so this is a bit of a vent post. somebody who i really really have a bad relationship to just contacted me because they need/want sth from me. it just kinda feels like i would help them if they weren't such a shitty person that continuously intends to hurt other people ...
I don't know how many of you are familiar with this particular sub. There is a male version of it as well, called Dude Dinner Diaries.
I don't spend much time on Reddit, but every now and then I get bored enough to lurk around. I came across this relatively new sub on r/all, and holy shit. I genuinely cannot begin to express how infuriating it is to read some of the advice these women are giving to other women who are dealing with genuinely traumatic, life-changing relationship problems.
And I'm not talking about harmlessly bad advice. I'm talking about advice that could have serious consequences for someone's marriage, family, finances, and entire life. At one point, I saw people essentially encouraging a woman to abandon her husband during a trip to Italy and go stay in a hostel. I was sitting there thinking, what the actual fuck am I reading?
I pointed this out in a comment, and apparently, as a man, the only thing I'm really allowed to contribute to the conversation is emojis and GIFs. Actual text responses from men are specifically held for review.
I honestly find the whole thing infuriating.
Not because I think women shouldn't have a space to talk to other women. They absolutely should. But watching someone come into a community looking for advice during one of the most consequential periods of her life, and then watching a bunch of strangers confidently dispense catastrophically bad relationship advice while my perspective is treated as inherently suspect simply because I'm a man...
Jesus Christ.
I just needed to get that off my chest.
She had alzheimers. My father did the best he could to provide the best care he could.
We toured her favorite place in the whole world, with her in a wheelchair.
We showed her all the love she never showed any of us.
She was an author, a painter, a downright bitch when she was in the mood.
But she was my mother.
I don't regret killing her. I kissed her gently on the cheek, with my father, my sister, my aunts, uncles, children and everyone else in attendance.
I pulled the plug. It was only right, as her eldest, that I do the deed.
I miss you mom, you righteous exceptional bitch.
Little did I know that a Windows-tampered NTFS external hard drive would be unwritable by Linux; I ended up figuring out how to format it as exFAT (had to make it GPT first for some reason). Anyway, feeling really good about my prospects with Keysharp as a good-enough AutoHotkey replacement, hopefully!
I think my aunt might have autism; she does not ever seem to understand why people are hurt or upset with her. She's developed an automatic response "I'm not apologizing because I don't know what I did wrong".
One example is airing my dirty laundry in public. She told the strangers around us that I throw away my alcohol containers instead of recycling them because I'm trying to hide the evidence in the trash. I was angry and told her it hurt. She acted confused and refused to apologize. There have been many of these cases.
I resent her because she has my relief in her hand and it costs her nothing but a bit of pride to give it to me. I'm doing 4th step inventory every day because I constantly feel hurt by her.
Thanks for listening
More specifically, that these are somehow lauded as being good lore/storytelling, when they are garbage narratives. But then I remember that as a kid in a school of a thousand, probably less than a hundread of us actually had the hobby of reading books in the school library, and I remember that the common person, much less teens and young adults, don't actually read for fun and its just the same as it ever was. There's just more content for mouthbreathers these days.
I've seen it so many times because of the US, but it will never click.
Historically, on the Fahrenheit scale the freezing point of water was 32 °F, and the boiling point was 212 °F (at standard atmospheric pressure)
What the fuck dude... 32 and 212?
According to a German story, Fahrenheit actually chose the lowest air temperature measured in his hometown Danzig (Gdańsk, Poland) in winter 1708–09 as 0 °F, and only later had the need to be able to make this value reproducible using brine.[12][failed verification]
According to a letter Fahrenheit wrote to his friend Herman Boerhaave,[13] his scale was built on the work of Ole Rømer, whom he had met earlier. In Rømer scale, brine freezes at zero, water freezes and melts at 7.5 degrees, body temperature is 22.5, and water boils at 60 degrees. Fahrenheit multiplied each value by 4 in order to eliminate fractions and make the scale more fine-grained. He then re-calibrated his scale using the melting point of ice and normal human body temperature (which were at 30 and 90 degrees); he adjusted the scale so that the melting point of ice would be 32 degrees, and body temperature 96 degrees, so that 64 intervals would separate the two, allowing him to mark degree lines on his instruments by simply bisecting the interval 6 times (since 64 = 2^6).
Again, what the actual fuck? It's just adjusted to the personal preferences of a dude with little account for the world.
