Pull through parking. You know, where there are two spaces so you drive through one into the next so you can pull out of the one you park in without having to back up? I got told that was for “girls and gays”.
If pulling forward into an empty parking space in front of your car is gay, then I guess you'd better start calling me Elton John. What the actual fuck?
One story my husband shared with me was when he and my dad stopped into a local bar after working hard on home renovations all day. They planned to get some dinner and have some beer after a hard day's work but needed to wash their very dirty hands first. So they went back into the bathroom and washed their hands. Well apparently that was too "gay" for the owner of the bar and they went over to the bathroom and started saying things like "I don't know what you think you're doing in there" and "I just need to make sure you're not doing anything funny". So they ended up just leaving while the guy yelled at them saying they had to buy something.
A slightly different version of this concept also happened to my husband. At one point, 2 of our lady friends were talking about fashion and my husband, who is MUCH more fashionable than I am, chimed in. They proceeded to tell him that he's "not allowed to have an opinion because he's a man" which is the most double standard bullshit I've ever heard come out of any of my friends mouths. It's stuck with me for a long time now because I think it keeps me honest with myself about standards and reminds me to think about how opinions change when you flip genders.
They planned to get some dinner and have some beer after a hard day's work but needed to wash their very dirty hands first. So they went back into the bathroom and washed their hands. Well apparently that was too "gay" for the owner of the bar and they went over to the bathroom and started saying things like "I don't know what you think you're doing in there" and "I just need to make sure you're not doing anything funny".
Fellas, is it gay to practice basic personal hygiene?
I had the realization recently that homophobes think of gay sex as often as I do; but they have to jump through mental gymnastics to get it while I simply open up app and I'm back to normal an hour or so later.
I can't image how hard it is to be happy and hold such a defining part of your life with such contempt at the same time and that was the first time I've ever felt sorry for a homophobe; it was for Aaron shock.
My dad used to call me this non stop. I didn’t know what it meant and he kept saying I was effeminate because I cared about the clothes I wore. I wanted to look good for the girls.
Right?!? There was this whole “real men don’t eat quiche” thing that I remember from the 90s. What is unmanly about putting an omelette in a pie crust? It makes it easier to eat on the go and keeps better in the fridge.
I'm generally skeptical of comments on the internet, so almost every time I have read comments like this one that you're reading right now, I've been like "yeah right". Kinda like how "lol" means "laughing out loud" but when you read it online you don't really expect whoever wrote "lol" to have laughed out loud? Anyway, I was drinking coffee, I read your comment, I snorted in laughter, and now my white shirt is full of coffee.
I guess I'm also kinda mad at myself for laughing so hard at such a silly joke. Regardless, have an updoot 👍
I haven't thought about this in like 20 years but when I was in middle school late 90s some kid had an album where one of the songs was titled "You Rollerblading (f-slur)" and I remember thinking it was the worst music I had heard in my life. 90% sure it was grindcore music, I didn't know what grindcore was at the time but my memory of the sound kind of fits that mold and the album had like fifty tracks and every single one of them was like 10-15 seconds long.
Looking at this now, you are correct, and while I wasn't proud of myself for having thought the song titles were funny, I feel a bit more embarrassed now than I did two minutes ago before looking it up. Edgy teenagers were clearly this band's target audience.
I found out about them during the Napster/Kazaa era looking for 311 songs and their song “311 sucks” came up. I thought it was funny, then again, I was an edgy teenager at that time.
There was a show, Human Giant I think it was called, which was like skit comedy. Aziz Ansari (spelling?) was in it. In the skit, he was talking about rollerblading and I lost it when, with a straight face, he said, "the hardest thing about rollerblading is telling your parents' you're gay."
And up to the first knuckle, you don't have to jam soap up there but wash your nasty ass if you expect anyone to not gag when they get near your crotch.
Seriously. If I was a girl, there's no way I'd want to fuck someone with a filthy asshole, especially on my sheets. Skidmarks on the sheets and smelling like old shit is gross.
Wash your ass and groin with soap and water just like you do your armpits and feet.
My unasked for advice? Keep your butthole hair trimmed or shaved. Makes it much easier to keep clean, and it takes two seconds in the shower.
In the 1990s in the UK, it was gay to wear a backpack using both shoulder straps (as opposed to using one strap over one shoulder, which was the heterosexual way to carry things to school).
According to the best school playground scientists of the time, opening a packet of crisps upside down (i.e. so the branding/writing is upside down, and you open the bottom of the packet, at the top) actually "made you gay".
It wasn't just gay if you did it, but it would literally cause a spontaneous eruption of gayness in whoever did it - who would be permanently gay from that point onwards.
Dance. In a troupe full of girls. Honestly, it was me and 15-20 girls.
Other boys literally called me gay for dancing, while they went and played whatever sports they did and then all went into a locker room and showered together etc.
I honestly never understood how they thought dance was gay. I don't understand it now.
Ok so the whole "the other kids are just jealous" thing is, I think, disengenious.
Sometimes kids just suck. They make fun of other kids for anything. They aren't necessarily jealous. They might be uncomfortable. They might be vindictive at the time. They might basically be playing "spot the difference" (i.e. that kid dances, my friend doesn't dance, look that's different) so they make fun of one side of that equation.
In this case, I feel like the kids probably were not jealous. I feel like they were just idiot kids. Same end result but I don't know, it seems unhelpful to bullying victims to just tell them that everyone is jealous of them, sadly that's not usually the case.
Here's something to ponder.
The next time someone accuses you of being gay for [insert lame reason here], ask them how they know that's gay? Are they gay?
Funny how some "men" are so obsessed with "gay" stuff.
Always remember, and never forget, closets are for clothes.
I went this route in high school at a dude i had classes with that kept insisting his dick was bigger than everyone's. Eventually I'd ask how he knew, that we didn't have gym class or do the same sports so he would've had to go out of his way to check or ask other people.
He would compulsively bring it up, only to get shut down when me or one of my friends started calling him the dick expert with a meticulous catalog of all the dude's sizes.
I love telling this story, but I'll warn beforehand it's explicit.
! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he'd never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn't pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said "no homo" when I came.
Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<
I've mentioned it on here before, I think. It's one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.
Sounds like your music is pretty gay. Add some masculinity with It’s Raining Men or just jamming to some Village People.
Just wanna point out that at least in the 90s and early 2000s people would call everything they disagreed with gay, and it didn’t have anything to do with sexual preference.
My brother’s gay and still calls stuff he disagrees with gay. Used to do it myself all the time but stopped quite a long time ago.
In the same vein, my friend frequently tells his fiancé to quit being a f*ggot when he doesn't want to eat something unusual or complains about mild annoyances. Which always draws hilariously confused looks from nearby straights who don't know them very well.
He swore he was hetero but wanted to suck me off. Because dicks are so "aesthetically beautiful" while vajayays where just "disgustingly filthy axe-wounds" 😂
Dude was so deep in the closet he was crowned king in Narnia.
Once I was at a hotel bar with colleagues and we were hanging out in some lounge area. The waitress asked if we wanted drinks, so I ordered a margarita.
Then they made fun of me for it. Like, what the hell does it matter what drink I have.
When I was younger I've definitely made fun of friends who order "girly" drinks, and have in turn been made fun of when I do it. It's pretty standard among males in my generation (X) and older. Usually happens when everyone else in your group is ordering "manly" drinks like beer or hard liquor.
It doesn't even have to be something like a cosmopolitan, it could be a gin & tonic, or rum and coke. If they're all drinking bourbon on the rocks and you order something even slightly less strong, you're going to hear about it.
Then there's the times where the first guy orders a beer, then the next guy has to trump him with a run and coke, then the next guy gets a whiskey on the rocks, so then it gets one upped with a whiskey neat. Next thing you know we're smoking crack in the alley. Just kidding about that last one, but you get the idea. We thought we were being macho, but we were idiots in our early 20s, so shrug
I've had a colleague say that tea is "homo water". I'm aro/ace, but most of my colleagues don't know that. Similarly a straight colleague of mine got mocked for wearing pink (but not feminine) shoes. After some of these incidents we've kinda started pushing back against this nonsense by deliberately triggering these people and calling them out, which has worked so far.
my dad (who i haven't come out to yet) thinks colourful underwear is gay, and those are his remarks to seeing that i've packed both red and blue undies while we were on vacation last year.
I thought they were generally made fun of and rare anymore pretty much everywhere, like people who still buy white tube socks. And wear them with sandals.
to be clear, i've been out to the rest of my family for a long time, and i am very open about my sexuality (even irl, which takes at least some balls because i'm not in a very lgbt-friendly region). the reason i am not out to my father is that he has always been a traditional "man of the house" person, and i am not driving a wedge in our relationship by letting him know that his ideal bloodline ends with me.
if you don't understand the cultural contexts in which i reside, do not assume my intentions or degrade my decisions.
In jr high I had some friends who played football say my other friends and I on the tennis team were gay for playing tennis.
I had to point out to them that the tennis team was co-ed and we regularly made out with our female teammates on the long bus rides to tournaments.
While those on the football team were constantly manhandling each other, showering together and slapping each other on the ass to say "good game." But the tennis team are the gay ones?
Who the hell is telling you that? I've been using moisturizers forever. People often ask my age then don't believe it and I'm like lotion dude. Everyday. Care for your skin. Never been told I couldn't.
I usually play as a female character in 3rd person games because I prefer to look at a woman's butt rather than a man's. Seems like the opposite of gay to me, but apparently not.
Yeah I don't get people's need to associate the game character with oneself as roleplay. The game character is the game character and I'm just watching like I would in a film.
I don't understand the people who get weird about the player characters in video games. Both the "Why do I have to play as a girl?" crowd and "Why can't I play as a girl" crowd. I played as Gordon Freeman and Chell and I turned out...not in prison.
Yeah, for me it’s partly aesthetic preference but also I’m not inserting myself into the game. I’m controlling the character, not pretending I am the character.
100%. Even meet someone who sort of smells like shit? Outside of some rare medical disorders, they smell like this because they don’t wipe. A couple kids in my class once argued something like “my dog doesn’t wipe when he poos, we aren’t supposed to either”.
Lots of lady friends complained to me in the past about their boyfriend’s skid marks and asked me what my girlfriend did to remove them from the wash. Like it was a totally normal “boys will be boys” trope.
I... actually don't think I've ever met someone that smelled like literal shit. Some homeless people that smell like piss, sure, but that has other reasons.
I almost feel sorry for these people, surely this idea of not wiping has to come from somewhere and it's not something they came up with.
I got called gay for wearing a kilt in america. What's funny is I had my girlfriend as well as a female friend with benifits with me at the time. I didn't even bother responding.
I've heard plenty of guys say that doing any kind of ass play, even with a female is gay.
I remember kids telling me I was crossing my legs in a gay way. I asked them who said so, and they said their teacher. That was the first time I realized some bullies grow up to be teachers.
The dude who asked me this also stared fixedly at the crotch of my board shorts and asked me "where's your package, man?" upon me exiting climbing out of a (cold) plunge pool
I clearly looked confused, so he says "where's your piece?"
Dude clearly spent a fair amount of his time cataloguing the outlines of flaccid penises through boardshorts for whatever fucking reason.
I was offended, ish, till I heard the growers vs show-ers thing. Mine retracts while not in use, it's quite convenient.
One time in high school, I heard somebody yell "Steve, you [bundle of sticks], stop talking to your girlfriend and let's go!" and Steve was in fact at the time talking to his girlfriend.
The sheer concentration of cognitive dissonance has stuck with me to this day.
Fag evolved into something completely different in the '00s, and was seldomly used to imply homosexuality. I don't know how it happened, exactly, but it was seemingly repurposed to mean loser/douchebag, just as gay was used to express something being lame. This didn't stop the words from being offensive, but it was still an interesting change of definition. Obviously they've since reverted.
Listening to metal music with female singers, on two separate occasions. The first was Planet Hell by Nightwish (from the End of an Era concert), and the second one was either Eluveitie or Dalriada.
