you've done everything you're supposed to and no one is helping to the resolve the problem, sometimes you have to do it yourself.
It ain't pretty, and it ain't ideal, but it's the way it is.
Self defense against verbal harrassment.
Oldest was told every day he was going to be murdered while walking home. That continued until he dropped his bag and told his bully, "today's the day, put up or shut up."
Youngest was blocking a bully to give her friends a chance to get away. He tried to kick her and got the karate demonstration he was asking for.
Middle child was harassed and mocked for five years from Middle School through high school. He spent years begging them to stop, because he didn't want to hurt them. He finally told his bully he wasn't going to put up with it anymore and warned him that if he said another word, he was going to punch him in the face. The bully opened his mouth once more, and my son closed it. No one ever said anything again.
Teachers did nothing. Schools did nothing.
Here is the quote they recited in every karate class:
“I come to you with only Karate, Empty Hands. I have no weapons, but should I be forced to defend myself, my principles or my honor, should it be a matter of life or death, of right or wrong, then here are my weapons, Karate, my Empty Hands.”
— Ed Parker
I see no conflict between the teachings and their actions. They have a right to defend themselves against harassment, and if asking for it to stop doesn't work, escalation is necessary. All the bullies had the opportunity to just walk away. Some took it, some didn't.
Yeah, the good news is no one has ever suffered permanent damage from verbal abuse, so no problems, right?
And why is physical violence no-tolerance (except when it isn't) but verbal violence is a-okay?
I'm not saying physical violence is okay, and I never have. In fact, I generally go the other direction, saying that physical violence should be a last resort for solving problems, and that those who use it clearly don't have better tools to solve their problems. And know which groups is known for not having a lot of experience solving problems? Kids. That's why we have adults supervising them. And training those kids that verbal violence is okay, and a great way to harass your peers, is, to put it bluntly, pretty fucking stupid. And some of those kids learn that a suspension isn't that big a deal to some of the kids they bully, which is a hell of a lot better lesson than the adults around them were teaching them.
PTSD is not permanent damage?
Same for other psychological scars inflicted by constant bullying.
Some may never trust anyone again because they were bullied during childhood.
I'm sorry, I misread your statement. I think we're on the same page.
Happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Cheers
When I was young (in the late 80's) it was Air Jordans.
But, on top of being teased for not having them, you would also get jumped by kids who wanted to steal them from you.
It’s still air Jordans because Nike is a joke.
I tried, His Mom agreed and already bought him shoes.
One of mine is in high school, and as much as I hate the confirming culture, especially because it's led by morons and marketing, I choose the same path. I allowed my (now high school kid) to participate in all the awful crap that I would never do myself when she felt middle school pressure. She was in the popular kids group.
The caveat has been it all comes with extreme education from my end. Not demeaning or condescending. I over-preach about marketing/ads/influencers and constantly question why people make the choices they do. I question everything though. "How do you know that?" often leads back to tick tock.
In my experience, the OTHER kids are now getting smarter as they age. Mine is now able to live her life how she wants and is still with that same group , and the kids (I shit you not) look to her for purchasing advice. The vanity kinda goes away as their brains leave that dumb social hierarchy age.
Note: My kids are/were decked out in Nike. We live by the world headquarters and a good chunk of the kids' parents work there. If that isn't peer pressure, I dunno what is!
I don't know if this is a bad idea, but recently all the Chinese manufacturers spoke out about how much the products they make actually cost, you can find the exact warehouse that makes them, and order directly from them, at a ridiculous mark down. Like a 10th of the price, or less. Might be worth some research. I see Adidas sambas for $10, including postage. They're all there. They just don't have the actual name label on them yet, because that's all they do when they reach the distributor, though, so might be useless to you.
How do you find these?
I was too lazy to actually go find the specific warehouses. I just downloaded taobao, it's partially in English now. I've seen and saved a few tiktoks with descriptions of the locations and which places do which items / brands. I just genuinely don't have time to deep dive and do proper research, though.
