This is basically what conversations and debates around sex sounded like before the internet ... especially if you were a kid or a teenager. No one had a clue and every once in a while, some idiot with a bit of information would come forward and confidently make statements like this and we couldn't agreed or disagree with them because no one could verify the information.
I remember one conversation when I was about eight and some older kid telling us that the number of thrusts you made when you had sex was the number of children you would have. And for the longest time I believed that.
Another one I heard as a teenager had to do with Asians ... specifically Chinese women .. people said that they had a vaginal canal that was like a corkscrew and it was really hard to get in there.
The dumb shit we heard and believed or semi-believed when we were growing up .... which is why people like Sue Johanson on late night TV in Canada was a breath of fresh air ... she had a talk show on late night TV with sex education and she talked about all the factual, scientific, medical stuff about sex and we learned lots from her. Seriously, look her up and find her videos.
Yes. Asian women are a witches, because they float like a duck and have corkscrew vagina like ducks and also feathers like ducks and all the things they say are really incomprehensible and just sounds like the same phoneme over and over again and are much shorter than us Europeans and their lips are really thin and long and firm and oh my god I think I need to break up with my girlfriend what have I done
No, its the other way. The duck penis is shaped like a corkscrew. But it also has a barb at the end, so when it pulls out, it rips open the female ducks genitals.
The best word to describe duck sex is......horrific. Truely the stuff of nightmares. If you're ever in a meadow, and a giant duck penis starts chasing you? You need a gun. That would put me in therapy.
It’s an evolutionary arms race, female ducks have clockwise spiraling vaginas with false pockets to stop male ducks who have counter clockwise corkscrew penises.
I remember one conversation when I was about eight and some older kid telling us that the number of thrusts you made when you had sex was the number of children you would have. And for the longest time I believed that.
..........soooooooo, you thought the default number of thrusts that 99% of men could accomplish was......one thrust?
And twins was when the guy made two whole thrusts?
Ok, lets forget sex, forget the internet, forget all of that. I think this is just reason we need to teach all kids critical thinking skills.
My parents got mad at me, because I asked my mom if inflation affected the tooth fairy. When she asked what I was talking about, I told her my two sisters only got 50 cents when they were kids. They're 10 and 12 years older than me.
I was getting 1 dollar. And when I was trying to figure out why they got 50 cents, but I got a dollar, I remembered my dad always bitching about inflation. It made logical sense.
If you're willing to accept the concept of selling your teeth to an unknown fairy, but notice a discrepency in pay, but also notice a 10 year gap, with your dad saying that inflation will kill your money over 10 years.....then it's logical to assume the tooth fairy corporation was affected by inflation,and had to start paying more for teeth, or else the kids wouldn't sell them.
Then my sister told me it was actually the gender wage gap. And so I had to go ask my dad, at age 5, if I'm more valueable than my sisters, just because I have a penis. His response was "Yeah. Obviously."
Mom was not happy with that reaction. You'll not be surprised to know my mom eventually left my dad. I'm not saying it was over this incident, but this incident kind of helps paint a picture to help you understand why my mom didn't want to be with my dad anymore.
So then I got put in catholic school, and without knowing what sex was, began to ask the church if Mary had baby Jesus, through God, so God is the father, why wasn't Peter pissed that his wife was having a baby with another man? My friends parents split up, because she had a baby from another man. Logically I thought Peter should have been pissed, but he wasn't. So I asked why.
I got told to go to the principals office for being disrespectful.
So then I got put in catholic school, and without knowing what sex was, began to ask the church if Mary had baby Jesus, through God, so God is the father, why wasn't Peter pissed that his wife was having a baby with another man? My friends parents split up, because she had a baby from another man. Logically I thought Peter should have been pissed, but he wasn't. So I asked why.
I was just like you when I was a kid. Especially the things about religion.
There was a nun in my school to teach Catholicism (let's not talk about why I attended because that's another story). Everyone hated the nun because she was mean and unlikeable.
I used to go to her with a bible, with some passages underlined. I then asked some loaded questions. She would answer in a very predictable way. Then I'd say "but in this other passage it says ... which is a contradiction! You don't know very much do you?" and she always would get angry but also defeated and I loved it.
