🙄 It's not a given! Plenty of people have another job, do passion projects, volunteer, assist family, attend schooling, etc. None of that is "free" time! You aren't automatically noble or harder-working if you choose to spend your time parenting...
The more time I have the more I fill it up...tons of projects and hobbies and events and traveling.
The issue I think is non-creative people get bored and go welp, I'm old, better have a kid cuz thats "what you do". Then they bitch about it for 18 years how hard it is 🙄
I'm basically never bored. Theres an unlimited amount of things to do in this world.
The problem is that we have so many bored adults who keep on willingly falling for the capitalist propaganda that 'if youre a bored or boring adult ? Then you MUST have a kid!!!¡1' and then these bored or boring adults unload out a couple of kids even though, had they done some soul soearching instread, they would have realized that theyre actually childfree deep down ninside. THEN they end up becoming a wine mom or wine dad to deal with the pain or a regretfull parent or a neglectful parent.
Like I myself am a boring individual AND Im bored of my life. Im a Black single male with no IRL friends and I got fired from my old job for always coming in late . The only ' interesting' thing about me is thst Im trying to I enjoy reading studies, Im trying to learn the splits, the pistol spuat and the reverse planche and that I homemake ALL my meals....thats it. Im bored of my life and clearly Im a boring person.... but I know that doesnt mean that by me having kids Ill just magically become 'more interesting' or will 'become more interested in life'.
We really have to normalize bored adults and seniors just taking time to go soul-searching and finding new hobbies and new friends they enjoy instead of just defaulting to having a kid or raising someone else's kid as the 'oNlY wAy To mAke YouR liFe InTereStinG as An aDuLt''
Yep I totally agree. Theres nothin wrong with being boring!! I mean I may not hang out with you because I'd annoy the crap out of you haha but people who just want to chill are fine.
And lol yes the amount of wine moms...which is just a way of saying "I shouldn't have had kids because I still wanted to enjoy life so I'll drink instead and complain"
Free time isn't just time spent doing nothing. Free time is the time you have where you get to choose what you do. Volunteering, passion projects, playing sports, going to the gym, joining a band, gardening... thats all optional things that you have chosen to fill your free time
…like choosing to have kids…? The choice is there… you just have to live with the fact that, as a parent, you decided to spend your free time for the next 18+ years in one decision.
Edit… not specifically talking about ‘you’… the colloquial ‘you’
The issue is if you choose to have kids, and that's already assuming there was a choice which is not always the case. You can never get that time back. You must care for a child, if you do not that's prison time. Even meeting the bare legal standards wouldn't be moral, meaning you must give up more time.
If I decide not to do my hobby one weekend and binge Netflix instead that's fine. It is my free time and there are no consequences in changing how I spend it. Caring for a child is an obligation.
I wish we lived in a society where every child was wanted and brought into this world by people fully prepared and understanding of the time commitments necessary to raise a child. Unfortunately that is not the world we live in
the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" exists for a reason. if we're talking about wishing we lived in a different society, i wish we lived in one where kids weren't treated like their parents property and the responsibility for raising them fell on the collective rather than only the two people who produced them. it wouldnt be such a burden if people had some real fucking help for a change.
I still don't see a reason to reinvent the definition of free time though. In terms of this post and the conversation we should be concerned about other people's entitlement instead.
I don’t think it’s a debate on the dictionary definition of free time as much as it is philosophical one to decide how one choice fundamentally differs from another in OPs scenario. You join a bowling team and bail on them one weekend and you’ve let your teammates down. You leave your kid with the in-laws one weekend to go on a romantic weekend getaway and everyone benefits.
I would argue that there’s no fundamental nobility to raising kids as long as you chose to have them, and I’d also argue that time spent with the family you chose to have absolutely counts as free time.
That's exactly why I didn't choose examples like doing nothing, playing sports, going to the gym, games, gardening, etc. I realize "free time" is a nebulous, imprecise term that people have different opinions about. But for me, it's about time without commitments. And of course it's optional! Hell, even the job I need to survive is technically optional: I don't have free time when I'm scheduled to work, but I very easily could, for either my next workday, or longer...
I dont understand your sentiment here. Is free time not just the time where you get to choose to do something as opposed to having some responsibility or obligation that requires your attention?
