One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.
Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship.
The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another.
They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?”
The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.
About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?” The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.” So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his penis became longer.
The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine.”
“And how about the Martian woman?”
The farmer replied, “That damn bitch yanked on my fucking ears all night long!”
Read that as "she's ten". Did a double take.
It would explain something I guess.
same here, for a second I asked myself "ok where am I right now?"
Porque no los dos
Hot ⬆️
Hot ⬆️ 🔴
Edit: I have no idea how to add whitespace on Lemmy, apparently. But this works too.
Same thing really.
I would probably cum from laughing.
So how exactly are you supposed to move someone from the fun zone?
Hey girl I'm having great fun with you. If you get a facelift we can start dating?
Hot is not only physical. It's also mental, you may find traits on your partner that move them around for you.
Alcohol
You want to date someone you find unattractive?
Btw, the whole thing is more tongue-in-cheek.
Who's tongue in who's cheek being what makes it hot.
Usually there's a temperature knob you can adjust.
you break up with them
I dated a redheaded preacher's daughter once
Did it work out?
He's still alive, so I guess so.
No. Too high on the scale.
This reminds me of an ancient YouTube video drawing nearly the same chart.
Found it
The chart is obviously based on the video, the parenthetical in the danger zone is a dead giveaway.
I wonder how many guys who think they can be selective about the “date” and “marry” zones are even a 5 (assuming bell curve distribution).
the ears thing seems weird
Yeah, that's the weird thing.
Maybe she is an alien.
One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.
Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship.
The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another.
They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?” The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.
About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?” The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.” So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his penis became longer.
The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine.” “And how about the Martian woman?”
The farmer replied, “That damn bitch yanked on my fucking ears all night long!”
Only if you don't play Mario Kart. Sick ref otherwise.
10 on the bottom
11 on top
I'm not seeing a problem here
No, you'll hear it, and then probably smell it.
Ok, but will she share her Netflix password?
She will make an account for you on her Jellyfin server
From personal experience, not enough people appreciate this.
Swoon
... it's nothing but Fake and random episodes of Jojo, isn't it?
That is acceptable.
'A ten' or just 'ten?' Rather worrying.
sauce for the background image?
Allargando by Seto Yuuki (NSFW) page 40
🤮🫠
probably feels amazing tbh
So she's a 20?
U wish that was a fart
queef?
Fart from pooter. Queef from cooter. Then assume that force will trigger a sneeze like propellant from each orifice. Good luck not coming after that.
Can I get a match check on my working equation?
(Fart + queef )((biologicalfill% * propulsion constant))
Never had a girl fart on my balls, bet it feels amazing.
12 if she says Waluigi.
hell yeah
11