Third spaces were much more common before the 2000s. Coffee shops where you could hang out with friends were actually a thing in the 90s. Open mic nights and karaoke. I remember we had a common ritual at the book store I worked where everyone who closed would meet up at TGI Fridays for late night drinks, TGIF doesn’t even exist any more. I used to meet up with a bunch of friends at Dennys every Thursday night, and then it fucking closed.
I'm not alone! My local coffee stand baristas have an insane memory and know all of the regulars by name. I could never have that kind of memory (likely attributed to decades of smoking the devil's lettuce)
Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Dear John, cheers; these places were either in very walkable cities, or their stories were structured so it would be a way-stop in someone's commute or travels.
I live in a walkable neighborhood, and I have a version of this with the other parents in our neighborhood, where we have a designated night of the week where anyone who can make it meets up at one of the patio restaurants where the kids can run around while the parents hang out. Not everyone makes it every week, but we've got a good group of friends.
When I was much younger, my friends and I would meet up at the same coffee shop/bistro every day and hang out on the back patio smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, and chatting for hours. That place is no longer in business, and everything is WAY too expensive now... but years later, some of that same group of people meet up damn near every day at a private beach shack for beers, grilling, and swimming.
Through sheer luck, many of my friends are either single or DINKs, so we've got the free time to hang out. Doesn't hurt that we live on a small island.
When I was younger, certainly before kids, yeah, we had a couple different restaurants or bars where we'd meet up fairly regularly, for either a couple beers or some food, or both, or more.
This thread highlights the reality of Lemmy, and how it's representative of only a sliver of the population. The number of people saying "Friends?" is depressing.
I thought the point was that we no longer have this. I'm a millennial, and when I was in my 20s, we used to hang out at Denny's a couple times each week.
Now the policy has changed and the prices have gone up. We can't afford to eat out, and even if you can, you aren't allowed to hang out for hours chatting with your friends anymore.
That is a good point. I see a lot of people suggesting it hasn't been a thing since the '90s, when for me it stopped probably shortly before or shortly after COVID, and mainyl because I have kids. But I won't disagree that shits expensive everywhere, and I've certainly said to myself "Yeah, that ain't worth that." So I'm with you there.
I think I could still hop on down to my local watering hole and meet up with some friends and put some beers away though. The beers there have always been expensive, and so that at least hasn't changed.
I don't have kids, but it stopped being a thing around 2010-2015ish for me. It does feel like it's been on the downswing since the 90s, but maybe that's just because I could never afford to hang out at the bar, haha.
When i have local friends, im usually the one who noveltysluts us out of having 'a place' we go to for food when we food. If i dont agitate for variation, it does not occur.
I still meet up with my friends at the usual hangout but the frequency is way down to like once every 2 months or something. None of us can believe that shithole is still in business.
I hung out at videogame sections at consumer electronics stores when I was a kid because they usually had a few game consoles with games on them to play. It was also free.
I cannot even financially support that. A beer costs between 5 and 8 euros. Having a few beers and some snacks for 2 hours is a bill of 60 euros. Imagine doing that for several hours every day. I can't spend 100-150 euros every day.
It’s so much cheaper to just buy a couple 12-packs and hang out at someone’s place. Bonuses include - choosing what to put on the TV, not having conversations be interrupted by strangers, and having the ability to crash overnight if you don’t feel comfortable driving home afterward.
I’m not the most outgoing person, and bars/clubs tend to be too loud for my liking. I don’t think those places were made for people like me, so there’s little point in going there when hanging with friends on my back porch is so much cheaper.
It's not just beers. A coke is 4. Alcohol free beer is also 5. Coffee is about threefiddy. I'm not going to drink coffee all day. A cocktail is between 14 and 18, a mocktail is maybe 2 euros cheaper.
Heh, I agree with LordWiggle completely. Pretty easy to put away 12 or so light beers in an afternoon... but I'm not dropping ~$90 to do it! A twelver of Tecates is only $16.50 with deposit - much more reasonable!
No. But in college, we had a pub we would go to for dinner on Wednesday every week with the same group of friends, with the occasional tag along. Does that count?
