Would you become romantically involved with someone with vastly different religious views?
Title. Interested to see the response from different religions
Edit: Stating your religion would be appreciated. Lack of religion counts for the purpose of this question. Also let's not downvote people for differing religions, all voices are welcome here. If no; why?
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No. I couldn't be with anyone who actually takes religion seriously. It just wouldn't work.
Edit: personally I consider myself an Antitheist.
Marry me
who needs tinder when there's lemmy ?
Best way to find a boyfriend who knoes his way around Linux
I'm atheist, and my partner was Muslim when I first knew her.
People say it doesn't mater - but honestly it really fucking does.
Imagine being in relationship with someone who never really left North Korea, deep down. There's so much fear, so much fear-driven obedience, and so much fear-driven defense of the indefensible.
I never really understood the concept of freedom of conscience until I was arguing with one of her friends about Amina Lawal, the Nigerian woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery - with her sentence delayed until her baby was weaned. Despite being really very progressive at heart, my partner ended up arguing in favour of it - and then later on was seriously pissed off at me for making her defend that.
She ended up deconverting several years later (certainly not at my behest), and things got immeasurably better from then on.
But that's not a possibility I'd recommend banking on. My honest advice is just don't go there, it's far more stressful than you think it is.
Damn that is hardcore
I am atheist and my wife is Buddhist. While not exactly true, I view Buddhism more as a philosophy and it is more palatable in that regard. My tolerance for people practicing religion is also fairly high as long as they don't try and "convert me".
As a result, I have been to plenty of ceremonies for things over the years and it doesn't bother me. Of course, I don't believe in any of that "magic" but there is usually loads of good food that comes attached, depending. (Also, there is a high probability of after-hours gambling and drinking which was cool when I did that stuff, at least with the Asian crowd I roll with.)
+20 years married into a Buddhist family, if you were wondering about that.
Am also atheist, I have an extreme...distaste for religion in general. There are some that I find easier to mesh with, very dependent on the person in particular. But I have some long married friends with vastly different religious views and they work out somehow.
Oh, I get it. My distaste for religion runs deep as well. However, in my own direct experience, I have not seen any overt religious-driven nasty behavior in my years around Buddhism. (Not to say that it doesn't exist, but I haven't seen it.)
For the record, I grew up in an extreme Southern Baptist area, and still hold the belief that all those fuckers are all pure evil.
Buddhism seems like one of the easier ones to mesh with, yeah. Thank you for your response, I appreciate it very much!
I'm a Buddhist/Atheist. There is far less to fight about here than between Christians/Atheist. I'm sure I'm a "bad" Buddhist too because I take the philosophical bits that make sense to me and leave all the deities and supernatural stuff alone, but Buddhists don't seem to mind and most atheists don't either.
I wouldn't get involved with someone deeply religious. I'd consider someone religious if they were sufficiently wishy-washy about it, though, e.g. people who are christian and believe in it at least enough to not call themselves atheists or agnostics but don't really DO anything christian.
Would you turn someone down for believing in heaven/hell/etc alone?
That's potentially included in wishy-washy christianity. The important part is how they act on it. Though it certainly mystifies me how you can believe in that stuff and then act as if it doesn't, but that's kinda how people roll in my parts ...
Atheist. In general I don't have a problem with religion, as long as it doesn't get uncomfortable. By that I mean stuff like forcing or forbidding me to do stuff. Not believing in basic science is a hard no as well.
But I feel like that's a problem that only part of the world has. Christianity in the U.S is a fucking cult. I don't think I could date anyone from that hardcore believe system. I'm from germany andI am yet to meet a christian that believe in the bullshit parts. Like believing in what the bible says alone is fucking weird to me and pretty much novody exeptfor hardcores does that here.
So I'd say for methe line is at "cult" level
"Not believing in basic science" should be complete turnoff for anyone ngl.
Imagine your life partner saying if they have any kids they don't want to vaccinate them cause autistic people go to hell or some bs.
Also for Christianity in the US thing.
I am a pretty religious Muslim (maturidi) and lived in Iraq before. I still find US sects like Mormonism too extreme for even being roommates let alone marrying, despite being another Abrahamic religion.
Atheist, married to a Buddhist. He prays daily and has his rituals.