Makes no sense at all. And yet, some USAmericans like to parrot this reasoning
Early in the 20th century, Halsey and Dale suggested that reasons for resistance to use the centigrade (now Celsius) system in the U.S. included the larger size of each degree Celsius and the lower zero point in the Fahrenheit system; and claimed the Fahrenheit scale is more intuitive than Celsius for describing outdoor temperatures in temperate latitudes, with 100 °F being a hot summer day and 0 °F a cold winter day
What the fuck is a "hot summer day" and a "cold winter day"? That's completely arbitrary. For some Brits 25C in summer can be "unbearable heat". 37C may be the average summer day for some people around the equator. For some people in the North, -17C can be an average winter day with -40C being a "cold winter day".
Is it US exceptionalism keeping Fahrenheit alive? Is it just tradition? In what world do 0, 32, 100, and 212 make sense as reference points?
Bonkers...
Sometimes I wish I still had cancer
I'm going to keep it fairly vague because I don't feel ready to tell my friends and family this, but it's as the title says. Sometimes I wish I still had cancer.
When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with a rare type of brain cancer. The treatment itself wasn't too bad, but it took nearly a year to get the right diagnosis so I spent that time being treated for miscellaneous diseases I didn't have. I got the all clear after I finished treatment and moved on with my life, feeling pretty safe and secure. As I was approaching the 5 year mark (the point generally regarded as the "you're out of the woods now" mark), a routine scan found that the tumor had returned, but had metastasized to my spine. I went through heavy dose chemo, with a stem cell transplant and a long in-patient stay. Although I'm technically in remission now, and have been so for 5 years, I've never stopped looking over my shoulder, and even find myself wishing I still had cancer.
I know it sounds horrible, I'm incredibly grateful to my team of doctors and nurses, but such a huge portion of my life has been spent in the hospital that in some ways, being sick just seems easier than regular life. I know how to go sit in a chair and be poked with needles and pumped full of poison. I still struggle with things like getting out of bed and going into work. I don't know, I guess it just seems like normal life isn't normal in some ways.
It doesn't make you more profound.
It just makes things hard to read.
Stop it.
Feel free to share your own holiday get-together horror stories.
One brother-in-law has no filter between his brain and his speech, and usually that makes him a lot of fun and our favorite. But out of the blue today he starts talking about how America is the best (hard disagree, but he's American so I can give that a pass), people who don't like America should leave (stupid, but I see where you're coming from) and especially the blacks should go back to Africa (WTF!?!). I don't get how otherwise nice guys can be so full of hate for a whole class of people for no reason.
Edit: A sister-in-law says that slavery was the blacks' fault, because they sold their own. BIL's wife says the N word is the same level as "white trash".
I made more comments about blood type compatibility in breeding, and it received a lot of hateful comments in response. Many people chose to personally attack me. A mod chose to remove some of my comments as nonsense because people complained. One commenter threatened to frame me for a crime if kept commenting.
I wish everyone the best of luck in their family planning. I hope everyone who reads this thinks about having kids with someone of their own blood type. I say this because I care. I’m not trying to upset people. Anyway, I can find better uses of my time than reading hate mail from Lemmy users. I have enjoyed messages and comments from people who weren’t hateful. People in Lemmy’s Cat community are truly caring and compassionate people. So are many people on Offmychest and Goodoffmychest. Take care. Stay safe. If you ever find that you agree with my posts, I hope you can find friends that can handle the discussion about it. I’d recommend a place that is not on the Lemmy site.
Have a great life, everyone.
All I did was mention that I was mostly Scottish and Irish by dna. I didn’t even mention being part English and Welsh, too. Another reader saw my comment and decided to call me a “mutt” for being born in America. He also tried to insinuate I was worth less than him because he says he is English by dna. It really bothers me when someone reaches out to bully a stranger online, assuming he is superior to that other user. I added a screenshot so people can see one of the supremacy comments this guy made.
I’d honestly like to meet this person and see what he looks like. I’m curious to know the face behind the supremacy act on this guy.
[Edited title and body to change Selfish to Doomer.]
These Doomer Nihilists are so sure the world is so completely fucked, that they just nope out of any meaningful action that might mitigate what's coming.
Hell, they might be right. But it takes an incredibly selfish person to assume their idea of the future is absolute, to the point you just go "If I'm doomed, I'll just let it burn with everyone inside."
I've been called naive, idealistic and cliche just because I believe in the Human capacity to adapt and thrive, and our unique ability as Humans to choose what we believe. How a positive mindset will -literally- move us in a positve direction, generally speaking.
And I admit, I am verying degrees of those things... But am I wrong?