Probably aliexpress or something
Nah, you usually have to direct message them via WhatsApp. You will have to pay like 15 or 20 shipping, so people usually buy a few pairs at a time.
There are specific marketplaces for things, but they tend to only sell bulk. Aliexpress is all resellers.
I am not even sure if the ones I posted sell exact knock offs or not though.
The solution to bullying is to do as the bully says /s
It seems to be working for America right now.
I was unironically told that I should "keep a lower profile" if I want to avoid being bullied. I spoke to nobody and hugged the walls walking from class to class. I don't know how much lower of a profile I could keep.
Same. The principal and vice principals at the last high school I attended were also the football coaches. Going to them about how the jocks were kicking the shit out of me for being too nerdy and queer for their tastes got me that same "just keep a lower profile" bullshit from the highest authority figures in that dump.
Good luck fighting 200 8 year olds
Easy as an adult, not so much as a kid with a similar age
LPT If you back down a narrow corridor, make them come down single file, you can take them one by one.
I’m not saying anyone here wants to fight a y number of 8-year-olds, but how many do you feel he could take?
Depends on how angry they are.
I went through the same Nike crisis when I was in middle school. Had to have them because my friends had them. Instead I got to joke about my "genuine imitation Nikes" from Kmart.
It's painful for kids that want to fit in because because they don't have the wider and wiser perspective that most of us do as adults.
Man you have way more faith in adults than I do
That's the thing, crap kids are still going to bully.
Pay him self defense lessons. Beating up bullies is cooler than any snaekers
I got bullied in school for having reasonably priced shoes instead of Nike Air Max. Kids are pathetic.
Yeah this is a Nike problem and not something that's been going on since the beginning of formalized group education.
I got shit on for not having Nike shoes, in the 70s.
Pre-teen is the worst age for this. Just try to get your kid past this the best you can. Happens everywhere, eventually they will mature and learn.
Heck, this is always the plot in school movies.
At all the schools my kids went to.... Nobody cares. The kids really don't give a shit what other kids are wearing. In some ways it's bizarre given that wasn't the case when I was a kid. But in many ways it's great. I rarely ever hear of bullying, kids just are themselves.
Of course thats woke, because they actually speak to the kids and tell them to consider others and will not tolerate intolerance. So I expect schools like these are few and far between.
I always had Chucks, not because I didn't wanna get teased mind you I just thought they were cool. Kids teased me for different things anyway.
But man, they never really lasted that long. One to one and a half years of daily use, and they doubled in price in the last ~15 years (which maybe isn't that much but I feel the quality went down a bit).
I remember being 4 or 5 back in the 70s, my mom tried to put me in Converse, I refused to wear them calling them "clown shoes". LOL.
I feel vindicated.
Yeah, ever since Nike bought the lot they've been a bit mad with the designs...
I've always liked the style of chucks, but yeah. They fall apart faster than wet tissue paper.
I love my chucks. I have about 10 pair I swap through. But when I was a kid, they didn't fall apart. They just got dirty and ripped up. Worst case scenario the tops of the side rubber separated a bit or split.
But now, they will completely come apart between the bottoms and the side rubber.
I remember when high tops were in vogue. Granted, I hung out with kids in the "alternative music" scene, and Vans sponsored Warped Tour so much that "Vans Warped Tour" was just a normal term for us.
I just got some Vans Off the Walls a couple months ago and theyre already separating at the seam between the upper and the rubber :(
Kids are very materialistic.
When I was in middle school, I was probably the worst for me with the bullying. I came from a family that didn't have a whole lot of money. Like even the cheap stuff we had to cut corners with. And well I was fully aware, that there was no real difference between what I had and what they had, it didn't stop the consistent bullying. And the teachers never cared. The other students didn't care in fact some of them would chime in too. And when that's your life for several hours a day 5 days a week... You eventually just get to a breaking point.
I'll never forget the day I basically had a complete emotional breakdown because we were doing back to school shopping at Target, and I saw one of those trapper keepers. With a weird designs on the outside. They were all the rage. And it was like eight bucks I think. My mom did end up buying it for me, but only because her soon-to-be 5th grader, collapsed in the isle crying. I don't remember what I told her, but all I could think about was having that was going to make life just a little bit easier for me.