Made it clear from the start that I'm ok with religion as long as they don't try to convert me or harm others.
Aside some dietary requirements, it works quite well. Married for 9 years now.
This works quite well for us, but results and experience may differ based on religion, patience and personal beliefs. I imagine I might have a hard time dating a religious zealot though.
Same here. I am not interested in religion (so not even really atheist), wife is Buddhist doing Buddhist things. Married for 40 years this year, and it's not an issue.
I won't get romantically involved with anyone who deeply believes and allows religion, especially organized religion, to drive their lives.
I was raised Catholic. I have seen too many people use their religion to shirk responsibility for their evils.
Washington State mandatory reporter law changes are a great example. In the US it varies by state but in general, people in trusted positions like teachers, police officers, medical professionals, and counselors are required to report child abuse. Priests have had a special exception, even if they were acting as teachers or counselors. Last month, Washington removed the special exception for priests. The Catholic Church is now sueing to keep the right for priests to keep child abuse secret. Ponder that, these people who would put their magical ceremonies over the health, safety, even lives of children. What is the point of that religion? Because it sure isn't about helping people live good lives.
And Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these ... unless they're being abused and you wait until you're in the special room with me, chant some special words, and then tell me. Then fuck'em. No, literally, we'll keep the pedophilia on the down low because the ceremony is more important than the kids".
I'll chime in myself here. Am an atheist, have dated hard core Christian women, Wiccans, and atheists. I've found that religion didn't actively impact the relationship until it spilled over into daily life that my partner required I take part in. I actually really enjoyed religious history conversations with my more moderate partners. It started to break down when it was "shut up no debate this is how it is" and those are the relationships that ended badly.
I had a gf who considered herself Christian. Not someone who talked about it a lot, but I guess she has some belief. I have a fairly negative view of organized religion in general. She really wanted to start going to church and I was um, wow, sounds horrible. She looked around found a church with surprisingly cool people - not at all bible thumpers, or full of pretentious nonsense, hell and brimstone, none of that. They support LGBTQ, operated a homeless shelter, gave sermons about pro-abortion rights and astronomy. I was pleasantly surprised. Still I ended up determining that I didn't want to wake up at 7:30 each Sunday to go there. I figured out that she viewed church more as a social club and some sort of tradition from her family.
If it was someone drastically different, like talking constantly about reading the bible and telling me I had to convert and basing half their life around it, absolutely not. I not only am not interested myself but I think it would illustrate some negative aspects of their personality that I don't want to be around. I had a gf who owned a retail store and people would come in and tell her ridiculous stories about Jesus healing people when they were missionaries in Africa. Later she'd tell me and ask "Do you think that was true? Jesus really DID THAT?" and I'd have to be um... no. That lady sounds like a liar or a psycho, sorry. Not great for a relationship. It turned out it was just some feel-good thing for her. She didn't read the bible or really know anything about scripture. Just thinking "magic jesus loves me" made her feel good. I'm only really vaguely religious but still I can't respect that.
Atheist here. Married a Christian who was into missions, taught Sunday school, etc...
Love is love and we don't choose who we fall in love with.
I never once tried to convert her, or call out her beliefs. But over time (she was from a small religious (mennonite) town) she came to see on her own how the indoctrination was just a cover for a lot of evil shit that went down in the church, and in its name.
She is no longer Christian, and veers towards agnosticism, but when pressed would say she is now more aligned with animism, or the idea that nature is the only 'face' of a god that is not a conscious being, but is just the culmination of all the processes in nature.
Eww, no, I'd never date anyone with religious views.
Fuck no. Organized religion is the source of most of the harms in the world. There is no man in the sky. You have no special blessing to be terrible to others.
Capitalism is responsible for most of the rest of the harms. And then a very small percent is the result of basically-bad people and mental health issues.
I'm an atheist. I dated a woman once who believed in spirits. I think she experienced night terrors among other things and interpreted them as supernatural phenomena. It didn't cause problems then but I was a lot younger and I think now I'm less tolerant of that sort of thing. But who knows - I was crazy about her so maybe if I meet a woman I'm crazy about like that again then I'll tolerate anything.