This is physically impossible for me. Not sure if it's my short legs or what but I have to really, REALLY flex muscles and twist my hip joints to be able to cross my legs and it's fucking uncomfortable (both for joints & muscles and also by squeezing my balls). I have no idea whether my hips are weird or what, but yeah, that's a big no no for me.
Around 2010ish I was thoroughly enjoying some Bells Two Hearted and other IPAs. My brother (2 years older) tried arguing that bud light is man's beer, and my beers were fruity and girly. It certainly doesn't matter to me, but the irony of choosing bud light, out of all the macro beers, is just 👨🍳😘>
Have a wider choice of underwear. Some beautiful individual in another thread put me on to “gay” underwear… comfort settings I’d never dreamed of. I’d feel contained performing CPR in these badboys. Apparently this clothing change is the first step on the road to man love - according to the absolute brains trust I’ve had the pleasure of working with for the last couple of months.
We have Andrew Christian, Aussiebum, Box, and oh so many more brands. But the main difference is comfort and style.
Need a bigger pouch? We have you covered. Do you get a little clammy down there? Try separate pouches for the bells and whistle. Want to show off? We have the push up bra of underwear. Do you like to walk around the house in your underwear but you have nowhere to put your phone? We have hipster shorts with pockets!
Gay underwear is just superior to the smalls most straight guys wear. They're also more colourful and attractive. Why should women be the only ones wearing nice undergarments?
100% amen. All of my underwear is Aussiebum. Pouches for anatomy. Cont stuff. And my wife keeps asking me to wear the low cut briefs cause those get her going.
I had a pair of andrew fezza underwear. Best thing I ever bought. Stetchy silky like fabric boxer brief. They lasted almost 20 years before band gave out
In a thread of advice from gay men to straight men someone told us that gay guys have extra choice in underwear - it’s wild until you see it. They recommended: “Andrew Christian, Box, or Aussiebum, or any of the other underwear sites that cater to gay men. We have styles of underwear you wouldn't believe.” They weren’t wrong. I bought for comfort - not sexiness.
I once called a woman sexy and that I would do it with her and was called gay because she had big muscles. That woman is Carriejune Bowlby. I guess straight guys don’t like in shape women with big butts?
My wife and my buddy who is bi insist that I cannot have normal conversations with other dudes at the alleged gay bar we like to visit sometimes. They say that I am invariably being hit on, but I don't notice anything like that.
I let gay guys buy me drinks but I make it clear that I'm straight and married to a woman. Twice now that has turned into a conversation where the man buying the drink tried to convince me I am lying to myself.
The convos I've had haven't been like that at all. Just normal stuff: talking about jobs, the beers we like, cool stuff we've gotten up to. Fellas, is it gay to be gregarious and enjoy the company of other men?
All of the comments here are reminding me of how life was 20 years ago and also before I was married with kids.
I genuinely don’t fucking care how feminine somebody thinks something I’m doing is if I’m comfortable or enjoying myself.
I’ll drink pink drinks all day if it fucking tastes good LMLML bro.
Well fuck, I own more work boots than that, not to mention shoes for jogging, shoes for work, and shoes for going out. My work and fashion footwear game is strong.
Fellas, is it gay to have women compliment you because you care about your appearance?
when I finished high school and was talking with friends about going to uni, a few of us were talking a out renting a place together when we got into uni to be close (instead of 2 hours away like we were). another friend we should never do that because people would think we are gay.
obligatory he is a Christian fundamentalist who is highly likely gay himself
These are all example from decades ago growing up in the 90’s.
I was called gay for not liking soccer, like it’s gay to not watch men chase a ball in shorts.
I was called gay for wearing UGG boots as a dude. Like if we even want to accept gay as an insult, I would argue the person bothered by such things as what shoes one is wearing is more fitting of an insult.
Fun fact. When I had a house mate who was gay, it was very difficult not to use gay as a word for something that wasn’t fun. Like this show is gay. He didn’t mind, but still wanted to stop.
It's funny to me all the times that I've been considered not manly enough, whether it's wearing my hot pink vans or a pink shirt or tie, allowing my gf or now my daughters to paint my nails, and tons of other examples I've been called gay for too. It made me think, what really makes a man. And going by their own definition, isn't it one sign of a man to not be swayed by the opinion of someone who seeks only to denigrate? So why would I care about their opinion?
One time at school I decided to randomly put a flower on my shrt from outside, then my friend started frantically saying "That's gay bro! Take it off now" and refusing to walk with me in public if i didnt take it off
I was playing some music on my cassette player at school one day, but it wasn't rock'n'roll according to the renowned expert that was discussing the situation with me, therefore it was "gay".
I would recommend that anyone concerned with privacy either use a burner account or not answer these kinds of questions.
While statistically I'm sure there are many straight men here, doxxing and other forms of identification are enabled by combining different breadcrumbs of information.
Listening to Frank Sinatra singing about women by a guy who used to play grab ass with men. They always find something to project their insecurity on to.
Hold my arms in a position so that my hands grab the sides of my belly.
(which wasn't even something I was consciously doing, but apparently it was enough to make a fellow male teenager exclaim sarcastically that I was truly standing there in a very heterosexual way)
The one and only thing was the way I held my wrists/hands when I was younger/into my teens. What's super weird is it was my dad who brought it up and mentioned it a lot but he is super supportive of lgbtq+ that's the weird thing to me.
Pull through parking. You know, where there are two spaces so you drive through one into the next so you can pull out of the one you park in without having to back up? I got told that was for “girls and gays”.
If pulling forward into an empty parking space in front of your car is gay, then I guess you'd better start calling me Elton John. What the actual fuck?
Elton John - Rocket Man (Official Music Video)
Not sure if related, but my wife once told me it was hot watching me put my arm behind her passenger seat, look back and reverse out of a car space.
Now I need to know... are reverse cameras also for girls and gays?
Along those same lines, aren't backup cameras becoming standard in vehicles?
They've been mandatory on all new vehicles since 2018
They're puttin' cameras in the cars to turn the friggin' trucks gay! (/s for those who don't know the reference)
That really clashes with the reality of how truck bros actually park. Or does it…?
Truck bros park in the dead center of 4 spots.
