"Sir? Sir! It is well past time for you to begin your day. Yes, sir, I am well aware work, as you put it 'sucks ass', but never the less, it is time to rise and shine. I will be back tomorrow at the same time."
I actually seem to have this one: Appropriately sized container man. I can find the best sized container when we have leftovers from cooking. Extra pasta sauce? This container fits it all in perfectly.
IDK man, that's toeing the line of an A-tier power.
My wife has a version of this; it's perfect liquid measurement estimation woman. She never has to use measuring cups for liquids. I've actually bothered to test this power, and it's uncanny.
All I got was hysterical kitchen blindness man. I can't see things I'm looking for in the fridge or pantry, even when they're right in front of me.
Sorry man, yours isn’t even a power. It comes default with the Y chromosome. I can be staring directly at something I’m looking for and not register that it’s right there.
A residence floormate I knew back in university also worked as a bartender at a hotel.
His one story relevant to this thread is he once poured a drink for a customer over ice without measuring it. Think scotch or whiskey. Customer said there's no way that's an ounce. They argued for a bit; my friend poured everything from the glass into a shot glass minus the ice, and it was exactly on the line. End of argument.
He admitted to me that some of that may have been water from the melted ice.
I don't know if this qualifies as "b-tier", but I'd really would like a superpower where when hearing a sound I knew exactly what made it.
I live in an old house, in the middle of a forest. Lots of weird noises both inside and outside. Being able to know if a sound I just heard requires my attention (i.e. "is that some animal messing around in my walls, or just the old wood squeaking") would be gold. The amount of times I've gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to investigate something is too damn high. After countless mice, vasps nests, birds, and various mammals deciding to move in with us, my paranoia levels have skyrocketed.
Would also sort out the "is that my kid crying, or just the draft through the vents"-question, as well as "is that normal wood settling noises, or is there more rot I've yet to find and the whole house is collapsing".
This sounds like a good premise for a horror story. You get your hearing superpower and everything is finally great, no need to get up and investigate benign noises. And then one day, you hear a sound that no matter what you do, you can’t tell what and where it’s coming from.
Your house sounds awesome to look at, but my ADHD wouldn’t allow me to live there. Nothing would get done, and my family would die when the house collapsed.
I have this power, and one little caveat of it is how much I crave dozing, ie being awake, sleepy, and cozy but not needing to get up. I guess could just set my alarm earlier but I need the sleep more
I'd be perfect departure time man. Able to determine exactly when to leave in order to arrive at your destination on time, regardless of traffic, weather, or other conditions encountered along the way.
Not a B tier power, my God you just invented the governments secret delivery method. You're planning perfect extraction and invasion strategies, nuclear fall back evacuation routes. You just became a national secret, son.
You're not from Germany are you? Our train system is horribly bad after it was left to rot for decades (no bigger investment into renewing or expanding stuff)
To be fair, I should probably have said Swedish as we are right on time and all German people I gave worked with were always unnecessarily 10-15 minutes early...
I already have mine, and it frustrates my wife no end. I'm Always Finds a Parking Spot Right Near Where We're Going Man, but only if I'm the one driving. When she's driving we end up on the wrong side of the parking lot.
I fucking know a guy who claims he’s got no idea what heartburn is, and that he’s never had a headache. He’s about 70 years old and is probably the happiest most joyful person I’ve ever met.
Incredible massage dude. I want to be able to give incredible massages that relax muscles. Maybe the ability to relieve stress by touch. Bonus points if it works on myself, my shoulders suck.
I'm going to go with good old fashioned, "extra luck". Never know when it's going to show up, but it would definitely improve your general disposition when things tend to go your way.
Yeah, she was a high point. I can't see a whole Domino film, but she's hilarious as a supporting superhero. It helped that the actor sold it well; so nonchallant in the most extreme situations.
Hers was definitely A-tier, though. She was more like a Teela Brown - the Universe simply was not going to allow anything bad to happen to her, unless it was ultimately for her own good.
Yes, that's my pick. To be exact, I want "low-level telekinesis" aka mutant luck power like the superhero Domino. Just walking around being a casual badass, barely registering the danger I'm avoiding.
I think Stan Lee said that being lucky is the best superpower.
B-tier power: Exact Change. Any time I want to pay for something with cash, I have the power to reach into my pocket and pull out exactly the amount of cash money needed to do so. This has no effect on anyone's money anywhere else, like wallets or bank accounts - it just magically appears.
