Mark Zuckerberg Orders His Employees to Start Having Fun Again After Brutal Layoffs Culled Their Colleagues
https://futurism.com/artificial-intelligence/mark-zuckerberg-employees-fun-hackathon-layoffsOpen linkView original on lemmy.world621
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RIP Andre
I've just started rewatching Brooklyn 99 and this is how I find out he died :(
Dude, yeah, he was so good in that role!! Loved that whole show
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I beat you with until you follow my ruttin' commands!
Okay Jayne...
A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything
This was my first thought and I knew if I scrolled I'd find it.
"I will certainly make more mistakes that you will have to pay for, but I can promise you you will probably not be laid off for at least six months."
He's just announcing the next wave of layoffs for the Christmas holidays.
Do you honestly believe he is going to stick to the moratorium?
Id sooner believe he tasks AI-zuckerberg to lay them off.
„Many of you will be laid off but that’s a sacrifice I‘m willing to make“
I knew that someone will comment that 😂😂😂
It's because when you write assholes well, assholes can't help but deliver.
Zuck Brannigan
“I’m going to make a bunch of mistakes that will cost the company a lot of money and will cost many of you your jobs. But fret not, because I will experience zero consequences for this and will continue to deserve millions for being so smart and taking on all the risk.”
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
I can also promise you that at the end of this, I will have a yacht and bunker, and you will probably have impostor syndrome.
Fair deal eh?
Now that's a evil boss thing to say.
he means he will likely force layoffs on the already "skeleton crewed" staff in the future anyways.
He didn't say anything about holding off past layoffs. Get ready for some retroactive shitcanning.
Zuckerberg offered employees access to permanent desks, a symbolic gesture that unintentionally illustrated how expendable many of them had become.
IQ and wealth seem to be inversely proportional to each other.
Jesus, I thought this comment was a joke before reading the article
Insulation from consequences of your decisions and distance from ordinary people creates a special kind of stupidity. Nobody with a clue is going to speak up to him, and even if they do few would hold firm when he pushes back. Everything negative he hears will be said in anger or with a sugar coating and there will be plenty of people lining up to assure him it isn't true. He's been insulated and if the whistleblowers are correct, he actively fostered his insulation. If he cared he'd read the book about his failures as a leader. But he doesn't have to care, nobody is going to make him until suddenly he very much does have to care and it's too late.
Fuck 'em. This far into Meta's descent into a capitalist surveillance platform, they should know what kind of company they work for. They only find it to be a problem if they aren't "finding meaning" in the "interesting technical challenges" of turning people into data points.
"Descent into" the main thing it's been for 20 years.
Yea you all don't really hate on these people enough. Il never understand that
Meta employee here. People here are so entitled. I knew what I signed up for, but it seems many of my colleagues were/are oblivious
You knew what you signed up for, but still signed up for it?
"Hmmmmm, this Adolph Hitler guy seems antisementic, and wants me to help him build an army. Welp. A job is a job....guess I'm a nazi soldier now...."
Same energy.
I mean I think comparing Zuck to Hitler is a stretch, but also consider that Hitler would be a lot more limited if his soldiers knew what was going on and were morally concious
But yea I do it for the money. I make over 5x the salary compared to my previous job
Just like I block all your employer’s domains I block you. I’ve had the chance to sell out too but it’s kind of gross that you know that what you’re doing is wrong but you rationalize it with “because money.”
Maybe he just didn't want to work till death. The big tech companies used to pay enough that you could retire early fairly easily. Few other opportunities for that unless you're born into wealth and connections.
Idk if they still pay the same after all the layoffs, I haven't kept up because under Trump, the US is no longer an attractive place to work.
ICE is also offering a $50k sign-on bonus, fyi.
That's peanuts though?
$50k, and be the inside snitch. Too bad my knees are shit
Rare nazi self snitch?
.ml user, so probably proud of it.
Desperate to recreate that startup atmosphere and stop everyone thinking about how they work for an evil data collection machine.
Real, these devs are the software equivalent of Lockheed Martin engineers.
People dont start having fun just because you specifically request it, Mark.
If anything, a directive from the boss to have fun in the absence of extra money and time off will inspire the opposite of fun. Like being told to deal with burnout by forcing more meetings, surveys, seminars and training about burnout.
Do you think he knows the meaning of the word?
He thinks he does. Its just, we dont find it fun to purchase entire presidencies, build private schools only for our chosen children in our backyards, and stare at Mrs Bezo's plastic tits like they're being reborn in flame before our very eyes.
That last bit is something I think for once I'm glad not to know about.
She's incased in plastic anyways. Itd be like looking at a melted action figure.
But it's an ORDER!! 😡😤
I bet they would have a massive party if he hanged himself.
Such a morale boost, felt through the world 🥰
I'd honestly reconsider Facebook some day if he did.
But like... After many, many years. Systemic Evil doesn't die overnight.
It never dies. Look at the USA and what kind of European people founded it.
By this point in time, after Alderaan and a couple more planets have been blown up, you should probably have figured out that being an Engineer for the Empire's Death Star makes you one of the baddies even if you're not the one pressing the red button.
I'm just here because I needed a job.
Gotta make a livong somehow. Where else can I get a job with a PhD in Weapons of Mass Destruction Engineering?
https://youtu.be/iQdDRrcAOjA?is=LkWFoPTDTK8wUkC6
It's almost like the place is run by psychopaths and narcissists.
