What are some backhanded compliments that are very subtle?
I may need to say something that is (seemingly) nice about someone, but I’d prefer it be very subtly backhanded or nearly believable hyperbole.
Edit: I realized that I was imagining something like how the Colbert Report was done where it’s easy to believe I’m agreeing when really I’m spoofing.
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You seem like management material.
Like middle management if you want to get extra spicy and yet still subtle
Try to channel your best Ron Swanson while saying it.
You're at the top of the bell curve!
The best part is that it isn't really an insult.
Statistically speaking, any given person is most likely to be near the peak of the bell curve of a given thing.
Someone being offended by it means that they think they're above average, and you think they're average. There's nothing wrong with being average...most people are.
Which always reminds me of a saying: When you're trying to comprehend human behavior you need to remember how dumb the average human is... Then remember that half of humans are dumber than that.
George Carlin!
I like that one!
"I've never heard anyone express an option like that out loud before."
"What a unique approach to the problem!"
"I bet you played football in highschool, right?"
"Has anyone ever told you that you'd look good in a uniform?"
It's a good thing you're pretty.
"I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are"
Awe thanks!
Some I've collected over the years.
Actually lol'd at this one. After snorting that is.
How are any of these SUBTLE
I think that greatly depends on to whom you are speaking.
The series Ted Lasso is chock full of these, but my favorite was after Jade meets Rupert and he leaves, she says, "Well, he seems rich."
Like it almost sounds like a compliment, but only if you lack the self-awareness and empathy of someone who isn't rich.
You remind me of myself
"You remind me of you when I was your age."
That one just seems meaningless.
it's also synonymous with "you're a fucking idiot, stop talking"
Yeah I know (not familiar with the precise connotations but the general concept at least.)
I don’t see why it would be a compliment in any way, at most it would just be confusing.
You too? Haven't been able to edit for a couple of weeks. I think it has to do with a ban on some comm.
It's about 50/50 if I can edit in the web UI, but I haven't been able to edit from Voyager for at least a few weeks
Where I’m from it’s a nice thing to say, sort of like saying thank you. It’s basically the same as saying “god bless you”. Regional differences are fun!
"Wow you look good today."
I had someone tell a coworker "you look better" when he was trying to give a compliment, and it came out so uncomplimentary we were all laughing when he left.
It may be backhanded or not
I think it's backhanded because it implies that the person doesn't usually look good any other day.
The only one I've ever pulled off on the spur of a moment unintentionally is when my asshole stepdad broke his foot and I ended up casually quipping to him, "you gotta work hard in order to get a leg up in the world".
I also just remembered that I later told him he's got to put his foot down on some issue his job was complaining about.
Well, not terribly subtle, but if you are fighting with your spouse and they complain that you never say anything nice about their family, you can respond with:
"Well, I have to say that your in-laws are better than my in-laws"
(i subtlety downvoted you)
And misspelled "subtly"? You're really typing with both fists today!
Me do good?
This works only in Dutch. I used to work in the service industry, where every now and then you'd have rude or ungrateful people.
In Dutch, the formal way of saying 'thank you' is 'Dank u', but that's very close in pronunciation to French 'dans cul', meaning 'in the ass'.
So with people I secretly loathed I would thank them with an ever so slight French twang.
that’s great
In the Southern United States men will do this with Northern men passing through. Mumbling yes ma'am instead of yes man.
Real cuntish if you ask me, I think they need a taste of their own medicine.
Oh, your hair is (pause) fine.
I envy those who have never met you
Good go to
"I never thought of it that way."
"That's a new perspective."
"I love your confidence!"
The ol uncle Iroh
"Wisdom has been chasing you all your life but you have always been faster"
Bad sarcasm me and my friends do
Any response to "ive been thinking" that is shocked. Like "Wow. And?" Or "good for you"
or any form of "yeah, youre getting there"
Basically rember that perfection is impossible and that comparison is the thief of joy but be a dick lol
I usually quickly respond "you okay?" in a concerned tone.
