I started with a $30 cheapo 10 years ago and it was life changing. Last year I got a stupid expensive one. Like, has a night light, auto flush (because I got the matching toilet), auto lid, heated seat, heated water, deodorizer, wireless remote, etc. (Toto S7A)
Just so you're prepared, the air dry doesn't fully replace the pat dry entirely unless you're gonna sit there for a good long time.
I honestly got used to the regular temp one. So much so that when I moved and the new house came with the fancier bidet, I just ended up using regular water every time.
You can find a decent one with heated seat/water/fan for not much more than that. I spent a bit over 100$ for mine, and I love it. We had to RMA it within 6 months because the heater died, but it's been rocking for like 1.5 years since then without issue.
Worth every penny. Especially in the middle of winter.
That's true but if the argument is "deal with shit on your butt the same way you would deal with shit anywhere else on the body" then the logical conclusion would be to take a shower after every poo
But with a bidet, you do have an option with soap since it can be rinsed (which I believe is the norm in my poor ass country, be it bidet or good ol' dipper). I don't normally wipe soap with a tissue.
"Hey, if some caked-up mud pie got on your face, would you just wipe it off with a dry piece of tissue and call it a day? No! You'd wash it. So why is your butthole any different?" - Detective Allen Gamble, 'The Other Guys'
Different enough that I'm fine with thoroughly wiping my ass. That's hardly "having shit smeared all around". I'm regularly under the shower and that's good enough for me.
By butthole is nowhere near my taste buds and designed to pump out fecal matter. Other than my lips. Bidets are cool but I if there isn't one that's not a problem.
I got onboard the bidet train during the Covid lockdown. Simple to add on at my apartment. It was my #1 request when I moved to my GF's house. We replaced the whole toilet with the upgrades.
It took one of my partners having surgery before they agreed to let me install a bidet. Never have I been so happy to strut around and say "I told you so" once they both tried it and realized bidets are awesome.
That's what I love about mine. Automatic lid raise and lower as you walk in, heated ring and water, (both adjustable temp), air dry, (again heated), and charcoal filtered air filtration to minimize the stench from that drive through burrito.
It's the posh life. Very nearly the equal to having your own chamberlain.
I got something like this for like 15 euros from a German shop but I'm sure you'll find it everywhere. I payed a little extra for stainless-steel instead of plastic. It's still incredibly cheap and my family uses it daily for years. I don't need any more luxury.
I think this is better than whats mounted into the toilet, because well sooner or later you get one of those days when shit flies everywhere and then enjoy cleaning the nozzle, meanwhile these things are usually just attached to the side of the toilet pr to the wall and no danger of it getting shit on barring extreme circumstances
Even the cheap ones have a self clean setting. It just sprays water down the nozzle, and is between on and off. Turn it to that for a second and then off. Never had an issue. When I clean the toilet I use the same brush to glance over it, but really it stays clean on its own
Lol, maybe in a shit (pun intended) bidet. Mine is mounted under the toilet seat and self cleans before and after spraying. Also, I can have it set to hit my butthole instead of trying to plains aim and spraying water and shit where it doesn't need to be.
Plus, mine has heated water, so I don't feel like I'm gonna get frostbite on my butthole in the dead of winter.
Well you could hire a maid, and they pour toilet bowl cleaner onto it. Even after you told them not to. Now the plastic is eaten away, and you have to replace it.
So, maybe I'm missing something here, but bidets don't seem all that great? Everyone on the internet is always proclaiming life changing experiences with these things. However, when I recently used them they don't seem to do very much. My butthole is still poopy and when I wipe to dry my ass the toilet paper tears.
Some are better than others in both power and nozzle angle/placement. Sometimes you have to shimmy to get the angle just right if the power is low. It should result in a wipe in which no fecal matter remains, only wetness, if executed properly.
Exactly. There's a learning curve but once you've got it, you dread wipe only bathrooms. Installed a bidet on one of my toilets six months ago and now that's the only toilet anybody in the house poops in unless it's already occupied.
