SALT, garlic, onion, tomatoes, and obviously beans, your threat be damned it's the right call

Legumes.

What, why not beans? I know beans was a meme on Lemmy a while back, but it's a legit part of a chilli recipe.

Serious question.

Beans, mf

Fucking BEANS is the answer

And onion, garlic, tomato, Bell pepper

But LOTS OF BEANS is the most correct answer

Beans. Punch away. I would take the meat out of chili before the beans.

Tomatoes or tomato paste, spoonful of unsweetened chocolate, some red wine. And why the heck did you not start with an onion?

What would you add to a pound of hamburger, diced jalapenos, chili powder and bloody mary mix?

A warning that what you're about to eat is not chili?

Actual vegetables and spices. Ditch the bloody mary mix and use stock instead. I would add beans because what most of the world calls chili has them and I like them, but you do you, I guess.

You looking for a full recipe? This has been my go-to for years - and I've even got my died-in-the-wool meat eater of a father to love this.

INGREDIENTS: 2 pasilla chiles (dried whole) 4 arbol chiles (dried whole) 4 chipotle chiles (dried whole) 3 guajillo chiles (dried whole) 3 ancho chiles (dried whole) 2 dried porcini mushrooms 3 poblano peppers 3 jalapeno peppers 2 large onions, roughly chopped Olive oil 4 - 6 cloves garlic 2 - 3 Tbsp tomato paste 3 tsp cumin Ground coriander Dried oregano 1 can cannellini beans 1 can kidney beans 1 can pinto beans 14oz can diced tomatoes 14oz can fire-roasted diced tomatoes 1 tsp liquid aminos 2 Tbsp nutritional yeast 6 cups vegetable stock 1 package crumbled veggie meat Sour cream and sliced jalapenos, for garnish

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Remove the stems and seeds from all dried chiles. Tear each chile into small pieces.
2. Dry roast the chiles by placing them in a large stainless steel skillet with no oil. Toast over medium-high heat for 3-5 minutes, until they are fragrant but not smoking.
3. Lower the heat and rehydrate the chiles by covering them with water – just enough water to cover them.
4. Bring to a simmer and cover. Then turn off the heat and let steep for 10 minutes.
5. Add the chiles and their soaking liquid to a high-powered blender. Also add a few dried porcini mushrooms. Blend on high speed for about one minute, until nice and smooth. This makes your amazing chili paste base.
6. Fire roast your poblanos by placing them directly over a flame. The goal is to completely char the skin of the peppers, so keep turning them until every side is sufficiently blackened.
7. Remove peppers from the heat and wrap in aluminum foil. Let them sit for at least 10 minutes.
8. Prepare the jalapenos by cutting them in half and removing the seeds and ribs. Then finely dice them. Set aside.
9. Remove the charred skin from the steamed poblano peppers with paper towels. Then, chop the peppers into bite-sized pieces.
10. Heat olive oil in a dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add roughly chopped onions and cook until softened.
11. Add crushed garlic and cook until fragrant, about one minute.
12. Next, add chopped jalapeno and poblano peppers along with 2-3 tablespoons of tomato paste. Stir to combine for a few minutes.
13. Add the spices: cumin, ground coriander, and dried oregano.
14. Next, add all of the beans and diced tomatoes.
15. Add 6 cups of homemade vegetable stock, or enough to make the chili a little waterier than you’d like it to be.
16. Add 1-1 ½ cups of homemade chili paste. Stir to combine. Let simmer for 45-60 minutes.
17. Add crumbled fake meat product; stir to combine, reduce heat to low, and cook for 10 more minutes.
18. Add the final umami boosters: liquid aminos and nutritional yeast. Stir to combine.
19. Serve with your favorite garnishes like sour cream and sliced jalapenos.

Cumin to ground it.
Perhaps a tsp of cocoa for some mystery Cincinnati.

Beans, peppers, garlic, salt, black pepper, onions, corn, beans, more beans, cumin, possibly some ground pork, as well as beans.

