It was around 2022 or 2023 when I found out about Shenpai, a blond woman streamer with a green jacket. Something about her seemed familiar to me and that was when I remembered Spechie.

Spechie was some teenager in the storytime animation community back in the mid 2010s who caused a lot of drama due to her borderline personality disorder and just generally being an asshole.

So two blonde, green women who's name starts with an S. And this felt awesome to me. It was like a real time redemption/healing story. You go from such a troubled past in 2016-2018 and then in the 2020s, you grow into your own with awesome streams, you have a supportive friend group, you're being happy and laughing with people, and all that jazz.

But recently, I had a trip down memory lane and went to one of the many drama videos from back then about Spechie and noticed something was a bit wrong. So I went to her ACTUAL channel and wondered where all the streams and clips were. It's just a few videos with like around 1000 views.

It then hit me, THESE ARE DIFFERENT GREEN WOMEN! And like... MAN! I was rooting for her! The fucking fanfiction of real life people I was building without even knowing was ruined! I thought Spechie got the good ending but no!

She just petered out and her recent videos were about loneliness and her being angry, so she did NOT get a good ending! Like is that not an awesome story!? To go from lousy storytime animation drama because you're an asshole with untreated borderline to a wholesome goofy streamer who's playing Final Fantasy and having a good time with a wholesome friend group!?

Like damn man, and it's all on me for mixing up two disparate women.

I recently was talking to a friend about my addiction to reddit and I came to understand that i feel as though I cant talk to my family about stuff. I genuinely cant sometimes because they don't understand or don't find it interesting, and to me that's ok but I can tell its becoming a problem. I'm getting emotional I don't have anywhere to go, I know online isn't good, but my parents are in there sixties, my sisters are dealing with newborns, my nieces are becoming moms and my brother is doing his own thing with his girlfriend. my friends are quickly picking up that if they don't answer or feed into what I say I wont talk and they've admitted that they cant relate to me on the level I need. my therapist has helped me somewhat put these feelings into a coherent format but now I'm left with the feeling of loneliness and anger that I simply cant point to anywhere but myself and that isn't healthy either since I've made peace with the fact that if my family wasn't around I would have shuffled off the mortal coil. So what do I do? where do I go? why cant I just not feel these emotions? why cant I be normal like all the other people in the world?

For context, me (21m) and three other friends B(21m), S(20m) and A(22m) all got together because we were all in town and had free time during the valentines day weekend. While we were refilling our snacks we talked about how relationships are going and what we got for our respective partners or hopeful partners. I didn't have any prospects in terms of romantic interest and its something I felt sore about while hearing S and B talk about the gifts they got and gave to their partners, but A started to complain that he was getting too much attention from women and that he didn't know what to do with it all. he told us that he was feeling some pressure because so many girls were approaching him and flirting with him, that caused me to get angry and insult him which triggered a verbal altercation that turned physical when I threw one of his deepest insecurities in order to win the argument. Neither of us were hurt and I left quickly after both of us were separated. now B and S are telling me to apologize which i am not willing to do.

I recognise that I overreacted and I escalated the conflict by throwing a deep insecurity that A shared with me back at him but I feel that him complaining about getting too much attention is stupid and vain, he should have kept it to himself as far as im concerned.

It wasn't intentional, but I'm thinking of leaning into it. LOL I realized this year, that my holiday card list is divided into classes. I generally have very fancy cards made by a local artist, "normal" cards, and genuine vintage cards which I source from a shop nearby. Originally, the idea was to be sending people cards based on what I think they'd like the most. For example, some of my friends would appreciate a vintage card over a fancy new card, but I think it turned out mostly sending my favorite friends and family the nicer cards and people who I'm not as fond of the less fancy cards.

so recently I was invited out to the mall by my Ex-girlfriend, the outing was going to be with her friend L and L's boyfriend B. ex-gf didn't invite her current BF G because G doesn't like L in the slightest, neither does he like me because Ex-gf and I are still in touch and talk regularly. I tried to get my parents to allow me to go but they said no out of fear of B or G harming me or me harming them and getting arrested. my mom was particularly concerned about the 'optics' of the situation since It would look like a double date and three white people with on black person.

my parents asked me if I understand and I said yes to their face to just shut them up and not be bothered by more explanations, but really I don't and it makes me very angry that they are so concerned about something so minor as optics. since no one else is going to care if three white people and a black person show up to the mall together. its not that deep but they are talking about how I could get lynched and how my Ex-gf will end up 'dead with no one knowing anything' and how white people aren't to be trusted.

plus they've been pushing me to get out of the house more and 'discover my own people and what I like' but when I want to do that they wont let me! I hate it! they wanna be Helecopter parents to a damn 20 year old!

any thoughts or opinions are welcome and encouraged since I cant see my parents perspective no matter how much they try to explain it.

Years ago, I had knee surgery that was fully authorized by Cigna. Everything was covered—except the anesthesiologist. Apparently, the guy who put me to sleep wasn’t “in-network” or “pre-approved” or whatever excuse they pulled from the insurance denial playbook.

I called Cigna to fix it. Their response?

“Sorry, it is what it is.”

Challenge accepted.