Low water pressure maybe? Mines a real cheap one and I've never had issues with not being clean after. I do usually get stronger toilet paper, but I only use a roll or two a month. I wouldn't say it's life changing, but I do prefer it. Also has saved me a lot on tp
I like the bidet's we have at home, but I don't get the ones that are separate from the toilet. Saw this type when visiting San Juan, PR once. Their plumbing system can't handle toilet paper very well, so it's all bidets with a stack of washed towels.
Not only do they take up extra space in the bathroom, but are you supposed to waddle over to this thing with a dingleberry hanging out? I don't get why you'd want that.
The one argument I've heard in their favor is from people with vaginas who don't like the idea of the built-in sprayer catching bits of poop that'll get in their cootch.
It's not fear it's just taking a bit of effort to be respectful and inclusive.
If someone gets mad because you just said women then yeah I'd agree that's a bit much but taking a bit of time to be inclusive shouldn't be something you're upset about.
My friend has one of those Japanese ones. It also has a warmed toilet seat. When I came out, I said that seat is amazing and they said people never come out of there. I proposed that they were napping on the seat. Why do seat warmers feel so good? The thing is, I could never figure out how to make the actual bidet part work. I suspect the people who took a long time were also trying to test it out, but didn't know how. Or maybe they did and enjoyed it?
Punch a hole in the neck of a small water bottle using a (hot) needle or a cork screw. Fill the bottle with water, close the lit and spray your ass by holding the bottle upside down and squeezing it. I used this 1$ Ghetto-Bidet for years!
I got a Brondell bidet from Costco for like $80. It's just the seat and it's pretty fancy slick with how it self cleans and hides/reveals itself while having no electricity going on. Just have to make sure that if you want hot water you'll have to connect it to the sink waterline. I didn't do that and the cold wasn't a problem after a few uses getting comfortable.
I've had this for a year and no issues. Takes 5 mins to install and anyone can do it. $35 after tax. I think I got it for 27 or something last year. If you don't like it after a while, you're not out much. But Ive saved more than $35 in toilet paper since I've got it
I got an $80 one from Home Depot. And it was the second best purchase i have made. It really didn’t have to be expensive… but i did try to buy one on Amazon… and it was designed to fail, so i recommend just going to get one at a store
I'm using one of those hand squeezer bidets and yes, it's great. Ever wiped your ass until it was sore? That's because some little shit pebbles refuse to get out. With a bidet you can shoot those motherfuckers directly out of your rectum.
We’ve got one of those ones that attaches to a regular toilet, and I gotta say that it’s fucking wonderful.
However. The water pressure in our house can be kinda weird. Mostly it’s normal, but sometimes it’s like a jet washer for a few seconds. And those few seconds after you’ve first opened the bidet are like getting reamed out by a Karcher.
I'll never understand where the term "blowing hot air up my ass" as if it was a pleasurable thing came from. I find it to be foul, but turning my bidet blower down to the coolest breeze is refreshing AF.
My dad would use the term 'blowing purple smoke up my ass' to mean someone was lying to him or trying to scam him. Never understood that.
Flash edit: Damn, it was the acupuncture of its day.
Well that's because the phrase is "blowing smoke up my ass" not "blowing hot air up my ass". You're probably mixing it up with someone being "full of hot air".
It comes from an actual medical procedure way back in the day where doctors would, well, blow smoke up your ass.
There's no checkmate here. It's already all figured out by the millions of bidet users over the last hundred years. My wife uses toilet paper, I prefer a small basket of washrags to blot the water away. The rag gets slightly damp and there is no visible poo (having been washed away already), but I'm not going to use it on my face after so if there are micro-particles I don't care.
I'm a convert as of 7ish years ago. First one bathroom, then all bathrooms and the whole family vastly prefers over TP and even our previous favorite, baby wipes. Plus no waste, it's really wins all around. Especially on the butthole.