........almost?
Totally thought this was an Onion headline
Yes. It (reality) just isn't playing fair anymore.
THE FUN MAY NOW RESUME
"The beatings will continue until morale improves"
Not the onion? Huh...
Oh hey, it's my cake day? I had no idea.
Careful with that candle, willya?!? Don't wanna burn the place down now, eh?
Well actually...
If all the employees got together and picked a special day, perhaps something symbolic like the the 4th of july, and picked their favorite command to run perhaps
rm -rf /. That sort of team building is great for moral and it also benefits society.From what I’ve seen on Blind (yeah yeah I know…) it’s an absolute shitshow over there now.
Couldn’t happen to a better company.
What did you see on blind?
(Blind is an anonymous shitposting board where people can only see the company you work for, not your name)
No better fun than fascist mandated fun!
Now, fun faster pleebs!
Two minute hate would be pretty fun and relaxing group excercise!
The beatings will continue until moral improves.
There's a big difference between moral and morale.
Oh my call the grammar nazis I mispselled a word.
T-shirt idea: Caption reads "Are we having fun yet?" with a picture of Zuck at his most creepy and least emotive.
Done…. well creepiest but not least emotive
Nah. I was thinking more like one of the actual non-shopped photos of him where he nonetheless looks like he's not having fun.
There's a few from the Senate testimony hearing where he looks especially spaced out, for example.
Alternatively, the one where he's peering in a window for some reason. Assuming that's not AI generated.
How's this?
Thought for a sec it was a manipulated image
Major Mandela Catalogue vibes.
I was thinking Nage from Blue_Channel: Thalasin
Sorry, but I think he's creepy even at his most emotive.
Why aren't you having fun!? I specifically requested it!
fun now will commence from your zuckerbot.
I mean the obvious solution is a pizza party no?
Sorry, no room in the budget for pizza parties.
They should offer them a Music Dance Experience with Defiant Jazz.
great reference
Meta employees don't even have their own desks?? WTF kind of clown company does that?
It's become pretty commonplace in office environments in the last few years. My company did it, and we develop medical communications literature. They just decided that, as more people were working remotely after the pandemic, it was just more efficient not to renew the lease on most of the office space, and not to bother having assigned desks if people were coming in just a few days a week at most.
Of course, my company never made it mandatory to come into the office (esp. because most people worked all over the country, nowhere near an office); I don't know Meta's situation, if they forced people to come into the office but didn't provide a permanent workspace--which is entirely what I'd expect from them--then they deserve to lose all their employees.
They were doing this as far back as 2020, as I recall. It was my least favorite part of going into the office because you had to reserve a desk, and you were never guaranteed the same desk on any given day.
They only needed to do it because they made everyone working from home start coming into the office for no reason other than to assert their dominance.
They were doing it before then.
pretty hardcore! desk = money! Got any more stories to tell? Would love to have them at [email protected]
I do, but a lot of them are actually pretty fond memories. I hate to say it, but it was a really good job. I was also on the AR/VR team, so my experience was a bit different from that of the rest of the company.
Was it like a startup in the the mega corp kinda vibe? Also I wonder if you have a guess as to where all that money ($80B+?) went Meta lost there ;)
It was, yeah. A lot of the infrastructure was still standing from when it was Oculus so it felt super detached from everything else.
As for the 80B, I can confidently say that a solid chunk of that went to software licenses, believe it or not. They were spending millions a year on their on-prem GitHub Enterprise server alone, which was technically redundant because the rest of Meta had an in-house Mercurial megarepo that, surprisingly, worked really well. They may have moved off of that by now, though, since I was last employed there in 2024.
Celebrate your increased workloads peasants.
“The floggings will continue until morale improves.”
HAVE FUN EVERYONE! ... You know what? Let's have a game of MUSICAL CHAIRS!
Another forced reassignment? Fuckin' A, man!
And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...
the onion timeline
My company has been reducing force multiple times and did one round in a particularly shitty way. Our bonuses were the lowest ever this round despite us all having had to carry more weight. They wonder why our morale is shit.
like 7 of 9 in voyager, where she alotted 1hr of FUN each day. cyborgs/androids knows best. "Hello Fellow humans, fun will now commence until it reach satisfactory parameters"- zuckerborg.
"You better have fun and love your work so much that you do unpaid overtime, or else!"
"ARE WE HAVING FUN YET? ARE WE?"
"Yessir, so much fun [whimpers].
Completely nickelbacked
Goddamn CEO petty kings and dictators. Everyone is just a production unit to them.
Someone is playing with the Facelift setting at character select.
TikTok’s at the salad bar are back in vogue!
Unclear why you're being downvoted.
Solution is simple, learn to code. (sad trombone)
Feast on their entrails!
INITIATE TANGENTIALLY UNPREDICTABLE ACTIONS
To raise morale they will have a thing in the lobby at Meta HQ where you can pick up a Rohinga or Palestinian child and throw them at a giant velcro target on the wall. If you can stick your child to the right spot on the target, you get removed from the layoff list!
"Zuck" is able to stick those kids on the target every time -- even wearing his VR glasses, so anyone else who cant do it too is unworthy to be employed there.
Are you not entertained? Suffering is just another game to them.
does that fuckin weenie still train bjj or was that just for show
It's time for the 5 minute musical dance experience. Call in the marching band!
"HAVE FUN, GODDAMIT! THATS A FUCKING ORDER!"