I was on disability at the time, smoking weed, watching daytime TV, and had nothing but time and spite. So I made it my daily job to call Cigna. Twice a day. Every day. For weeks.

They cycled through phone reps like I was the final boss. I got transferred, hung up on, and hit with vague threats like:

“Your claim is denied and continued calls could result in consequences.”

Cool story, Steve. See you tomorrow at 10am.

Eventually I reached a supervisor who wasn’t having it. I hit him with:

“How much money have you spent just answering my calls?”

They told me to pound sand.

So I kept calling.

Eventually, I got escalated to a senior manager who warned me that my behavior was becoming “harassing” and that they were considering contacting the authorities.

I told them:

“And if you do that, I’ll record the police interaction and call the media.”

Silence.

They asked me not to call again and said they’d “work on an answer.” I gave them a deadline:

“You’ve got 3 days.”

On Day 2, they called me. Claim approved.

He treated me like shit. But I loved him. I still love him. I didn’t want the divorce. I thought I would die married to him. I thought we would be buried next to each other.

It still sears. I can’t even imagine another relationship. I want to be loved, I want to be held, but the idea of anyone but him doesn’t feel okay.

It has made me think of all the times I didn't do something because I thought the risk to my life was too great. Now it just feels like a missed opportunity to have lived more even if it had killed me.

I know I have done as much with my life as I reasonably could have. It just feels like I simultaneously could have done more but at the same time it ultimately doesn't matter.

It's a weird contradictory feeling

A little over a week ago I (20m) went out with my club mates to a restaurant without my parents supervision. It was the first time I ever did that and I felt very happy since i felt that i was doing something normal young adults do when they have friends. the thing is that when I was talking to my siblings and friends about their unsupervised outings with friends they were telling me that they've been doing that since they were in middle school and that I'm late to the party.

Why? why am i always late on things that other people do regularly and normally? I don't know who to blame or even if I should!who should I blame??? Myself for being too afraid to ask to go with my friends anywhere outside of school or a field trip? My parents for constantly telling me 'nothing is outside for you' when I asked to play outside as a kid? my friends for not noticing I wanted to join them? my siblings for being outdoor kids unlike me? I don't know!

I can't just help but feel like once again I'm doing something that is 'normal' but at an abnormal time. i feel like I'm left behind again in terms of development and now everyone is pushing me to go out when I was told always to not go out.

thanks for sitting through my little rant I just needed to vent again. to anyone reading this I hope you guys are doing well and wish you all the best.

There is something hot about this dominant damane treating you as a pet with a collar and stuff. It still makes me kind of aroused even thinking about it.

In a controlled safe word environment of course.

Who else wouldn’t be opposed to being collared and treated like a pet for some time?

You're literally justifying the 20 years of abuse I went through, and the lifetimes of abuse unluckier people go through since they weren't lucky enough to live a real life. You can't be for human rights and continue to contribute to the reason why children are abused into becoming nothing and living mediocre lives until they kill themselves.

A disorder whose definition varies that much cannot possibly be real. If it's such a big infinite stupid spectrum then nobody has it. All of these children are suffering from something with an actual name and actual treatment, not a vague word that nothing can be done about, and CPTSD as a result of growing up less human than a cockroach.

By calling yourself that crap you're contributing to several people being abandoned by society until they die. Was the extra special clout really worth it?

My wife thinks I hate animals. Whenever the kids ask for more pets my wife instinctively goes, "Your father won't like it." And I make a big show about being annoyed.

Ive been lying for my entire relationship. It started when I was dating my wife, and she made a big deal about how her dog hates strangers. So during the initial visit, I hid treats in my pockets. The dog saw me as a magical snack fairy. My wife was amazed and I scored some points with her.

Over time, the dog loved me more. Then we got two kittens. She had to leave while I worked at home, and the kittens saw me as their owner. By the third year, all the animals snuggled with me while my wife would sit alone on the empty side of the sofa. And she'd feel jealousy and sadness.

So Ive started to make a fuss about the pets. Id move them off of me. I'd ignore them. I shoo them away if they were too close. Over the years, they went towards my wife (and then kids) for affection. And as we got more pets, it kept happening. Two dogs and five cats over fifteen years. They'd all start with giving only me affection until I train them to latch on to another.

It doesnt bother me to be the bad guy, if my family can be the good guys. And I still give them affection/pets when nobody is around.

Tl;Dr: animals love me but that makes members of my family jealous, so I have to lie and pretend I hate them.

At first I just wanted to make my life less haunted by Stove Jobs and Bill Gatos

Does this have something to do with not having any very close friends in college yet?

Edit: or did the difficulty of making GNU + Linux work for me make a difference?

It's fairly straightforward. I'm in my 20s and I feel no desire to spend any time with her. She's always been a deceptive and conniving person, and literally tore apart our family and her marriage because of it. Why would I WANT to spend time with you?

And her latest thing the past few years now is to always steer the conversations when I DO go see her to "men dressing like women to go rape women in the bathroom". Or "the [slur]'s just make it so hard to support the gays". She says these things, and all of her grandchildren push back. Hard. We treat everyone the way we would like to be treated, simple as that. So stop spreading bigotry and this bull crap when you go play bingo every week.

Ugh. Happy fourth of July?