Me and husband each have our own blankets and sheets and such on the one king bed. Cause he's a furnace and I'd explode if I got that hot. It's much nicer.
Married and swear by seperate beds. It's amazing if you've got the space. But it is good to make sure you get plenty of "lying about in bed together" time. But it's great to be able to go off to your own bed after for a peaceful, undisturbed sleep. And being able to read a night or get dressed in the morning without worrying about disturbing your partner.
I read that last one "or get depressed in the morning".
How thoughtful not to bother your partner with that, I thought. But getting dressed is good too.
I've dated one person who could not bear to be touched at all in her sleep (but she insisted on sharing the same bed, which made things awkward for me) and another person who snored, but I think that humans probably generally sleep better together. It isn't a sexual thing - look at non-human animals and how they often sleep cuddled up together. As a kid, I shared a bed with my grandfather (we lived in a small apartment) and I would fall asleep hugging him, and as an adult I slept better when I could cuddle up with my dog.
I guess I’m in the minority that I have a harder time sleeping without my spouse than with. I realized about six months in that I’d rapidly developed some sort of dependence where I would fall asleep quickly if I spooned her. She had surgery in January and spent several weeks in the guest room so she could avoid the stairs, so we’ve tried being apart. It is nice if you have the space/budget for a king bed, though, to spread out from each other some.
I guess in a sense we do that. When we bought our bed we were also able to get adjustable bases, so we went with a split king, which is just two XL-twin beds pushed together (this has the same dimensions as a king). That way we could each adjust our side independent of each other but still cuddle up when we wanted. There’s often a small gap in the middle that can grow and be annoying, though.
I'd absolutely love if my wife and I could do the separate bed thing, but she ain't having that for similar reasons you describe. As such, we won't live anywhere that won't accommodate our cal king bed, because she sleeps like a starfish and queen and smaller is a no go.
My wife puts her hands on her chest which has her elbows out to the side, so I understand the challenge. We can usually make a queen work but a king is so much better. Last time we travelled we wound up in a double, which was awful for both of us!
Do y'all just sleep with the AC turned to max all night? I can't possibly imagine any scenario where I could fall asleep while pressed up against a 99* human body during a solid 30% of the year. Without drugs or plenty of booze, that is.
We keep it relatively cool, but that was something we both did already before our relationship. It was actually something I asked about very early, because I grew up as the only person who preferred it cool to sleep while my parents and siblings preferred it warm. She thought it was really forward until I explained, but didn’t really understand until our first vacation with my parents.
In the summer when the AC is running we cool it to 66°F/18.89°C. In the winter we heat to 63°F/17.22°C.
Same. Not married, but my partner always had to put in earplugs when I slept with them because I snored so loud, and they were always silent with their CPAP, which was oddly soothing of a sound. Finally got diagnosed after my doctor AND partner both pressured me to. I sleep fairly soundly most nights now. Even got a new mask type yesterday, a minimal contact full face, and I love it. Just gotta adjust my mustache maintenance routine which....to be fair it was already in dire need of, being bushy and rough and uncomfortable, and that upper edge pushing the hairs right back into my face made that all the more obvious. Oof.
My wife did a lot of research and tried different mask configurations and nose pieces and found the right set for her. She has been very compliant and the sleep doctors commend her and are very happy with the results. Compliance is usually low. My aunt on the other hand has tried it but hates it. I wish she would stick with it though. It would help her depression and health in general. My wife hasn’t had a panic attack since she started it
I didn’t really have any issues with the standard issue nose mask, what I did struggle with at first was the tube, but I hung a sheppad’s hook near my bed to keep the mask elevated away from me.
That allows me to toss and turn and not deal with the tube in my face.
I do have to admit, when I first started using it I had a lot of dreams about snakes.
My wife hasn’t had a panic attack since she started it
That is awesome! Talk about a great unplanned for benefit.
Wtf... You get that diagnosis and they will pull your driver's license? Holy hell as if I needed any other reason to never fucking go to the doctor unless I'm literally about to die.
This was my reaction at first but when I thought about it my perspective changed. Fatigued driving is really dangerous. Your response/reaction time is severely degraded as is your decision making ability.
Impaired driving isn’t just from being intoxicated.
It is similar to how people with seizures disorders can’t drive.