…soooooooo, you thought the default number of thrusts that 99% of men could accomplish was…one thrust?
You're debating my eight year old self here ... who lived in a remote village ... in the north ... where we had two TV channels ... one radio station ... no newspapers ... terrible grade school ... and parents who were born in the wilderness and abused by religious nuts in a residential school ... parents who never, ever absolutely ever wanted to have any acknowledgement that the world even included the idea of sex between adults
I didn't fully understand the concept of sex until I was about 16 ... and even then, it was a pretty dumb introduction and education that it took my another decade before I could appreciate it properly
I got told to go to the principals office for being disrespectful.
Story of my life. I don't know how my mother kept me in a religious school for so long. I think it was about the time someone in my family suddenly had a debilitating illness as I entered the 'can think about more than lunch' stage that triggered my questions. The fact that someone can claim there is a 'good' god that somehow coexists with children's hospitals is just so mind-blowing.
So then I got put in catholic school, and without knowing what sex was, began to ask the church if Mary had baby Jesus, through God, so God is the father, why wasn't Peter pissed that his wife was having a baby with another man?
They evidently went kinda easy on the religious teachings?
I'm not a religious man and despite monotheism as a phenomenon and think it's bad for mankind, but even I know Mary was married to Joseph. Peter was one of Jesus's apostles and the first pope.
Sue Johanson died three years ago!? Damn. How did I miss that? She's the one who turned me onto The Multi Orgasmic Man. Sue was one of the greatest sex educators to ever live. Listening to her show was the first time I had ever heard sex spoken about as it should be, in plain language with zero judgement. RIP Sue.
I remember one conversation when I was about eight and some older kid telling us that the number of thrusts you made when you had sex was the number of children you would have. And for the longest time I believed that.
I always remember the 'asian vagina' rumor to be that it was sideways. Even as a kid I knew that one was stupid. How the fuck was it going to fit in the same position if it was sideways?
I do love posts like this. Like, yes, point how just how flippin ridiculous the argument sounds when you flip it around..as if it didn't sound ridiculous enough as-is. Love it 😆
Lemme tell you young whippersnapper, when she offers to show you her collection of penis trophies, run. Big red flag. You'll thank me one day, now get off my lawn!
Eh. I think, like the statement about men preferring certain things, that it's a stated preference more than an actual one. I have a friend with a slightly larger penis, about 7", and his wife has told me it's too big. And that's just seven inches. Apparently certain positions are too much and slightly painful.
The size queens you see in porn are the standouts, just like the men that all have 8"+ penises.
I'm well aware of the science and actual numbers of penises. I'm ALSO aware of how it is portrayed in porn. Just look at the local nsfw instance, and try and tell me that the majority of the posted penises aren't well above average.
Of course porn selects for enormous dicks. That’s exactly why it shouldn’t be used as a rubric for the general population. You didn’t even mention porn until your second paragraph, so it very much sounded like you thought the average penis size was just below 7 inches. But I’m glad to hear you know better.
Yeah, I'm just under 8, and my wife and I can't have sex two days in a row because it'll hurt her. And BJs just aren't a thing. But yeah, certain positions just dont work without me being very careful about how deep I go.
Tell your friend to look into Ohnut. It's like a cock ring, but just prevents him from going too deep. You can interlock rings to customize the depth.
Humorously enough, the friend I mentioned... his brother's wife has that kink. Every time we get together, I have this odd and humorous thought that the two of them should have met their husbands in the opposite.
I experienced a similar situation in college. I pledged the weird small frat on campus that just smoked hookah and played video games, and the president had a legit footlong. He had trouble getting laid because women would see it and nope out.
But I had a friend who was a masochist, so eventually they started dating (there were rumors about his size from being pantsed at a party, but she confirmed it). She loved barely being able to walk the next day
The virgin penis is still full of cum that has built up in it over the years. That's why it's so big. Do you really want to have to face 5 year old cum?
Clearly that's why you need someone into oral. They'll suck all the blood back into your penis to reinflate it. In fact, I'm going to start using that pickup line on all the guys. I bet my numbers start jumping!