Sit for a minute or two to air dry and then use a towel or few pieces of toilet paper to touch up any wet spot. Still much less toilet paper than if you didn't use a Bidet.
Bidets are amazing. If you don't have one you should go buy one, they start fairly low priced
Paid $50 for mine like 7 years ago. Is it fancy? Heck no. Does it clean my butt real good? Heck yes.
When I can afford a fancy heated, air drying bidet that will be my goalpost of success.
I started with a $30 cheapo 10 years ago and it was life changing. Last year I got a stupid expensive one. Like, has a night light, auto flush (because I got the matching toilet), auto lid, heated seat, heated water, deodorizer, wireless remote, etc. (Toto S7A)
Just so you're prepared, the air dry doesn't fully replace the pat dry entirely unless you're gonna sit there for a good long time.
That said, I have no regrets.
I just shake my ass off like a dog coming in out of the rain
I honestly got used to the regular temp one. So much so that when I moved and the new house came with the fancier bidet, I just ended up using regular water every time.
You can find a decent one with heated seat/water/fan for not much more than that. I spent a bit over 100$ for mine, and I love it. We had to RMA it within 6 months because the heater died, but it's been rocking for like 1.5 years since then without issue.
Worth every penny. Especially in the middle of winter.
🤌
I don't know about you but I don't wipe my anus on my face or use it to pick up food. No judgement though.
Me either, but I would still prefer it to be clean.
But I sit on my couch and bed, where I sometimes lay. I know there is a layer of clothing, but sweat is a thing.
Do you ever have someone's face near your junk?
If I got shit on my arm I would wash it with soap, there's no soap in a bidet so I don't get this argument
Water > dry paper.
That's true but if the argument is "deal with shit on your butt the same way you would deal with shit anywhere else on the body" then the logical conclusion would be to take a shower after every poo
The argument is "The common way of dealing with it is bad". Doesn't have to be perfect to be better.
But with a bidet, you do have an option with soap since it can be rinsed (which I believe is the norm in my poor ass country, be it bidet or good ol' dipper). I don't normally wipe soap with a tissue.
Why is my ass always itching?
Because you don't wash it, you dumbass.
Do people not wash daily? This seems like a general hygiene issue, and not that closely correlated with bidet use.
Source: I have never used a bidet, and my butt does not itch, ya know, because I wash daily?
Bidet with a quiet-close toilet seat 🧑🍳💋
Wiping like a pleb when you travel and slamming the seat.
Auto lid, auto flush checking in.
Yes, I'm spoiled.
"Hey, if some caked-up mud pie got on your face, would you just wipe it off with a dry piece of tissue and call it a day? No! You'd wash it. So why is your butthole any different?" - Detective Allen Gamble, 'The Other Guys'
My butthole is very different from my face and I hope that is true for everyone else as well
Different enough that you don't mind having shit smeared all around it?
Different enough that I'm fine with thoroughly wiping my ass. That's hardly "having shit smeared all around". I'm regularly under the shower and that's good enough for me.
Lip skin is the same as butthole skin
Be kind
Bidet and wipe
By butthole is nowhere near my taste buds and designed to pump out fecal matter. Other than my lips. Bidets are cool but I if there isn't one that's not a problem.
An actual shit post lol
I got onboard the bidet train during the Covid lockdown. Simple to add on at my apartment. It was my #1 request when I moved to my GF's house. We replaced the whole toilet with the upgrades.
Yup. Same. Feels way better. It's just like taking a shower after every dump.
Yay, bidet!
It took one of my partners having surgery before they agreed to let me install a bidet. Never have I been so happy to strut around and say "I told you so" once they both tried it and realized bidets are awesome.
Once you go bidet, you'll have a happy day.