More recently I've dated people who believe in a vague sort of life after death but never someone who practiced any religion. I think I would immediately rule out practicing religious people if I were going through a list (as when dating online) but if I met someone in person, really liked her, and then found out she was religious then I'm not sure what I would do. It would definitely be off-putting.
The problem for me isn't the lifestyle differences but rather my impression that religious people are missing the point about the basic nature of existence, when it really should be obvious. It makes me feel like I'm patronizing them, because to be frank I don't tend to think of them as my intellectual equals. (And I know that makes me sound like a pompous jerk.)
Yea I kinda get the same feeling. Although for a lot of people their religion does not preclude the acceptation/understanding of a physical world, it's a more of set of rites that they inherited and that's part of their identity. There's plenty of religious people who are scientists. For some, I imagine it may be difficult to reconcile.
I know that there are religious scientists and I think humans often compartmentalize beliefs in such a way that their belief about the supernatural doesn't affect their assessment of real-world situations. I'll even go further and say that often it seems like their belief affects their behavior much less than it logically ought to, with some (but not all) people who apparently sincerely believe in an all-seeing God and an afterlife still acting just like atheists in relevant situations. In this context, the fanatics are sometimes technically the more rational ones - I disagree with their premises, but their actions make sense if those premises are considered true.
It's certainly weird how many people say that they believe and then just ... don't do anything that their belief says they should do.
I think people's behavior is determined much more by social conventions and the expectations of their community (in addition to pragmatic self-interest) than it is by logical reasoning. I'll risk being the preachy vegetarian by discussing people's attitudes towards eating meat. Most people sincerely believe that cruelty to animals is wrong, and also that factory farming (if not all killing) is cruel. Yet they eat meat. I even know some people who started eating meat again after being ethical vegetarians. Did they change their minds about whether or not harming animals is bad? No. If pressed, they feel guilty but they don't like to talk about it. The reason they're eating meat is because it's convenient and almost everyone expects them to, not because they reasoned from first principles. Likewise with religion - if no one else is giving everything away to the poor and everyone will think you're crazy if you do rather than praising you, you're not going to give everything away to the poor even if it would make sense to do so given what you believe.
Edit: Kidney donation is another example. I met a woman once who donated a kidney to a friend of her mother's. This person wasn't someone particularly dear to her, but she found out that he needed a kidney to live and she gave him hers. I think that what she did is commendable, but I still have both my kidneys. This is despite the fact that I sincerely believe that if, for example, I saw a drowning child then I would risk my life to save him. People would think I was a hero if I saved the child, or that I was a coward if I didn't try. Meanwhile almost everyone I know would think I went crazy if I donated a kidney to a stranger. My relatives would be extremely worried, and they would try to talk me out of it. I'm not going to do something difficult, painful, and (to an extent) dangerous when everyone I know would disapprove, even if in principle I think risking my life to save another's is a good thing to do.
I think your ideas here go into the right direction, but the confusing part for me is that many of the christians I know are so far below what you'd expect from a christian in these parts (which is already very little) - it's not that they don't give everything away to the poor, they're doing (as far as I can tell) nothing - they don't pray, they don't go to church, and they don't adhere to any of what the bible says they should do beyond maybe basic Golden Rule stuff. And it's not even like most families would make a big deal out of it if you left the faith or even became fully atheist. Most do pay the church tax, though, which is about 1% of your gross income.
Here's an incident that is only tangentially related to what we're talking about, but it's one that I found memorable. My grandmother was reading a tabloid newspaper (which she tends to believe) and it apparently had an article about UFOs. She turned to me and told me that, according to the newspaper, space aliens were real and visiting Earth. Then she went about her ordinary business - the thing about the aliens was simply an interesting bit of trivia for her.
I think her reaction was not in fact particularly unusual, but I found it baffling. The arrival of space aliens would be perhaps the most important thing that has ever happened to humanity. The entire future of the species would hang in the balance, and everything would hinge on what the aliens want. I know my grandmother very well but I still don't really understand how she thinks about things like this. The best I can come up with is that she believes in many fantastical things and therefore just one more fantastical thing changes little for her.
This isn't a direct response to what you're describing but I think it's relevant as an illustration of one way how the fantastical can be less important than the mundane for people.
Hard no.
The last thing I need is the wife pestering me constantly to go to church.