Yeah, sorry, that was me today. Weird day. I'd back up 4 times and still not be able to see the lines.
Get a smaller truck, jfc. What if the lines were children?
Lying on the ground in a parking lot? That would be weird, but maybe they could have called out directions to help me get into a parking space.
It's the same car regardless of location. If you can't see the parking lines then extrapolate, idiot.
Real men know that there is a greater tactical advantage to backing out of a parking spot instead of pulling out.
One story my husband shared with me was when he and my dad stopped into a local bar after working hard on home renovations all day. They planned to get some dinner and have some beer after a hard day's work but needed to wash their very dirty hands first. So they went back into the bathroom and washed their hands. Well apparently that was too "gay" for the owner of the bar and they went over to the bathroom and started saying things like "I don't know what you think you're doing in there" and "I just need to make sure you're not doing anything funny". So they ended up just leaving while the guy yelled at them saying they had to buy something.
A slightly different version of this concept also happened to my husband. At one point, 2 of our lady friends were talking about fashion and my husband, who is MUCH more fashionable than I am, chimed in. They proceeded to tell him that he's "not allowed to have an opinion because he's a man" which is the most double standard bullshit I've ever heard come out of any of my friends mouths. It's stuck with me for a long time now because I think it keeps me honest with myself about standards and reminds me to think about how opinions change when you flip genders.
Fellas, is it gay to practice basic personal hygiene?
Washing your hands implies you touched your penis and touching penises is gay.
Only straight way to use a urinal is helicoptering, got it
I usually just wet my pants to avoid touching my own penis so I don’t get perceived as gay. Shit, I just used the word perceived. Gay af.
I think the bar owner thought they might be going into the bathroom to do gay stuff, not that washing their hands is gay.
Two men walking in the bar and going straight to the bathroom together. Man jumped to conclusions.
Well it is called "homophobia" and a "phobia" is an irrational fear.
He lives his life in fear of two consenting men. Lol
I had the realization recently that homophobes think of gay sex as often as I do; but they have to jump through mental gymnastics to get it while I simply open up app and I'm back to normal an hour or so later.
I can't image how hard it is to be happy and hold such a defining part of your life with such contempt at the same time and that was the first time I've ever felt sorry for a homophobe; it was for Aaron shock.
They went in straight. All good then.
The conclusion id jump to is that they were going in there to do some drugs.
Wait… you’re not washing your asshole are you?
You can’t be having fingers near your butt, same with wiping
Fellas, is it gay to not eat dirt
Both of these broke my brain.
I once got called the f-slur for having the audacity to read a book in public, outdoors in front of the library.
It's okay, you can say "fatty" here.
Is this gay erasure?
I think this is gay eraser
It's reality; this fat gay book nerd got called fat derisively MUCH MORE often than the f word
I grew up in the 90s so just existing would cause people to call you gay.
The 90s. Cross your legs, gay! Wear a shirt with a loop on the back, gay! Express any emotions, gay!
The 80s: clear your throat in too high of a pitch? Get followed to the bathroom and the shit kicked out of you.
F
Nostalgia is gay dude.
They called us metrosexual
My dad used to call me this non stop. I didn’t know what it meant and he kept saying I was effeminate because I cared about the clothes I wore. I wanted to look good for the girls.
This, to my dad, made me gay.
https://xkcd.com/36/
Oh no sorry that's just gheyyy! It's a different thing altogether
I was told I'm gay because I like knitting.
I mean, yes I'm gay, but not because of that.
Knitting is a form of computing and computing is women's work. So yeah, super gay, just like all the other programmers. ^/s^
We'll programmers do enjoy their programming socks
My programming does suck sometimes, but I wouldn't say I enjoy it.
There's a knitting community, but it's pretty slow. Crochet gets a little more action.
It would be really weird if that was cause and effect. I like to imagine how that might go down though.
Making quiche for brunch. Apparently an omelet is fine, but a scrambled omelette is gay.
Right?!? There was this whole “real men don’t eat quiche” thing that I remember from the 90s. What is unmanly about putting an omelette in a pie crust? It makes it easier to eat on the go and keeps better in the fridge.
Plus a properly made one is fucking delicious
It was an actual book in the 80s! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_Men_Don%27t_Eat_Quiche
wow
Stand in awe at a replica of Michaelangelo’s David.
Admittedly staring at a statue of a naked guy, but come on
Yeah, you don’t have to be gay just to be able to admire art.
Though it doesn't appear to hurt!
Heh come on.
Sucking my best friend’s dick. I’m sorry, but if my friend is having a bad day, giving him a bro-job is not gay.
Not judging, but that is definitely gay.
Only if he gets a boner
Only if they kiss afterwards.
Sounds like a happy experience all round.
Just pretend he's a woman.
I need more friends like you.
I'm generally skeptical of comments on the internet, so almost every time I have read comments like this one that you're reading right now, I've been like "yeah right". Kinda like how "lol" means "laughing out loud" but when you read it online you don't really expect whoever wrote "lol" to have laughed out loud? Anyway, I was drinking coffee, I read your comment, I snorted in laughter, and now my white shirt is full of coffee.
I guess I'm also kinda mad at myself for laughing so hard at such a silly joke. Regardless, have an updoot 👍
Did you even say no homo first?
I went roller blading on the boardwalk along the beach during the pandemic and got called gay
It wasn't your skates that did it; it was your crop top and hotpants. ^j/k^
Well are you? I don’t see any proof you’re trying to deny it.
Roller blading is less gay than roller skates.
🎶I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got skint you knees, let's get to together and touch together our peepees🎶
I think the outfit determines how homosexual either appears, or if you are actively penetrating a man or being penetrated by a man.
In some cough cough cultures, penetrating a man is a demonstration of masculinity and dominance and somehow doesn't make you gay.
There is nothing more masculine than gay sex
Fun fact, this is why I got laid so much in Mexico. I took so much straight dong on that trip I should have gotten frequent fliers miles
Agreed. Rollerblading is very 90s.