What obligations do I have that I didn't choose with my free time? It's all just frame of mind. Does life just happen to you? Or do you choose what to do with your life and your time?
lets be completely honest its a combination of both for different people depending on their class.
There are people out there who have the privilege to choose almost anything they want to do in life and.... just do it.
Meanwhile for others who are of a lower class and have access to less education o. the childfree lifestyle and less access to birth control and abortions life very much 'happens to them' more than they to it sadly...
...uhh ya... I read that comment snd had no idea what they were trying to communicate but Im kinda dumb so I probanly didnt understand what rhey were trying to communicate. Then I read your reply and now Im thoorughly sure they made a mistake in their comment that makes the comment not make sense lol
The bourgeois that r un our societies and media. And thheir fucking mercenary pigs.
Heck, they have had even teenagers thinking that becoming a parent is the ONLY path for a human to take in life for millenia
Id also add its partially the fault of parents who are regretful that they become parents. We have to starrt normalizing people waiting a long long tjme to understand if theyll ever be a parent or not. People also need to realize within themselves that they should not be ashamed for taking a long time to just soul search and understand if theyll ever become a parent
Everything is a choice. You could go live in the wild like a hermit if it all feels so trapping. You could completely opt out of society. Just because the path of least resistance isn't what you wish it was doesn't mean you're not choosing it. Hell, you could choose to kill yourself if you were really feeling that imprisoned. Life doesn't owe you anything.
EVERY.SINGLE.SQUARE.MILE of land and water on the planet has been bought out by governments or the billionaires. The only omes that havent been bought yet are the omes owned by uncontacted tribes. Has anyone here tried to come into conttact with the uncontacted tribes? Good luck getting there and good luck assimilating inside of them heh! So you will have to pay to build there and live there likely. So NO you cannot opt oout of society in the current world that we live in.
Almost everyone I work with has kids, and when they talk about them it's universally complaints. How expensive they are, how much time they take up, how draining they are on their resources and energy. And then in the next sentence they'll turn to me and ask me why I don't have any kids.
Oh yes, never seen such an accurate poster being held up.
Because I have always lacked the ability to look at others and see the decisions they have made and how those decisions impact their lives.
I have never known anybody with a child. I have no basis to judge if having a child takes a lot of time or not.
I've never heard anybody complaining about how children take time, money, and emotional energy.
So of course I'm completely unaware of anything to do with what it means to have a child
I further speculate I didn't have a child by accident. By accidentally never coming in a woman who was not managing her fertility with birth control, by accidentally using condoms, by accidentally ensuring all of my partners and I otherwise exercise caution. It's not because I was aware of what it means to create and rear a child.
Fully aware and taking advantage of it. A previous colleague asked me "just what are you doing with your time that you can't make time for kids?" It was very difficult not to laugh out loud. When I ran down the list of activities and projects I was working on, it looked like they had died inside a little. The response was a meek "oh... I see".
Who knows, maybe the response was an "poor guy, doesn't know what it is to be happy with kids" or "I wish I had that sort of time". Regardless, I'm enjoying my free time. Especially travelling off season and outside of the school holidays... you can definitely put a price on that.
Part of a political party that is for a #WealthTax. They haven't joined the fediverse yet, but I'm trying to convince them. And physical, political activism is part of the activities.
Not sure it's something to get jealous of, people aren't necessarily nice when you talk about taxes, but sometimes their eyes light up when they understand and that's the joy of doing it.
Fuck this guy for forcing his kids to wage slave and pay rent their whole lives. At least my unborn kids will never suffer this world and people like this.
Maybe this is supposed to piss me off. But it doesn't, just reminds me to not take my "free time" for granted.
I think Sunday I'm gonna take myself out for a date, go the park and chill for like an hour and listen to music, go get a new record, and have a nice lunch, then maybe go see a movie.
I quit my job and lived off savings for two years. I did a bit of travelling but found what I enjoy most is smoking cigars on my porch while watching anime or reading manga/light novels. I downloaded The Sopranos, The Wire, and Breaking Bad but managed to not watch them during my completely free time but managed to complete some objectionably awful anime.