Kids can be real assholes to other kids.
I'm sorry you went through that. I'm glad you got your trapper keeper, though. Your mom made the right call.
Buy him a crowbar.
Ultimate tool against bullying
An old steel rod car antenna is the ultimate. All you have to do is slice the air a few times and the sound alone will keep everyone away
I rock my Skechers, android phone, basic Casio watch, and drive my 2003 Suzuki.
I spend my money on stuff that works. Not stuff that's marketed.
I sense marketing bullshit, and it's such a strong turnoff for me.
You must be the coolest kid in middle school.
Alright alright alright
yeah no
I love Skechers.
The shoes are probably not $300....more like $100. And the kids goal is to not feel socially ostracized, not to spend money frivolously.
Having to spend money tp avoid being socially ostracized IS frivolously spending money.
Unworthy of serious attention; trivial.
Inappropriately silly.
Of little weight or importance; not worth notice; slight.
Tell me you have never been bullied without actually saying it.
To each their own....I would count not being socially ostracized as highly important, appropriate, and of significant weight.
So you would teach kids that bowing to social pressure by buying overpriced fashion items is ok?
To each their own indeed.
Kids tease whomever they perceive as weak.
If he get the shoes, it's the wrong model. If he get the right model, it's his hair color. Etc.
Probably true. That would explain why those bullied are so eager to join the bullies when the bullies set their sights on somebody else.
Or, as the saying goes, Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo, buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
$300 shoes? I think the most expensive shoes I've ever bought were $70. I'm sure a lot of the issue with him getting picked on isn't so much brand name but him feeling like he has no say in what he wears and feeling like he is dressed by his parents in styles he has no say in. Its been 25 years since I entered middle school like this kid, but back then I would have felt the same way if my parents were forcing me to wear something I didn't like/want. It wasn't about price either. Often times the shoes my parents wanted me to wear were the same or higher in price, but styles change over time and vary by region/groups. People have their own personalities and prefer to fit in if they can. If the kid doesn't want to feel like a toddler and have more freedom in what they wear it isn't a bad thing.
The specific request is kind of interesting - when I was a kid, everyone had to wear Nikes or get teased. However for my kids, Nikes were always out.
Fads always come in cycles
British Knights were the cursed shoes when I was a kid.
It's the Apple way.
Nike doesn't sell proprietary shoe laces that only work with nike shoes. Or sell gloves that pair with the shoes, so if you wanted to switch shoes you'd also have to get new gloves. Apple is awful for very different reasons
Man I went to a very affluent school and no one gave a shit about what sneakers we had. Unless you had Heeley's of course. ZOOM!
Probably because it was an affluent school. In a school with more poor kids, stuff like this is their little chance at feeling higher status than their peers even though it's all imaginary based on marketing.
I went to a poor kid school.
Nobody had sneakers
Ha ha, I'm pretty old so, British Knights and Pro Wings were cursed shoes
Buy him Hokas and have him tell his friends to eat shit.
I love this response
man, when i was a kid i was bullied for reading at recess, or infodumping about inappropriate stuff, or being bad at running. kids these days are so materialist.
I got bullied for not having Nike, Polo, Izod and Vans. That was over 4 decades ago.
sounds like you grew up in america.
Teach your kid to kick some teeth out with his Skechers. I have a feeling that your kid is going to get bullied no matter what he wears.
No matter if you end up getting him a pair or not. Be sure he understands that such things as bullying people for having the “wrong” shoes is shallow clique nonsense and he should be better than that.
That's really not fair or helpful to the poor kid. It may be nonsense but it's very real and has a very real impact on his life. Those little monsters truly will go out of their way to make him miserable and sad as it may be keeping a low profile and reducing the number of things they can pick on can be a way not to be targeted. The idea that of telling him he "should be better than that" is just adding to the burden he's already carrying of being forced to coexist with those little sociopaths. Is it somehow his fault?