Edit to your power: You still need dollar amounts, and if you don't have, then you don't have any change.
Eg. Cost: $4.52, and you have $5 in your pocket: you pull out $5.52, or if you have $4 in your pocket, you pull out $4.52. If you have $3 in your pocket, you pull out $3.
The power to be comfortable in any environment in just shorts and a T-shirt. No sunburn, no soggy shoes in the rain, warm while sitting in a snow drift.
Once, I wanted to annihilate all bedbugs in the world with a snap of a finger (I would even learn how to snap for this very purpose), just disappear them forever at my will. A single use power, nothing more than that, and I don't care what that suppose to do to the environment.
Just gonna pop in here, are you okay? It's totally fine if you're not. To tell the world the truth I've been going through another small depressive episode with a little bit of suicidal idealization and it seems to me like you are too. If you are, just know that the world is a better place with you in it.
Control Minor Static Charges Woman. It would make housecleaning easier and my keyboards would always be clean. I wouldn't have to get near dust bunnies, I would be able to slowly guide them to the trash can.
As someone who's spent a lot of time working in a lab, the ability to control static electricity would be a godsend! There's really nothing like spending weeks preparing a new material as a fine powder, carrying it over to the weighing scales, placing a glass sample vial onto the scales, taring it, then a scooping up some of your powder with a spatula, careful not to lose a single particle, then carefully, CAREFULLY carrying the scoop of power to the sample vial -- then seeing the static blast your powder out of the spatula to coat the OUTSIDE of the sample vial, plus the scales, plus your nitrile glove...
I always get static shocks really bad at the grocery store! I think it's the cart wheels making a Van Der Graff generator effect. I get a zap every time I touch a shelf! It would be nice to not have to deal with that.
A Tier? AAA ranging on Universe Killer Tier. The perfect response becomes the perfect negotiator, the perfect social infiltrator, the master manipulator. He casually gets free coffee, he cajoles his way through national secrets, he convinces his landlord that the concept of income through scarce resource stockpiling is immoral and that they should see the property as a shared commodity. Genius
I mean that sounds like a curse. Endless screaming. Where others may see a cute bunny munching on some grass, or a bee buzzing around a flower, all you will hear are shrieks of pain and abject terror.
i've always thought that if plants could talk they'd be unflinching hedonists who just shrug when harmed and will not hesitate to invite ANYTHING to have a fun time with them.
"ohhh yeah baby eat my fruit! spit the seeds out!" cut to human freezing in the middle of taking a bite, staring in horror at the apple tree
“And he brought me into a vast farmland of our own Midwest
And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil
One thousand, nay, a million voices full of fear
And terror possessed me then
And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?"
And the angel said unto me
"These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!
You see, Reverend Maynard
Tomorrow is harvest day and to them, it is the Holocaust"
And I sprang from my slumber, drenched in sweat
Like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared
"Hear me now, I have seen the light!
They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul!
Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!"”
Having a hydrophobic presence covering me at all times, sans wanting to shower, drink water, etc. so I could run, bike, hike in the rain and never get wet, unless I wanted to.
Another fun one would be having the ability and skill to cook anything I want without training or recipes. However, I would gain an excessive amount of weight though.
Having a hydrophobic presence covering me at all times, sans wanting to shower, drink water, etc. so I could run, bike, hike in the rain and never get wet, unless I wanted to.
Gets the USB-A the right way the first time man, which is really an underlying true power of like a glove man, where no matter what it is, it will always fit - like a glove.
I'll take always being able to understand what people are saying, even if the voice is muffled or on a low quality recording or whatever. In conversations, I'd never have to ask people to repeat themselves.
(It doesn't mean I could understand any language or code, just that I can correctly make out the words.)
Having recently undergone a full extraction of my remaining teeth and gotten dentures, I'll take "has a healthy set of teeth"- or "can afford dental implants"-man
What's B tier? On Marvel and DC scales there are several god level figures, are they like S rank? Does that make Superman like an A tier? This is hard.
I've got a friend with FANTASTIC health, and over the course of her life it's probably saved her a hundred thousand dollars compared to the average person
Flying, but very slowly. Enough that it isn't any more useful than walking to the destination.
I'd use it to float around and enjoy the beauty. Imagine floating around above the water and just watching the city lights, or getting up high enough to watch the sunsets.