Dr Joel doesn't fully understand how difficult and confusing it can be to find new and interesting ways to waste one's precious free time. Let's call it a communication barrier
Every time I make plans with friends who have kids, I tell them they can pick when we hang out on the basis that I have abundant free time and they have very little of it.
Obvious implication here is that we should be using that free time in some way that this parent deems worthy.
The is no authority I respect to dictate how I spend my free time. I did not ever choose to be here (And I'm not super happy about it anyway) but I'm definitely going to choose how I spend my time now that I am.
Right, just like how I have enough money I rarely need to check my bank account or worry about bills. That's the whole point my guy. I don't want to be anywhere near a situation which requires me to plan every single day in six minutes intervals.
My friend without kids asks me all the time so did you play that game today? And every time I explain to him I don't think you ever get it, but I have kids and a lot of things on my plate so no I did not get to play that game yet lol. He has lived his entire life gf free and only goes to work. Everything else is his time. He just says ohh yeah I forget. I absolutely wish I could turn back time and blow a tire on my way to my first date that lead to this so I could have done so much more or at least the many things I want to do and never will. I fell for it, i hope others make better decisions.
At this point just be a good parent and maybe your child will overthrow fascism. Or at the very least be your caretaker when youre old if youre not an ass.
Just because I feel this way doesnt mean I don't care for them. I give them the best I can with what I got. It's not their fault I did what I did. And of course its not all bad, its just a lot all the time especially since one has autism.
Thats good! Ah ya that makes it hard. Big reason I'd never have kids is they'd get all mine and my families mental illnesses as well (I'm not saying autism is one, I'm just saying overall)
Hey! Your life choices are not my life choices, you are wrong and I will agressively boast about how much happier I am having made those decisions. In fact all opositional points to my life choices are just a coping mechanism for your lesser lifestyle.
"Both sides bad! Children deserve to thirst to death or be drowned to death because of global warming!!1!1!¿¡ Only m y decision on this matter is worth hearinng!¡¿11"
It should be okay for children to go spend time (2 weeks) at others, like friends of parents or distant aunt, whatever. I think we could all benefit from it. I've made peace with zero point zero time and having kept only the coolest side projects among the 3 millions I had. But I also feel like something doesn't carry over well to childless adults here...
We try to say yes to anyone in the family/close circle trying to dump their kids with us. Those are precious free days for the parents, and after having them over for a number of days, I'll appreciate all that free time coming up even more :)
We try to take our nephews ALL THE TIME, honestly the whole family does.
But their parents don't want to be away from their kids, at all, ever. Every event or outing or engagement that they could possibly bring them to, they bring them to..
In fact, the grandparents had a big anniversary come up, so we planned an expensive fancy dinner at a big restaurant in the city. Black tie.
We also coordinated a universally loved family babysitter to watch their kids, and our nieces as well from another family.
They. Were. Pissed. Not because of who we coordinated to watch the kids, but because their kids weren't invited to the dinner. The fancy expensive black tie dinner. These kids were like 2 and 5 at the time. Insane.
It's never gotten better. I never get to see my friend anymore, not without his kids. Going to their house is a circus, madness, kids running and screaming. And I don't just mean in a "oh you don't like kids" way. I mean, they are in your face, pulling and poking and prodding you as much as themselves. No personal space, and the parents see no issue with this. They just talk loudly over them like nothing is happening.
This goes on for hours.
And you know what? Parenting styles are different, I don't have kids,I can't judge. But at least when they go to bed, we can stay and have adult conversation for an hour or two.
But wait.. bedtime has come and gone, and the children are still awake and insane and in everyone's face?
Well you see, the children really enjoy having company over, so it would be mean to send them to bed. N they can stay up...
And they do...
For as long as we stay, they stay. Midnight even.
So. We don't. Sadly. Not anymore.
We've tried talking to them about it countless times.
Now we still come over, because we still like them, and the children. But we do dinner, stay an hour, then go.
My kids are pretty much grown. Yeah they took a lot of time in my life but I consider it a great investment. I have time again now, and I'm loving my hobbies. But I also get to see the lives of my kids and beyond. Yes their achievements, but also their struggles and failures. And their legacies, what they are passing on through their expressions of what they value. I'm not saying child free is bad either. Kids aren't for everyone. And some people who have kids shouldn't have them.