I'm sure both of you enjoy that joke
Whenever my wife says anything along the lines of “I’ve been thinking”, my go-to response is always “do I need to call the church?”
🤣
"I love how you can just wear whatever."
I'm nostalgic of the time when I haven't met you
One I came across in a novel I'm reading just now: "I wanted to tell her how happy she must be as a married woman now that she no longer have to bother with looking attractive".
"I don't care what anyone says, I think you're alright."
this is one fits what I had in mind the closest
especially since alright can mean good or mediocre
You can add a bit of extra zing by using 'everyone else' instead of 'anyone'.
You're excused
Why do you need to? Arent there enough assholes already?
I have befriended someone who has high opinions of some people I regard as selfish toxic idiots. I don’t feel the need to launch a frontal assault on this person’s beliefs, but I also don’t want to simply agree with them.
Admittedly, it’s passive aggressive. I may not follow through.
thanks. honestly reading the question really brought up questions.
You can express your views about these people in a dispassionate manner as well. It’s not a choice between being a dick about it or agreeing with them. Nothing good comes from passive aggression. You’d probably consider that toxic too if it were directed at you or your opinions.
fair point
currently, I just don’t reply
edit: My other thought was to really lean into agreeing with them. For example: The friend doesn’t explicitly embrace these people’s racism, but maybe it would make an impact if the friend witnessed me celebrating these people’s racism when the friend praises them for something else.
I use the blank stare with “what do you mean?” Then I continue to be clueless as they explain whatever shitty viewpoint they’re backing.
This is the most fun way to see just how shitty a racist is. The ones that still have a modicum of shame end up trying to tap dance around outright saying the quiet part out loud, and making them super uncomfortable playing dumb is my favorite way to interact with those kinds of people.
If you don't say anything, they assume you agree with them. It's a fine line between letting them know you (maybe respectfully) disagree, vs. actively debating, but in some cases I think it's worthwhile to try to let them know you aren't inside their bubble. Agree outright dickishness is unhelpful, but so much depends on the specifics of the relationship and circumstances of delivery.
I bet you're fun at parties.
"I bet you're fun at parties"
No one who says that is fun at parties
I'm a blast. not really fair though, I don't associate myself with assholes so every party is a blast.
Why do you assume that the person advocating to not be an asshole wouldn't be fun at parties?
you poor sweet thing. you might be the brightest crayon in the box but that blunt tip makes it hard to stay in the lines. (I mean this in the most positive way. not all crayons are perfect, and they don't need to be)
I'll spoon feed it to you.
you responded to a post asking for backhanded compliments by outright calling OP an asshole for asking for backhanded compliments and had the audacity to not even provide what OP asked for.
I then took the opportunity to provide a tongue-in-cheek response that was a backhanded compliment and an appropriate response to someone who completely ignored the the whole point of the post.
what you did was akin to walking up to a conversation between people at a party, interjecting when you felt offended by the content that you involved yourself in, and called everyone an asshole.
what an asshole thing to do, right?
I suggest that in the future you save the condescension for the end, not the start, if you want the recipient to actually finish reading your message.
couldn't care less if you read it or not.
you asked for me to explain myself, I did.
read it. don't read it.
My dog would like you.
Most of the comments here seem very British. This is entirely the British way......saying something good isn't just taken at face value as a positive; instead it is taken to mean that every other time was very negative.
I like to say "don't flatter yourself" when somebody says something self-demeaning
Find reasons to agree with someone. Things like "You are so right", "I never thought of that", " I loved the way you put that", "I remember what you said x days/weeks/years ago; it still makes me smile/encourages me"...
Few things are as uplifting as making someone else feel special. Be genuine about it and the recipients day (or more) will brighten.
I like that you tried.
(Is this one?)
Very nice.
What do you think the word "backhanded" means?
My backhand in tennis is much more powerful than my forehand, so it must mean "strong" or "powerful", it only makes sense
I think they thought it meant “veiled compliments” and not “veiled insults.”
Which isn’t hard to confuse really.
"Thank you for your contribution."
This could be one: https://lemmy.world/post/36281961