I'd prefer to go faster so I can get to the viewpoints quickly, so maybe the limitation should just be that I can't use it for anything but sight seeing?
e-scooter man, he fears no filled parking lot as he can simply park further away and take his scooter to the store.
of course, he lives in constant fear and jealousy of walkable city man, who simply walks to the store and doesn't quite understand what a parking lot is.
I was thinking god would respond, but say things like, "Well there's a reason they call it the ineffable plan," or "Ugh, this is just like the time I let those humans into my garden. I've never heard the end of it," while I'm trying to solve a crime or something, and I have to try to figure information from the gripes, passive aggressive comments, and opaque metaphors.
Being able to fall asleep and wake up exactly when I want to without an alarm man.
You guys have alarm mans? That sounds cool
"Sir? Sir! It is well past time for you to begin your day. Yes, sir, I am well aware work, as you put it 'sucks ass', but never the less, it is time to rise and shine. I will be back tomorrow at the same time."
Before alarm clocks were easily available there used to be 'knocker uppers'. They'd come tap on your window with a long stick to wake you up.
I would like to subscribe to your Historical Trivia newsletter.
That term can mean something very different
It's Serj Tankian from SOAD singing Chop Suey.
Fully rested.
No no, the title says b-tier superpower
That'd be an S+ tier power for me.
This is not B-tier. This is A+tier.
I actually seem to have this one: Appropriately sized container man. I can find the best sized container when we have leftovers from cooking. Extra pasta sauce? This container fits it all in perfectly.
IDK man, that's toeing the line of an A-tier power.
My wife has a version of this; it's perfect liquid measurement estimation woman. She never has to use measuring cups for liquids. I've actually bothered to test this power, and it's uncanny.
All I got was hysterical kitchen blindness man. I can't see things I'm looking for in the fridge or pantry, even when they're right in front of me.
Sorry man, yours isn’t even a power. It comes default with the Y chromosome. I can be staring directly at something I’m looking for and not register that it’s right there.
I swear it's gotten worse with age.
I kinda have something like this. I’m pretty good at estimating distances. From inches to feet and miles (don’t metric me it will get all fucked up.)
A residence floormate I knew back in university also worked as a bartender at a hotel.
His one story relevant to this thread is he once poured a drink for a customer over ice without measuring it. Think scotch or whiskey. Customer said there's no way that's an ounce. They argued for a bit; my friend poured everything from the glass into a shot glass minus the ice, and it was exactly on the line. End of argument.
He admitted to me that some of that may have been water from the melted ice.
Me: Owns a variety of sizes of containers
Also me: Only uses 2 of the sizes, and never has a clean one when I need it
I might have this one too. Probably from that microwave accident I was involved in.
I don't know if this qualifies as "b-tier", but I'd really would like a superpower where when hearing a sound I knew exactly what made it.
I live in an old house, in the middle of a forest. Lots of weird noises both inside and outside. Being able to know if a sound I just heard requires my attention (i.e. "is that some animal messing around in my walls, or just the old wood squeaking") would be gold. The amount of times I've gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to investigate something is too damn high. After countless mice, vasps nests, birds, and various mammals deciding to move in with us, my paranoia levels have skyrocketed.
Would also sort out the "is that my kid crying, or just the draft through the vents"-question, as well as "is that normal wood settling noises, or is there more rot I've yet to find and the whole house is collapsing".
This sounds like a good premise for a horror story. You get your hearing superpower and everything is finally great, no need to get up and investigate benign noises. And then one day, you hear a sound that no matter what you do, you can’t tell what and where it’s coming from.
That would make a great writing prompt imo ![email protected]
Your house sounds awesome to look at, but my ADHD wouldn’t allow me to live there. Nothing would get done, and my family would die when the house collapsed.
Unless there's no alarm set, otherwise an untimely demise.
Or if his head never leaves the pillow, or comes into contact with a second pillow...
He would lose every pillow fight, but be well rested for the next one.
OR one simply has to wait for a prince. But you never know when the next one's coming around.
Twilight_Zone_My_Glasses.gif
He said B Tier! As a lifelong chronic insomniac I’d give almost anything for that ability.
Better: Type in any time to sleep in the bed. No need to set an alarm, just set 7h and done.
Damn that's a nice one.
And it would actually be very useful.
Taking away tge age thing would really push it to A-tier for commoners as a power.