I think the biggest problem is when one partner believes that the other is condemned for eternity in some way (not just a hell, but also other forms like reincarnation to a lower state or anything else deemed bad)...and either they spend the relationship trying to change the other person and probably ruining it, or worse, they accept that fate for someone they claim to love.
As an atheist, I don't have that concern that my loved one is doomed to torment somehow, I just have the here and now to try and make their life with me as pleasant as I can. There is the issue of whether or not an atheist could live with someone whose rational is governed by beliefs that affect their judgement, either like mentioned above trying to convert them for their sake, or in other ways where religion steers them vs. having their own thoughts. But for what I think is a large majority, religious people mostly go through the motions if any just to fill some subconscious uncertainty and it's not enough to threaten a relationship with a differing viewpoint.
The human brain is very good at compartmentalizing things to help us get through the day.
Yea I suppose if you consider your significant other to be a filthy kuffar doomed to wade through lava for the rest of time.... that relationship is going to be a ride
You know that non-abrahamic religions exist, right?
Yes. That's why I said what I said in the parentheses, different beliefs have different afterlife ideas, some may not have a hell but might have other punishments. The point was a relationship where one or both thinks the other is going to suffer later but is okay with it can't be very deep. If it's a religion where there isn't such a thing, then there isn't a conflict (at least not in that sense).
I am strongly atheist, and I don't think I could ever feel like they were equal in intelligence, and respect someone who believes in total nonsense.
Sure. My parents had different religions and being an atheist I don't really have a duty to care about other people's religions.
Of course it helped that my parents weren't too seriously religious. And I've rejected religious people for having religion-tied views I find appalling. But the religion itself isn't the issue, just the things that sometimes result from it are.
My wife was a freeform muslim when we met and we learned a lot from each other, then again she's a very flexible and tolerant being. I was and still am pretty much agnostic I guess. No strong opinion... no horse in the cosmic race
Depends. Do they love and respect me? Are they trying to convert me every chance they get?
Where do you draw the line? That's what I'm curious about
I don't. Believe whatever you want to believe. My wife thinks bigfoot, ancient aliens, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, demons, angels, etc exist. I think that statically aliens have to exist but the rest are bunk. It doesn't affect me if she believes those things.
My therapist once told me he believed that aliens had been in communication with the US government since the Reagan administration and I had to think about how I wanted to react to that for a little bit. He was an incredibly helpful therapist, but I considered that fucking nuts. I totally agree that aliens likely exist in some fashion, just as a result of probability, but I don’t think they’re here or in secret communication with humans. My therapist thinking they were made me doubt his judgment in other areas. In the end, I decided that he could have a blind spot about aliens and still be an effective therapist.
I’m not religious, and though I absolutely respect and am almost jealous of the ritual/communal aspect of religion, I honestly think people who really believe in it are a bit deluded, which feels pretty judgmental and shitty of me. My attitude towards religious people has become a lot more open over time though- I was a stereotypical 15 year old atheist shithead in my catholic high school- so I can imagine that eventually I won’t feel at all condescending about it.
I don’t think I would have been at all bothered if my therapist was religious (depending on the religion), but I would not be able to be in a relationship with someone who was. Weirdly, I think I’d be more accepting of a partner believing in aliens. I guess I care more about a shared understanding of the universe with a partner and more about critical thinking skills from a therapist, lol.
When it comes to a partner I want love, loyalty, respect, attention and affection. As long as those needs are met, and they're good looking enough to keep my eyes on them, everything else is inconsequential.
My life partner and I both considered it critical that our beliefs were strongly compatible.
We've been together for decades.
Our beliefs have changed substantially, and certainly not identically.
We're still together. There's so many more important things.
There's already several comments saying "depends on the beliefs and how important they are," and obviously there's that.
I'll add that there are beliefs people don't immediately think of when talking about religion. There's religious humanism, which is a secular religion based around behaving ethically which also has a bunch of traditions similar to spiritually-based religions, minus the spirituality. Adherents (can) attend church and hear sermons on ways to be a better person, etc.
I'm not a religious humanist but they sound like they're probably decent enough people. They're quite different to my generic fediverse atheist/irreligious views, in the sense that I don't have any desire to attend congregations of people who identify as religiously ethical, but I don't harbor any strong objections to their beliefs.