I struggle to sleep without my husband. I need my feet to touch his, at least. We share a queen bed, even use the same blanket (it is a King blanket though). Im really surprised so many folks don't sleep in the same bed at their partner here. Nothing wrong with it, I'm just surprised.
Maybe things will change when we are older, but I couldn't imagine.
I am kind of incredulous that anyone actually sleeps better with a whole separate person in the bed. It gets too hot and you both wake up whenever the other one uses the bathroom, or if you don't go to bed at the same time, or if you don't get up at the same time. Just from those basic mechanics it seems to defy logic that actual sleep quality, beyond some intangible aesthetic, wouldn't be negatively impacted.
I have terrible insomnia, I have misophonia, and I am a light sleeper. My partner talks in his sleep, he's a furnace, and a loud breather, but I'll tell you, nothing conks me out like turning over and being the big spoon on that guy. When he's out of town it's harder (or at least less comfortable) to fall asleep. Sometimes when I really really can't sleep for hours, I'll reach over and just hold his limp sleeping hand and it helps.
He can fall asleep anywhere and sleep through anything though. If we were both poor sleepers, idk what we'd do.
We do the same, she’ll have a foot touching my ankle and I’ll have a hand touching her hip. Sometimes her toenails are stabby and I roll away but she seeks me out in her sleep lol.
Occasionally I’ll sleep on the couch if I have a sinus headache as it is more upright to promote drainage, but vast majority of time we sleep together.
I wish I could sleep in the same bed as my partner (forever, not just the rare nights when we try). It's lovely to have the physical touch as I fall asleep. Unfortunately I toss, turn, and sometimes wake up in cold sweats from nightmares, so it's better for both of us to have the separate beds.
My husband used to have night terrors before he got sober. That shit was scary! He would sleep talk, and not sound human. I'll never forget I woke up early one day while he stayed asleep and I heard him yelling "help" over and over. I was so scared, I ran to him, and woke him.
Thank goodness it stopped when he got sober. I feel for anyone who gets night terrors, it's no fun
It took me a few years to convince my partner that sleeping separately would be a good idea. He snores and I am a very light sleeper. It has improved our relationship to sleep apart. Since I talk to my friends about it, I know that many of them also sleep apart and credit it for being able to stay happily married instead of being sleep deprived and always mad at their partner. On vacation, we often go back to sharing a bed.
I agree. My wife and I fought against separate beds for a long time, but some things went down that required us to have alternate sleep schedules so that forced us to do it.
That was 12 years ago and we have had separate bedrooms ever since.
We have since learned that pretty much all of our friends who have been married for significant number of years sleep in separate beds. Sleeping is such an important part of living and a huge impact on QoL. So once you accept that quality sleep is a basic need and not a referendum on the state of the marriage it just solves a set of problems.
I think that we as couple, we feel somewhat the same.
Split bedrooms never hurt us.
Try’na pretend that we don’t do weird stuff in our sleep is absolutely crazy talk. The bizarre behavior we do in our sleep is downright weird & funny. There should absolutely be no shame in sleeping separately for a solid nights rest.
Any halfway intelligent couple is aware of this.
Or at least will soon be turned on to this insane idea.
.
My only non solicited advice.. don't advertise your lonely.. let it happen organically, then it's real. Recognize it's not forever. Nothing is, but enjoy the time you have with your significant other and embrace it.
Relics of reddit.. that wasn't even close.. I was giving my only wisdom from a place of experience, and seemingly got torn down for empathizing and tryinggetting to help..
I also need to sleep alone. Everyone is different. My wife stirs so much that it's better to sleep in separate beds and have ehmmm surprise night visits.
Everyone's gonna have different needs, but I've benefited a lot from having the option to sleep separately. Having a second bed set up means it can happen whenever we need, or accommodate if more people need to stay over.
Sometimes I'll need to stretch out in a weird way or I'll get muscle spasms that would keep us both up, so it's a no brainer to sleep separately. Sometimes mentally I need the space too, but otherwise I really do like falling asleep with someone. So it's like a 50/50 if it will work for me on any given night. My nesting partner tends to fall asleep a lot faster so usually I'll cuddle her to sleep and then get back up, bumble around a little bit then go sleep in my bed. It works out great for the both of us!