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This guy is basically an anti-vax pediatrician btw, so he's working hard on giving parents that free time back in the absolute worst way.
Somehow I knew all of this just by the smug look on his face
🙄 It's not a given! Plenty of people have another job, do passion projects, volunteer, assist family, attend schooling, etc. None of that is "free" time! You aren't automatically noble or harder-working if you choose to spend your time parenting...
The more time I have the more I fill it up...tons of projects and hobbies and events and traveling.
The issue I think is non-creative people get bored and go welp, I'm old, better have a kid cuz thats "what you do". Then they bitch about it for 18 years how hard it is 🙄
I'm basically never bored. Theres an unlimited amount of things to do in this world.
Indeed!
The problem is that we have so many bored adults who keep on willingly falling for the capitalist propaganda that 'if youre a bored or boring adult ? Then you MUST have a kid!!!¡1' and then these bored or boring adults unload out a couple of kids even though, had they done some soul soearching instread, they would have realized that theyre actually childfree deep down ninside. THEN they end up becoming a wine mom or wine dad to deal with the pain or a regretfull parent or a neglectful parent.
Like I myself am a boring individual AND Im bored of my life. Im a Black single male with no IRL friends and I got fired from my old job for always coming in late . The only ' interesting' thing about me is thst Im trying to I enjoy reading studies, Im trying to learn the splits, the pistol spuat and the reverse planche and that I homemake ALL my meals....thats it. Im bored of my life and clearly Im a boring person.... but I know that doesnt mean that by me having kids Ill just magically become 'more interesting' or will 'become more interested in life'.
We really have to normalize bored adults and seniors just taking time to go soul-searching and finding new hobbies and new friends they enjoy instead of just defaulting to having a kid or raising someone else's kid as the 'oNlY wAy To mAke YouR liFe InTereStinG as An aDuLt''
Yep I totally agree. Theres nothin wrong with being boring!! I mean I may not hang out with you because I'd annoy the crap out of you haha but people who just want to chill are fine.
And lol yes the amount of wine moms...which is just a way of saying "I shouldn't have had kids because I still wanted to enjoy life so I'll drink instead and complain"
Free time isn't just time spent doing nothing. Free time is the time you have where you get to choose what you do. Volunteering, passion projects, playing sports, going to the gym, joining a band, gardening... thats all optional things that you have chosen to fill your free time
…like choosing to have kids…? The choice is there… you just have to live with the fact that, as a parent, you decided to spend your free time for the next 18+ years in one decision.
Edit… not specifically talking about ‘you’… the colloquial ‘you’
The issue is if you choose to have kids, and that's already assuming there was a choice which is not always the case. You can never get that time back. You must care for a child, if you do not that's prison time. Even meeting the bare legal standards wouldn't be moral, meaning you must give up more time.
If I decide not to do my hobby one weekend and binge Netflix instead that's fine. It is my free time and there are no consequences in changing how I spend it. Caring for a child is an obligation.
I wish we lived in a society where every child was wanted and brought into this world by people fully prepared and understanding of the time commitments necessary to raise a child. Unfortunately that is not the world we live in
My parents didn’t care for me at all, my dad even abused me for the incredibly short time he was around me and guess what? No one went to jail.
Sorry to hear that. They should have, our justice system often fails those who need it most
the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" exists for a reason. if we're talking about wishing we lived in a different society, i wish we lived in one where kids weren't treated like their parents property and the responsibility for raising them fell on the collective rather than only the two people who produced them. it wouldnt be such a burden if people had some real fucking help for a change.
Yeah I can agree to all of that.
I still don't see a reason to reinvent the definition of free time though. In terms of this post and the conversation we should be concerned about other people's entitlement instead.
I don’t think it’s a debate on the dictionary definition of free time as much as it is philosophical one to decide how one choice fundamentally differs from another in OPs scenario. You join a bowling team and bail on them one weekend and you’ve let your teammates down. You leave your kid with the in-laws one weekend to go on a romantic weekend getaway and everyone benefits.
I would argue that there’s no fundamental nobility to raising kids as long as you chose to have them, and I’d also argue that time spent with the family you chose to have absolutely counts as free time.
The OP of the comment thread was very much so arguing the definition of free time. They were actively trying to redefine it as time to do nothing.