I haven't thought about this in like 20 years but when I was in middle school late 90s some kid had an album where one of the songs was titled "You Rollerblading (f-slur)" and I remember thinking it was the worst music I had heard in my life. 90% sure it was grindcore music, I didn't know what grindcore was at the time but my memory of the sound kind of fits that mold and the album had like fifty tracks and every single one of them was like 10-15 seconds long.
I suspected this was an Anal Cunt track by the title and looking it up proved my suspicions correct.
Looking at this now, you are correct, and while I wasn't proud of myself for having thought the song titles were funny, I feel a bit more embarrassed now than I did two minutes ago before looking it up. Edgy teenagers were clearly this band's target audience.
I found out about them during the Napster/Kazaa era looking for 311 songs and their song “311 sucks” came up. I thought it was funny, then again, I was an edgy teenager at that time.
There was a show, Human Giant I think it was called, which was like skit comedy. Aziz Ansari (spelling?) was in it. In the skit, he was talking about rollerblading and I lost it when, with a straight face, he said, "the hardest thing about rollerblading is telling your parents' you're gay."
Washing your asshole... Seriously dudes, wash it anyway
Yeah this is still astonishing to me as a guy. Why is basic hygiene gay?
And up to the first knuckle, you don't have to jam soap up there but wash your nasty ass if you expect anyone to not gag when they get near your crotch.
Some of yall are nasty.
Seriously. If I was a girl, there's no way I'd want to fuck someone with a filthy asshole, especially on my sheets. Skidmarks on the sheets and smelling like old shit is gross.
Wash your ass and groin with soap and water just like you do your armpits and feet.
My unasked for advice? Keep your butthole hair trimmed or shaved. Makes it much easier to keep clean, and it takes two seconds in the shower.
Yes, why would you expect anyone to stuff something up there if you're not going to at least keep it clean!?
I'm disabled!!
Leg disabled
That has to be one of the best IT crowd episodes.
That and the fort trial. Or where Jen breaks the internet.
In the 1990s in the UK, it was gay to wear a backpack using both shoulder straps (as opposed to using one strap over one shoulder, which was the heterosexual way to carry things to school).
As a fellow school child in the ‘90s, I can confirm that almost anything anyone did was gay. Holding hands with a girl? Gay. Liking video games? Gay.
According to the best school playground scientists of the time, opening a packet of crisps upside down (i.e. so the branding/writing is upside down, and you open the bottom of the packet, at the top) actually "made you gay".
It wasn't just gay if you did it, but it would literally cause a spontaneous eruption of gayness in whoever did it - who would be permanently gay from that point onwards.
Other way round now. And they have little satchel things too on their chest.
Bizarre times
My dad saw someone with that. Called them gay
Dance. In a troupe full of girls. Honestly, it was me and 15-20 girls.
Other boys literally called me gay for dancing, while they went and played whatever sports they did and then all went into a locker room and showered together etc.
I honestly never understood how they thought dance was gay. I don't understand it now.
Ok so the whole "the other kids are just jealous" thing is, I think, disengenious.
Sometimes kids just suck. They make fun of other kids for anything. They aren't necessarily jealous. They might be uncomfortable. They might be vindictive at the time. They might basically be playing "spot the difference" (i.e. that kid dances, my friend doesn't dance, look that's different) so they make fun of one side of that equation.
In this case, I feel like the kids probably were not jealous. I feel like they were just idiot kids. Same end result but I don't know, it seems unhelpful to bullying victims to just tell them that everyone is jealous of them, sadly that's not usually the case.
Spending hours with a bunch of ladies and possibly touching them in intimate locations.
vs
Spending hours with a bunch of guys and possibly touching them in intimate locations. Then showing with them.
Yeah, dance is way gayer.
Here's something to ponder. The next time someone accuses you of being gay for [insert lame reason here], ask them how they know that's gay? Are they gay? Funny how some "men" are so obsessed with "gay" stuff. Always remember, and never forget, closets are for clothes.
I definitely employed this strategy in middle school
Doesn't generally work because logic doesn't work on these people
I went this route in high school at a dude i had classes with that kept insisting his dick was bigger than everyone's. Eventually I'd ask how he knew, that we didn't have gym class or do the same sports so he would've had to go out of his way to check or ask other people.
He would compulsively bring it up, only to get shut down when me or one of my friends started calling him the dick expert with a meticulous catalog of all the dude's sizes.
This is the adult, "takes one to know one"
Know how i know you're gay?
Worst part about being on Lemmy is having to tell your parents you're gay
Because I'm standing here not wearing any clothes? They are all in the closet btw. :)
Suck dick
Did you say "no homo" before doing it? If you did, that's just a brojob between alphas.
I love telling this story, but I'll warn beforehand it's explicit.
Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<
I got the hunch that I've read something like that before. Maybe from you, maybe it's a common occurrence. We need a scientific study on that topic.
I've mentioned it on here before, I think. It's one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.
Of course not i don't talk with my mouth full. I was raised right
Oh god so so so many. I'm going to stick with music though for today.
Even more fun, "You like ${Track} from artist? That's the gayest track."
Guys are real quick to make sure everyone else knows how much manlier they are by what music they listen to.
Sounds like your music is pretty gay. Add some masculinity with It’s Raining Men or just jamming to some Village People.
Just wanna point out that at least in the 90s and early 2000s people would call everything they disagreed with gay, and it didn’t have anything to do with sexual preference.
My brother’s gay and still calls stuff he disagrees with gay. Used to do it myself all the time but stopped quite a long time ago.
In the same vein, my friend frequently tells his fiancé to quit being a f*ggot when he doesn't want to eat something unusual or complains about mild annoyances. Which always draws hilariously confused looks from nearby straights who don't know them very well.
Those guys are all sadly afflicted by a case of the Notgays.
Dude was so deep in the closet he was crowned king in Narnia.
To be fair, that is a fairly gay thing to do if he isn't spotting your bench presses.
Were you on the floor? Those are some pretty deep squats. That can be hard on your knees ...unless the bulge is....nevermind
Once I was at a hotel bar with colleagues and we were hanging out in some lounge area. The waitress asked if we wanted drinks, so I ordered a margarita.
Then they made fun of me for it. Like, what the hell does it matter what drink I have.