It's his fault if he start bullying other kids for wearing the wrong kind of shoes.
Or even just going along with it
Good for you. Whenever I get this kind of situation with ny kid I think "Will this matter in five years? Will this purchase break the bank?" If not, I buy/allow/rent whatever and move on. It usually does the trick and I don't mind if in my mind it sounds ridiculous or exaggerated, It is not about me but whatever they are going through and as long as they get the tools they need, so be it. Kid is very down to earth and doesn't usually overconsume. The only place where we overspend is the bookstore.
Kid could toughen up a bit. Having your shoes made fun of is such a small insignificant thing. It's probably one of the best options out there, given it's not actually even about you. I can guarantee if the kid did not react to the teasing, they would find someone else to pick on. Who seriously cares about shoes?
Kids do.
Their problems are smaller than us adults', but they feel those problems with the same intensity we do. Being ostracized from your social group is a big problem even for adults. It's worse for kids.
And kids, being kids, will bandwagon the hell out of anything. If somebody clowns on your shoes every day, give it a week and half the school will be doing it. Give it a year and you're "that guy with the shoes".
Is your brand of shoes important in the long term? No, not at all. Your social status in high school also, largely, doesn't matter in the long term. But "the long term" is difficult to keep your eye on when you're looking at 4-8 years of pointless bullying in your future.
All this to say - yeah I think this is pretty dumb, but it's important to the people who are living it. And something that's important to a child should also be important to their parents, in my opinion. I was the kid with the ratty shoes and the hand-me-downs. That stuff can really do some permanent damage to a kid's psyche.
Does this mean that every middle schooler needs to have a fresh set of Jordan's and a fitted suit every year? No, of course not. But if I can spend an extra $50 once every two years to make my son happy then why wouldn't I?
The goal of childhood is to prepare you for adulthood. It is better to be teased as a developing child, especially for something trivial, and be a well rounded adult. Children have to figure out how to navigate difficult social situations themselves, rather than simply avoiding them. It is becoming increasingly problematic when kids aren't working things out amongst themselves, or at the very least putting up with it, and instead resort to having an adult fix it for them. If they learn they can always go to an adult to fix their problems, they are being prepared for an authoritarian government. The solution to their problems is a higher power that will fix things for them. This is not quite the same, but it is avoiding difficult confrontation over something as trivial as shoes.
I do think kids should also have the freedom to choose their own shoes. If you give them a budget, and they can find Nike shoes in that budget, good on them. Maybe they even keep an eye on them going on sale. But if they cannot find shoes within the budget, they will have to settle for what they like within their price range. Which is also a valuable lesson for a developing teen.
We cannot protect kids from big feelings. It is vital they experience big feelings. It's becoming increasingly problematic with over protectionism and treating children as fragile beings. It's caused higher levels of anxiety and reduced social skills. While you may say them not having name brand shoes will lead to anxiety, if they are always given a way out of their easy to handle middle school problems, how are they going to be prepared for adulthood problems, or the countless other things out of their control. They need to experience the anxiety and learn how to handle it in healthy ways.
I get where you're coming from, but that cannot be universally true (and I think you would agree). A child wanting every toy they ever see, no matter how important to them, obviously is not going to be important to you as a parent. If a teen thinks it's important everyone they meet loves them, you cannot encourage extreme people pleasing. No kid "needs" name brand shoes. That is very distinctly a want. Perhaps they do some extra chores to earn their more expensive shoes, so you are all happy. But simply giving them expensive shoes they will inevitably grow out of because of a few comments from some school bullies is not a big problem. It is a little problem. Kids can handle little problems without adult intervention.
This is my mindset too. It isn't about me.
As I already said in my other response, it's really about the developing child. Jonathan Haidt's books "The Coddling of the American Mind" and "The Anxious Generation" both talk about the idea of over protectionism. You cannot deny that buy expensive shoes they will inevitably grow out of to avoid some light teasing from the school boys is over protecting them. They should be tough enough to handle comments about the fact they don't have expensive shoes. If they aren't, that's a great parenting moment to help them work through those feelings and how to better handle the social situations.