I have this power, and one little caveat of it is how much I crave dozing, ie being awake, sleepy, and cozy but not needing to get up. I guess could just set my alarm earlier but I need the sleep more
I'd be perfect departure time man. Able to determine exactly when to leave in order to arrive at your destination on time, regardless of traffic, weather, or other conditions encountered along the way.
Not a B tier power, my God you just invented the governments secret delivery method. You're planning perfect extraction and invasion strategies, nuclear fall back evacuation routes. You just became a national secret, son.
So you want to be German?
You're not from Germany are you? Our train system is horribly bad after it was left to rot for decades (no bigger investment into renewing or expanding stuff)
To be fair, I should probably have said Swedish as we are right on time and all German people I gave worked with were always unnecessarily 10-15 minutes early...
I have that power and i can tell you that the answer is always 10 min before the time in which im planning to leave.
Finish a task without getting distracted after five minutes man.
I’d love to be able to finish a task witho-
Man that coffee pot is gross, better go clean it.
I too have ADHD.
Free refill man. Just point my finger and any beverage is refilled.
Sounds more like "solves water crisis man" to me. Point your finger at the colorado river and we are all set.
Your nemesis is Nestle. They want to put you in a locked room in the desert and pump sports drink out of you.
I'd like to think that they could break out of Nestle jail by pointing at all the guards stomachs and giving them otherworldly acid reflux.
They all just start projectile vomiting an endless stream. Brutal.
Ah, see I assume some sort of anime rules apply to the power and the larger the vessel the more it would sap my energy.
I guess I would still need to worry about being kidnapped by nestle and being hooked up to a feeding tube and gives to use my powers anyway...
Like this?
https://imgur.io/KxNvSi6
please refill my bankaccount
Yeah I know this one, complete with the classic "if someone is annoying and won't leave you alone just refill their bladder".
That's just pepsi man.
My toes are unstubbable
Wow now this is the superpower I want. I’d walk through my house in the dark with WILD ABANDON!
Then good luck to your shin.
Eh, I played soccer and work as a maintenance man in the hospitality industry so my shins are long since destroyed.
Ah, the shins of a hockey player.....
And step on the cat
Be careful what you wish for, your superpower could just remove your toes.
Or break all your table and chair legs whenever your foot approaches them.
No-one said anything about a monkey's paw!
The trade-off is you now have a 1d4 chance of stepping on LEGO bricks in the dark. Even if you don't own any LEGO.
Considering how expensive those bricks are getting, I think that's a pretty good tradeoff
the B-Tier power I'd choose is to control bees
yes the pun is intended
THE SITUATION HAS ONLY BEEN MADE WORSE BY THE ADDITION OF YET MORE BEES!
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
THE SITUATION HAS ONLY BEEN MADE WORSE BY THE ADDITION OF YET MORE BEES!
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
Man these piped videos won't play on my android Firefox. Wonder if adblock or privacy badger is killing it
https://media.tenor.com/dVy0HVB2bcwAAAAC/bees-nicholas-cage.gif
I take perfect shits no matter what. Never constipated or have diahrea. Wipes are always perfectly clean.
B-side Man
Your super hero name is now "Number Two"
But that's my "me" time...
You can still hang out or whatever your thing is.
What’s the opposite of procrastination?
Eagerness girl? That.. sounds wrong somehow.
All hail Productiva, Slayer of Tasks!
Fuck yes. I want that one!
Can Always Find What I'm Looking For Man.
That is god teir!
This could probably uplift any path you choose to take in life.
It is like infinite luck as long as you can structure it into a need to find something then you will succeed.
Never get bitten by mosquitoes man.
Mosquitos used to find me attractive, but as I aged they didn’t come by no more.
Ouufff, that's a great one!
Well... ok, but it doesn't work for horse flies or black flies.
Every-time-I-go-to-sit-there-is-a-seat-man
You would always win, or break, musical chairs.
learn to squat, your legs become your own seat.
Will you be able to get a seat at Dorsia’s?
Is Paul Allen in town?
I already have mine, and it frustrates my wife no end. I'm Always Finds a Parking Spot Right Near Where We're Going Man, but only if I'm the one driving. When she's driving we end up on the wrong side of the parking lot.
Haha I used to know a guy with a similar ability.
Then my family started praying to this person in the car whenever we were struggling to find a parking spot haha
Jesus, take the wheel
I've got a friend like that, we like to joke that she sold her soul to the devil for perfect parking in San Francisco.
