What are the worst names you could give a baby boy?
Hello you awesome people,
Friends are having a boy and everyone they know wants to push a name on the child. So I decided to be the best friend they could have and to offer only bad, ugly or horrendous names to the lucky parents so they could have a laugh. I already send them some names and dictators, Smeagol, Steve and Juan-Esteban.
So please, people or Lemmy, give me the worst names you could give a child, so that I can help them as a good friend!
Ps: don't worry, I've already planned some meals to drop off when the gremlin will be there to feed the parents. And some take-out vouchers so they won't get food poisoning
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Comments222
X Æ A-12
The only way to escape a name like that is to take a phallic rocket to mars and start a new colony
The only winner here is his sister who's name was not as publicized. Exa Dark Siderael
Sounds like a hidden boss in a final fantasy game
Actually so many boss fights in life
How do you even pronunce that?
No joke, it's pronounced Kyle. It's the Greek letter chi, the dipthong æ which is called an æsc (pronounced ash) that makes a sound similar to the "a" in "cat" but shorter, and A-12 stands for "alphabet 12" or the 12th letter of the alphabet which is L. So chi-æ-l or kinda like a two syllable "Kyle"
Wow, I see it now. That is beyond retarded. Jesus Christ
Pretty fuckin cringe that you're still calling stuff retarded lmfao 1998 called they want their insults back
Can we not throw slurs around?
Dixon.
It's only pronounced that way because he's a dick's son.
That was the joke, but I trust it’s much improved by the explication.
Is (the name at issue) this some unicode shit or sumfing?
It’s what a manchild thinks is sci-fi.
Shi-thead
Honestly such a classic https://youtu.be/r_Ua8iOR0g8?si=D-UWy03OoBxFszEy
Man those were the golden days of yt
I may have seen that one too, but I was thinking about this one, lol
https://youtu.be/Bm1SLX4WBCo?
It's pronounced kyle
I read they pronounce it Xavier
For real?
Edit: doesnt he have a Xavier already?
Edit: duplicative
Does he care about any of his kids enough to know if there's already a Xavier?
Xavier v2.0
Bob, short for Bobert. So that every time he has to say his full name to anyone on the phone or fill out forms somewhere, he has to repeatedly explain that, no, it's not Robert, it's Bobert.
Extra points if you tell him it's because of Lauren Boebert, the classiest woman to walk this earth.
/s
Ted, get off of Lemmy.
You monster.
Robert with a B
I knew someone who did that to me in high school. I hated him, for many reasons, mind, but that was one. I hated him enough to be almost glad his wife died. Not that I am, and nothing against her, just… fuck him.
I’ve been called Bert by one guy, and sometimes I wonder if I should have run with that. Another guy would call me Rootbeer. I was totally fine with that, as you can see.
Tombert.
Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--
Little Bobby Tables as we call him.
Explanation for today's 10,000
Spez.
Now that would just be cruel.
Sue.
I dont know about that.
See, this world is rough, and if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough. If a father knew he wouldn't be there to help his son along he could, hypothetically, give him that name, say goodbye, and know his son would have to get tough or die.
That very name would then help to make him strong.
Right but everyone would be like "haha sue like the song" and he'd get so annoyed
I bet Sue'd be able to put up one hell of a fight.
He'd hunt you down and beat the snot out of you!
More like "Suetable"
X Æ A-12
Pubert
Only if Pube is considered as it's diminutive!
Her comes lil Pubey!
Adolf
A lot of names are cool but then get ruined with shit like that. I always thought Isis was a beautiful name. But terrorism ruined it.
My neighbor named her dog Isis like the Greek God. It was not timely lol
Isis is Egyptian!
And Goddess! (not a God.)
Shows how much I listened to her about it. Whoops!
Also an awesome post metal band Isis. I have a t-shirt of theirs with the lyrics to a song called 'Dying Light' which is about death, the afterlife and reincarnation sorta stuff, needless to say I haven't been able to wear it in many years.
That wouldn't fly with the city clerk in Belgium. But then again, one can always try!
Should have made a joke with "nein", but people would be Fuhrerious about it!
I once knew someone who refused to tell anyone the name they chose before the baby was born (absolutely valid choice, IMO). The grandpa-to-be chose to exclusively refer to the fetus as Beelzebub.
That is normal around where I live, because you never know if it will be
alicealive after birth. So I mostly see the name in the birth-card my friends usually sendAlice Afterbirth is a great name for the placenta
Also a good name for an indie prog metal band
Where are you from? Chernobyl?
Switzerland, why?
I know the risk exists here as well, but "you never know" sounds like something someone from rural Africa would say, not Switzerland.
Maybe its an old tradition. But I was shocked by how deadly being pregnant and giving birth (to the mother and the child even moreso) is, still to this day. I thought we solved childbirth or something.
