Masturbation among birds is ‘natural’ and should not be punished, say experts
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2026/jun/01/masturbation-birds-natural-healthy-behaviour-studyOpen linkView original on piefed.socialSyndicated from the fediverse. Read and engage on the original instance.
View original on piefed.socialhttps://www.theguardian.com/science/2026/jun/01/masturbation-birds-natural-healthy-behaviour-studyOpen linkView original on piefed.social
72 replies
Who was punishing birds for masturbating in the first place? Why!?
This explains all the bird watchers.
I would have just assumed they were preening...
Tomato, tomato.
Pretty big difference between preening and rubbing their cloaca on stuff. Ever had a budgie try and fuck your hand?
No, that's never happened to me. Got humped by a lot of dogs as a kid though. I thought they were just hugging me so I was confused when the adults yelled at them...
People are HORRIBLE with birds. Even the ones that pretend to love them treat them like trash.
And then there's the fuckers that think that their views of the world matters more than anything else, and will punish masturbation because animals don't feel pleasure so it shouldn't be allowed, will punish them for having gay couples because gay shouldn't exist and especially not in animals (else how can you say your main homophobic argument of "gay is unnatural, only degenerate humans do it"), will starve them for "training" purposes, and don't get me started on the diets, environment safety and cage sizes.
There's a reason why the life expectancy of birds doesn't increase in captivity. People are really, really horrible with birds, and the more I read about people who "care" about birds the worse I feel for their birds.
Gay isn't something one can see.
My browsing history disagrees.
I respectfully disagree. I do have this thing installed called “Gaydar”™️ though. Sometimes gets mixed signals if there’s a gay weather balloon near by.
TIL there's a cottage industry of preventing bird mastrubation
Til that people are punishing birds for masturbating
American Christianity punishes all ideas of enjoying sex, even among animals.
But not between priests and altar boys, it seems
To be fair that's just Catholicism and not American Christianity ™®©.
Don't get me wrong, American Christianity ™®© has its share of pedophiles, possibly even more than catholicism, however it's usually straight because they just believe younger girls are more fertile.
humans never cease to amaze don't they
My mind blown
Someone was having a little too much fun with this article.
Sounds like the birds were still having more fun
Orgasms feel good, more news at 11.
A bird wrote this
PS: Article delivers
Freaky ass birds.
Hold up. If a bird is bonded to you, and it does it, does it even count as baitin'? Sounds more like it's trying to mate with its mate. Or is bird-jacking fundamentally different? Bird experts... pitch in.
Can you explain why a bird bonded to you from early childhood would also be sexually attracted to you? To humans in general I could understand but why to you, the "parent"? Are birds less opposed to incest?
There's a difference between incest and inbreeding. Opposition to incest, that is sex for pleasure among family members, is a moral position, and apparently unique to humans.
Inbreeding, sex for reproduction, is blocked on a biological level more strongly in some species than others, but it still happens, of course.
In humans, and perhaps other species, there is sometimes sexual disinterest in closely related family members, but this is not "opposition to incest", and certainly is not universal.
Well yeah, inbreeding is what I meant. Didn't actually know there was a difference.
Still, I've read that many animals prefer not to fuck/breed with relatives. Except some pigeons in cities apparently, they prefer their relatives if Wikipedia and my memory of that article is to be believed.
Better phrasing would've probably been "Lack of sexual interest in family".
Not an expert, but I've witnessed something like this. Step mom turned into a strange bird person for her midlife crisis, got an African grey that absolutely hates all females including her, but loves all dude. It dude puff up and squat on your shoulder, but it wouldn't rub anything. Maybe it's different for male birds.
I'm sorry people are out trying to punish birds?
A seagull stole my chip. Are you suggesting I just Let That Go?
Look, man, I wasn't punishing them I just didn't have anything to feed them but cornflakes. I am not John Kellogg; I didn't think that shit actually would stop anyone masturbating. 🤷♂️
Some of them insist upon it, even if you've never SEEN a fucking flog, much less wielded one against a partner.
Apparently birdkeepers are, yeah.
Who would punish them? 😭
Bird Jesus looks down on them all.
BirDSM
Perfect timing, I'll have to print out a copy of this article for the court as part of my defense in an upcoming case where it's relevant.
Oh no, another expert in Bird Law
In bird culture, this is considered a cloacal move.
Hilarious statement. So if I have never seen a bird masturbate, I would not know what the bird is doing? Wow.
As someone who's never seen a bird masturbate, I assumed it would look like preening. This sentence clarified that it would not look similar.
That's a fallacy: P -> Q does not imply !P -> !Q
However, it does imply !Q -> !P: if you don't know what a bird is doing, you've never seen a bird masturbate.
I dont care if it's natural. im not removing the "no masturbating" sign from our bird feeder.
I agree. Gotta keep the "bird seed" out of the bird seed.
damn it, i was going to drop around for a session!
I used to have budgies, one of the males used to chat up his (male) friend whilst perched on my head... and then he'd start grinding away while still on my head
Fortunately he never left a deposit
Freaky little (head) fucker
wtf :(
I believe the politically correct term is "Women". They tend to bitch a lot when you call them "birds".
I still do it the old-fashioned way and call them "chicks".
Oh dude broads hate it when you call 'em chicks
What a bunch of cucks.
"Dude broads"
i don't ask where you go after 5 pm. i expect the same respect.
No wonder that's a more common behavior in wild birds.
Sounds like a good candidate for an Ig Nobel Price.
Funny how they picked the most pervert-looking bird for the article photo.
What do you mean? That bird looks just like the President.
Birdkeepers punish birds? That's a new thought lol
Polly want a whacker?
I dont get it mate. Mind explaining?
Its lyrics to Polly by Nirvana https://genius.com/Nirvana-polly-lyrics
Then why do I keep getting punished every time I masturbate among birds?
Who the fuck is researching this and what is the process of their information gathering?
Just a bunch of scientists sitting around watching birds goon all day going "ya, this seems perfectly natural!"
More importantly, why should I give a shit about the findings and opinions of some seriously disturbed perverts?!?
My masturbation ain't natural and mommy should punish me for it
Let the little birdies just Beat it!
Why would anyone punish birds for jacking off?
you've not met conservative Christians ?
I did but not in US or UK
Cause I'm afraid that they'll get an infection from rubbing their junk on the same stick the poop in. If they made sex toys for cockatiels I'd buy them
Just wait until the GOP (grand old parrots) learn about this.
I'll see myself out.