Personally, I understand it more as something that might be nice for people who have left spiritual religion but still want the trappings of a place to go and be with a community of like-minded people, but that's not my experience. Ultimately, that's probably about as far as I'd be comfortable, where we have roughly equivalent spiritual views but highly divergent religious views.
During the pandemic, I dated/isolated with a Unitarian. I grew up catholic and I love rituals, so it was a nice service to take part in online. They also organized a regular lunch program for people in the area who had recently been kicked out of the shelter due to the pandemic. I made about 200 lunches a week and they delivered in total about 1500 weekly, along with homemade masks (early pandemic) and bottles of hand sanitizer.
It was a really lovely and non theistic way to take part in the good about religion. Religious humanism sounds similar.
Thank you for this insight! I had no idea myself
It depends. I’m atheist/agnostic, but I have a lot of respect for certain core religious philosophies. Buddhism, Sikhism, and the teachings of Jesus (note that I did not say “Christianity”) in particular.
If a persons particular practice has an ethical, humanist core I can accept that. If it encourages any kind of blind appeal or deference to authority, I cannot. I can tolerate some mysticism and mythology, but I cannot tolerate unethical teaching, dogma, or behavior.
No
Hard to say for sure really.
I can respect someone's religious views as long as they aren't trying to push them on me. That's to say; not trying to make me believe the same or insist that I have to follow the rules of their chosen religion.
As far as my own views go; I don't follow any particular religion. I don't necessarily believe there isn't some form of god, but I don't follow/believe in any specific deity either. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't; but there have been hundreds of thousands of gods/goddesses/deities/religious figures throughout human history. Who's to say you've chosen the correct one, along with the correct set of (sometimes oddly specific) rules and regulations to go along with it?
You want commandments to follow? Here's one:
"Don't be an asshole"
Everything else kind of just falls into place around that. As long as we can respect each other and our differences; yeah, romance is certainly possible.
Probably not, but that entirely depends on what Religion is for Them. If Religion is only something that they themselves belief in and practice I dont really have a problem with it. If they however use their religious views to suppress others (e.g. trying to talk someone out of having an abortion because "pro life") that's an absolute no go for myself.
A very important and good distinction.
Fully agree, also happy cake day.
I'm a Satanist. I would be fine dating an atheist, depending on their morals and ethics. I would probably be okay dating someone that was agnostic, since technically most atheists are agnostics. I could date most reform Jews, since for most of them it's a cultural religion, rather than a literal one.
I would not be able to date anyone that sincerely believed in a supernatural deity, because I would not be able to respect them, or trust any of their conclusions.
No. Spirituality is a very core value. I wouldn't negotiate it.
Muslim here and nope. Setting aside that it's forbidden in Islam, I'd have to get them on board with so many things they might as well convert.
Do you live in a country where Muslim religion is assumed or do you have to ask their religion right off? That seems rough
I'm an immigrant in a country where save for a small foreign diaspora Muslims basically don't exist, so while I'm choosing to leave this stuff for future me to figure out, if I ever do choose to find someone it'll be rough going.
Ouch. That does seem complicated. I wish you luck!
I don't date/wed a religion, or a god. Only a person.
That being said, there would still be the obvious limit that I would have to like (and be liked by) the person which, as far as I'm concerned, would most probably exclude some of the more... extreme religious beliefs.
Atheist here, married to another atheiest. If I were to date, beliefs would be fine as long as we were somewhat compatible. Open mindedness is a big thing here. Observing certain rituals would be no problem as long as I would not have to participate. However, if you are overly dogmatic or bigoted towards other people based on color, religion or sexuality, you can fuck off right away.
While I was in the process of disentangling myself from religion, the woman I lived with for nearly 10 years went off the deep end. Prosperity gospel. She became insufferable.
I made a much-needed escape, and met my wife a year later. She, like me, believes religion to be a social construct, intended to keep the masses docile and obedient.
Here's the fun thing about that question; it's basically 'Would you date someone you considered mentally insane?' Whether you are atheist considering dating Hindu, a Catholic considering dating a Zoroastrian, or a Buddhist dating a nihilist, this is a person who has a fundamentally different understanding of reality. Here's the real kicker; 'Is someone who has a distorted sense of reality capable of giving consent?' Can you even date them if you value consent?
