Whatever the guys in MS Cloudstrike did today.

I write code for those who pay me money.

I delete code of people who don't pay me.

I’m a teacher, so I guess now I spread misinformation on social media for a living. 🤡

I think the exact opposite would turn me into a literal pirate; stealing money in a way that statistically increases the risks of maritime commercial ventures.

I make sure people don't talk to each other about what they're working on and hide important information they need to complete tasks. Sometimes I'll advise them to work on the wrong thing for a long time.

In my spare moments I delete the data in reports and unpivot tables.

I write good code now.

I fix software bugs

I transition automated processes into manual labor

I am now loving my job.

Software engineer here. I'd become the worst thing I can imagine... a user.

I have a job! Woohoo!

I write software that scours the internet for porn and other NSL content, then sends it to school kids.

Damn I feel like the polar opposite of my job is also my job. But if I try to make it bad, I'd say I would hurt and demotivate children and try to keep them stupid

I lock people out of their homes and break door hardware.

Aww geez, I'm a frat boy now

Now I cut features from software one by one

Break computers

Black hat hacker, I break into people's servers and fuck up their shit

I work in IT for a company that helps patients get medications they need.

I physically prevent people from getting the medications they need.

My job is having a job.

I guess I now beat people up?

I am served and taken care of from the moment I wake up untill the moment I fall asleep. Someone makes me nutritious meals, and I only do activities that stimulate my brain. Once a year a small baby gets shoved up inside me

Well, fuck, I'm now an engineer on day shift. (I'm night shift QA and most of my issues are caused by careless engineers.)

Instead of talking to the customers and fixing issues I'm writing code and breaking things.

So apparently I work at Crowdstrike

I do research on technologies that make airplanes heavier, increase their fuel consumption and make them fall out of the sky more often. Oh and I spend time in the classroom making sure students have no idea how to reverse it.

Does that mean instead of cleaning up the place, I make it messy as fuck? 🤔 What's the opposite of a janitor?

I'm an anarcho-capitalist with a real hatred for the homeless.

Annihilate transportation infrastructure on a large scale.

CloudStrike has already put me out of business, it seems

Outbound inferiority

I make sure what I send is going to fail all the tasks. Nothing but the worst for my customers.

Cause brain damage? Idk how do you remove knowledge?

I ignore people with broken bones

Ill be hosting AA meetings.

If it were the opposite, I make sure planes come out of the sky

Instead of building homes, I destroy them... So same trade, different step.

I find people who have been injured by corporations and greed, and rob them.

Traumatise people.

Could be fun for a while!

I disorganize rare books and artifacts 😔

I decommission computers with a very efficient inventory and documentation system.

I break bones...

I travel on-site to build server clusters wherever my company needs them.
I decommission Raspberry Pis at home.

Efficient desktop destroyer

I'm now taking digital databases and write them by hand in an unnecessarily vomplicated fashion to paper while making up a story for each entry.

I make chemical weapons to kill millions.

I cause soft tissue damage

I go to people's houses and steal their books.

I reverse-engineer software.

I assemble and disassemble industrial machinery for final testing. I already do the opposite of what I do?

I become a Asset Liability Mismanagement specialist.

My job is to devise an investment strategy and corresponding pension benefit structure that maximises the chance that the pension fund runs out of money before all pensions are paid, and does so as quickly as possible while taking as much risk as possible.

So basically what pension schemes did in the 80s and 90s.

I race up a mountain in an old suv. Hang gliders fly up and land at rhe top of the mountain. We all drive down to the landing zone.

I now make it impossible for trade schools to be publicly funded.

I think I work at Crowdstrike now

I am now an oil baron.

A super hierarchical and meaningless job in a big company, for which I'm well-paid. I have a lot of colleagues and I hate them. I have no right to initiative and strict but quiet schedules.

Visit people's houses and take their food.

I'm sitting at home with PTSD from deployment instead of working, so the opposite would be me working without PTSD. That would be great, where do I sign?

Having.a job instead of waiting for the next quarter of college. As to what the job is, couldn't tell you.

I make up pseudoscience? I guess?

btw gravity is fake, the earth is flat

I guess now I ensure that hot water heaters will explode?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rGWmONHipVo&pp=ygUfbXl0aGJ1c3RlcnMgd2F0ZXIgaGVhdGVyIHJvY2tldA%3D%3D

I encourage people to use drugs in the most dangerous way possible. Occasionally kidnapping people from hospitals or rehabs and then dump them on the streets.

I have to make sure life is as difficult as possible, and squash all opportunity for learning and growth for the most affluent, able and healthy people who exist in our society.

What do I do....

I destroy aircraft tools. Sometimes I also make them.

I guess my job is everything.

Edit: And I guess no more recovering from medical stuff. Maybe about 2 years from now I'll be post surgery enough to start working again.

I do not sell software. Don’t install it. If you try to anyway and have questions, I will provide instructions on how to completely fuck your integration up.

I follow disabled people around for hours, doing everything in my power to make life less convenient for them.

I sit and listen while old people complain about music all day.

I don't make false promises anymore. I'm free.

As a QA, I guess I'm getting zooted and living in my head!

Illuminating Monk.

I go buy stuff!

I destroy things instead of creating them.

I take warriors and train them to integrate into the real world.

Apparantly I'm endangering everyone and encouraging chaos and disorder

Poor

I now talk to women for a living

I cause massive amounts of damage and disorder within local school systems.

I'm a pastor who rails on the demonic music of today.

I become a professional hotel critic.

I destroy media that large scale companies collect for various purposes.