I agree. Maybe I wasn't getting my point across as good as I thought I was. Language barrier and what not.
What I mean, is that I absolutely think kids should learn how budgets work and how not getting your way does too, what I am saying is that some shoes is not the hill I am willing to die on. Nor is what some petty kid is trying to bully someone about. Want the sneakers? Good, go get them. I don't care and it makes kid happy.
I think it comes down to what is important to someone. I don't care about making my kid's path more difficult on purpose to exert some kind of power, what is the point? To teach what lesson exactly? Yes on principle we shouldn't act out of peer pressure and try and be the bigger person all the time. I get that, but we have to live in reality and that is a fact of life. Who acts flawless all the time? Who is a perfect parent/person? Who makes stupid decisions that are not life threatening? We all do so maybe buy the shoes if it is witjin your possibilities and discuss how to make different/ better decisions in the future. There. No one had to suffer because of it. Move on.
And to toughen kid up I think horses do that just fine lol. There is nothing like watching them take care of a 1000 pound animal that is so delicate and so dangerous at the same time and fall off the saddle to get back on right away because they love it so much. Having an animal like that will teach you about boundaries, respect, hard work and humble behavior like no other thing.
My school everyone wore the same uniform. The only choice we could make was shoes or sandals 99.9% chose shoes. Sandal wearers got so much shit for it. It was a death sentence.
Kids find a way
Well understood. His Mom was poor and bullied in school. So much so that she brings it up from time to time. She quickly bought him the shoes. I'm going to work on getting him Vans or Hookas in the future.
Is he gonna smoke the kids in his Hokas or is he gonna smoke with the other kids behind the bleachers with his hookah?
Both, it's a dual-purpose item!
Parenting is hard. She didn't just by him bullying resistant shoes, She also bought herself a break from dealing with the guilt or fear of her son getting teased. And that's perfectly fine in my opinion, choose your fight because life has lots of them. Offering your son other options in the future will be good too. These are not Nike they're better.
I see this angle and somewhat agree. Issue delt with. The nice things is he's not going to be self conscious about them and can focus on school.
So instead of falling for nike marketing, you want to fall for vans and hoka marketing?
Well he already fell for sketchers marketing lol. It’s all marketing apparently
Not Saucony Jazz they have no marketing no celebrity spokesperson but they are my official shoe. The cheapest most comfortable foot ware. An old school runner that gives me ( a fat man ) a jump on the pigs even in my old age
🏃♂️ 🚓
Now your the marketing. Congrats you done played yourself.
Dang it
Is the kid actually getting bullied or going to be bullied or has his mom just instilled a fear of bullying in him that he's using it as an excuse to have whatever he needs to fit in?
I'm guessing he's just getting teased. Add that he's nervous about middle school
He should be nervous about middle school, that's when the teasing is at its zenith
Get him heelys so he can stunt on the haters.
Ngl this was my first thought. Or dig out a pair of those ol' soap shoes and do a sick grind (practice first with both of these).
Is this still happening? It was happening 45 years ago, ffs.
It also happened to me 20 years ago so I guess nothing changes. If you wore Sketchers, you were going to get bullied.
Nowadays it’s about who has the most “designer” clothing, I wouldn’t call a Yeezy designer.
Since I can recall.
I’ll tease my kids if they don’t wear Asics
You should go out of your way to ensure you always have replacement sneakers for them, and not a single pair should be Asics.
Why not?
Now you have to make fun of your kid for being a sheep.
At my school back when I was still in education it was all adidas :3
I always thought they were old man shoes. LOL 🤣. I'm I the bully?
It's okay I always hated Sketchers too. They were the shoe that you buy if you want to get bullied. Guess that's still true today.
Well I'm in late 30s and high school was 20 years ago at this point, so I caved and finally bought a pair. Settled on their knockoff version of the Nike Flex and I couldn't be more pleased. They're just as comfortable as the real Flex, and 5x cheaper too. That said, part of me is still embarrassed to be wearing Sketchers. I wish the logo was easier to remove...