Yeah, the female physique hasn't really adapted to our enormous head size. We solved child mortality more or less, but pregnancy and birth is still quite dangerous.
I do not have enough up votes for this
'ay nart, wuh yew uh to tday spud
I too have heard the legend of Spanko.
First, anything ending in -ayden. 2-4, I'm just going to list a few real names I've heard. Middles included.
Wynter Obsidian
Ocean Zebediah
Buck Shot
Dude, "Buck Shot" is awesome. That kid is pretty much guaranteed to be an astronaut with a name like that.
Or a gay porn actor. No in between options.
Nah, I see cop as an option. More likely than astronaut, actually.
But most of all, I see him becoming a “professional YouTuber” of the “rant from the cab of a pickup truck wearing a baseball cap and wearing oakleys” genre, before going out and attempting to kidnap a politician at gunpoint. It’s one of those nominative determinism things, for sure.
Aaron Mayden?
Mayden America
We were gonna go with Winter Grace. Really-really. There are reasons. But, due to other reasons, kids didn't happen.
X Æ A-12
Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--
The post clearly asked for the worst names, not the very best /s
Little Bobby Tables, we call him.
Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz
sounds like it could be a dortmund 2011 player
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfKZclMWS1U
Hahaha, thanks.
Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke
What?!? What a coincidence! My name is also Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke!
Oh, hello! Can Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke come out to play?
Yes, Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke! I've come to play!
Is this the Japanese banana fanna bo banna or something?
https://youtu.be/veaKOM1HYAw?si=v82Zw7UfPtvOWili
Interesting! I actually didn't know this clip. I thought you referenced a rakugo story that involves this name. But other media has seen that rakugo story as well as I can see.
Geez, your name is so long. Now he's gone.
Username does not check out
No guacamole either
Open a random page in any P. G. Wodehouse novel and you’re good to go! Gussie Fink-Nottle, Bingo Little, Kipper Herring, Stiffy Byng. Or, my personal fave, add in an extra letter like he did for his character Psmith, where, he explains, the “p” is silent, "as in pshrimp.”
A friend went with Gilbert, which seems like a strong contender.
Gilli gilli!
As someone who grew up in Gilbert, I suddenly feel dirtier.
Donald
Hey that was my dad's name. Nothing wrong with being a Donald, worst case your name is a little bit dated.
Biggus And then convince them to change their last name into Dikkus
Organ farm #17.
How about "Naughtius Maximus"?
Chodebert
Pubert
Dilbert.
We had a mother and baby possum on our fence that we nicknamed Methany and Rolexxus.
Frothcunt
I dunno, sounds like a solid Anglo-Saxon name, like Æthelstan.
Any "creative" spelling of a common name.
e.g., Jahnithun.
Le-a
The "-" isn't silent
Airwrecka
Alexa That's just gotta be annoying for everyone when your smart home device kicks into action every time your name is called.
That's a pretty long name.
Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. Assuming they live in Ulm. If not, adjust name accordingly.
Just take any normal name and putt a z at the end to spice it up.
Kevinz Frankz Markz
I know of someone who named her son "Scrotum".
Gotta remember where you came from.
Does he go by Scrotey, or Scrotes McGotes?
There's a classic Japanese story about a boy called Jugemu Jugemu Gokō-no Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakōji-no Burakōji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shūringan Shūringan-no Gūrindai Gūrindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonā-no Chōkyūmei-no Chōsuke. That's all the first name. No nicknames allowed.
Monty Python version:
Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
Beat me to it!
We grew up with the story of Rikki-Tikki Tembo No Sa Rembo Charibariruchi Pip-Peripembo.
There was also this article recently about a Spanish Duke who was told he can’t give his daughter 25 names:
https://greekreporter.com/2023/10/27/spanish-duke-shorten-daughter-25-word-long-name/
And now the ending theme from Joshiraku is stuck in my head.
That's how I first heard of it, and it really helped me memorise the full thing when saying it. The challenge is not doing the pause between the Shuringans or staggering the Chosuke.
Deuteronomy
Tikki Tikki Tembo-no Sa Rembo-chari Bari Ruchi-pip Peri Pembo
Make sure to keep him away from any open wells
Severus.
The name of a guy that couldn't let go of one girl and was a dick to her innocent kid. Wicked!
Philbert
Hey now, filberts are a state treasure here in Oregon.
Joey Jojo Junior Shabadoo
That's the worst name I ever heard.
Still gotta go with Streetlamp LaMoose.
I don't know, I heard he's doing okay.
He said worst. Not best.
Donald Trump Elon Musk
Donon Trusk Eland Mump
Any very foreign sounding name is a great contender: Ashurbanipal, Nebuchadnezzar, Nabopolassar.
Judas is a good option, too. I think it's even illegal to name your child Judas in Germany.
Any DBZ character works. Trunks in an english speaking country would be spot on.
For a tropical real life villain, Jair Bolsonaro.