I uses to suffer from night terrors regularly that mostly went away when I started sleeping with SO. Thay being said we do sleep better in a long size bed then in the standard twin we have at home. So maybe the issue is space.
Been doing this since the pandemic. And no, it's not a dead bedroom situation, not by a longshot. We just have wildly different circadian rhythms, sleeping habits, we both snore, all of which was leading to consistently interrupted sleep for both of us. This was the only compromise that didn't impact anyone's health. Sharing a bed all the time is romantic, but hardly practical in the long run. Especially when prostatitis and peri-menopause enter the picture.
It's also been a godsend when anyone gets sick. Plus, a ton of decorating options opened up for both of us - it's nice.
Also: the royals do this. With all the wealth the Windsors have, giving everyone their own private suite was where they landed. Makes you think.
The royals often weren’t marrying for love either, though, so I’m sure separate rooms helped with keeping some distance from someone they might not actually like and also made it easier to entertain their paramours.
We do separate beds. Mostly because I have a clinical sleep disorder. But we also have different mattress preferences, so even then I could make a case for it. Works great.
No, I'm bi-polar and need a very regimented sleep-hygiene to not slip into bouts of insomnia. I snore too (yes, sleep apnea), but she didn't say we need separate beds because of that. I said we need separate beds because if I can't sleep, I can't perform. And a long string of insomnia can trigger a manic episode. But thanks for the armchair diagnosis.
Mmmmm. I'll soundly sleep in a bathtub if it's with a woman I love. Don't love you? Too hot and uncomfortable. And, sleeping alone, I go back to my roots. Way back. If I feel like I'm hiding in a hole and the dinosaurs about to get fucked, I sleep so good.
When my kids were babies and slept in our bed, people would tell me "they need to learn to sleep alone" and I would laugh and tell them no, sleeping alone is so easy, you have to have practice to be able to sleep with someone else. All of them transitioned very easily to sleeping alone, because it is so easy.
97 replies
Me and husband each have our own blankets and sheets and such on the one king bed. Cause he's a furnace and I'd explode if I got that hot. It's much nicer.
Scandinavian sleeping, it's the best!
Add ear plugs and you described by bedroom
How do you ear plug people hear your alarm in the morning? Ive considered trying it but I already have a hard enough time waking up.
Alarms for the deaf come with bed shakers / vibrators. You just chuck a little puck under your pillow / mattress and it definitely wakes you
Different earplug guy here: smart watches and some other devices vibrate or tap on your wrist.
That’s how I wake up, plus I don’t disturb my wife!
Yep, that's me too
My wife always claims that I "steal her blanket", so we also got one each. But they're each 2x2.2m so if we wanna share one, we can
I try not to pay attention to the vote count, and just let my comments uhhh do their thing which is 'rambling' probably!
Yes, separate covers, this is the way.
They come in the night and steal them otherwise.
I sleep better when I’m next to my wife.
I also sleep better when I'm next to your wife
... Sorry, my pre-Lemmy internet use has corrupted me.
“I also choose this guys’ wife.”
"ass to ass, ass to ass"
Yah, my partner and I sleep in the same bed and under the same blankets and I sleep best when either I’m snuggling them or they’re snuggling me.
Married and swear by seperate beds. It's amazing if you've got the space. But it is good to make sure you get plenty of "lying about in bed together" time. But it's great to be able to go off to your own bed after for a peaceful, undisturbed sleep. And being able to read a night or get dressed in the morning without worrying about disturbing your partner.
I read that last one "or get depressed in the morning". How thoughtful not to bother your partner with that, I thought. But getting dressed is good too.
I've dated one person who could not bear to be touched at all in her sleep (but she insisted on sharing the same bed, which made things awkward for me) and another person who snored, but I think that humans probably generally sleep better together. It isn't a sexual thing - look at non-human animals and how they often sleep cuddled up together. As a kid, I shared a bed with my grandfather (we lived in a small apartment) and I would fall asleep hugging him, and as an adult I slept better when I could cuddle up with my dog.
And how is the chocolate factory business?
Come with me
And you will see
A world of OSHA violations
I guess I’m in the minority that I have a harder time sleeping without my spouse than with. I realized about six months in that I’d rapidly developed some sort of dependence where I would fall asleep quickly if I spooned her. She had surgery in January and spent several weeks in the guest room so she could avoid the stairs, so we’ve tried being apart. It is nice if you have the space/budget for a king bed, though, to spread out from each other some.