For those of who worked at certain restaurants, you might have experienced a dedicated group of 75+ friends and yes they do meet at the same place everyday. In fact when we were closed they'd camp outside in the parking lot in lawn chairs.
The exact same group of geriatrics... every single day. Honestly it was sad to see one missing and not come back because you knew why.
Worked at a retirement place as a server. This to the next level. Doors open at 7 for breakfast. The line started at 630 same people. Same table. Same orders. We could pre set their specific flavored creamers.
When the lady who got half a grapefruit passed it felt empty to not have her 1 but then every time we had a extra grapefruit left it was like seeing her again.
It’s possible, but damn do they take a lot of work and time to keep going. Most just get busy in their daily lives, get stuck in a daily pattern and before you know it, 3 and 4 months have passed by… then it becomes years. Then you feel awkward to reach out because they haven’t done so either.
In my previous city we had a friend group that would get together and have a potluck and watch cartoons every week. To my knowledge it’s still going on after 10+ years.
The folks I would do this with, hang out at a spot frequently, have either moved away or died.
It's been very hard to get to that point again, however Cannabis communities, particularly in Amsterdam, have really been a help at socialising and making friends. I've made more friends there since last year than I have for several years prior.
Folks are always up for a coffee and a toke!
Large coffees in a coffee shop are about the same price as a pint these days so you might as well.
Unless you've got the motor of course, then don't be a dafty.
Maybe I'm just showing my age but I felt a bit of a gut punch when I asked for two large coffees at the till, and a tenner wasn't enough to cover them. Fuck me.
We don't meet up in person too often, but my friends from college have a discord server that pretty much always at least 2 or 3 people chilling in. Sometimes we play games together, other times everyone is doing their own thing but it's nice to have people to talk to when gaming. Also most of us live too far from each other to meet up all the time. I guess this is like the modern day, post covid, equivalent of everyone meeting up in a bar or cafe after work
My bf has a discord server with his friends too. Whenever one of this is online, they hop in the voice channel and just hang out. If someone else logs in, they chat, otherwise they just leave it up.
As a young adult, last year in school and first year out I kind of had this. There was a bar in our town where we went to, not every day but very often. It was a great time!
I dunno, even if we check in first, doesn't anyone else have any effectively semi standing "see you there" meets? (Like, where if someone wasn't going to be there, they'd probably text you.)
Pre texting, I suppose the alternative was either make plans each and every time by calling a few people or, a standing arrangement, like coffee wherever, call me if you can't make it otherwise I'll see you there.
No they famously try new places all the time. The only time there’s a repeat place is if it has significance to a plot point. They were all well off though.
Not anymore but a bit younger, sure. There was one bar and food spot that you would always run into a few people you knew. Your closer friends more often, but all the regulars grew to know each other. Was great fun
When more of my friends lived a walkable distance from me it was more the pub round the corner a few times a week. Now people have dispersed a bit, things need to be a bit more scheduled and so we're less likely to fall into a default place
Coffee shops sadly don't tend to be open late so they're not really gonna work as the default place to casually meet mates for anyone in a 9-5 job IMO.
I miss my 24-7 coffee shop! I got to know so many people and still have some great friends from hanging around in the mid aughts to teens. Since COVID the trend seems to be closing earlier. I'm not into it.
In high school in the '90s we were pretty close. It was a handful of places but not that many, basically anywhere we could get away with sitting for hours nursing a coffee or iced tea. If they had pinball, big bonus. Maybe not every day, but certainly many days in the week.
She used to visit the one local burger franchise so much that all the staff knew her and she basically had her own reserved booth. Her husband, 2 kids and her would be there most days a week.
They lived across the country from us, but whenever we stayed with them, we were also at the burger place almost daily.
Third spaces were much more common before the 2000s. Coffee shops where you could hang out with friends were actually a thing in the 90s. Open mic nights and karaoke. I remember we had a common ritual at the book store I worked where everyone who closed would meet up at TGI Fridays for late night drinks, TGIF doesn’t even exist any more. I used to meet up with a bunch of friends at Dennys every Thursday night, and then it fucking closed.