I'm an aethiset, she was christian. I moved on fairly quickly, it's just looppy shit i would have started to laugh..
I assumed she'd come to her senses, she assumed I could be indoctrinated.
I wouldn't get involved with someone from any religion.
Religious people are generally dogmatic, but then there are people who think they're religious but don't actually believe most of the concepts they grew under, besides one or two traditions that essentially just become culture
Irreligious Agnostic here. As long as they don't have extremist views I don't care.
Irreligious agnostic as well.
I think I would have difficulty depending on how devoted they are. Like would I need to pretend to pray beside them at every meal? Or do they just keep most of that to themselves?
Also, I do find the little rituals and habits that religious people go through a bit silly so I feel like I would not be able to just silently sit by and watch it for years and years.
Honestly it's a hard question to answer by text. Depends if they expect me to make room for them to practice their faith or expect me to to eventually follow in their spiritual path. Because these 2 are very different. I find the rituals offputting too even though I understand the logic behind them, but that could be because of internalised prejudice from my part. Also assuming this is a serious relationship would this person assume that in case you decide to have kids they will educated/indocrinated since an early age? That would be an absolute no for me. I'm certainly up for presenting them with the option when they come to an appropriate age but not raising them up to the idea that it is the only certainty in life. It's complicated for sure and there a number of things to take into account but that doesn't necessarily mean you should avoid being with someone you cherish because they find joy in a way of spirituality I/you may find archaic.
As an atheist: no.
It depends on how passionate about their religion and how the aspects of that passion affects people around them.
I'm a former/non-practicing Christian, and I consider myself agnostic or atheist now.
I married someone with a religion from an entirely different family of religions than Christianity, originating in an entirely different part of the world. The way their religion really affects me day-to-day is that there are certain ingredients we don't keep in the home for cooking. Really not a big deal.
But I can see dating a zealot (from a different religion or not) could pose problems
If they were personally religious (spiritual) rather than socially/dogmatically religious, then it could work out. As an atheist, I'm not against spiritual beliefs, but their core values must align with mine - that is the important bit here. Obviously, communication about these things would determine where we align, and help determine if we could sustain a relationship, but it's certainly a possibility.
Note: I include a love of nature, humanism, etc. under the 'spiritual' label, as well as traditionally religiously spiritual.
Huh. Why?
People dive different things "spiritual", whether it's mystical or natural in origin. And "spiritual" can mean different things to different people. So, my label is inclusive.
Ah. It's somewhat odd for me, as my love for and of nature, as well as (and in the same vein) my ideas about human potential and dignity come from a specifically un- if not anti-spiritual place.
Something like: The material world is not only beautiful (in a fundamental way, I don't merely mean pretty like a forest on a hill, but also beautiful like all the interconnected systems that make it a forest), but also all there is, and that is part of the reason why caring about feeling beings is important.
But yeah, we always gotta make some judgement calls on who and what we exclude and include with the terms we use.
I guess, I'd say that "spiritual" is something that moves you deeply (you spirit, soul, or whatever you'd like to call it).
This conversation has helped me hone in a bit on my meaning. Thank you.
I was raised Christian and am now atheist. I would have a very difficult time being romantic with anyone who calls themself Christian. I have come to despise all levels of it. I don't believe in the existence of the super natural. I don't believe in the Christian creation myth. I don't believe in the resurrection or any miracles of Jesus. I believe most churches are cults that we give a free pass to be cults because it's more socially acceptable. I believe religion did great harm to me growing up and I believe it does great harm to many other young people. I could go on, but that's the gist. If someone was somehow Christian and agreed with me on all of those points there might be a chance but I'd still view it as strange that they didn't see the whole thing as a scam and renounce their faith.
People from other religions I may have similar problems with because even though religions are different their effects are often similar. Even a staunchly pro LGBT church/religion I would have difficulty meshing with because my problems go so much deeper than that.
An exception would be people who are "spiritual" but not "religious". While I myself am quite skeptical, I am still open to the idea that there's more. And even if there's not, sometimes it's fun and/or beneficial to pretend that there is. So long as they themselves are similarly open to the ideas that they could be wrong and that others could be right I think I could get along quite well with people like this. The truth is I still have moments I would call religious experiences, but I don't believe they're revelations of truth. They're still interesting and fun to talk about. Like dreams.