I sort of want to do a stake out and bust out on the playground if he gets teased.
Phrasing!
Eh, my dad wanted me to not be teased because of clothes or whatever. Except I saw through the bullshit and didn't ask anything. So he basically forced me to wear the ugly shit he thought would look good. When all you can wear is ugly shit picked by your well-meaning parents, ya knaw.
"Demonstrative consumption" is the word. It hurt my social ties with those I'd want to talk to, but was ashamed of this, much more than fucking poverty probably would.
He had sort of a trauma from his own childhood, but that's frankly no excuse because he didn't even try to talk to me about this. I'd tell him it's a school half-stacked with children of thieves (aka government workers, it's not USA so I won't take any bullshit about "hard-working administrators", a different part of the world), so, first, I'd prefer to have clear cultural separation from them, second, I didn't want to be there. The dumb fat pig moron wouldn't listen, he thought me complaining is the problem so he should find some way for me to waste my resistance energy.
Well, those little jerks played a prank on him, which I did try to prevent, but as you've probably guessed, he thought my resistance to his good wise decisions to be the main threat, so they succeeded. He tried to blame it on me later. I do feel bad for him, but he deserved every bit.
OK, so much for memories.
Ostentation?
Parents sometimes can't help not wanting to put their kids through what traumatized themselves. At least he wasn't trying to force you to ensure it because he had to go through it.
Yep.
Except inverted.
Man sketchers are awesome. I have a pair that I've re-bought consistently for years because they were the perfect fit, comfy, and were nondescript. Now they've discontinued them so I have to see if I can order them online.
I remember when I was kid though. We always had hands-down, goodwill, and k-mart clothes. But one of my Pop's jobs was a janitor at the "rich" school district and he'd watch the lost and found box and wait for the shit he brought in to expire.
Once it was in the bin for more than a month it got "donated". Half of that stuff went to the kids of the people that worked there. My brothers and I being some of them. So Pops scored me a pair of Air Nike when Jordan was at the height of his career.
Wouldn't you know it? One dude on the play ground had to ask why I was wearing a Walmart T-shirt while wearing Nike shoes. Seriously, kids are fucking brutal.
I learned long before that that I was "poor" so I learned how to play it off and flipped the script. "Are you that superficial that you give a shit? It never even occurred to me to look at what you're wearing but now that I am, all you are is a wigger" (slur for a wannabe in my era/location). He left me alone the rest of our school career.
I'm in my forties now but somewhere in my thirties he hit me up on Facebook and apologized for being a little shit. Turns out he had a bit of a crush on me and that's how he showed it amongst other reasons. He was newly divorced when he reconnected with me so I had to turn him down (that the only reason you're apologizing, dude?) but he was much nicer about everything this time.
Kids can be nasty but many of them grow up. Anytime you can stand up to adults in front of your kids it's teaching them how to stand up to their own peers. Show them every example you can of how to handle what they're dealing with. How you stand up to your family, friends, and peers, is how your kids learn how to do the same thing.
You can't buy yourself out of bullying. Even rich kids get bullied. Confidence in yourself and empathy for others are a far better lesson to teach the next generation.
Same for iphone. Fuck Apple.
Get him Hokas, tell him that’s what the rich actually wear.
Time to find a good counterfeit.
Yeah, I agree! Sadly the days of fighting back are over. I have faith he can scrap is needed
One of my good runner friends (3000+ miles a year and owns 100+ pairs of shoes) is the biggest sketchers fans I know of. Apparently their good running shoes aren't even cheap anymore, like $110+.
I imagine these kids aren't wearing super shoes anyway, or else they would know the puma's are faster
I think that says more about inflation than Skechers. Even cheap shoes are expensive now.
I blame the parents and schools for not doing anything about bullies and teasing. I was in the trenches as a kid, I remember all the Jack Shit they did back then.