The idea about separate beds is that that needn't be separated, sometimes they could be pushed together.
But then someone gets stuck in the crack in the middle, which will lead to arguments and divorce.
Maybe the sleep number company was on to something, i dunno
The Thin man did have the perfect marriage...
I guess in a sense we do that. When we bought our bed we were also able to get adjustable bases, so we went with a split king, which is just two XL-twin beds pushed together (this has the same dimensions as a king). That way we could each adjust our side independent of each other but still cuddle up when we wanted. There’s often a small gap in the middle that can grow and be annoying, though.
I'd absolutely love if my wife and I could do the separate bed thing, but she ain't having that for similar reasons you describe. As such, we won't live anywhere that won't accommodate our cal king bed, because she sleeps like a starfish and queen and smaller is a no go.
My wife puts her hands on her chest which has her elbows out to the side, so I understand the challenge. We can usually make a queen work but a king is so much better. Last time we travelled we wound up in a double, which was awful for both of us!
Do y'all just sleep with the AC turned to max all night? I can't possibly imagine any scenario where I could fall asleep while pressed up against a 99* human body during a solid 30% of the year. Without drugs or plenty of booze, that is.
We keep it relatively cool, but that was something we both did already before our relationship. It was actually something I asked about very early, because I grew up as the only person who preferred it cool to sleep while my parents and siblings preferred it warm. She thought it was really forward until I explained, but didn’t really understand until our first vacation with my parents.
In the summer when the AC is running we cool it to 66°F/18.89°C. In the winter we heat to 63°F/17.22°C.
XD XD XD
Oh my sweet summer child...
Wah? You wanna cuddle?
Ass to ass.
Best sleep (on side):
My wife and I have separate sheets and blankets, it's almost like our own beds. It's some good sleep.
That's a good middle ground. Good for you both
Unless you have sleep apnea, the key then is to get a sleep study, and get a cpap. It changed so much for my wife
I too will testify to the power of the CPAP!
I was diagnosed with Sleep Apena and refused to use it.
Well when the MVA told me that if I didn’t show logs of usage I would loose my divers license i started.
It took one night to convince me it was the greatest thing ever, and I felt so stupid for not using it sooner.
My wife actually thought something was wrong because I was so “quiet” when I slept.
Sleep Apena is no bullshit and it is amazing how much it was dragging me down.
Same. Not married, but my partner always had to put in earplugs when I slept with them because I snored so loud, and they were always silent with their CPAP, which was oddly soothing of a sound. Finally got diagnosed after my doctor AND partner both pressured me to. I sleep fairly soundly most nights now. Even got a new mask type yesterday, a minimal contact full face, and I love it. Just gotta adjust my mustache maintenance routine which....to be fair it was already in dire need of, being bushy and rough and uncomfortable, and that upper edge pushing the hairs right back into my face made that all the more obvious. Oof.
My wife did a lot of research and tried different mask configurations and nose pieces and found the right set for her. She has been very compliant and the sleep doctors commend her and are very happy with the results. Compliance is usually low. My aunt on the other hand has tried it but hates it. I wish she would stick with it though. It would help her depression and health in general. My wife hasn’t had a panic attack since she started it
I didn’t really have any issues with the standard issue nose mask, what I did struggle with at first was the tube, but I hung a sheppad’s hook near my bed to keep the mask elevated away from me.
That allows me to toss and turn and not deal with the tube in my face.
I do have to admit, when I first started using it I had a lot of dreams about snakes.
That is awesome! Talk about a great unplanned for benefit.
Wtf... You get that diagnosis and they will pull your driver's license? Holy hell as if I needed any other reason to never fucking go to the doctor unless I'm literally about to die.
This was my reaction at first but when I thought about it my perspective changed. Fatigued driving is really dangerous. Your response/reaction time is severely degraded as is your decision making ability.
Impaired driving isn’t just from being intoxicated.
It is similar to how people with seizures disorders can’t drive.
I've heard of this for commercial driver's licenses. But it really isn't safe to drive when your body is very sleep deprived from the apnea.