Also, tomato paste, some hot sauce, and beans!!!

beans

garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne, chopped onion, minced garlic, SALT, black pepper, Worcestershire, soy sauce, bay leaves, paprika, tomato paste, ground ginger

Red kidney beans for sure I'm serious

Cumin

You add the Peeps to the chili, and then it tastes... bad.

In addition to my advice on your bloody Mary abomination chili

Around 10 or 15 years ago, I learned this chili recipe from this comic I probably found on Reddit. It has always served me well, and it is the basis for how I make chili today

To this recipe I also add some chili peppers, usually jalapenos (because otherwise it's not chili)

A can of chipotles in adobo

I've tweaked the ratios spice blend a bit to my taste and added a bit of cocoa powder and cinnamon.

It should probably be noted that I tend to make bigger batch, often working with 2-5lbs of meat (and I prefer coarse ground or something even finely cubed meat as opposed to regular grocery store ground meat)

I usually have 2 or 3 different cans of beans in mine because I like beans

I'll usually do 2 or 3 bell peppers, usually of different colors

Some bacon, some chorizo

Screw that "a shot of beer" it gets a whole can. Occasionally wine instead if that's what I'm drinking while I'm cooking.

Often some coffee and/or various liquors (whiskey, rum, tequila, or Brandy)make their way into the mix at some point. Sometimes there's beef stock involved.

I also pay really fast and loose about what canned tomato products go into my pot, whole, crushed, diced, sauce, doesn't matter too much, it's all gonna cook down into unrecognizable red-brown deliciousness by the time I'm done. Just try to get roughly that sort of ratio of tomato products to beef

For bonus points, get your cowboy on and do this in a pot hanging from a tripod over a campfire.

Normally I end up letting this simmer for up to around 6 hours. If it starts looking too thick/dry, add some liquid, usually beer in my case.

Credit for the original recipe: cookingcomically.com

Update: It turns out I had more time than I thought to make the chili. Since everyone had a viscerally negative reaction to my use of bloody mary mix, I swapped it out, though I'm not sure my substitution will fare any better, namely V8 juice and tomato paste.

My chili recepie has beans in it, otherwise it's not chili in my book. Anyway you did not invite me to eat it so I don't really have any right to complain.

I'd add onion, paprika, and garlic to your mix.

Frijoles.

A shit ton of onions, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce if you're that way inclined, and a bit of garlic. Season with lime and salt.

And beans.

Onions, garlic, chili powder, cayenne powder, smoked paprika, cumin powder, coriander powder, oregano, salt, and black pepper.

Sauté the onions, add the garlic, then add fresh peppers, add all the spices, add tomatoes, add the browned meat.

Chili is pretty simple. The key thing to get right is the spices and salt. If the flavour is weak then add more. Keep tasting and adjusting until it’s good.

Don't add the bloody mary mix. Add some salt, garlic, onions, and beans. You can try and fight me but good luck. I have the power of being right on my side

I don't really get beanless chili unless you draping it over a hotdog.

A can of Guinness never hurts

A bottle of India Pale Ale. A variety of beans: butter, kidney, northern, lentils, etc.

Okay, beans aside, it's hard to hurt chili. I'm an expert, I've been perfecting my recipe for decades.

Brown some ground beef and ground pork. Add a bunch of herbs - garlic, cayenne, red pepper flakes, smoked paprika, parsley, chives, salt, pepper, etc. You can add thyme, rosemary, basil, if you want. The Most important one is Cumin. That's the flavor of Chili, it simply isn't chili without it.

Add a big can or two of diced or crushed tomatoes, depending on how tomatoey you want it, and if you like big chunks of tomatoes, or just a sauce. You can even start with while canned tomatoes, and crush them with your bare hands. It's fun.

This is where I'd put in a bunch of cans of at least 3 kinds of beans, usually kidney, black, and pink, but red beans work good, too. Throw them all in, drained and rinsed first. I like it beany, and the starch from the beans is what thickens up the sauce, eventually.

Now the secret stuff: Take a small glass of COLD red wine, and whisk a couple of heaping tablespoons of flour, and at least one tablespoon of cocoa powder. Once they are whisked well, with no lumps, dump it in. This will thicken it, and give it a rich molé tinge. Put enough water in it to cover the meat/beans.