Humans became... And we're still becoming, a collective organism as the internet spreads. It's far from perfect, but it keeps us all connected in one way or another. That gives each and every one of us a little push and tug on the whole.
Unless you are truly isolated in your life, and my heart breaks for those who are, your positivity matters. Your negativity matters. These things spread to anyone who interacts with you, whether it's the slightest bit or enough to get someone to see another perspective. It spreads and it matters.
I just feel like... if more people were a little more naive and idealistic, but informed, we might not be so fucked.
Face it like a Human.
[Edited slightly for clarification]
You might disagree with their opinion of what is "lawful" or "constitutional", but they believed what they were doing was both, and that they were upholding the constitution. However misguided you might think they are in that belief, they are still patriots.
But I fucking hate patriots. They're almost as bad as outright nazis, and in america, I don't see any difference at all. The pledge of allegiance is fascist. The speaker of the house is flanked by fasces. The primacy of the state is obvious: everyone accepts now secret courts (fisa) and "continuity of governance" plans.
I don't need to be governed. I am interested only in liberation for myself and my comrades.
And I am sick of people labeling the J6 patriots as insurrectionists. I guarantee they don't know what propaganda of the deed is. It's a convenient label that liberals have chosen to apply because there is a law about insurrectionists holding office. And upholding such a law is fucking fascist.
Being an American that was raised in California, I feel like I missed a lot of opportunities to learn about my family’s culture and origins. My family is mostly Scottish, British, and Irish, but there is also a mix of Norwegian, Icelandic, and a tiny bit French, in there too. When I traveled abroad, I met people who lived in Ireland, Norway, and France. They would approach me and speak the native languages of those places, and I would just try my best to explain that I didn’t speak any of those languages. The always looked disappointed that I didn’t know their language.
In school, as a teen, I was only offered the option of Spanish foreign language. I learned it rather well, and was able to walk around Spain and speak with the locals quite well. They always looked a little puzzled when they realized I spoke Spanish, in addition to English, despite not being Latina. I feel the need to explain that I was only given the opportunity to learn one other language besides English as a child. The local area in which I live is mostly populated by Mexican-Americans. Many of the cultural events in the area are focused on Mexican culture. As I child, many of my friends spoke Spanish, as well as English, but they were mixed race, and it made sense that they were raised with that opportunity to learn their native language.
I feel like I was denied opportunities to learn languages that were native to my ancestry. I feel like I missed opportunities to learn about the history and culture of my ancestors. It saddens me that every St. Patrick’s Day, people want to wear all green, grab a plastic bowler hat, and discuss where to find green beer and local pubs. No one wants to go to mass on St. Patrick’s day? No one wants to sit down at the dinner table for a pot roast with the family and talk? As a child, the mother that raised me wasn’t Catholic, so I wasn’t taken to mass, unless I went with my childhood friend. I was constantly asked, “why are you Catholic, if you’re not Mexican, like us?” Nearly all of the other white children at my school were Baptist, or Lutheran. Some even told me they couldn’t hang out with me because I “didn’t go to their church”. So the friends I had were classmates that would stand near me at recess and talk to me. If I attended any events in town, they were typically related to their social groups. My friends were nice to me. They always included me; making sure I never felt like an outsider. They didn’t have to do that, but they did.
It was nice to visit Ireland, as an adult, and finally learn more about some of my ancestors’ culture. At the same time, I felt like I was an outsider. I wasn’t raised in a school that taught me to speak Irish. I use words like “Awesome”, which made locals remind me, “isn’t a word we use in Ireland; at least not like that!” I would pass people on the street that would tell me I looked like certain other Irish locals. That was interesting! I wish I could have met them! I’m left trying to piece together the family tree to determine which Irish families were part of my family tree. I returned to California to see large gatherings of Californians in local parks; celebrating birthdays and holidays. Those people have big families and they’ve preserved their culture. Their culture isn’t necessarily American, but they have kept that culture in their family, and they aren’t treated like an outsider in California. Sometimes I wonder if I should have stayed in Ireland, but then again, I’d still be an outsider there, too.
My children have been in the custody of a relative for about seven years. I signed them over because I had been in the process of joining the army. I was told by a recruiter to sign them over before I was supposed to be sent to boot camp. My relative is not someone I trust. When I asked her to add my children to ancestry.com she became upset and tried to cut me out of my children’s lives. Something happened when I was gone, and she won’t explain what I missed.
