We really are living in the Idiocracy timeline.

Mayo has no dairy. It's mainly eggs and oil.

Only if they are also traveling 88 MPH.

Alec from Technology Connections makes a lot of good points.

You forgot the pre-1700s picture where all of the US is red.

A Thanksgiving duck!

Still waiting on Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money

I'd start by wondering how in the hell I got a girlfriend, then my wife would do the same.

At least she's interesting.

own a home

Too bad boomers ruined my best chance at that.

We are those who join forces and we also burn crosses.

Probably because they're often not clearly identifiable as law enforcement, let alone ICE. Can't It's not good business to deny service just because they look the type that might be ICE.

Edit: People seem to be misunderstanding my intentions here. Businesses should totally refuse service to anyone clearly showing to be ICE or acting in a racist way. Fuck them.

I'm saying that it's not in their best interest to deny service to middle aged white guys / rednecks because they look like they might be in ICE. They'd go out of business.

Most states do (illegal to pump your own in New Jersey), but the joke is more about tipping culture in this country.

If I was naked in public and that was my only option to cover myself, I'd just stay naked. Much less embarrassing.

Idaho should be dark red. You should never give bullies that much fuel.

The same thing he distracts from every night, Pinky. The fact that he's in the Epstein files.

I blew way too much money on a stuffed dog at a hotel general store for my wife. We were driving a Uhaul during a snowstorm to move in together. The roads became very slippery so we decided to sleep through the storm. It was our first hotel stay together and money was very tight, but it was a romantic gesture. She cherished it until our son claimed it as his own personal "security blanket."

That encountering quick sand in real life was a real possibility every day.

Bonus: My kid doesn't believe that Santa is magical, he just has really advanced technology.

I usually buy the cheap Fruity Pebbles for my kids, but Walmart has out of them one day so I got the name brand as a treat. Their response? "Dad, please don't buy those again. Dyno Bites are better." I was flabbergasted.

Then again, they don't see cereal ads, don't know who the Flintstones are, but love dinosaurs.