Other interesting experiments: soy sauce (good in a lot of stuff), worstershire sauce, and even your favorite hot sauce or BBQ sauce. Occasionally, I like Tabasco chipotle, and soy sauce.

Bring it to a boil, let it simmer for a while, lid on, then crack the lid, and let it reduce over a couple of hours. Another big secret: near the end, take a taste, and you'll love it. But add a generous splash of lime juice, stir it in, and tell me it doesn't miraculously smooth it out.

Veggies: I hate onions and green peppers, so I NEVER add them, and I think it's better for it. OTOH, I love putting chopped up red, yellow, or orange peppers. Put them in early so they have time to tenderize. Also, chopped spinach is great, it breaks up into tiny herb-like bits and releases lots of good nutrition. Near the end, I like to toss in frozen corn, all those bits in the bottom of the frozen corn bags in your freezer. I've also experimented with green beans. I don't like big ones, but thise shredded French cut style are really good in Chili.

Serve it in a giant coffee mug, with cheddar cheese on top.

It will be even thicker and better tasting after it's been reheated following a night in the fridge.

Add all those herbs, spices, veggies and beans, and you'll have an incredibly nutritious, and filling meal. Make an enormous batch, and freeze a bunch of single serve containers. It reheats easily in the microwave. .

Don't use bloody mary mix. Add tomatoes, whether skinning and cutting them yourself, using a can of diced or crushed tomatoes, or tomato paste. If fresh or paste, add chicken stock. I also always have onion in my chili.

You'll also want an acid. Can be vinegar, lemon juice, or even mustard.

Tomato paste is good, plus some cumin.

Wayne Gretzky suggests red wine, Worcestershire sauce, and pineapple chunks.

I'd say garlic salt, but then again I've been known to put garlic salt in a bowl of Cheerios and milk on more than one occasion, so take my advice with a grain of garlic..

The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot.

and bloody mary mix

Uh... Vodka...?

I love peanut butter in my chilli

Different color bell peppers for, well color.

at least a little bit of water or broth unless you want it to burn

Now that you made it, cook spaghetti and pour some over for leftovers. Chili spaghetti rocks.

Dark chocolate. Half a bar (50g) to give it a richer flavor, 2 bars (200g) to make Chocolate Chili, the best winter food known to mankind.

Onions, beans, cheddar, and of course the spaghetti. Gotta go with a 5 way

Cubed stew meat.

Cumin. Garlic. Beef broth. Salt.

This entire thread should probably be tagged as nsfw

Update 2

This was for a chili cook off my family holds every year. I won.

If you absolutely must use bloody mary mix for some reason

Brown up your beef, saute up some diced onions and crushed garlic and the peppers

Add it all to a pot, add the bloody Mary mix

Season with some cumin, and (if needed, some bloody Mary mixes can be pretty heavily seasoned) salt, pepper, garlic & onion powder, chilli powder, maybe some herbs like cilantro, oregano, maybe basil

Maybe a bit of flour to help thicken it, otherwise you're gonna need to be very judicious about how much mix you use or it's gonna take forever and risk the flavor getting weird trying to reduce it down and concentrating the seasoning in the mix.

If it's coming out a bit too tangy and acidic, a bit of sugar or maybe brown sugar can help cut that

If you can, consider using some fresh or canned tomatoes, or even plain tomato sauce, that'll probably get you a better texture, but I suspect that if that were an option you could, should, and probably would skip the bloody Mary mix

I'd also maybe consider adding some bell peppers to the mix to make it a little chunkier. Maybe some corn.

Maybe some bacon, chorizo, some diced meat in addition to the ground, etc.

I like to add a beer, but starting with bloody Mary mix that's probably gonna thin things out a bit too much. Wine and stock would be other options but with the same problem.

End of the day, chili is a stew, and the origin of stews is pretty much just throwing whatever you have in a pot and letting it simmer, there's not too much to it.

Lil marmite to make that beef flavor pop

Something sweet like banana, pineapple, mango etc.

Vodka

...hamburger?