Food-doesnt-make-me-overweight-or-mess-up-my-health man.
So I can eat whatever I want and it's perfectly healthy for me whatever it is. I'd eat ao much ice cream it wouldn't be funny.
I would be Sleep-on-command man
That's me. The secret is to give up caffeine entirely and stick to a sleep schedule even on weekends.
I did the opposite. I just work so much that I'm exhausted all the time.
If you're in a state of perma-exhaustion, sleep is easy
I have that one and it gets annoying some times.
It's "on command". Stop commanding yourself to sleep. 😁
Missed that detail. I'm just the sleep-anywhere-anytime-as-long-as-I-am-not-moving, then.
Nothing gets stuck in my teeth man.
Or, doesn’t get acid reflux man.
I fucking know a guy who claims he’s got no idea what heartburn is, and that he’s never had a headache. He’s about 70 years old and is probably the happiest most joyful person I’ve ever met.
Never had a headache? Good fucking god what a lucky bastard.
B being secondary with A as the highest or tertiary with S as the highest?
If the former, I'll be Doesn't Overthink Everything Man
If the latter, I'll go with Correct Orientation of USB drives and Cables on First Try Man
I too would choose quantum superpositioning USB powers
Those things just don’t make sense. How is it that they require being turned three times to fit?
Obviously the latter.
We're long passed the point of A being primo.
Incredible massage dude. I want to be able to give incredible massages that relax muscles. Maybe the ability to relieve stress by touch. Bonus points if it works on myself, my shoulders suck.
Ooo, this is a good one! Accupressure Boy, able to relieve minor aches and pains, and cure headaches.
That would be a perfectly B tier power.
Definitely support-class hero; the kind that stay back at the base and never risk their life but still contribute.
Trade-off: anyone you want to be intimate with falls asleep from your relaxing touch.
So much for sexy time.
Time to spice things up the bedroom- they can wear gloves or explore getting tied
I just wanna be No-health-problem man
According to some, I have one! Perfectly-folded-fitted-sheets woman. Ultimately pretty meaningless, but satisfying nonetheless.
swoon Marry me
Any such marriage would fold in no time!
NoDepression Man
Yeah, I was just thinking the power to not have ADHD.
FocusMan
I'm going to go with good old fashioned, "extra luck". Never know when it's going to show up, but it would definitely improve your general disposition when things tend to go your way.
I thought Domino as depicted in Deadpool 2 was pretty cool. Just lucky enough.
Yeah, she was a high point. I can't see a whole Domino film, but she's hilarious as a supporting superhero. It helped that the actor sold it well; so nonchallant in the most extreme situations.
Hers was definitely A-tier, though. She was more like a Teela Brown - the Universe simply was not going to allow anything bad to happen to her, unless it was ultimately for her own good.
Yes, that's my pick. To be exact, I want "low-level telekinesis" aka mutant luck power like the superhero Domino. Just walking around being a casual badass, barely registering the danger I'm avoiding.
I think Stan Lee said that being lucky is the best superpower.
This could have a negative impact on your social life because people will not want to play board/video games with you.
Or you'd lose the exact amount of times needed to maintain a proper friendship. If that was your goal.
What if you already have this power? What if you've ALWAYS had it?
I have this and it's amazing.
All dust disintegrates inside a 20 foot (6m) sphere around me at all times.
Edit: forgot the measurement scale
B-tier power: Exact Change. Any time I want to pay for something with cash, I have the power to reach into my pocket and pull out exactly the amount of cash money needed to do so. This has no effect on anyone's money anywhere else, like wallets or bank accounts - it just magically appears.
Infinite cash is B-tier?
I'll grant you the power to always grab exact change, under the supposition you have place sufficient money in your pocket to cover the bill.
Like put only a $100 bill into your pocket, and you can be guaranteed to have $5.32, exactly, to pay for your latte.
Fuck giving you infinite free money man. That's A tier.
Max of 99c.
Edit to your power: You still need dollar amounts, and if you don't have, then you don't have any change.
Eg. Cost: $4.52, and you have $5 in your pocket: you pull out $5.52, or if you have $4 in your pocket, you pull out $4.52. If you have $3 in your pocket, you pull out $3.
Delta Zero
superpowers are s-tier by definition, if one were b-tier it would have to just be a power
Low-current, 9V supply man
Man that is b tier. I'd been going for 18v at least
12v maybe?