That's exactly why I didn't choose examples like doing nothing, playing sports, going to the gym, games, gardening, etc. I realize "free time" is a nebulous, imprecise term that people have different opinions about. But for me, it's about time without commitments. And of course it's optional! Hell, even the job I need to survive is technically optional: I don't have free time when I'm scheduled to work, but I very easily could, for either my next workday, or longer...
People like this are awfully cavalier with how other people's time should be spent. Apparently if we don't spend it the way they do, it's just free.
I dont understand your sentiment here. Is free time not just the time where you get to choose to do something as opposed to having some responsibility or obligation that requires your attention?
What obligations do I have that I didn't choose with my free time? It's all just frame of mind. Does life just happen to you? Or do you choose what to do with your life and your time?
lets be completely honest its a combination of both for different people depending on their class.
There are people out there who have the privilege to choose almost anything they want to do in life and.... just do it.
Meanwhile for others who are of a lower class and have access to less education o. the childfree lifestyle and less access to birth control and abortions life very much 'happens to them' more than they to it sadly...
Children are not the only responsibility in the world.
At what point does the obligation cease being itself a choice and thus counting as free time?
Thank you, that's what I was getting at. I suppose I should have expanded a bit, as it seems I wasn't clear to a few. You worded it perfectly.
...uhh ya... I read that comment snd had no idea what they were trying to communicate but Im kinda dumb so I probanly didnt understand what rhey were trying to communicate. Then I read your reply and now Im thoorughly sure they made a mistake in their comment that makes the comment not make sense lol
I'll simplify. Who chose those obligations in the first place?
The bourgeois that r un our societies and media. And thheir fucking mercenary pigs.
Heck, they have had even teenagers thinking that becoming a parent is the ONLY path for a human to take in life for millenia
Id also add its partially the fault of parents who are regretful that they become parents. We have to starrt normalizing people waiting a long long tjme to understand if theyll ever be a parent or not. People also need to realize within themselves that they should not be ashamed for taking a long time to just soul search and understand if theyll ever become a parent
Everything is a choice. You could go live in the wild like a hermit if it all feels so trapping. You could completely opt out of society. Just because the path of least resistance isn't what you wish it was doesn't mean you're not choosing it. Hell, you could choose to kill yourself if you were really feeling that imprisoned. Life doesn't owe you anything.
actually youre compleyely wrong.
EVERY.SINGLE.SQUARE.MILE of land and water on the planet has been bought out by governments or the billionaires. The only omes that havent been bought yet are the omes owned by uncontacted tribes. Has anyone here tried to come into conttact with the uncontacted tribes? Good luck getting there and good luck assimilating inside of them heh! So you will have to pay to build there and live there likely. So NO you cannot opt oout of society in the current world that we live in.
Also .... why would I kill myself ...... when I could just kill the people who habe made my life suck instead? https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2023.12.04.23299380v1.full , https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/October_Revolution
You choose to obey those laws. You choose to not kill those people.
Almost everyone I work with has kids, and when they talk about them it's universally complaints. How expensive they are, how much time they take up, how draining they are on their resources and energy. And then in the next sentence they'll turn to me and ask me why I don't have any kids.
Because the nice moments with our kids will look fucking insane to everyone else, even people with kids.
The hardships of parenthood are universal though, the moments of happiness not so much.
But asking why people don't want kids is inane. There are a 1000 good reasons why, one of them being "Fuck off Brenda".
Oh, we know. And we'll still complain about being tired all the time whether you like it of not.
"People that don't hit themselves with a hammer in the face daily don't know how good they gave it!"
My hammers at home are quite lovely, frankly as long as they don't shit the bed.
I do not envy my coworker with five kids in the slightest. He has shown me clips from his house. Looks like a fucking war zone.
You know what? I'm not busy. I understand exactly how much free time I have.
I get to sit on my ass and do whatever I want for several hours a day and wake up refreshed at the time I want.
How about the parents?
Remember before you had kids?
It's kinda like that.
Oh yes, never seen such an accurate poster being held up.
Because I have always lacked the ability to look at others and see the decisions they have made and how those decisions impact their lives.
I have never known anybody with a child. I have no basis to judge if having a child takes a lot of time or not.
I've never heard anybody complaining about how children take time, money, and emotional energy.