I hate it. No chick wants to date me due to my small and thin penis that has been worn down to a tiny stump from all the sexual partners ive had. They tell me its like throwing a sausage down a hallway 😭
Although I've been alive since 1975, I just heard that song for the first time a couple weeks ago, of all places from Dave grohl covering it, (YouTube "Hanukah Sessions Fuck the Pain Away" or something like that). Imagine my surprise I had never heard that song before and Dave Grohl suddenly starts singing "sucking on my titties"
But damn that's a good song and then I went down a peaches rabbit hole for a few minutes 😄
This is basically what conversations and debates around sex sounded like before the internet ... especially if you were a kid or a teenager. No one had a clue and every once in a while, some idiot with a bit of information would come forward and confidently make statements like this and we couldn't agreed or disagree with them because no one could verify the information.
I remember one conversation when I was about eight and some older kid telling us that the number of thrusts you made when you had sex was the number of children you would have. And for the longest time I believed that.
Another one I heard as a teenager had to do with Asians ... specifically Chinese women .. people said that they had a vaginal canal that was like a corkscrew and it was really hard to get in there.
The dumb shit we heard and believed or semi-believed when we were growing up .... which is why people like Sue Johanson on late night TV in Canada was a breath of fresh air ... she had a talk show on late night TV with sex education and she talked about all the factual, scientific, medical stuff about sex and we learned lots from her. Seriously, look her up and find her videos.
https://youtu.be/hrtuATYF-k8
I think thats a uh.. duck.
Yes. Asian women are a witches, because they float like a duck and have corkscrew vagina like ducks and also feathers like ducks and all the things they say are really incomprehensible and just sounds like the same phoneme over and over again and are much shorter than us Europeans and their lips are really thin and long and firm and oh my god I think I need to break up with my girlfriend what have I done
Who are You, Who are so Wise in the Ways of Science?
Are you gonna go look for a duck?
No she went north for summer I just did it over text.
A Peking duck?
A succulent Peking duck?!
No, its the other way. The duck penis is shaped like a corkscrew. But it also has a barb at the end, so when it pulls out, it rips open the female ducks genitals.
The best word to describe duck sex is......horrific. Truely the stuff of nightmares. If you're ever in a meadow, and a giant duck penis starts chasing you? You need a gun. That would put me in therapy.
It’s both.
It’s an evolutionary arms race, female ducks have clockwise spiraling vaginas with false pockets to stop male ducks who have counter clockwise corkscrew penises.
That sounds like a bad way to ensure the survival of your offspring?
so it's suicide?
because if it's a giant duck penis you might need a rocket launcher. or autocannon.
..........soooooooo, you thought the default number of thrusts that 99% of men could accomplish was......one thrust?
And twins was when the guy made two whole thrusts?
Ok, lets forget sex, forget the internet, forget all of that. I think this is just reason we need to teach all kids critical thinking skills.
My parents got mad at me, because I asked my mom if inflation affected the tooth fairy. When she asked what I was talking about, I told her my two sisters only got 50 cents when they were kids. They're 10 and 12 years older than me.
I was getting 1 dollar. And when I was trying to figure out why they got 50 cents, but I got a dollar, I remembered my dad always bitching about inflation. It made logical sense.
If you're willing to accept the concept of selling your teeth to an unknown fairy, but notice a discrepency in pay, but also notice a 10 year gap, with your dad saying that inflation will kill your money over 10 years.....then it's logical to assume the tooth fairy corporation was affected by inflation,and had to start paying more for teeth, or else the kids wouldn't sell them.
Then my sister told me it was actually the gender wage gap. And so I had to go ask my dad, at age 5, if I'm more valueable than my sisters, just because I have a penis. His response was "Yeah. Obviously."
Mom was not happy with that reaction. You'll not be surprised to know my mom eventually left my dad. I'm not saying it was over this incident, but this incident kind of helps paint a picture to help you understand why my mom didn't want to be with my dad anymore.
So then I got put in catholic school, and without knowing what sex was, began to ask the church if Mary had baby Jesus, through God, so God is the father, why wasn't Peter pissed that his wife was having a baby with another man? My friends parents split up, because she had a baby from another man. Logically I thought Peter should have been pissed, but he wasn't. So I asked why.
I got told to go to the principals office for being disrespectful.
I like you
Joseph, not Peter.
Unless Peter was actually getting some on the side :/
I was just like you when I was a kid. Especially the things about religion.