You mean never get awoken in the middle of the night by a dying fire alarm? That's got to be at least bottom of A tier.
Single square of toilet paper man
Sorry that's A-tier
I'd say S-tier actually
Shit-tier?
The power to be comfortable in any environment in just shorts and a T-shirt. No sunburn, no soggy shoes in the rain, warm while sitting in a snow drift.
I want the "Flying Insects Cannot Touch Me" power.
Once, I wanted to annihilate all bedbugs in the world with a snap of a finger (I would even learn how to snap for this very purpose), just disappear them forever at my will. A single use power, nothing more than that, and I don't care what that suppose to do to the environment.
For some reason.
I've taken to using a checklist on my phone that I update daily. However, remembering to use it is still a problem at times.
So my B-tier power would be Remembers To Use Checklist At Least Once A Day Man.
Actually remembering everything I've taken the time to learn.
this would be nice. the amount of skills and knowledge I've forgotten after painstakingly learning it is too damn high.
Undepressable man? Optimism man? Anti-anxiety man?
If those are too good, then: Instant death man
If you mean unfailing suicide man, the it is b-tier.
If perfect kill man, then you are more powerful than any hero that fought against Thanos and you could have instakilled him.
Then again instant death man combined with absolute pasifism, i.e. will never kill anyone: back to b-tier
I meant self-death, but the name was a bit too long
Just gonna pop in here, are you okay? It's totally fine if you're not. To tell the world the truth I've been going through another small depressive episode with a little bit of suicidal idealization and it seems to me like you are too. If you are, just know that the world is a better place with you in it.
No worries, it's just a constant pessimistic buzz in my head.
That's just "normal"
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Know how anything works just by looking at it, like Sylar from Heroes
God, I miss that series....
That sounds A-tier to me
Making inflated objects explode with my mind.
Car tires. Birthday balloons. Bubble wrap. Bagpipes.
Yes, I'd be a villain... or at least a vigilante. Don't run that red where I can see you... pop pop pop
How is this not an S-tier power? Did you forget that lungs are inflatable?
B-tier if you're a hero. S-tier if you're a villain.
If you are a hero you can still explode the villain's lungs, so, idk, still pretty OP
I just want to get the USB in the right way on my first attempt. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanted to reply with an image of USB C that appears Holy because it is your savior, but this was the closest thing I could find.
This power can be purchased for a few $. Search for "Usb reversible adapter". Or just keep usb-a to C adapters permanently in everything.
Photosynthesis would be really nice. Even if it didn't totally replace the need for food it would be cool.
That would be great, since being in the really bright and hot sun leaves me drowsy.
Congratulations you're now a snake
Control Minor Static Charges Woman. It would make housecleaning easier and my keyboards would always be clean. I wouldn't have to get near dust bunnies, I would be able to slowly guide them to the trash can.
As someone who's spent a lot of time working in a lab, the ability to control static electricity would be a godsend! There's really nothing like spending weeks preparing a new material as a fine powder, carrying it over to the weighing scales, placing a glass sample vial onto the scales, taring it, then a scooping up some of your powder with a spatula, careful not to lose a single particle, then carefully, CAREFULLY carrying the scoop of power to the sample vial -- then seeing the static blast your powder out of the spatula to coat the OUTSIDE of the sample vial, plus the scales, plus your nitrile glove...
I have trauma.
I've never had to do this sort of thing in a lab, but I now feel I know exactly what that feels like! You have my sympathy!
Mine, too.
So instead of Storm you'd be High Humidity.
Exaaactly. You get me.
I always get static shocks really bad at the grocery store! I think it's the cart wheels making a Van Der Graff generator effect. I get a zap every time I touch a shelf! It would be nice to not have to deal with that.
I'm invisible if no one would see me
Edit: Fixed exploit
this is secretly very op, you go to a private place and can stay invisible forever cause nobody sees you after you turn invisivle
Kel Mitchell?
The power to always pack exactly the right things that I will need when I go somewhere.
I always thought it would be cool to be able to imitate any sound effect. Totally useless but perfect for jokes.
Have you not seen police academy? Being able to imitate sounds is highly useful.
In my teen years I used to be able to do a pretty solid rendition of a dentist drill. Much to the discomfort of everyone within earshot.
To be able to put together the perfect response for any interaction I ever have man
This one might be A-tier.