No lol
I couldn't be equals with someone who isn't living in grounded reality.
No, Im not a believer and that is unlikely to change
Yes, if their core beliefs are the same. Kindness, compassion, generosity, etc.
Anti-religious atheist here.
You know what...years ago I would have said "no". Imo, often fundamentalist religious people have views that actively harm society through systemic actions. So it's not something I am able to generally sit well with.
However, years back I met someone irl (not online) with absolutely polar opposite political and religious views as me. I am an atheist who actually opposes the concept of religion in general and I am very liberal. This person I know is very Catholic and conservative. They are a hardcore Trumper and I have always seen him as a dangerous threat to the US.
Yet...
Over the years, this person has legitimately become my absolute best friend. They are the kindest, funniest, most wonderful person I know. I absolutely love spending time with them. We just don't debate our polar opposite viewpoints. We still share and talk about deep, personal things...but we don't instigate political debates or anything like that. I take their views as someone who has been brainwashed by society, and I'm sure they feel the same about me. But it means that I don't see them as evil for their views and am able to easily look past that.
I don't know what the fuck I would do in life if I ever lost them. Sometimes they are the reason why I look forward to the rest of my day.
We are not romantically involved or anything. They have a partner and a family, and I wouldn't be interested with doing that with this person anyway.
But the point is, it taught me that I can have a very deep, personal connection with someone with polar opposite views. Ideally, I would like for a partner to share my views. But life has shown me that it is possible to be opposite like that and still really deeply care for and enjoy someone.
How do you reconcile their views on deportation, human trafficking, LGBT stuff, etc etc etc etc etc with you finding them to be a "wonderful" person? Personally anyone who believes in what Trump is doing is by definition a monster and any niceties they may show other people is either psychopathy or because you happen to be the right color. It's like the standard bad date test; if they're a shitheel to their server, they'll eventually be a shitheel to you too.
I remember bringing up some LGBT stuff to them before. I told them that I initially started questioning religion because it was upsetting to me that my sibling would be sent to hell simply for being gay. Interestingly, they seem to not believe the anti-gay rhetoric of their religion, which is a relief. Trans issues are another matter which does frustrate me a bit...they seem accepting of some trans people in general but have some unfortunate other views on the matter. It is difficult sometimes to reconcile stuff like this though, I agree.
No idea what they think on deportation, but why do you bring up human trafficking? Human trafficking is pretty universally seen by everyone as a bad thing, even Trumpers.
People are individuals and while most of them might lean a certain way, they often have some views that don't fit the stereotypical mold of their demographic if that makes sense. I found out that my friend was vehemetly against bombing Iran despite being a Trumper.
As another example that is likely to yield me downvotes, I would consider myself an incredibly liberal person. And I do sympathize with someone like Luigi. But I am very opposed to weirdly celebrating what he did like most of the internet seems to do. Compassion and understanding? Hell yeah. Celebrating shooting people? Not so much. I never talk about this with others because I know how unpopular of an opinion it is on the internet. But I brought it up to my Trumper friend and she feels the exact same way.
We are all individuals with our own views and you're not necessarily going to stumble across the "perfect match" with anything. Part of human relationships is learning who you can and can't get along with and working through the points that don't mesh as well. I don't know what I'm babbling on about really.
99% no
Not anyone who is actively/strongly religious of any kind. Philosophical/spiritual beliefs is fine with me but anyone who is drinking the Kool-Aid is either delusional or dumb (and probably stubborn/hard to reason with). I was raised Catholic (even went to Catholic school from elementary up to finishing HS) but would consider myself somewhere between agnostic and atheist now
Atheist. I'm quite relaxed about it as long as I don't have to take part in the silly rituals. I've dated a lot of picky eaters so I'm okay with not having bacon at home or whatever your dietary restrictions may be.
as long as they aren't going to force me into said religion I would be fine with it, if I dated anyway.
I would try to support them and all but, I'm agnostic
It depends. Probably, as long as they didn't think I was going to hell, or believe something I found awful, or were evangelistic, needing me to believe what they did.