I asked the court for forms to request dna on my children. One of the clerical workers for family court called me and asked why I would need that. She teased, “don’t you remember what your children look like?!?” I explained that I have been apart from them for seven years and that their facial features have changed (hopefully just from aging). She kept insisting that they only, typically, offer paternity testing. She began to badger me as to why I would want maternity testing if I’m the mom of the children.
I am now in the process of obtaining an attorney to fight this in court. I have wanted dna on my daughter since 2015. My daughter was born looking blue and barely breathing. She was taken to ICU before I could hold her, and then returned to my delivery room appearing to have no health problems. She measured shorter upon being returned to me, than when she left the delivery room. I have wanted dna tests on her since she was brought back to my delivery room. After being apart from my children for seven years, I just want dna confirmation that they are the same children I birthed. I figure, why not test them both? I have wanted dna on my daughter since the day she was brought back to me in my delivery room. Why not just take dna on both kids after all these years apart? It’s not that expensive. It will put my mind at ease to know that relatives didn’t hurt them, or pull some scam with their records and distant relatives. I can’t tell you how many times my parents put us in the car, or rv, and drove us across state lines to visit “family”. It turns out, my parents might not actually be my biological parents. They don’t want to discuss that with me, and I have no adoption records with my name on them as an adopted child. Long story short; my family is shady. The kids my “mom” has in her custody today could be two distant relatives that are just using my children’s names now. My kids could be in some shack in Arkansas for all I know, while they pull their shady crap.
Am I asking for too much to have the court confirm dna on my own two kids after seven years apart?
He isn’t my biological dad. He actually had to take his dna kit to someone else and have that man spit in the tube, after he registered the dna to his email account. He admitted this to everyone in our family, at our kitchen table, upon receiving the kit as a gift. Since he divorced my mother (the woman who raised me), he has been forcing me to live with him and care for him. He had a restraining order placed against me in 2018, told the judge he served me with documents. He actually asked me to come over to visit, after claiming he had served me with a restraining order. I was never served with documents. He then framed me for violating the restraining order because I, at some point, was invited over to my parents’ house, where he claims I broke the order. I notified the judge that I was never served the documents and the case was dismissed without charges.
In 2019, I fell behind on payments to my trailer, after losing my second house in a short sale. He called the repo place and told them where I lived so that it could be repossessed faster. I spent about a year being homeless. He bought an rv and parked it in the rental space that I had been renting before the repo. He did this just so that I would be forced to give up my address. This meant that if I bought another trailer to park there, the space would already be occupied and I would have to change my address to another space in the park. He basically stole my rental space out from under me. He then told me that I legally had to live with him, which was a lie. I was forced to live in that rental space with him, while he kept my childhood home empty, out of spite. During this time, I continued working, and continued trying to join the army. I had left my career and had signed my children over to my mother in anticipation of attending boot camp for the army national guard. I was denied admission after they realized I had a metal clip on one of my arteries from a past surgery. I had left my job for the opportunity of joining the military.
“Dad” spent the next year belittling me and verbally abusing me. He forced me to live with him in my childhood home, after he sold his used trailer that was occupying my previous rental space. I walked through the house and realized there were blood stains all over my mother’s bedroom floor. He became upset and refused to discuss it. I notified the police and the sheriff’s department about the stains, since it occurred just before my parents’ divorce, and because he was defensive about it. If that sounds like I was overreacting, consider the fact that he beat one of my relatives to death around 1990, and she is buried along the North West side of the house! Anyway, upon resettling into my childhood home, I was allowed to sleep on the floor of my old bedroom. I was not allowed to place a door lock on my bedroom. There were times when I would wake up and find “dad” in my room, kicking me as I slept and cussing at me. I woke to find red marks and the start of bruises in the inside of my thighs that became darker bruises as the day continued; leading me to believe that I had been abused in my sleep the previous night.
Why didn’t I just live with my husband? So where is my husband in all this? Well, he left me in 2017, after we had bought our second home. He gave his wallet and car to a group of guys that have been terrorizing me since then. They all take turns with his wallet and even his email account now. They love sending out emailed selfies of each of them, dressed as my husband, while verbally abusing me in messages. My husband has walked out in the past. He used to walk out on me and our children all the time. He would leave for his friends’ bachelor pad where he would stay for days. He would drink, play video games, and sleep there. He would take his clothes and other items with him, and announce he wasn’t returning. He even threatened to have me killed and replaced by a mail order bride from some place like Poland. That was around 2016. I shouldn’t have agreed to reconcile with him. I have filed for divorce twice from him (2013 and around 2015). We reconciled twice because he would refuse to attend court dates and drag the process out until the judge dismissed it for my husband’s lack of attendance. Why so many divorces? Well, he hit me in 2013, bashed holes into the walls of our home, and shoved my infant son’s crib across the room with my son in it. In 2015, he choked me while I was holding my newborn daughter. I have already had one restraining order against him. Since our separation in 2016, he has sent gangs after me. Some have just made verbal threats. Others have broken into my residence, damaged food in my fridge, and one even stabbed me after following me off of a freeway.
