Sometimes I wish I still had cancer

I'm going to keep it fairly vague because I don't feel ready to tell my friends and family this, but it's as the title says. Sometimes I wish I still had cancer.

When I was in high school, I was diagnosed with a rare type of brain cancer. The treatment itself wasn't too bad, but it took nearly a year to get the right diagnosis so I spent that time being treated for miscellaneous diseases I didn't have. I got the all clear after I finished treatment and moved on with my life, feeling pretty safe and secure. As I was approaching the 5 year mark (the point generally regarded as the "you're out of the woods now" mark), a routine scan found that the tumor had returned, but had metastasized to my spine. I went through heavy dose chemo, with a stem cell transplant and a long in-patient stay. Although I'm technically in remission now, and have been so for 5 years, I've never stopped looking over my shoulder, and even find myself wishing I still had cancer.

I know it sounds horrible, I'm incredibly grateful to my team of doctors and nurses, but such a huge portion of my life has been spent in the hospital that in some ways, being sick just seems easier than regular life. I know how to go sit in a chair and be poked with needles and pumped full of poison. I still struggle with things like getting out of bed and going into work. I don't know, I guess it just seems like normal life isn't normal in some ways.

I've got a big third pan of pickled jalapeños and fresnoes at my station that go on our soy glazed wings. I'm snacking on those nonstop throughout the day. They're awesome

My neighbor is in her 70s. I'm in my late 20s and live in the apartment upstairs from her, so when it snows I like to help clean off her car/shovel out her parking spot. Today she tried to pay me after I helped her. I don't want to accept the money, but want her to still feel comfortable asking for help/not feel like she's taking advantage of me. How should I go about this? Maybe ask her for something small so she feels like she's helping me too? It's never any trouble helping her with the snow removal, it never takes more than half an hour

Basically what the title says, what made you choose the culinary/food service industry? Why is this what you chose to do?

This industry is brutal. I'm tearing my body apart for $16 an hour just continuously reminding myself that I'm learning a lot and this isn't forever, but man is it kicking my ass. What do you all do to unwind? Is booze/weed really all there is to help you chill out at the end of the day?