Reading this on a toilet without a bidet :(
Please send your prayers
Thought and prayers 🙏
Had my first experience of a bidet in Japan but not just that, the toilet seat was heated too, that was my first dump after landing
That's what I love about mine. Automatic lid raise and lower as you walk in, heated ring and water, (both adjustable temp), air dry, (again heated), and charcoal filtered air filtration to minimize the stench from that drive through burrito.
It's the posh life. Very nearly the equal to having your own chamberlain.
Humm, I see you enjoy Toto. The king of home Bidets!
God bless the rains down in Africa.
I got something like this for like 15 euros from a German shop but I'm sure you'll find it everywhere. I payed a little extra for stainless-steel instead of plastic. It's still incredibly cheap and my family uses it daily for years. I don't need any more luxury.
I think this is better than whats mounted into the toilet, because well sooner or later you get one of those days when shit flies everywhere and then enjoy cleaning the nozzle, meanwhile these things are usually just attached to the side of the toilet pr to the wall and no danger of it getting shit on barring extreme circumstances
Even the cheap ones have a self clean setting. It just sprays water down the nozzle, and is between on and off. Turn it to that for a second and then off. Never had an issue. When I clean the toilet I use the same brush to glance over it, but really it stays clean on its own
Lol, maybe in a shit (pun intended) bidet. Mine is mounted under the toilet seat and self cleans before and after spraying. Also, I can have it set to hit my butthole instead of trying to plains aim and spraying water and shit where it doesn't need to be.
Plus, mine has heated water, so I don't feel like I'm gonna get frostbite on my butthole in the dead of winter.
If it's tapped directly into the ice cold water line that sounds terrible. Gotta save up and spring for ceramic instant water heating.
Nah, it's great, seriously. Saves me a cup of coffee in the morning. :)
Plastic doesn't rust, sometimes it's better. Even better if it let's you adjust the spray width.
Well you could hire a maid, and they pour toilet bowl cleaner onto it. Even after you told them not to. Now the plastic is eaten away, and you have to replace it.
This is the kind I have, and I will never not have one again.
So, maybe I'm missing something here, but bidets don't seem all that great? Everyone on the internet is always proclaiming life changing experiences with these things. However, when I recently used them they don't seem to do very much. My butthole is still poopy and when I wipe to dry my ass the toilet paper tears.
Operator error.
Clearly needs more hydro pressure
Some are better than others in both power and nozzle angle/placement. Sometimes you have to shimmy to get the angle just right if the power is low. It should result in a wipe in which no fecal matter remains, only wetness, if executed properly.
Exactly. There's a learning curve but once you've got it, you dread wipe only bathrooms. Installed a bidet on one of my toilets six months ago and now that's the only toilet anybody in the house poops in unless it's already occupied.
You need to use the power washer setting. Takes the paint right off the wall.....
Low water pressure maybe? Mines a real cheap one and I've never had issues with not being clean after. I do usually get stronger toilet paper, but I only use a roll or two a month. I wouldn't say it's life changing, but I do prefer it. Also has saved me a lot on tp
Yes and also mine takes 30+ seconds to properly clean so make sure you take your time.
I like to waggle my butt in the stream to make sure I get everything clean.
I was like you a few years ago.
The crappy ones feel like that.
Then I sat on a fancy one that sang me a lullaby and gave me positive encouragement as I pooped. My god, my entire butthole is so fresh.
I now understand.
I like the bidet's we have at home, but I don't get the ones that are separate from the toilet. Saw this type when visiting San Juan, PR once. Their plumbing system can't handle toilet paper very well, so it's all bidets with a stack of washed towels.
Not only do they take up extra space in the bathroom, but are you supposed to waddle over to this thing with a dingleberry hanging out? I don't get why you'd want that.
The one argument I've heard in their favor is from people with vaginas who don't like the idea of the built-in sprayer catching bits of poop that'll get in their cootch.
Not all vagina-havers are women is the point you seem to be missing.
Do you also think that saying "Happy Holidays" somehow excludes Christians?
Increasing the size of your umbrella doesn't discriminate against the people who are already under it. It simply invites more people to join them.