So of course I'm completely unaware of anything to do with what it means to have a child
I further speculate I didn't have a child by accident. By accidentally never coming in a woman who was not managing her fertility with birth control, by accidentally using condoms, by accidentally ensuring all of my partners and I otherwise exercise caution. It's not because I was aware of what it means to create and rear a child.
The top line tells the tale
Don't blame him for not being able to think. He's exhausted from dealing with his kids.
Fully aware and taking advantage of it. A previous colleague asked me "just what are you doing with your time that you can't make time for kids?" It was very difficult not to laugh out loud. When I ran down the list of activities and projects I was working on, it looked like they had died inside a little. The response was a meek "oh... I see".
Who knows, maybe the response was an "poor guy, doesn't know what it is to be happy with kids" or "I wish I had that sort of time". Regardless, I'm enjoying my free time. Especially travelling off season and outside of the school holidays... you can definitely put a price on that.
Give us a glimpse of your activities and projects so we can be jealous.
Part of a political party that is for a #WealthTax. They haven't joined the fediverse yet, but I'm trying to convince them. And physical, political activism is part of the activities.
Not sure it's something to get jealous of, people aren't necessarily nice when you talk about taxes, but sometimes their eyes light up when they understand and that's the joy of doing it.
Bro you can do that with 3 kids. Because you have someone who would benefit from wealth tax.
"I can neglect my kids and chase my dreams". Sure, we could all do that, but would you have happy kids or a good relationship with them?
Plus, I mentioned one of my activities. Not all of them.
So nobody with kids is capable of anything besides handling kids?
That's exactly what I said 🙄
People believe in far stupider things, so i guess they can believe this too.
Fuck this guy for forcing his kids to wage slave and pay rent their whole lives. At least my unborn kids will never suffer this world and people like this.
Oh I understand. That's exactly why I do not want to have kids.
Maybe this is supposed to piss me off. But it doesn't, just reminds me to not take my "free time" for granted.
I think Sunday I'm gonna take myself out for a date, go the park and chill for like an hour and listen to music, go get a new record, and have a nice lunch, then maybe go see a movie.
My partner and I will be married 9 years in January. We don't have kids.
We are very well aware of how much free time we have.
I quit my job and lived off savings for two years. I did a bit of travelling but found what I enjoy most is smoking cigars on my porch while watching anime or reading manga/light novels. I downloaded The Sopranos, The Wire, and Breaking Bad but managed to not watch them during my completely free time but managed to complete some objectionably awful anime.
get fucked panel man
I have one child (not sure if I'm allowed to post here) and she is such an easy little toddler to deal with and very sweet.
I have some free time, People keep asking when I'm going to get a 2nd child.... No chance in hell.
I love my daughter but I'll never have another kid, I know all my free time and my sanity will be gone if I have any more children.
Time and money and a lot less worries. Ahh.
thats why i wear a condom
Vasectomy here.
The kids wouldn't have so much free time if you'd just put them to work
No, I actually don’t.
If you do have kids you eventually figure that out when you retire.
source: did
Dr Joel doesn't fully understand how difficult and confusing it can be to find new and interesting ways to waste one's precious free time. Let's call it a communication barrier
Every time I make plans with friends who have kids, I tell them they can pick when we hang out on the basis that I have abundant free time and they have very little of it.
Obvious implication here is that we should be using that free time in some way that this parent deems worthy.
The is no authority I respect to dictate how I spend my free time. I did not ever choose to be here (And I'm not super happy about it anyway) but I'm definitely going to choose how I spend my time now that I am.
Shouldn't have kids because you want to spend your time that way?
Well, I gotta say, once they grow up you get loads of free time again. And then you die.
Right, just like how I have enough money I rarely need to check my bank account or worry about bills. That's the whole point my guy. I don't want to be anywhere near a situation which requires me to plan every single day in six minutes intervals.
My friend without kids asks me all the time so did you play that game today? And every time I explain to him I don't think you ever get it, but I have kids and a lot of things on my plate so no I did not get to play that game yet lol. He has lived his entire life gf free and only goes to work. Everything else is his time. He just says ohh yeah I forget. I absolutely wish I could turn back time and blow a tire on my way to my first date that lead to this so I could have done so much more or at least the many things I want to do and never will. I fell for it, i hope others make better decisions.