My mom's family was Methodist, my dad's family was Catholic, my mom stayed Methodist, Dad became just open-minded general Theist but not specifically Christian, I am not religious but not capital A Atheist.
Don't be a dick.
That basically my only requirement.
Most likely not. Depends how serious they are about it and how big of an factor it plays in their daily lives. Belief in god, to me, is an indication that a person is not capable of thinking rationally. At least not to the extent that I'm expecting from a parther. I don't want to be with someone who can't be reasoned with.
I’m atheist, but raised as a pretty diligent episcopal. I wouldn’t have any issue dating someone who is religious. I’ve dated a few women with different religious/spiritual views and it was never an issue. I’ve always been fascinated by religions and their histories despite never really believing in one myself.
I’d honestly be open to the idea of “converting” for someone I love, so long as the culture of their religion is compatible with my existing moral standards. I haven’t been to the point where I’d have to do that, but I don’t see why not to except that I’m not sure if it’s right to simply perform the practices with no belief in the core of it.
As long as they don't try to convert me, yes.
Doubt.
No
What is a “Reddit atheist”? Are those the people who decry all religion as being inherrently evil and announce their atheism unprompted everywhere they go like Arch-using crossfit vegans?
Growing and bettering ones self is what matters. Good on you for breaking the cycle. Not everyone can do that.
I find the nutty prosletysing religious folks marginally more bearable than the militant positivists and atheists who can't stop from bringing up their belief that free will is an illusion and we should all be hedonists, or that transcindentalism is an illogical lie (maybe bitter memories here).
Both infinitely more bearable than the exclusionary and persecutionary religious extremists.
Yeah absolutely. I'm not religious per se but vaguely spiritual and I get along fine with religious people as long as they don't force it on others. In fact I like hearing about other perspectives so it could even be something drawing me in.
I'm laic.
What beliefs a person holds to themselves is indiferent to me. And it should not matter to anyone. Relationships are a negotiated endeavour, from both parts, where everyone gives a little to reach a mutual understanding.
Unless a person subscribes views capable of leading to individual, personal and socially harmful and regressive thought and action, it does not matter.
Removing the religious view from your question: would you date a vegan, not being one? Would you date a non vegan, being yourself one?
Zealotry goes both ways. Both the believer and the non believer can entrench themselves in their views so deeply they become fanatics.
As a former Christian, I would have a hard time dating anyone who is Evangelical, Protestant, or mainstream Catholic. Other than that, it's not so much the religious views that are the issue for me.
For what I am ... it depends on which end of the elephant you want to look at. For this crowd, let's say pantheist with pagan and Buddhist leanings.
As a former evangelical Christian, who also dabbled in atheism, antitheism, etc, I settled into something that's probably closest to Zen Buddhism mixed with atheism. I've been on dates with people, many of them I probably never knew their religion, but the gung-ho Christians and the Mormons showed their incompatibility very quickly. Funnily enough, ex-catholics dig me and I like them. :-)
I don't see myself dating someone who is theocratic, doesn't believe abortion should be allowed, or wants me to go to their church with them. I sometimes tell the story of the time I was figuring myself out and ended up going on a date with a girl who didn't believe in dinosaurs. I call her dinosaur girl. I wish her well, but man did I dodge a bullet!
there was a show about muslims dating non-muslims in michigan, the guy had to commit to islam to even date the woman. it might be problematic if you arnt one and the other requires religious conversion.
if its associated with right wing political views, no thank you.
I don't understand your question.
If you are romantically involved, you won't mind religion. If you mind religion, you won't get romantically involved.
Never heard of a situation where someone says I fell in love with a person despite absolutely not wanting to accept their religion or religiousness. Seems ridiculous.
I 100% know people who never discussed their religion/culture before starting to date and then refused to address their obvious religious/cultural differences for way to long. I live in a major city in the US so we have tons of people from all sorts of backgrounds. Some people I know don't want to bring up their religious/cultural beliefs until they know the person a bit better but by then they are in deep and don't want to leave despite the glaring differences.
Well, that means at some point you either accept their religion and keep being romantically involved, or you can't accept their religion and stop being romantically involved. It might be a temporary situation as you described, but nothing that can last in that scenario long term.