Delete this too.
bad opinion
how tf does it discriminate women?? it's calling all vagina havers women that's discriminating towards non women, this is just being inclusive
A world with people? With vaginas?
What are you talking about?
Why do you assume it's fear that motivates people to use language that's inclusive of trans and non-binary people?
It's not fear it's just taking a bit of effort to be respectful and inclusive.
If someone gets mad because you just said women then yeah I'd agree that's a bit much but taking a bit of time to be inclusive shouldn't be something you're upset about.
Still waiting for an answer, big guy.
Just kidding, we know it's because you're scared of queer people.
Then answer the question.
No, that's deleting your comment like a coward.
I asked you to answer the question, transphobe.
My friend has one of those Japanese ones. It also has a warmed toilet seat. When I came out, I said that seat is amazing and they said people never come out of there. I proposed that they were napping on the seat. Why do seat warmers feel so good? The thing is, I could never figure out how to make the actual bidet part work. I suspect the people who took a long time were also trying to test it out, but didn't know how. Or maybe they did and enjoyed it?
Japanese toilets are so far beyond what we're doing anywhere else in the world it's not even funny
Wtaf have our toilet scientists been doing for the last century in the western world?
Trying to get people to sit the right way on the toliet.
Do people not use the shelf for their comics and snacks?
It’s as easy as using
twothree shells.What's the third one for
I remember it being a meme, but I couldn't remember which one. For the uninformed like me: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/three-seashells
Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball breaking, duck fucking pain in the ass.
Mom, dad, I’m gay. Also that heated toilet seat is amazing.
I’ve brought bidets awesomeness in groups before.
It is immediately apparent who is “in the club” and who is not.
Me
Bottle of water. Wash with hand.
Punch a hole in the neck of a small water bottle using a (hot) needle or a cork screw. Fill the bottle with water, close the lit and spray your ass by holding the bottle upside down and squeezing it. I used this 1$ Ghetto-Bidet for years!
Nice for emergencies, but an actual bidet is like $10-20 and install takes less than 5min (10 if you count watching a YouTube on how to do it.)
Remember you don’t have to clean your whole ass. You just have to clean your ass’s hole.
I wash my bum with liquid soap and my ass smells like strawberries all day. Hell yeah bidets
Am
I am
I was literally getting my ass sprayed when I opened this meme.
Check out this dude/dudette, having sex while on the internet!
fuck yeah
How appropriate to have posted it here. Are you cleaning up the hole place?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I read Biden 😢
Skibidi Biden
Soon. Soon.
Anyone got bidets to recommend (full toilets or kit to install on top of current toilets)?
I feel like most are really expensive and I wouldn’t want to waste money on something too expensive or something bad
I got a Brondell bidet from Costco for like $80. It's just the seat and it's pretty fancy slick with how it self cleans and hides/reveals itself while having no electricity going on. Just have to make sure that if you want hot water you'll have to connect it to the sink waterline. I didn't do that and the cold wasn't a problem after a few uses getting comfortable.
Worst case just return it if you don't like it.
I got my Brondell bidet from Amazon and it cost $20.
Mine for reference: https://www.costco.ca/brondell-swash-cl99-non-electric-bidet-toilet-seat.product.100595924.html They raised the price :(
I've had this for a year and no issues. Takes 5 mins to install and anyone can do it. $35 after tax. I think I got it for 27 or something last year. If you don't like it after a while, you're not out much. But Ive saved more than $35 in toilet paper since I've got it
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-Dual-Nozzles-Bidet-Attachment-with-Self-Cleaning-in-White-Water-Sprayer-Bidet-for-Toilet/5613101215?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&selectedOfferId=D7457F3B7ACF397DB62BC5ACC71F57F0&conditionGroupCode=1&wl13=3137&gclsrc=aw.ds&adid=222222222785613101215_117755028669_12420145346&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=501107745824&wl4=pla-394283752452&wl5=9013636&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=local&wl12=5613101215&veh=sem_LIA&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1
Maybe that ones fancier, idk
I got an $80 one from Home Depot. And it was the second best purchase i have made. It really didn’t have to be expensive… but i did try to buy one on Amazon… and it was designed to fail, so i recommend just going to get one at a store
Installed one for my wife when she moved it, never used it. At this point I've forgotten it's even there. Talk about old habits dying hard.