Oh, and to make matters worse, I need dna testing on my children. My husband, in a fit of rage, revealed that he was letting his friends rape me in my sleep when we were married. He would insist on fixing dinner and yeah, it made me sleepy after eating his dinners. I was the only one working, so I thought he was trying to be nice. It turns out they would give him items like vape supplies and other free things in exchange. So, my husband didn’t father my children (which is why he hasn’t cared to even visit them since 2016). My daughter really needs dna taken because she was born blue and looked like she was dying just after birth. She was rushed from the room, but returned looking normal. She measured shorter than when she had left the room. The hospital never made any comment about whether she might have been swapped in ICU by accident.
So here I am, 35 years old, with a graduate degree in a STEM field, an ASVAB score of 97th percentile, and past yearly earnings that were around $70,000. I have to spend my days watching my elderly “father” frame me, degrade me, and bully me. I think I’m going to stop cleaning the house, cooking, doing laundry, and doing dishes as contribution, while living here. I’m also going to stop buying groceries for him. He won’t even tell me who my biological dad is, but he constantly makes it sound like he blackmailed my biological dad for money when I was a child. He constantly makes remarks about my blood type being different than his, as if he thinks he is better for being O+, instead of O- like me. He bullies me and tells me to cover my head because I shave my head; revealing a different head shape than he has. He hates it when I point out that he has black hair instead of a light brown, like mine. I like to tell him that my real dad must have had brown hair like mine. Oh, and if I really want to see him rage out, all I have to do is show him a math problem that I have completed, or something artistic that I have created with functions on Desmos or Geogebra. He hates mathematics. He has tried to destroy my career because he hates the fact that I enjoy my job, which is heavily based on mathematics. He throws fits every time I discuss anything math related. He behaved the same way when my “mother” would discuss her career. She had majored in math, as well, but her graduate degree was in education, not math. He would often bully her in an attempt to make her quit her job, insisting that teaching wasn’t a real job, like his.
I don’t know what happened in the late 80’s, but I wish my biological father had raised me instead of allowing this arrangement to plague my life. I am literally waiting for my elderly “father” to die. I think his job (and now retirement) was only possible because of some leverage he had against my biological dad by having me in his custody.
So annoying. Prescribed adderall and then they ran out. Spent a month taking life raw and chugging coffee. Prescribed vyvanse then the generic came out. Prescribed lisdexamfetamine and the pharmacy ran out.
There’s something ironic about having adhd people take action to refill their meds every month and I’m so sick of it but I can’t function without it.
Going on 3 months no meds now
Every once in a while I'm hit in the face with a boomer moment, and my wife and her phone are just the pinnacle of this. My wife is GenX, and not even a particularly old one, but damn she will dig in her heels against technology and progress. She has an iPhone and staunchly refuses to use a passcode. She doesn't need one and doesn't want one. Basic security? Oh, no, not convenient. Tap to Pay? Oh, no, she'd rather dig through her purse for a credit card and get flustered while 30 people que up behind her to get on a bus while she tries to find one that has rfid (which she doesn't like because "I want to insert the card myself").
So we get new phones. eSim phones to replace the physical sim ones. And we spend the better part of an hour trying to figure out why her sim won't transfer. Mine was a simple dialog, as was DDs. What's different about hers? iOS is up to date. Phone is compatible. madly searches internet a dozen links in and buried in a t-mobile help page - "make sure bluetooth is on and the phone has a PIN code". MFer.
I suppose it could be worse. Her mother answers facetime video calls by putting the phone to her ear like it's a normal call and then talking the entire time while broadcasting the top of her ear to whoever is on the other end. 🙄
I do not care for anime, or hentai. Or even generally porn/nsfw when I’m browsing lemmy.
I do like to browse all/new to see what else exists. But my god, I’ve blocked so many god damn anime and nsfw communities its getting ridiculous.
Ive turned nsfw off (so tagged posts don’t show) but generally I don’t even want “mildly” nsfw pictures (posing celebrities, scantly clad anime).
I like the concept of the fedeverse and decentralised communities. But there are so many god damn versions of anime and celeb communities.
Well thanks for reading my rant.