When I was younger I've definitely made fun of friends who order "girly" drinks, and have in turn been made fun of when I do it. It's pretty standard among males in my generation (X) and older. Usually happens when everyone else in your group is ordering "manly" drinks like beer or hard liquor.
It doesn't even have to be something like a cosmopolitan, it could be a gin & tonic, or rum and coke. If they're all drinking bourbon on the rocks and you order something even slightly less strong, you're going to hear about it.
Then there's the times where the first guy orders a beer, then the next guy has to trump him with a run and coke, then the next guy gets a whiskey on the rocks, so then it gets one upped with a whiskey neat. Next thing you know we're smoking crack in the alley. Just kidding about that last one, but you get the idea. We thought we were being macho, but we were idiots in our early 20s, so shrug
If Margaritas are gay, who wants to be straight?
Margaritas and Champaign are the two drinks I can’t stop drinking once I start.
They are just too good, I love the carbonation of Champaign. I’d drink cheap Champaign all day.
Have you already been drinking? Champagne is the drink, Champaign is a town in Illinois.
I know what I said… so please issue an evacuation.
It’s only called champaign if it is the champagne region of France. Otherwise is a sparkling city.
I know the exit.
I've had a colleague say that tea is "homo water". I'm aro/ace, but most of my colleagues don't know that. Similarly a straight colleague of mine got mocked for wearing pink (but not feminine) shoes. After some of these incidents we've kinda started pushing back against this nonsense by deliberately triggering these people and calling them out, which has worked so far.
okay, i'm gay, but this is still relevant.
my dad (who i haven't come out to yet) thinks colourful underwear is gay, and those are his remarks to seeing that i've packed both red and blue undies while we were on vacation last year.
like bro they're just colours.
When you’ll finally go outta closet he’ll be like: told ya, knew that from the start cuz of the gay underwear xD
Oh boy don't bring him to Australia, white undies are the rarity here.
White underwear and socks are just so boring.
I thought they were generally made fun of and rare anymore pretty much everywhere, like people who still buy white tube socks. And wear them with sandals.
Haven't come out to him yet but you were ready to come out to the whole internet ? I don't want to shame you but man come on grow some balls 😉
to be clear, i've been out to the rest of my family for a long time, and i am very open about my sexuality (even irl, which takes at least some balls because i'm not in a very lgbt-friendly region). the reason i am not out to my father is that he has always been a traditional "man of the house" person, and i am not driving a wedge in our relationship by letting him know that his ideal bloodline ends with me.
if you don't understand the cultural contexts in which i reside, do not assume my intentions or degrade my decisions.
Yep, I'm sorry never thought of that
Use chapstick
Read a book in public
Not go to gym
Play certain more "feminine" games
Those off the top of my head. I live in a nation of backwards idiots, so there for sure are more
Playing tennis.
In jr high I had some friends who played football say my other friends and I on the tennis team were gay for playing tennis.
I had to point out to them that the tennis team was co-ed and we regularly made out with our female teammates on the long bus rides to tournaments.
While those on the football team were constantly manhandling each other, showering together and slapping each other on the ass to say "good game." But the tennis team are the gay ones?
They got mad, but dropped it.
unisex clothing == male clothing
so still cant buy anything with colors or style or anything even mildly feminine without the gay thing being thrown around
Use hand lotion. Dude, my hands are dry, back off!
Who the hell is telling you that? I've been using moisturizers forever. People often ask my age then don't believe it and I'm like lotion dude. Everyday. Care for your skin. Never been told I couldn't.
Some moron in highschool...
Were you using it on some other dudes junk by any chance or something..? Cuz otherwise that seems like a leap.
Play a female character in an arcade game. Specifically the one in Golden Axe.
I usually play as a female character in 3rd person games because I prefer to look at a woman's butt rather than a man's. Seems like the opposite of gay to me, but apparently not.
Yeah it's all Lara Croft's fault, all those gamers are gay now because of her
Yeah I don't get people's need to associate the game character with oneself as roleplay. The game character is the game character and I'm just watching like I would in a film.
I don't understand the people who get weird about the player characters in video games. Both the "Why do I have to play as a girl?" crowd and "Why can't I play as a girl" crowd. I played as Gordon Freeman and Chell and I turned out...not in prison.
But not very talkative
Yeah, for me it’s partly aesthetic preference but also I’m not inserting myself into the game. I’m controlling the character, not pretending I am the character.
I've always played as her. She was hawt. Turns out I must be gay. Who'd have known.
old man ftw
Or you could be trans, apparently (3^rd^ panel): https://reallifecomics.com/comic.php?comic=july-3-2020
Wow, that comic really fails to entertain in any way!
Dumb. Obviously you're trans. /s
Wearing a chain.
Chain necklace? Gay
Chain bracelet? Gay
Chain wallet? Also Gay
Chain mail. Well now you're a dork. And also Gay
Wipe your ass.
Are dudes really out there with shitty cheeks because “wiping is gay”? I refuse to believe this
I know many toxic masculinity guys, I think it’s true. Eww.
Hopefully they eat lots of dietary fiber
100%. Even meet someone who sort of smells like shit? Outside of some rare medical disorders, they smell like this because they don’t wipe. A couple kids in my class once argued something like “my dog doesn’t wipe when he poos, we aren’t supposed to either”.
Lots of lady friends complained to me in the past about their boyfriend’s skid marks and asked me what my girlfriend did to remove them from the wash. Like it was a totally normal “boys will be boys” trope.
What the fuck
I... actually don't think I've ever met someone that smelled like literal shit. Some homeless people that smell like piss, sure, but that has other reasons.
I almost feel sorry for these people, surely this idea of not wiping has to come from somewhere and it's not something they came up with.
Usually comes from the father from my experience.
I got called gay for wearing a kilt in america. What's funny is I had my girlfriend as well as a female friend with benifits with me at the time. I didn't even bother responding.
I've heard plenty of guys say that doing any kind of ass play, even with a female is gay.
I remember kids telling me I was crossing my legs in a gay way. I asked them who said so, and they said their teacher. That was the first time I realized some bullies grow up to be teachers.
