I can't stop when its time to stop
Hello, I have a big problem that interferes with every aspect of my life. And I want to ask you all if you experience this too and/or you have any ideas on how to improve this behavior?
The Problem
When I do anything interesting, or anything that just isn't completely boring, I can't stop when it's time to stop and start the doing the next thing. I always think, something like "Just five minutes more" and then I sometimes finish hours later than I had planned. This breaks all time-sensitive plans and also causes me to go to sleep far too late.
I don't think that its simple procrastination, because what I feel when I do it, is not about not wanting to start the next thing, but about not wanting to stop the current thing.
List of things I already do / have already tried
- Setting up alarms that remind me that I need to stop doing the current thing and start doing the next thing
- Creating schedules
- Configuring the Wifi Router to turn of at certain times: This is very effective (when I have taken out my SIM card before), but its only helping with cutting the wifi at the end of the day for bedtime, not other time sensitive tasks that are necessary to even enable me to sleep on time (like eating dinner early enough)
- Buffer time: Most of the time I can't get my self to view the buffer deadline as the actual deadline
- Reading books about habits: I read some books about habits, but these books are mostly about starting an activity, or don't starting an activity at all, but I need to do certain things, and stop doing them on time.
- This list is probably incomplete
2 replies
I'm guessing the next things aren't fun / interesting / dopamine-giving, or at least aren't as much so as the current thing. adhd loves dopamine.
is there anything you enjoy that's also short you could use as a kind of treat or reward to entice your brain into stopping doing the current thing? go for a walk outside, pet a kitty, literally eat a snack you love? might help your brain with transitioning
Don't be offended, but I think you might have ADHD.
I've lost hours on tasks that i should have stepped back from, because i had the fire that could not be quenched pushing me to keep doing it until exhaustion.
One thing you could try, is taking the perspective that it is more efficient to stop the task, because you give your brain time to process, adapt, and plan. This makes the next session even more productive. So it's not bad to take a break, it's actually necessary to finish the task.
Your brain has found something rewarding in these times.
So the question becomes: how do you make the next “boring” thing just barely more rewarding than the new interesting?
Can you give an example? Like how do I make going back to work more enjoyable than the videos or hobbies I do during my lunch break
I completely understand what you're going through.
The one thing that concerns me is that you keep setting reminders, and completely ignoring them. Lord knows I've started playing a game and suddenly realized it was 10 hours later, but when the reminder goes off, you must obey it.
You set the timers because YOU WANT yourself to be on time. When the reminder goes off, you're saying past me was wrong, I'll do what I want. Future you eventually realizes past you was right all along and you repeat the cycle.
I think you need to make the choice to follow your own rules. Set reminders early and often. Give yourself a 15 minute warning so you can find a good point to stop what you're doing. When the next alarm goes off 15 minutes later, you shut it down no matter what.
Living with this is not easy, but it only gets harder when you sabotage yourself.
Inertia: objects in motion stay in motion (and vice versa). I work with a lot of kids with this trait. I don't have a quick fix, or one size fits all answer, because it's different for different people. Kudos to you for recognizing it and trying so many strategies so far. Do you have anyone you can be accountable to? Sibling, friend, partner, etc that you trust? You could ask them to remind you of your goals, provide support or praise when you are successful. Positive reinforcement feels great. Also, you could work on reframing or renaming it. For example, calling it "pause" and not "stop" and then telling yourself exactly when you get to "press play" again. Like, I'm gonna pause on this activity at 4 and I get to return to it at 7.
Just a couple ideas 🫶 Good luck out there.