Nah. My wife snores like hell, but I can't fall asleep when she isn't there.
I struggle to sleep without my husband. I need my feet to touch his, at least. We share a queen bed, even use the same blanket (it is a King blanket though). Im really surprised so many folks don't sleep in the same bed at their partner here. Nothing wrong with it, I'm just surprised.
Maybe things will change when we are older, but I couldn't imagine.
I am kind of incredulous that anyone actually sleeps better with a whole separate person in the bed. It gets too hot and you both wake up whenever the other one uses the bathroom, or if you don't go to bed at the same time, or if you don't get up at the same time. Just from those basic mechanics it seems to defy logic that actual sleep quality, beyond some intangible aesthetic, wouldn't be negatively impacted.
I have terrible insomnia, I have misophonia, and I am a light sleeper. My partner talks in his sleep, he's a furnace, and a loud breather, but I'll tell you, nothing conks me out like turning over and being the big spoon on that guy. When he's out of town it's harder (or at least less comfortable) to fall asleep. Sometimes when I really really can't sleep for hours, I'll reach over and just hold his limp sleeping hand and it helps.
He can fall asleep anywhere and sleep through anything though. If we were both poor sleepers, idk what we'd do.
Usually we both have to pee around 2am, so the wake up is not a bother. We also are used to each other’s alarms, so aren’t woken by the other.
We do the same, she’ll have a foot touching my ankle and I’ll have a hand touching her hip. Sometimes her toenails are stabby and I roll away but she seeks me out in her sleep lol.
Occasionally I’ll sleep on the couch if I have a sinus headache as it is more upright to promote drainage, but vast majority of time we sleep together.
I wish I could sleep in the same bed as my partner (forever, not just the rare nights when we try). It's lovely to have the physical touch as I fall asleep. Unfortunately I toss, turn, and sometimes wake up in cold sweats from nightmares, so it's better for both of us to have the separate beds.
My husband used to have night terrors before he got sober. That shit was scary! He would sleep talk, and not sound human. I'll never forget I woke up early one day while he stayed asleep and I heard him yelling "help" over and over. I was so scared, I ran to him, and woke him.
Thank goodness it stopped when he got sober. I feel for anyone who gets night terrors, it's no fun
It took me a few years to convince my partner that sleeping separately would be a good idea. He snores and I am a very light sleeper. It has improved our relationship to sleep apart. Since I talk to my friends about it, I know that many of them also sleep apart and credit it for being able to stay happily married instead of being sleep deprived and always mad at their partner. On vacation, we often go back to sharing a bed.
I agree. My wife and I fought against separate beds for a long time, but some things went down that required us to have alternate sleep schedules so that forced us to do it.
That was 12 years ago and we have had separate bedrooms ever since.
We have since learned that pretty much all of our friends who have been married for significant number of years sleep in separate beds. Sleeping is such an important part of living and a huge impact on QoL. So once you accept that quality sleep is a basic need and not a referendum on the state of the marriage it just solves a set of problems.
Using a Device of Mandibular Advancement I have been able to stop snoring completely and I don’t need CPAP anymore.
It is done by dentists.
I think that we as couple, we feel somewhat the same. Split bedrooms never hurt us. Try’na pretend that we don’t do weird stuff in our sleep is absolutely crazy talk. The bizarre behavior we do in our sleep is downright weird & funny. There should absolutely be no shame in sleeping separately for a solid nights rest. Any halfway intelligent couple is aware of this. Or at least will soon be turned on to this insane idea. .
My ideal living situation with a partner would be:
Two entirely separate living areas with individual bedrooms, plus a third area for both of us that also has a bed.
So in other words, I'll probably be single forever.
I mean, that's how it's like with my third partner, so I think you'll be okay.
(Note: we are poly, not cheating with HR)
I sleep much better when my wife is nearby. We have a super king though so she isn't exactly smushed against me, she's just nearby.
Big room,
bigHUGE bedThe room is pretty tiny so it's mostly bed!
I sleep much better accompanied. I'm single at the moment and it's been dreary.
My only non solicited advice.. don't advertise your lonely.. let it happen organically, then it's real. Recognize it's not forever. Nothing is, but enjoy the time you have with your significant other and embrace it.
When I'm sad I just stop being sad and be awesome instead.