There was a nun in my school to teach Catholicism (let's not talk about why I attended because that's another story). Everyone hated the nun because she was mean and unlikeable.
I used to go to her with a bible, with some passages underlined. I then asked some loaded questions. She would answer in a very predictable way. Then I'd say "but in this other passage it says ... which is a contradiction! You don't know very much do you?" and she always would get angry but also defeated and I loved it.
You're debating my eight year old self here ... who lived in a remote village ... in the north ... where we had two TV channels ... one radio station ... no newspapers ... terrible grade school ... and parents who were born in the wilderness and abused by religious nuts in a residential school ... parents who never, ever absolutely ever wanted to have any acknowledgement that the world even included the idea of sex between adults
I didn't fully understand the concept of sex until I was about 16 ... and even then, it was a pretty dumb introduction and education that it took my another decade before I could appreciate it properly
Story of my life. I don't know how my mother kept me in a religious school for so long. I think it was about the time someone in my family suddenly had a debilitating illness as I entered the 'can think about more than lunch' stage that triggered my questions. The fact that someone can claim there is a 'good' god that somehow coexists with children's hospitals is just so mind-blowing.
They evidently went kinda easy on the religious teachings?
I'm not a religious man and despite monotheism as a phenomenon and think it's bad for mankind, but even I know Mary was married to Joseph. Peter was one of Jesus's apostles and the first pope.
Sue Johanson died three years ago!? Damn. How did I miss that? She's the one who turned me onto The Multi Orgasmic Man. Sue was one of the greatest sex educators to ever live. Listening to her show was the first time I had ever heard sex spoken about as it should be, in plain language with zero judgement. RIP Sue.
Lol
I always remember the 'asian vagina' rumor to be that it was sideways. Even as a kid I knew that one was stupid. How the fuck was it going to fit in the same position if it was sideways?
I do love posts like this. Like, yes, point how just how flippin ridiculous the argument sounds when you flip it around..as if it didn't sound ridiculous enough as-is. Love it 😆
OHHH... Fucking hell, this was so close to what I've seen that I assumed this was completely sincere. Masterful satire.
Yes, it’s a satire of the incel “roastie” BS.
I'm pretty sure that most guys would be happy to have this particular bit of wisdom be believed. >.>
Most guys need to get used to disappointment lol
Yeah this is what children believe when they have no experience with vaginas, it almost makes sense when you know that little about them lol
Who is this dude?
Iwan Rheon playing Ramsey Bolton in the show Game of Thrones.
It's the melon fucker.
Yeah but that could be so many of us.
I mean, wait…
But also...
Seems to me like a critique in reverse about sex in regards to women’s anatomy. I like it.
Call me old fashioned but I like a woman who doesn't cut off the penises of her partners and turn them into sausages
🫵Boomer.
Lemme tell you young whippersnapper, when she offers to show you her collection of penis trophies, run. Big red flag. You'll thank me one day, now get off my lawn!
But she's fun at barbecues!
Oh yeah well in my day we wore the penises of those we had slain upon our belt.
It was the style at the time
And more or less happened in the bible!
Those were the days.
Coward
Because it's reality that women prefer large penis, of
Eh. I think, like the statement about men preferring certain things, that it's a stated preference more than an actual one. I have a friend with a slightly larger penis, about 7", and his wife has told me it's too big. And that's just seven inches. Apparently certain positions are too much and slightly painful.
The size queens you see in porn are the standouts, just like the men that all have 8"+ penises.
Just seven inches? How common do you think seven inch dicks are?
https://www.science.org/content/article/how-big-average-penis
I'm well aware of the science and actual numbers of penises. I'm ALSO aware of how it is portrayed in porn. Just look at the local nsfw instance, and try and tell me that the majority of the posted penises aren't well above average.
Of course porn selects for enormous dicks. That’s exactly why it shouldn’t be used as a rubric for the general population. You didn’t even mention porn until your second paragraph, so it very much sounded like you thought the average penis size was just below 7 inches. But I’m glad to hear you know better.
Yeah, I'm just under 8, and my wife and I can't have sex two days in a row because it'll hurt her. And BJs just aren't a thing. But yeah, certain positions just dont work without me being very careful about how deep I go.