Wore a maroon coloured hoodie
The dude who asked me this also stared fixedly at the crotch of my board shorts and asked me "where's your package, man?" upon me exiting climbing out of a (cold) plunge pool
I clearly looked confused, so he says "where's your piece?"
Dude clearly spent a fair amount of his time cataloguing the outlines of flaccid penises through boardshorts for whatever fucking reason.
I was offended, ish, till I heard the growers vs show-ers thing. Mine retracts while not in use, it's quite convenient.
Guess he didn't know about shrinkage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsH4aClj-ZY
One time in high school, I heard somebody yell "Steve, you [bundle of sticks], stop talking to your girlfriend and let's go!" and Steve was in fact at the time talking to his girlfriend.
The sheer concentration of cognitive dissonance has stuck with me to this day.
Fag evolved into something completely different in the '00s, and was seldomly used to imply homosexuality. I don't know how it happened, exactly, but it was seemingly repurposed to mean loser/douchebag, just as gay was used to express something being lame. This didn't stop the words from being offensive, but it was still an interesting change of definition. Obviously they've since reverted.
Relevant South Park clip - https://youtu.be/6i7a0cwyDDw?si=tBUgdhQo78OEQ2hH
Can confirm. My friends and I used that term a lot towards each other and none of us thought anyone was actually gay.
Green Day?
Beastie boys
https://youtu.be/-wCR65V6wxE?si=rRTJvER1ENQqoC83
I do this as a joke with basically all of my friends who are in hetero relationships.
"I'm gonna spend the evening with the wife and kids, sorry."
"Gay!"
Listening to metal music with female singers, on two separate occasions. The first was Planet Hell by Nightwish (from the End of an Era concert), and the second one was either Eluveitie or Dalriada.
Fellas, is it gay to speak Gaulish?
I got called gay back in high school for listening to Brackish by Kittie. Never understood that one.
Really?! That was the second cd i bought. Still love that album. How the hell does liking hot metal chicks gay?!
Tarja-era Nightwish is so good.
Sit cross legged
lol no wonder Asians have trouble reproducing
This is physically impossible for me. Not sure if it's my short legs or what but I have to really, REALLY flex muscles and twist my hip joints to be able to cross my legs and it's fucking uncomfortable (both for joints & muscles and also by squeezing my balls). I have no idea whether my hips are weird or what, but yeah, that's a big no no for me.
Have a straw in a restaurant.
How am I suppose to not smudge my manly lipstick then?
Like the color purple
Like the movie or the color
Yes.
Heh, fortunately one pair of shoes in my shoe collection aren't purple. They are a dark fuchsia. So I'm not gay.
What about Deep Purple?
That's the gayest
Handing out homemade candy in one of my upper level college courses.
Around 2010ish I was thoroughly enjoying some Bells Two Hearted and other IPAs. My brother (2 years older) tried arguing that bud light is man's beer, and my beers were fruity and girly. It certainly doesn't matter to me, but the irony of choosing bud light, out of all the macro beers, is just 👨🍳😘>
Have a wider choice of underwear. Some beautiful individual in another thread put me on to “gay” underwear… comfort settings I’d never dreamed of. I’d feel contained performing CPR in these badboys. Apparently this clothing change is the first step on the road to man love - according to the absolute brains trust I’ve had the pleasure of working with for the last couple of months.
What is gay underwear? Like a specific brand?
We have Andrew Christian, Aussiebum, Box, and oh so many more brands. But the main difference is comfort and style.
Need a bigger pouch? We have you covered. Do you get a little clammy down there? Try separate pouches for the bells and whistle. Want to show off? We have the push up bra of underwear. Do you like to walk around the house in your underwear but you have nowhere to put your phone? We have hipster shorts with pockets!
Gay underwear is just superior to the smalls most straight guys wear. They're also more colourful and attractive. Why should women be the only ones wearing nice undergarments?
100% amen. All of my underwear is Aussiebum. Pouches for anatomy. Cont stuff. And my wife keeps asking me to wear the low cut briefs cause those get her going.
Fellas, is it gay to sexually excite my wife???
I’ve just quoted your advice in reply. Again, thanks for the recommendation a while ago.
I had a pair of andrew fezza underwear. Best thing I ever bought. Stetchy silky like fabric boxer brief. They lasted almost 20 years before band gave out
In a thread of advice from gay men to straight men someone told us that gay guys have extra choice in underwear - it’s wild until you see it. They recommended: “Andrew Christian, Box, or Aussiebum, or any of the other underwear sites that cater to gay men. We have styles of underwear you wouldn't believe.” They weren’t wrong. I bought for comfort - not sexiness.
Yeah, I'm curious, too. Never heard of gay underwear
It's underwear that is attracted to underwear of the same sex.
As a kid I was told if you eat scrambled eggs for dinner you are gay. It affected me longer than I care to admit.
I once called a woman sexy and that I would do it with her and was called gay because she had big muscles. That woman is Carriejune Bowlby. I guess straight guys don’t like in shape women with big butts?
I like big butts and I cannot lie
Gay
Kiwi strawberry Snapple.
It was 30 years ago, but it kinda killed the whole concept of calling things "gay" for me.
Oh man - I really love kiwi strawberry Snapple. Am also not gay if that's relevant.
Wearing an earring in your right ear, but it's ok to wear it in the left... Or the other way around. I could never remember which.
Use ranch dressing. I was informed that was for gays and city folk only. I really had no response to that nugget of wisdom.
Blue cheese dressing is definitely gay. Manly men like sweet salad dressing. I know because Anton LaVey said so, and we all know he was a manly man.
Surprised no one has posted "use a straw" yet. That's definitely one of the more common ones . Weird as shit.
Hilarious...
My wife and my buddy who is bi insist that I cannot have normal conversations with other dudes at the alleged gay bar we like to visit sometimes. They say that I am invariably being hit on, but I don't notice anything like that.
Hmm, just being oblivious sounds like something a Lemming would do, too.
I let gay guys buy me drinks but I make it clear that I'm straight and married to a woman. Twice now that has turned into a conversation where the man buying the drink tried to convince me I am lying to myself.