Kevin
Were I'm from (Québec), this name is always associate with difficult hyperactive kids. It's like a running joke "This classroom is full of Kevin". One of my good friend is a Kevin, he find that quite funny.
Rizz
Slaydolf
Well, Adolf has to be up there.
💩. Gotta make sure the middle name is an emoji too, none of this "he can go by his middle name if he doesn't like his first name" nonsense.
Richard Dickson
His knickname: Lil' Dick
I would call him Ricky Dicky.
Jr.
They just call him Little Richard
When I was working at a car dealership twenty years ago, I knew a salesman with that name. Before he sold cars, he was a relatively wealthy lawyer who got busted and disbarred for embezzlement or something to that effect, I never knew or cared enough about the details.
Not as bad, but still not great, my graduate advisor’s name was John Johnson. It still is but I’ve been done with all that for eight years.
Great for a meme but not so great for in real life: Cthulhu All-Spark
https://www.businessinsider.com/internet-names-couples-baby-cthulhu-all-spark-2014-4?IR=T
Mike Cox
Friends of Mike Oak.
Cousin to Mike Hunt
Knew an Alex cox once
Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo
That's the worst name I've ever heard.
William Joseph James Robert.
It sounds distinguished until you realize the diminutive is Billy Joe Jim Bob. Which incidentally is really fun to say fast.
William Charles is another one.
Billy Chuck.
Adolf Hitler
Anything that ends up with the initials "BJ".
I know a guy who's initials are MRS, which is funny.
🎶 We named him 'Baby', he had a toothache
He started crying, it sounded like an earthquake
It didn't last long, because I stopped it
I grabbed a rag doll and stuck some little pins in it 🎶
Something with emojis is sure to never go out of style:
B😉bby
Oh, yes, little B😉bby ┬──┬s, we call him.
Raye Pember.
Kid might just join the FBI
Also, Light. Who TF names their kid Light and then expects him not to have a god complex?
Let’s name him noctis then
Spare Parts
There is a Pokemon competitive player named Chuppa Cross IV. Which means not only that somebody was unironically named Chuppa, but also his father, and his grandfather, and his greatgrandfather as well.
Any name that can be spelled a million different ways
Michael McIntyre nails it
https://youtu.be/69UlVQpYwUE?si=IuB4OC88FPty49T5
But that’s all names
Li, Le, Lee, Ly, Leigh
Skibblezz DeWicket
Uvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemuhwem Osas
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vJJEVBMtOEQ
That name is epic though
Cthulu
Lord of the underpants!
According to Mr. Cash, Sue.
Bumperpucker
Appropriation
Gurner
Clap
Clippy
Pickles
Masher
Guana
Iguana
Angus.
Beef.
Because that’s a girl’s name, idiots.
Spewart
I will not elaborate
Hennard.
I'd take Steve over any of the ...ayden (Jayden and the like) names, but I'd be hesitant to send it as a joke, as it might give them ideas.
Ken or Nigel are probably safe.
Stevayden sounds like a win then.
Lithium
Mump
Keith
Ham
Bawitdaba, da bang, da dang diggy diggy diggy, said the boogie, said up jump the boogie
Maven, given they are Java developers
Tiktok Lad, Reddit guy, Discord mod
ʘ LATIN LETTER BILABIAL CLICK
Child Tax Credit, or, ChiTaC (Cheetah C) for short.
Chi'tac, cousin of Bra'tac
Fly-debate https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/09/puritan-names-lists-of-bizarre-religious-nomenclature-used-by-puritans.html
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
Pissy Willy by Fila Brazillia from the album Power Clown.
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
Chad, Chet, Chaz, the unbroly Trinity
You got Chazzed!
Vegeta, prince of not being Broly
Based off the Jeffs I've known... Jeff.
Some of the university challenge surnames are great, especially with the announcer who tries to get them out as fast as possible.
https://youtu.be/KEzXOt6IQGQ?feature=shared
For very different reasons:
Edward Jacob
Elon
Donald
Raven
Leonard
Ismael
Vladimir
Christian
Jim Bob
Chad
Kevin
Adelbert
One of my grandfather's names was Delbert. From what I've been told he was an asshole.
Splooge
Felcher Mycal (Michael), Jaxsyn (Jackson), etc Ryler/Rylen Axton/Joxton Grond
Ethelbert, Cummerbund, Kevin
Fang
Keith
Popieanus, after the Roman politician. Yes, it's pronounced "poopy anus".
Pud'n
Strongest Avenger
Cunt
edit: why are you downvoting me? I'm right.
Odigbu buduwe
My dad wanted to name me 'Bentley' at some point. Glad my mum's stubborn and didn't let that happen.
Stankmouth
Mandatory Carlin https://youtu.be/oo8CrY_ZfFk?si=3SOIYzRebZDqupGq
Guy
I'm not your guy, pal. #reddit
Leslie Valerie Sally