Yeah, working on it
Kids being kids I guess
Nice
Nike marketing aside, sketchers are child abuse.
dont blame nike, blame the over-consumption introduced by unchecked capitalism. Comparing yourself to your surround has become the norm, leading to an increase in depression and, like you wrote, consuming too much. Americans on average buy 68 new clothing items PER YEAR, PER PERSON!! Maybe dont blame the kids, they are a product of their surrounding. Blame politics, and blame yourself if you have done too little politics in the last decades
Do blame Nike, and all the other corps, they are the ones who force capitalism on us, they are the cause of this behaviour, they control the politics.
I get your point, but capitalism wasn't always the norm. If you say corps control everything, it's partially due to a faulty political system and a lack of interest in politics. And for that apathy, the citizens can absolutely be blamed. And again, if there wasn't a superficial culture in the US where you HAVE to wear brands and drive european cars to not be ousted, there wouldnt be as much consumption. If you treat school like a cat walk, prepare to pay for designer clothes. The parent in the original post blames Nike for marketing. Yes, but if the kids around their kid weren't pointing and laughing, this kid would feel very confortable to continue to wear sketchers. Kids are a product of their environment, bring them up in a ultra-capitalist environment and all they care about growing up is money and status. And it starts in school already. Group thinking is hugely problematic and not even thematized yet. This ousting because your parents can't afford G-Star Raw is the only reason I would advocate for school uniforms. Something has to change but just pointing and assigning blame isn't helping anyone and especially not the kid crying.
Nike is one of the worst offenders when it comes to unchecked capitalism.
You're a shit parent if you're just going to give in.
For not wanting kids to grow up as shallow marketing simps?
Let me guess, you wear expensive shoes don't ya
Your feet deserve better shoes than that. The old adage goes, never cheap out on anything that goes between you and the ground - tires, shoes and beds are all worth buying a bit more up market than you usually might
I'm the asshole? Lmao you Litterally think bullying is all right and normal
Fighting one bully at a time by wearing the shoes they want you to wear /s
Yes, not giving in to toxic bullying for having less money makes you an asshole, right.
What if another parent doesn't even have the choice to give in bcs they can't afford it? too bad for the kid right?
You're the POS here.
LOL your opinion means nothing
Lmao, so what does your opinion mean?
TF are you?
Some asshole getting blocked.
Bye asshole
Bullying like that can be extremely traumatic for kids. Yeah it's a shit situation, but I understand why they wouldn't want to deal with it. kids are generally shitty people in middle school and use any excuse to bully each other. You basically have 3 choices 1) give in and get the thing, 2) let them get bullied for the rest of middle school, 3) harden them to the point where the other kids are fucking terrified of them.
As if parents and schools can't intervene.
Shouldn't those 2 groups specificallybe trying to educate children to do better?
I always find anti bullying measures kind of a waste of time. Adults will bully you way more, it just isn’t a swirly.
it’s making you fill out an application on a job prospects website even though the info is on the resume.
It’s every month when we pay rent.
It’s every paycheck we receive that doesn’t include our surplus labor value.
It’s a overdraft fee from your bank.
It’s ComcastXfinity purchasing your local government and ensuring you have no alternatives for an ISP.
It’s the “unprecedented call volume” you wait through that happens because the customer service phone line is purposely understaffed.
It’s your health insurance denying your claim.
It’s everywhere. Just because we hide it behind a curtain of the economic system doesn’t mean it changes the nature of these interactions.
If you want your kid to be successful, they should be a bully. Bullies are successful as fuck. Every parent should be teaching their child to be the biggest asshole douchebag bully ever.
It doesn't really matter if the schools do. And the bully's parents are where they get it from. Kids don't care about branding unless they're instructed to do so by their families. I was bullied by a guy for years at school. Several adults tried to intervene, but it only stopped after I embedded a knife in the wall next to his head from across the room. Bullies like a reaction unless they think there's a legitimate chance you'll snap and murder them. Unfortunately that's not advice you can pass to your children.
I believe there's plenty that can be done.
And it may get the kids to react.