Holy shit how haven't I noticed all the TGIFs were gone?
They absolutely still exist lol https://tgifridays.com/
There are 85 locations remaining in the united states. Thats down from 270 in the 90s. There are only four in California where I live.
They got bought up by private equity and gutted, just like red lobster.
Kmart and sears too.
Sears had it bad. It got stripped out and then bought by Kmart, and then it got stripped agian.
I don't have friends, but the people at the coffee drive-through have started recognizing me. Can't wait to get apartments together with them soon.
I'm not alone! My local coffee stand baristas have an insane memory and know all of the regulars by name. I could never have that kind of memory (likely attributed to decades of smoking the devil's lettuce)
Dude, no joke.
I went back to a coffee shop like months later, i had only been a few times total, and the barista greeted me by name. Wtf. I was floored.
My memory is shit as well and i can't even attribute to any fun activities...
"Third places" in this day and age, with this carbrained transportation and zoning policy?
Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Dear John, cheers; these places were either in very walkable cities, or their stories were structured so it would be a way-stop in someone's commute or travels.
The diner in Seinfeld, the bar in Simpsons and Family Guy.
These are all set in walkable cities, it makes sense to have a favorite cafe near where you all live.
I live in a walkable neighborhood, and I have a version of this with the other parents in our neighborhood, where we have a designated night of the week where anyone who can make it meets up at one of the patio restaurants where the kids can run around while the parents hang out. Not everyone makes it every week, but we've got a good group of friends.
I have a favourite cafe near where I live but I cant afford to go there every day 😭
100% though there are groups of retired folks that definitely do meet up there regularly like in these shows.
Nobody can afford that shit anymore. That was a 80/90s adult thing. That or a bar @.@ our parents really got the last of it.
Mid-2000s in France I experienced this, tough we certainly weren't drinking coffee lmao.
it's called "my place" or "their place", and we make coffee for a cent on the dollar
When I was much younger, my friends and I would meet up at the same coffee shop/bistro every day and hang out on the back patio smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, and chatting for hours. That place is no longer in business, and everything is WAY too expensive now... but years later, some of that same group of people meet up damn near every day at a private beach shack for beers, grilling, and swimming.
Living the fucking life man, wow. I definitely had a hang like that in my younger years but all those people are grown and gone, myself included.
Through sheer luck, many of my friends are either single or DINKs, so we've got the free time to hang out. Doesn't hurt that we live on a small island.
Does anyone have friends that see more than 2-3 times a year?
Yes but only because I moved near them.
In person? Sorta. But im a freak of society if not nature, and am structurally odd enough i get referred to as fantasy creatures pretty regularly.
Absolutely
Of course. How else would we develop the exposition other people will need to understand our narrative?
When I was younger, certainly before kids, yeah, we had a couple different restaurants or bars where we'd meet up fairly regularly, for either a couple beers or some food, or both, or more.
This thread highlights the reality of Lemmy, and how it's representative of only a sliver of the population. The number of people saying "Friends?" is depressing.
I thought the point was that we no longer have this. I'm a millennial, and when I was in my 20s, we used to hang out at Denny's a couple times each week.
Now the policy has changed and the prices have gone up. We can't afford to eat out, and even if you can, you aren't allowed to hang out for hours chatting with your friends anymore.
That is a good point. I see a lot of people suggesting it hasn't been a thing since the '90s, when for me it stopped probably shortly before or shortly after COVID, and mainyl because I have kids. But I won't disagree that shits expensive everywhere, and I've certainly said to myself "Yeah, that ain't worth that." So I'm with you there.
I think I could still hop on down to my local watering hole and meet up with some friends and put some beers away though. The beers there have always been expensive, and so that at least hasn't changed.
I don't have kids, but it stopped being a thing around 2010-2015ish for me. It does feel like it's been on the downswing since the 90s, but maybe that's just because I could never afford to hang out at the bar, haha.
Yo when I was in high school you could go to the diner and spend $4 on a sandwich and fries and hang out. Now it’s like $20 for the same shit
When i have local friends, im usually the one who noveltysluts us out of having 'a place' we go to for food when we food. If i dont agitate for variation, it does not occur.