The convos I've had haven't been like that at all. Just normal stuff: talking about jobs, the beers we like, cool stuff we've gotten up to. Fellas, is it gay to be gregarious and enjoy the company of other men?
In jr. high i was called gay because I dressed semi decent. Jeans with a t-shirt a blazer was apparently too much for them lol
Even if it's attached to a girl, SMH
Use a Mac.
https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/03/03/the-forbidden-fruit#
Eat an ice cream treat in Australia:(
Haven't heard "gay" as a pejorative in real life since high school in the late 90s.
Yeah, school.in the 90's was so gay.
All of the comments here are reminding me of how life was 20 years ago and also before I was married with kids.
I genuinely don’t fucking care how feminine somebody thinks something I’m doing is if I’m comfortable or enjoying myself. I’ll drink pink drinks all day if it fucking tastes good LMLML bro.
I was just walking to work one day, when I got heckled in the street by some random guy singing at me:
"Earthworm Jim, you're so much fun to play. Earthworm Jim, you're tall, you're thin, you're gay!"
I've never been more seen.
He seems fun, did you get his number?
According to my dad, considering something as 'lovely'. Even if it's the exhaust note of a motorcycle.
I don't live in a shithole, so nothing.
I do, but also nothing
I wish you continued good luck in this regard.
I saw it from this post and wanted to see what Lemmy has experienced...
SO YOU HAVE A CLEAN HOUSE BITCH WHAT THE FUCK?!
It didn't make sense to me either until I realized that cleaning your house is probably also gay if you're not expecting visitors.
That bit about wiping your ass is pretty funny ngl
Real men let it crust 😤
Nah man gotta keep that shit swampy
Well fuck, I own more work boots than that, not to mention shoes for jogging, shoes for work, and shoes for going out. My work and fashion footwear game is strong.
Fellas, is it gay to have women compliment you because you care about your appearance?
What app did you use to create this?
E: I just realised that 1.) it's a reddit post, not lemmy post and 2.) that it's not even your creation. xd
when I finished high school and was talking with friends about going to uni, a few of us were talking a out renting a place together when we got into uni to be close (instead of 2 hours away like we were). another friend we should never do that because people would think we are gay. obligatory he is a Christian fundamentalist who is highly likely gay himself
These are all example from decades ago growing up in the 90’s.
I was called gay for not liking soccer, like it’s gay to not watch men chase a ball in shorts.
I was called gay for wearing UGG boots as a dude. Like if we even want to accept gay as an insult, I would argue the person bothered by such things as what shoes one is wearing is more fitting of an insult.
Fun fact. When I had a house mate who was gay, it was very difficult not to use gay as a word for something that wasn’t fun. Like this show is gay. He didn’t mind, but still wanted to stop.
Certain piercings are stereotypically seen as gay or feminine. Like, I've got >30 piercings, yeah, I'm going to pierce my navel.
Love Jesus
..... Like, the holy Bible Jesus?
Use a bidet
wearing colorful clothes (wtf)
Are we talking gay or gay?
That word gets thrown around a lot without actually meeting homosexual. Most of the time it's just used as a tasteless replacement for lame.
It's a tie between licking ice cream and saying something is adorable.
Fuck my bf in the ass...
TIL I'm gay
eat a chicken sandwich. Apparently straight men have to eat burgers.
It's funny to me all the times that I've been considered not manly enough, whether it's wearing my hot pink vans or a pink shirt or tie, allowing my gf or now my daughters to paint my nails, and tons of other examples I've been called gay for too. It made me think, what really makes a man. And going by their own definition, isn't it one sign of a man to not be swayed by the opinion of someone who seeks only to denigrate? So why would I care about their opinion?
Choosing the urinal next to another man.
Really feels kinda gay, though, especially when the dude next to you squints over.
Use my fancy tea cup at work
Bathrobe.
Cry.
Sucking dick.
Putting a wig on my best friend and spooning him while he's asleep.
Wear white socks. Srsly.
Isn't there a whole meme for this. Fellas, is it gay to __?
Take my pants all the way off when I poop
Driving a red sedan
I can't even follow the logic behind this one.
Come on its obvious! Sedan - see Dan. Staring at a man called Dan.
Also 'red' has 3 letters, just like 'gay'.
Y'all better not be driving any green (gayer) or yellow (gayest) vehicles either!
One time at school I decided to randomly put a flower on my shrt from outside, then my friend started frantically saying "That's gay bro! Take it off now" and refusing to walk with me in public if i didnt take it off
Listening to music.
I was playing some music on my cassette player at school one day, but it wasn't rock'n'roll according to the renowned expert that was discussing the situation with me, therefore it was "gay".
I would recommend that anyone concerned with privacy either use a burner account or not answer these kinds of questions.
While statistically I'm sure there are many straight men here, doxxing and other forms of identification are enabled by combining different breadcrumbs of information.
Wear a kilt?
TBH I've never tried and nobody told me it was gay. But I'm a sweaty person and I would love to air out my crotch except for fear of social criticism.
Use a tote bag
Using black eyeliner.
Listening to Frank Sinatra singing about women by a guy who used to play grab ass with men. They always find something to project their insecurity on to.
Hold my arms in a position so that my hands grab the sides of my belly.
(which wasn't even something I was consciously doing, but apparently it was enough to make a fellow male teenager exclaim sarcastically that I was truly standing there in a very heterosexual way)
Deleted
Well it was only twice in the 20+ years I've been going to bars, and I don't shy away from a gay bar.
I was born in Victorian Britain and have a very mirthful air about me.
So one day I was going about my merry business, being my jovial self.
When I'm walked a creature that saw what I was about, smiled at me and said 'well aren't you the gayest person I've met all day'.
I'm not sure how to feel tbh
Clean my ass
I can do anything.
The one and only thing was the way I held my wrists/hands when I was younger/into my teens. What's super weird is it was my dad who brought it up and mentioned it a lot but he is super supportive of lgbtq+ that's the weird thing to me.
Kiss my homie
Sleep with my buddy on same bed.
kissing your son
Looking at my fingernails while my fingers were on top of my palm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPDs-PwUcbg