Maybe not with a knife but bullies aren't generally very tough anyway when confronted.
What's the right move?
Who knows if it's true. Kids can lie/exaggerate when they want stuff.
If it is true then wtf kind of school is this? I would go have a talk.
What if some other parent couldn't afford them? Will he let his kid join the mob mentality and bully him?
This goes further than shoes.
Just buying the stuff to get done with it and letting this toxic environment fester is def not the right move.
But fuck it, I'm not raising his kid.
If you think social bullying like this is some kind of rare thing I got some terrible news for you.
It goes far beyond just having pricey clothing, kids these days are bullied for not spending money in Fortnite. https://partner.sciencenorway.no/bullying-children-and-adolescents-computer-games/fear-being-bullied-children-pay-to-become-popular-in-video-games/2307469
It's bad, even in countries like the UK where they have dress codes to try and address it, you'll still he picked in for not having the right accessories.
It's not rare, never said that.
My point is you should do something about it, not give in like this AH.
He is part of the problem pushing the problems to kids ho can't afford it.
Fuck them. WTF is with all these egocentric comments?
I remember being a target of bullying in middle school. I specifically lobbied the school for months to get an alternative to recess because that's when the worst of the bullying occurred. I was finally given permission to just chill in an empty classroom during that time and it was a significant improvement.
If spending a bit more on shoes helps give the kid some confidence it seems like a reasonable step to take. Maybe the kid will learn it was never about the shoes to begin with.
The fact is, middle school fucking sucks and the most parents can do is try to help their kids survive however they can. I still remember what one parent said to me once "middle school is the lowest circle of hell" and it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment
So don't adress the problem but give in, right.
And fuck the ones who can't afford those shoes and get bullied.
You're part of the problem, disgusting to hear that
Bruh chill out. Do you really think that was an appropriate reaction to a comment by some rando on the internet?
Just block him, no need to reply to him.
Reviewing their post history you're definitely right. Holy crap how can one person spew so much anger at nothing?
Why would they be a shit parent for doing something so simple? The shoes aren't that much more expensive unless they are talking like some limited edition nonsense. They don't need to go that far, but just getting some brand name thing to avoid bullying is an easy thing.
Sounds like you'd be a shit parent if you had kids. "I can't be arsed to help stop your getting bullied because it costs me a few dollars more."
Certainly there are other lessons to be had here about standing up for oneself and not letting peer pressure dictate your life, but spending a few dollars for brand name sneakers is not something to call people shit parents over.
jeez what a horribly disgusting comment.
Mmkay 😂
dumb ass americunts are pathetic.
This slave attitude is what got you into a fascist state. And you fully deserve it.
Subservient, weak pacified pussies, bending over at any time, punching down to keep yourself in a little less shitty position.
Despicable, I'm glad your shithole is going down the shitter, the world will watch it it with joy.
You won't be missed.
😂 😂 😂
Nah, you pick your battles. If the kid wants Nikes because that's what everyone else has, then get him Nikes. I heard 10 years ago that Sketchers are for toddlers and old people... and from what I've seen that perception hasn't changed.
Like it or not, we are social animals and fitting in is important, especially for children. When my daughter was a toddler we made it a point to NOT expose her to Paw Patrol because it is just blatant targeted marketing to children. It was a point of pride for us to be able to walk past Paw Patrol branded apple sauce and not have her begging for it. And then we sent her to preschool and after the first week she came home sad that all the other kids were playing Paw Patrol but she didn't know any of the characters, so she couldn't play. That was a real shitty day for me as a parent because that was my failing. We started letting her watch Paw Patrol (as well as other non-PBS kids shows) because pop culture is important. Same with fashion... not every kid needs to wear Nike, but they should be aware of what the trends are and have a say in what they get.
Edit: I'm glad Lemmy makes it easy to block trolls.
IDC about your BS explnation.
I despise people like you.
You are a weak consumer slave keeping these horrible practices alive by being weak and giving in.
I have no sympathy for your slave mentality.
You should be ashamed.
You are all that is wrong with the world.