I still meet up with my friends at the usual hangout but the frequency is way down to like once every 2 months or something. None of us can believe that shithole is still in business.
No, because it would be exorbitantly expensive.
When I was a kid we hung out at the record store... it was free
I hung out at videogame sections at consumer electronics stores when I was a kid because they usually had a few game consoles with games on them to play. It was also free.
Was.
As in past-tense.
I spend like $3k/yr at my local bar.
I cannot even financially support that. A beer costs between 5 and 8 euros. Having a few beers and some snacks for 2 hours is a bill of 60 euros. Imagine doing that for several hours every day. I can't spend 100-150 euros every day.
It’s so much cheaper to just buy a couple 12-packs and hang out at someone’s place. Bonuses include - choosing what to put on the TV, not having conversations be interrupted by strangers, and having the ability to crash overnight if you don’t feel comfortable driving home afterward.
I’m not the most outgoing person, and bars/clubs tend to be too loud for my liking. I don’t think those places were made for people like me, so there’s little point in going there when hanging with friends on my back porch is so much cheaper.
Same. I see friends regularly, but almost always as living room chillings.
I'm amused that the implicit limit in your comment, that the thing that makes drinking 10 beers a day impractical, is the cost.
It's not just beers. A coke is 4. Alcohol free beer is also 5. Coffee is about threefiddy. I'm not going to drink coffee all day. A cocktail is between 14 and 18, a mocktail is maybe 2 euros cheaper.
Heh, I agree with LordWiggle completely. Pretty easy to put away 12 or so light beers in an afternoon... but I'm not dropping ~$90 to do it! A twelver of Tecates is only $16.50 with deposit - much more reasonable!
Um.
I did that 3 days a week, there's nothing impractical about it if you live next to a bar you like. Except, indeed, the cost.
You guys have friends?
No. But in college, we had a pub we would go to for dinner on Wednesday every week with the same group of friends, with the occasional tag along. Does that count?
In highschool, my classmates and I would hang out at the nearby McDonald's often enough we gave it an informal course code.
There are plenty of cafes now but it's too expensive now for me to hang out at them more than a couple times a month.
For those of who worked at certain restaurants, you might have experienced a dedicated group of 75+ friends and yes they do meet at the same place everyday. In fact when we were closed they'd camp outside in the parking lot in lawn chairs.
The exact same group of geriatrics... every single day. Honestly it was sad to see one missing and not come back because you knew why.
100%
Worked at a retirement place as a server. This to the next level. Doors open at 7 for breakfast. The line started at 630 same people. Same table. Same orders. We could pre set their specific flavored creamers.
When the lady who got half a grapefruit passed it felt empty to not have her 1 but then every time we had a extra grapefruit left it was like seeing her again.
Do friendships like that actually exist? Did TV set me up for disapointment?
It’s possible, but damn do they take a lot of work and time to keep going. Most just get busy in their daily lives, get stuck in a daily pattern and before you know it, 3 and 4 months have passed by… then it becomes years. Then you feel awkward to reach out because they haven’t done so either.
For some kinds of people, yes.
Often the very best and very worst, with narrow slivers in between.
In my previous city we had a friend group that would get together and have a potluck and watch cartoons every week. To my knowledge it’s still going on after 10+ years.
Used to with friends who are no longer with us.
The folks I would do this with, hang out at a spot frequently, have either moved away or died.
It's been very hard to get to that point again, however Cannabis communities, particularly in Amsterdam, have really been a help at socialising and making friends. I've made more friends there since last year than I have for several years prior.
Folks are always up for a coffee and a toke!
Yes, the place we hang out is called a "signal thread" and we share stupid memes with each other every day.
Does the local pub count
Large coffees in a coffee shop are about the same price as a pint these days so you might as well.
Unless you've got the motor of course, then don't be a dafty.
Maybe I'm just showing my age but I felt a bit of a gut punch when I asked for two large coffees at the till, and a tenner wasn't enough to cover them. Fuck me.
U clearly are not aware of Australian alcohol taxes. We are getting fucked. A pint is now $11
I pay a lot more for a large coffee at a brand store (Starbucks, Costa,...) than I do for a pint at my local bar.