Tell your friend to look into Ohnut. It's like a cock ring, but just prevents him from going too deep. You can interlock rings to customize the depth.
Well, its a male fantasy (exclusively) you may ask any woman. But.. I mean... Don't do that xD
Size queens do exist, but women who like getting their cervix punched aren't super common.
Humorously enough, the friend I mentioned... his brother's wife has that kink. Every time we get together, I have this odd and humorous thought that the two of them should have met their husbands in the opposite.
I experienced a similar situation in college. I pledged the weird small frat on campus that just smoked hookah and played video games, and the president had a legit footlong. He had trouble getting laid because women would see it and nope out.
But I had a friend who was a masochist, so eventually they started dating (there were rumors about his size from being pantsed at a party, but she confirmed it). She loved barely being able to walk the next day
Yeah, that's why I have a micro penis. All the sex I've had.
Prolly
The virgin penis is still full of cum that has built up in it over the years. That's why it's so big. Do you really want to have to face 5 year old cum?
The old "saving up for marriage"
I imagine it probably turns to curd or cheese, and then polymerizes and you can shoot bullets like the worst revision batman.
Ah, that's what that is. I think mine is leaking
No worries, that can be used instead of butter to make sandwiches
Is dick polymer biodegradable? If so, maybe we can tackle the whole microplastic issue as well!
No no, it’s the microplastics in our balls that make us shoot airsoft pellets
What's the expiration period on that?
Most seem to go around 70-80.
Clearly that's why you need someone into oral. They'll suck all the blood back into your penis to reinflate it. In fact, I'm going to start using that pickup line on all the guys. I bet my numbers start jumping!
There is no greater blessing under heaven than receiving enthusiastic oral
Do you want to be blessed?
Hey! Your username is "Imadethis" what do you make?
A lemmy account. Now it's a piefed account.
:(
I hate it. No chick wants to date me due to my small and thin penis that has been worn down to a tiny stump from all the sexual partners ive had. They tell me its like throwing a sausage down a hallway 😭
Guess I fucked thousands and thousands of women in my sleep.
Damn my right hand must be too strong
I've been married for many, many years, (the same woman too). And I can testify that there is a certain truth here.
A key that that is too worn down to open a lock is a shitty key.
Also I mean...if you've fucked a lot of women and still can't make your partner cum you're just shit at sex
its gonna turn into a competition of who has the most shriveled penis
Username checks out
I am so sick and tired of saying this: it returns back to its normal size after intercourse!
Not if her partner is black. I've heard there's no going back once it's had that.
I should put some coal up there.
up where?!
that's where I PEE!
Not right now, you don't!
Do it in the butt. 🤷♂️
https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY
The one on the right looks bigger though, it's just zoomed out.
I'm a virgin with a small dick. Sometimes it's big but not very often. Maybe it's stress or anxiety idk.
Could just be that we're in for six more weeks of winter.
Gay sex, the virgin's loophole
I'm as girthy as an eggplant CHECKMATE!!
Fuck the p away . . . fuck the p away
ETA damnit, just realized it should have been "fuck the peen away"
PEACHES!! 🍑
She's still at it, kicking ass, and releasing new music, too. She still rocks. I loves me the teaches of Peaches! 🍑
Although I've been alive since 1975, I just heard that song for the first time a couple weeks ago, of all places from Dave grohl covering it, (YouTube "Hanukah Sessions Fuck the Pain Away" or something like that). Imagine my surprise I had never heard that song before and Dave Grohl suddenly starts singing "sucking on my titties"
But damn that's a good song and then I went down a peaches rabbit hole for a few minutes 😄
so . . . what else is in the teaches of peaches?
Jokes on you, my cock was small before I even had sex
The ladies call me needle dick. Because I thrust like a sewing machine.
Those penises look like they'll be delicious after I hit them with me searzall
Yeah, porn actors are living proof of that theory...
Level up your oral skills.
Haven't noticed shrinkage but the wear and tear definitely is there.
That first penis looks extremely tight.
Problem with this is the kind of guy this is intended to diss would totally endorse logic that says virgins have bigger dicks
Is this a Christian chastity trick ?
It's an uno reverse on a common incel/misogynistic myth about Vaginas.
Sounds legit man.
Now let's change topics, hornyposting is overused.