At this point just be a good parent and maybe your child will overthrow fascism. Or at the very least be your caretaker when youre old if youre not an ass.
Just because I feel this way doesnt mean I don't care for them. I give them the best I can with what I got. It's not their fault I did what I did. And of course its not all bad, its just a lot all the time especially since one has autism.
Thats good! Ah ya that makes it hard. Big reason I'd never have kids is they'd get all mine and my families mental illnesses as well (I'm not saying autism is one, I'm just saying overall)
Hey! Your life choices are not my life choices, you are wrong and I will agressively boast about how much happier I am having made those decisions. In fact all opositional points to my life choices are just a coping mechanism for your lesser lifestyle.
Both sides of this argument are stupid.
Welcome, enlightened centrist.
Right!?
"Both sides bad! Children deserve to thirst to death or be drowned to death because of global warming!!1!1!¿¡ Only m y decision on this matter is worth hearinng!¡¿11"
Every evening is my playground. The weekend... seems to stretch on forever.
This is especially true once I quit drinking. I just had so much time and energy for fun projects all of a sudden.
Aww but going out to the bars and socializing is its own kind of fun
I mean I still go out for a drink with friends, just without the alcohol.
My youngest is now at uni. The family home feels quiet now. The kids bring lots of joy and challenges. But my god I love the quiet.
I purposefully didn't read the guys name since that's the only reason they said this thing.
It should be okay for children to go spend time (2 weeks) at others, like friends of parents or distant aunt, whatever. I think we could all benefit from it. I've made peace with zero point zero time and having kept only the coolest side projects among the 3 millions I had. But I also feel like something doesn't carry over well to childless adults here...
We try to say yes to anyone in the family/close circle trying to dump their kids with us. Those are precious free days for the parents, and after having them over for a number of days, I'll appreciate all that free time coming up even more :)
We try to take our nephews ALL THE TIME, honestly the whole family does.
But their parents don't want to be away from their kids, at all, ever. Every event or outing or engagement that they could possibly bring them to, they bring them to..
In fact, the grandparents had a big anniversary come up, so we planned an expensive fancy dinner at a big restaurant in the city. Black tie. We also coordinated a universally loved family babysitter to watch their kids, and our nieces as well from another family.
They. Were. Pissed. Not because of who we coordinated to watch the kids, but because their kids weren't invited to the dinner. The fancy expensive black tie dinner. These kids were like 2 and 5 at the time. Insane.
It's never gotten better. I never get to see my friend anymore, not without his kids. Going to their house is a circus, madness, kids running and screaming. And I don't just mean in a "oh you don't like kids" way. I mean, they are in your face, pulling and poking and prodding you as much as themselves. No personal space, and the parents see no issue with this. They just talk loudly over them like nothing is happening.
This goes on for hours. And you know what? Parenting styles are different, I don't have kids,I can't judge. But at least when they go to bed, we can stay and have adult conversation for an hour or two.
But wait.. bedtime has come and gone, and the children are still awake and insane and in everyone's face?
Well you see, the children really enjoy having company over, so it would be mean to send them to bed. N they can stay up...
And they do...
For as long as we stay, they stay. Midnight even.
So. We don't. Sadly. Not anymore. We've tried talking to them about it countless times.
Now we still come over, because we still like them, and the children. But we do dinner, stay an hour, then go.
Have to, for our sanity.
🫂 Damn. Well at least you two are being the kindest uncle and aunty a kid could ask for so. thanks for that.
Also those parents gotts eventually learn how to gice their kids some space or else their kids will demand for thst space.
Except said friends of parents or distant aunt who now have even less time than before.
Personally I loved having my niece visit for an extended period. She's awesome.
My kids are pretty much grown. Yeah they took a lot of time in my life but I consider it a great investment. I have time again now, and I'm loving my hobbies. But I also get to see the lives of my kids and beyond. Yes their achievements, but also their struggles and failures. And their legacies, what they are passing on through their expressions of what they value. I'm not saying child free is bad either. Kids aren't for everyone. And some people who have kids shouldn't have them.
I don't think people with kids understood just how much free time they had.
They hadn't
I do, for one, but my time with my kids is better spent, for me. Everyone is different.