Alcohol is fairly inexpensive here. People need to live, somehow.
Well, to be fair for the Gilmore Girls that was literally one of two places they could go... And Lorelai ended up boinking the owner... So ya.
The Pub
It's never too late to start. Become the sitcoms
We don't meet up in person too often, but my friends from college have a discord server that pretty much always at least 2 or 3 people chilling in. Sometimes we play games together, other times everyone is doing their own thing but it's nice to have people to talk to when gaming. Also most of us live too far from each other to meet up all the time. I guess this is like the modern day, post covid, equivalent of everyone meeting up in a bar or cafe after work
My bf has a discord server with his friends too. Whenever one of this is online, they hop in the voice channel and just hang out. If someone else logs in, they chat, otherwise they just leave it up.
Yes, but we call it a bar. Same thing, just less tea or coffee
I know of several retiree groups that meet up for coffee first thing in the morning. One day I hope to part of one :(
As a young adult, last year in school and first year out I kind of had this. There was a bar in our town where we went to, not every day but very often. It was a great time!
Not everyday but my friend ground have our hangout space that we can go every weekend, which is one friend's shop.
You guys can afford to go to a cafe on a regular basis?
I dunno, even if we check in first, doesn't anyone else have any effectively semi standing "see you there" meets? (Like, where if someone wasn't going to be there, they'd probably text you.)
Pre texting, I suppose the alternative was either make plans each and every time by calling a few people or, a standing arrangement, like coffee wherever, call me if you can't make it otherwise I'll see you there.
Not really. Good coffee shops and pubs are always full. So most of the time we just settle for the place which have free seats that day.
When I was a teen our spot was Dunkin’ Donuts after school - we befriended another group - of retirees. As an adult it became a bar.
Did sex in the city use the same cafe all the time? I missed that I guess.
Didn't they used to go the same place for brunch? I could be wrong
Maybe, thats why I was asking. I def dont remember anything as constant as the cafe in friends.
No they famously try new places all the time. The only time there’s a repeat place is if it has significance to a plot point. They were all well off though.
Ahhhh I see thanks
Fridays, after 1700hrs, typically at least 4 people, many times 6 and occasionally as much as 12-14.
Hanging @ local brewpub that was our old Fire House. Most all of us have been good friends between 45-55 years. I'm grateful to have my "crew".
You guys have friends?
I had when I was young. Good times.
I’m a hardcore introvert. I don’t have the energy to maintain friendships like this.
Not anymore but a bit younger, sure. There was one bar and food spot that you would always run into a few people you knew. Your closer friends more often, but all the regulars grew to know each other. Was great fun
When more of my friends lived a walkable distance from me it was more the pub round the corner a few times a week. Now people have dispersed a bit, things need to be a bit more scheduled and so we're less likely to fall into a default place
Coffee shops sadly don't tend to be open late so they're not really gonna work as the default place to casually meet mates for anyone in a 9-5 job IMO.
I miss my 24-7 coffee shop! I got to know so many people and still have some great friends from hanging around in the mid aughts to teens. Since COVID the trend seems to be closing earlier. I'm not into it.
Do you know how much a fucking CHEF works?!!! Wtf, Monica wouldn't have time to spent all day in a coffe shop
In high school in the '90s we were pretty close. It was a handful of places but not that many, basically anywhere we could get away with sitting for hours nursing a coffee or iced tea. If they had pinball, big bonus. Maybe not every day, but certainly many days in the week.
Jitters
I used to hang out in the same park.
My aunt did this in the late 80s and early 90s.
She used to visit the one local burger franchise so much that all the staff knew her and she basically had her own reserved booth. Her husband, 2 kids and her would be there most days a week.
They lived across the country from us, but whenever we stayed with them, we were also at the burger place almost daily.
If I'm hanging out with more than 1 person at a time we better be playing D&D. Otherwise I'm probably just there out of obligation.
I think Luke's was the only diner in Star's Hollow.
I remember my parents went to one once or twice a week in the nineties for a while.
We lived in a tiny town; I'm pretty sure it was the only cafe there.