Heck yeah!
https://reddthat.com/post/11434663
I'm using one of those hand squeezer bidets and yes, it's great. Ever wiped your ass until it was sore? That's because some little shit pebbles refuse to get out. With a bidet you can shoot those motherfuckers directly out of your rectum.
We’ve got one of those ones that attaches to a regular toilet, and I gotta say that it’s fucking wonderful.
However. The water pressure in our house can be kinda weird. Mostly it’s normal, but sometimes it’s like a jet washer for a few seconds. And those few seconds after you’ve first opened the bidet are like getting reamed out by a Karcher.
Can also wash your ass in the shower.
Yeah, but some people shit thrice daily.
You shower after every shit?
Bidet causes vampirism?
Yes.
Why are you using a French dude in the pictures when everyone knows they don’t use bidets?
24/7, Orchard fresh, my dude. I've OPTIONS.
I went to paper high school, then baby wipes college. Let me know when you get your PhD from bidet university, then we'll talk.
🤣 Damn. I had to upvote this one.
Stop kidding yourself
Missed opportunity on "Stop skidding yourself".
Amateur hour.
I love spraying flecks of poo all over the handle so the next guy touches my poo flecks, very euro sanitary
Ew its a bidet, not an enema dude
Not with that attitude, it isn't.
Skill issue.
How would you even manage to do that?
When you spray your asshole with a high pressure stream of water it sends flecks of poo into the air
That's why you don't use 100% pressure from the beginning. You ease into it.
Also, your 're sitting down so your butt is literally covering the water from getting splashed in the air.
No it doesn't.
Then why is my whole bathroom covered in a fine layer of poo flecks? Checkmate
Because you're standing up while you use it, for some reason.
I squat on top of the seat like everyone else
So you were already doomed to splashback, what's a little brown mist in the mix?
Not pictured: the wet spot on the back of their pants.
Seriously, how do bidet enjoyers dry their asses?
My one has a heated fan to dry down there
I'll never understand where the term "blowing hot air up my ass" as if it was a pleasurable thing came from. I find it to be foul, but turning my bidet blower down to the coolest breeze is refreshing AF.
My dad would use the term 'blowing purple smoke up my ass' to mean someone was lying to him or trying to scam him. Never understood that.
Flash edit: Damn, it was the acupuncture of its day.
Well that's because the phrase is "blowing smoke up my ass" not "blowing hot air up my ass". You're probably mixing it up with someone being "full of hot air".
It comes from an actual medical procedure way back in the day where doctors would, well, blow smoke up your ass.
Yes but now the towel has poo water on it
There's no checkmate here. It's already all figured out by the millions of bidet users over the last hundred years. My wife uses toilet paper, I prefer a small basket of washrags to blot the water away. The rag gets slightly damp and there is no visible poo (having been washed away already), but I'm not going to use it on my face after so if there are micro-particles I don't care.
I'm a convert as of 7ish years ago. First one bathroom, then all bathrooms and the whole family vastly prefers over TP and even our previous favorite, baby wipes. Plus no waste, it's really wins all around. Especially on the butthole.
I keep some toilet paper too.
I have toilet paper for most of it and a fan to dry the rest of the way on mine.
Sit for a minute or two to air dry and then use a towel or few pieces of toilet paper to touch up any wet spot. Still much less toilet paper than if you didn't use a Bidet.
Also some Bidets have actual blowers lol.
My wife blots with a bit of TP and tosses it in the trash can. Guessing plumbing is more sensitive where she's from.