A Tier? AAA ranging on Universe Killer Tier. The perfect response becomes the perfect negotiator, the perfect social infiltrator, the master manipulator. He casually gets free coffee, he cajoles his way through national secrets, he convinces his landlord that the concept of income through scarce resource stockpiling is immoral and that they should see the property as a shared commodity. Genius
"always knows the right action" is a S tier power in the superhero book "Worm."
It basically meant the person could accomplish any goal, even if it took 1000 actions.
You'd make a great crime scene investigator
Imagine how rich you could get as a private investigator.
Ooh, I'll be Always-Remembers-What-He-Was-Going-To-Buy-At-The-Store Man.
And his sidekick, Always Remembers Why He Entered the Room Man.
I can talk to plants so they can tell me how terrible I am as a caretaker.
I mean that sounds like a curse. Endless screaming. Where others may see a cute bunny munching on some grass, or a bee buzzing around a flower, all you will hear are shrieks of pain and abject terror.
I'd imagine the sounds of a plant being pollinated would rather be moans of pleasure.
i've always thought that if plants could talk they'd be unflinching hedonists who just shrug when harmed and will not hesitate to invite ANYTHING to have a fun time with them.
"ohhh yeah baby eat my fruit! spit the seeds out!"
cut to human freezing in the middle of taking a bite, staring in horror at the apple tree
“And he brought me into a vast farmland of our own Midwest And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil One thousand, nay, a million voices full of fear And terror possessed me then And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard Tomorrow is harvest day and to them, it is the Holocaust" And I sprang from my slumber, drenched in sweat Like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!"”
Disgustipated - Tool
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Tool
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I would still chose this; can't figure out what's wrong with my dahlias.
You're absolutely right. How do you prune? Weed? What horrors when the neighbor mows her lawn!
Hmmm.... I guess never having my shoes come untied. That seems B-tier enough lol
Having a hydrophobic presence covering me at all times, sans wanting to shower, drink water, etc. so I could run, bike, hike in the rain and never get wet, unless I wanted to.
Another fun one would be having the ability and skill to cook anything I want without training or recipes. However, I would gain an excessive amount of weight though.
Ah the "Have a heatstroke and die superpower."
Knowing where that super-intelligent snail and the immortal billionaire is at all times-man. I could hire myself out to one of them.
Gets the USB-A the right way the first time man, which is really an underlying true power of like a glove man, where no matter what it is, it will always fit - like a glove.
Super useful in the coming decades!
Still Warm Coffee Man.
Perfect Croutons man, never burnt, always crunchy
Anti usb superposition aura. Dear god that would be heaven.
Know what to get at the store guy
No more "oh, I should have picked up another one of these" when I get home
Never Only One Sock Woman!
You become two-sock man!
I already have. Things break 10 times faster when I touch them.
I alread have my super power and love it: high definition vision in low light conditions.
Bright lights hurt my eyes and I only get my supervision in b&w but it is really useful.
Can milk anything
So basically being markiplier?
I've got nipples, can you milk me?
We can certainly try
I'll take always being able to understand what people are saying, even if the voice is muffled or on a low quality recording or whatever. In conversations, I'd never have to ask people to repeat themselves.
(It doesn't mean I could understand any language or code, just that I can correctly make out the words.)
Elevator is always waiting at the floor Im on. Man.
My knees and elbows don't hurt man.
I'll then be your sidekick: backpain-away.
Having recently undergone a full extraction of my remaining teeth and gotten dentures, I'll take "has a healthy set of teeth"- or "can afford dental implants"-man
https://bgr.com/science/worlds-first-drug-to-regrow-teeth-has-entered-clinical-human-trials/
Alright, then I can be "I can afford experimental treatment to regrow my teeth-man!"
Captain Hair
Never forget a name or face.
Got it. You either remember someone's face or their name, but not both.
Oh no, I already have this super power.
What's B tier? On Marvel and DC scales there are several god level figures, are they like S rank? Does that make Superman like an A tier? This is hard.
You should consider "Understands Unspoken Details Perfectly Man."
Do I still get to be autistic?
Having both of those would probably put your superpower level in the A or S tier, so you'll have to consult OP on that.
When programming, I never make the same mistake twice.
As an American it obviously has to be no healthcare bills man.
I don't think that one is B tier in the USA.
That's like A+ tier.