Relics of reddit.. that wasn't even close.. I was giving my only wisdom from a place of experience, and seemingly got torn down for empathizing and trying
gettingto help..It's a reference to the popular TV show How I Met Your Mother
Interesting...
A game changer for me was separate cover blankets.
When we got together this was not even negotiable on either side, we basically laughed at the idea of a single blanket.
I did suggested a single mattress to not have a gap but got a simple no and didn’t ask again.
Works great if you have extra rooms around your house for each person. Must be freaking nice.
I also need to sleep alone. Everyone is different. My wife stirs so much that it's better to sleep in separate beds and have ehmmm surprise night visits.
I sleep better with my wife in the bed :3
I sleep better with your wife in my bed too!
I'm a fan of the big bed and separate blankets strategy. It's similar, but you don't have to get up to cuddle, you just scootch closer.
This is what we do, works great!
I sleep so much better with my wife. Unless I snore, then I get kicked awake all night
I also sleep so much better with your wife
you're the one kicking him, aren't you?
Oh shit, Jen? /s
Me and my husband HAVE to have separate beds. He moves around a lot and it's like being in an earthquake.
I like John Hodgman's suggestion: Couples should sleep in two beds, in two villas, separated by a reflecting pool.
I mean, I would like it if I could afford it.
Death by drowning to sleep walkers, though
I sleep better snuggled up against someone.
Everyone's gonna have different needs, but I've benefited a lot from having the option to sleep separately. Having a second bed set up means it can happen whenever we need, or accommodate if more people need to stay over.
Sometimes I'll need to stretch out in a weird way or I'll get muscle spasms that would keep us both up, so it's a no brainer to sleep separately. Sometimes mentally I need the space too, but otherwise I really do like falling asleep with someone. So it's like a 50/50 if it will work for me on any given night. My nesting partner tends to fall asleep a lot faster so usually I'll cuddle her to sleep and then get back up, bumble around a little bit then go sleep in my bed. It works out great for the both of us!
I uses to suffer from night terrors regularly that mostly went away when I started sleeping with SO. Thay being said we do sleep better in a long size bed then in the standard twin we have at home. So maybe the issue is space.
Been doing this since the pandemic. And no, it's not a dead bedroom situation, not by a longshot. We just have wildly different circadian rhythms, sleeping habits, we both snore, all of which was leading to consistently interrupted sleep for both of us. This was the only compromise that didn't impact anyone's health. Sharing a bed all the time is romantic, but hardly practical in the long run. Especially when prostatitis and peri-menopause enter the picture.
It's also been a godsend when anyone gets sick. Plus, a ton of decorating options opened up for both of us - it's nice.
Also: the royals do this. With all the wealth the Windsors have, giving everyone their own private suite was where they landed. Makes you think.
LMFAO, you're using the Royals as your example of romantic loving couples?
The royals often weren’t marrying for love either, though, so I’m sure separate rooms helped with keeping some distance from someone they might not actually like and also made it easier to entertain their paramours.
There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall and Lily try this
We do separate beds. Mostly because I have a clinical sleep disorder. But we also have different mattress preferences, so even then I could make a case for it. Works great.
Snore... you snore it's okay.. it's called apnea. A lot of us have it..
No, I'm bi-polar and need a very regimented sleep-hygiene to not slip into bouts of insomnia. I snore too (yes, sleep apnea), but she didn't say we need separate beds because of that. I said we need separate beds because if I can't sleep, I can't perform. And a long string of insomnia can trigger a manic episode. But thanks for the armchair diagnosis.
Today I learned that bipolarism causes sleep disturbances as well
i sleep a thousand times better with my arm around someone
Hasn't the idea of "sleep divorce" been circulating In news recently?
Mmmmm. I'll soundly sleep in a bathtub if it's with a woman I love. Don't love you? Too hot and uncomfortable. And, sleeping alone, I go back to my roots. Way back. If I feel like I'm hiding in a hole and the dinosaurs about to get fucked, I sleep so good.
When my kids were babies and slept in our bed, people would tell me "they need to learn to sleep alone" and I would laugh and tell them no, sleeping alone is so easy, you have to have practice to be able to sleep with someone else. All of them transitioned very easily to sleeping alone, because it is so easy.
That was TV censorship, not a reflection of real life at the time.