I've got a friend with FANTASTIC health, and over the course of her life it's probably saved her a hundred thousand dollars compared to the average person
Flying, but very slowly. Enough that it isn't any more useful than walking to the destination.
I'd use it to float around and enjoy the beauty. Imagine floating around above the water and just watching the city lights, or getting up high enough to watch the sunsets.
I'd prefer to go faster so I can get to the viewpoints quickly, so maybe the limitation should just be that I can't use it for anything but sight seeing?
Until drones were a thing that would be extremely useful for land usage planning.
and sniping, good lord what an OP power for a sniper.
That's basically a mind flayer.
Free unlimited WiFi woman.
That's called "we canceled Comcast but they're so fucking inept they never actually stopped the wifi service even though they stopped charging us"
Happened to me once. It was amazing.
Regular European woman
We already have unlimited data on all mobile plans in finland. I'm currently paying 20 euros/month for 150MBps 4G plan with unlimited data
Wow. Thats great!
Yeah, really sodding cheap here in Australia, any mobile can manage that trick.
I’d want the ability to swap consciousness with other people, with their consent, for a short time.
It would be interesting to see what it’s like to be colour blind, or to experience what things taste like to people who dislike food I enjoy.
I'd be infinite stamina man. never get out of breath again, even while jogging
Superpower, but not that great or useful.
Yup. Mine would be "only need 90 minutes of sleep a day." So many years on this Earth wasted in our lifetimes, just unconscious.
Making anyone I want have an immediate and uncontrollable urge to sneeze.
If you want to be a villain, the twist is that they feel it but can't do it.
Imagine the fun we could have watching the Republican debates lol
they sneeze whenever they lie.. just watch!
Do they still not tangle when you hand said cables to someone?
They can, but they get untangled once OP has them again.
If I’ve driven there once in my life, 99% of the time I can drive there again with no directions.
I'd like to be able to sense the distance to the closest person to me
Thats a recipe for paranoia.
I already am paranoid that there's people near even when there aren't. With this super power I wouldn't need to speculate.
Whenever you turn your back, the number decreases; you turn around again but still don't see anyone.
Always remember where I put stuff man
I don't want to lose another guitar pick lol
Get some glow in the dark sparkly gold ones lol
Anti ADHD powers are definitely S-tier. A-Tier would be complete control of the hyperfixation.
I don't got ADHD so I'm good on that front, I just don't wanna buy more picks
Perfect business sense, I think.
I have one, “get great parking, 70% of the time.”
e-scooter man, he fears no filled parking lot as he can simply park further away and take his scooter to the store.
of course, he lives in constant fear and jealousy of walkable city man, who simply walks to the store and doesn't quite understand what a parking lot is.
I think you could ask for 100% of the time and still be B tier. It's not, like, crime-fighting level.
Might be crime-doing level. Still B-tier, but very useful for the wheelman.
Is parking a particularly crucial component of crime planning or execution? Do many heists fail because the perps are unable to get a good spot?
I honestly don't know.
If I could just remember stuff, it'd be great.
I chose being able to make other people fart or burp. Well on a second thought, that's maybe C tier at best.
B Tier would be able to make people overhear their wakeup alarm. Useless against people with a good inner clock though.
I'll be "Always-knows-what-that-weird-pain-is Man"
Direction in a crowd man
Ummm... now that I think about it, it is easier to think of a-tier ones.
as for b-tier, I guess "backseat-girl" ? For some reason, some voices would backseat me to the right places even if I didn't ask for it?
Able to summon bloons anywhere
Perfect timing
Popperman, can pop any pimple if i think about it.
Definitely a rabbit. Dude with Let Me Take Your Luggage is doing some pretty cool stuff ngl
I can talk to god, but god's an unhelpful asshole.
How does this differ from prayer?
God doesn't respond to prayers.
he would reply to Op by t-posing him and spitting into his face to assert dominance.
Aren't superpowers supposed to be a net positive, though? This sounds worse all around. Unless you're into that kind of thing, no judgement here.
I was thinking god would respond, but say things like, "Well there's a reason they call it the ineffable plan," or "Ugh, this is just like the time I let those humans into my garden. I've never heard the end of it," while I'm trying to solve a crime or something, and I have to try to figure information from the gripes, passive aggressive comments, and opaque metaphors.
So, like God in SMBC?
The power to possess others for a short time . I Could either improve their situations or much darker punch their boss on the face to get them fired