Parents of Lemmy, looking for insights and advice.

My 4 year old started kindergarten this year and up until now everything has been going great. He's been fully toilet trained since he was 2.5 and hasn't had so much as an accident since then.

Last week he peed in his pants, then again Monday and Tuesday this week. I asked him if something as going on and he kept kind of brushing me off like he was embarrassed so I'd drop it and just move on while keeping a close eye.

Last night he told he's been seeing other kids penises in school and he doesn't like to use the bathroom because of it. He went on to name 3 different boys and 1 girl who he's seen in the bathroom at school. There's a single bathroom in the classroom, just a room with 1 toilet and a sink. From how he tells it, he'll be in the bathroom and the teachers aid will bring in another kid who needs their diaper changed, and he'll see them getting changed and they'll see him going to the bathroom.

From day 1 we always made sure he knew that no one was supposed to see or touch his private spots, and even made a stigma of me and my wife touching him down there once he was old enough to do everything himself. A few months ago we had to put a cream on him down there for an unrelated medical thing, and we made it a point to not do it in a private room and make it a hush hush thing, and instead I'd announce to my wife that i was applying the cream and we'd do it in the living room. He'd ask why we were doing it and I'd explain that the doctors needed us to do this for a little bit. So he's very aware that his penis is private and no one is to see it, and if anyone tries to he needs to tell us.

So he's very uncomfortable with this whole setup at school, he doesn't want others to see his stuff and doesn't want to see others, and there's no reason to, he doesn't need any help in the bathroom.

If this was a one time thing, say a kid had a bad accident and needed to get in there ASAP, sure that would make sense. But my son has said it's a reoccurring situation and it's causing him to have issues going to the bathroom.

Something I just realized while typing this. He stopped eating his lunch, we pack and the past week or two there's been a lot left in his lunchbox when he gets home. He's said a few times when I asked him why he didn't eat that he didn't want to have to poop, then eats a whole meal when he gets home. I chalked that up to him going through a phase since he goes back and forth between eating for an army and not eating much pretty frequently, but now I think it might be connected.

So parents, is this how kindergarten is? Is this something we just have to talk to him about and tell him he's gotta get used to it? This isn't like kids being kids and a kid did something inappropriate, it's the adults putting kids in a situation where they're exposed to other kids.

It's 2 teachers in a class of 15 which sounds like hell, but there's no way I can wrap my head around how this is appropriate.

We did send a message to his teacher explaining our concerns and asking if we could have a chat, in person or on the phone, and try to figure out what's going on, mentioning we weren't sure if this is normal protocol as to try and not come at her too hard since teachers do gods work. We got back a very dissatisfying generic "I appreciate your concern and will keep this in mind" email with no answer to any of our questions or really any indication that she even read the message.

I responded and asked for a proper conversation again a little more stern.

Did I miss the memo on this one?

It's that time of year to clear out all the beds and get them ready to overwinter garlic and onions.

My pumpkins that i spent days prepping a plot for, tilled, fertilized, automatic irrigation system, didn't do well at all. The potatoes that i yanked from the pantry, let my son cut into pieces and basically tossed too close together in soil that i barely loosened up still full of grass, did amazing.

A 6x18 bed behind a barn that i forgot to water half the time filled this box about 3 times, which weighed around 30lbs each + we've just been pulling them to throw in with dinner for the past few nights.

A couple pest, a couple bad ones, but overall I'm super happy.

I gave a box to each of the neighbors on either side and kept one for myself

Edit:

The same guy came back, apologized and immediately got to work putting the drain back and running the line back where it goes. No fuss about it which was shocking.

I asked about getting a mold test as well as getting us a dehumidifier for down there while the crawl space dries out and he said he'd talk to his boss.

I got a call from the owner shortly after the guy left and they're gonna get us a mold test and cover any remediation, and refunded what they initially charged me to get a dehumidifier.

I was ready for the run around. If I could name the company without doxxing myself I would in a heart beat.

Okay good folks of lemmy, I'm a bit out of my wheel house with HVAC, and I want to see if two things are connected or not.

Long story short, a few months ago I had a plumbing/hvac company come out to just repair an old washer drain that was still be used for our AC/Furnace condensation line. The old pipe was fully cracked. For some reason, and I feel like an idiot now for not questioning it at the time, the guy just capped the old drain pipe where it was cracked and put the condensation line hanging in the crawl space. So we've had water just pouring into the crawlspace in our basement for months.

We just moved into this house a couple weeks before, I was running through electrical and carpentry projects that my wife wanted done as soon as we moved in (and I'm still working on that list) and I just hadn't thought about it, didn't check, it seemed like an easy job and I liked the guy. I just noticed today because I was planning on replacing a run of knob and tube that went through that crawlspace.

I called today and there's apparently a 1 year warranty and they're sending someone out tomorrow to take a look, the entire 20x20 crawl space is soaked, there's puddles in there.

So tonight I went down to clean up a bit since the basement has been pretty much abandoned for months and boxes kept getting piled when I felt a drop of water hit me on the head. Our HVAC ducts are just covered with condensation, pretty much all of them all the way through.

My question: Could the condensation on the ducts be related to the pool of water sitting in the crawl space? Is it like a closed loop circuit where air gets pulled form inside the house, cooled and pushed back, so the humidity from the crawl space is causing the AC air to be extra humid?

This is the first place I've ever lived with central AC or really working heat, so I have no clue how it works. But I'd hate to assume it's unrelated if this a bigger issue caused by something this company did.

I'm not looking to blame these guys for every little thing to do with the the AC, just want to be sure.

We did also just go through that insane heatwave and had the air sitting on 70 for the past 4 days.

Thanks in advance.

My son and i started restorations on our 130 year old barn for fathers day. Aside from replacing a bunch of floor boards and rotted studs, we built a new door.

2 more of my quail also started laying eggs: https://imgur.com/a/AMW3Bua

I've only recently been able to be picky about my clothes and now been trying to find a good pair of jeans that wont rip or tear.

I do a lot of labor so my jeans usually get pretty beat up, i don't really expect a pair to last forever but i haven't had a solid pair last more than a couple months without getting a tear. Every pair i have has both knees ripped open. I'll fix them with a patch but they always rip in a different spot.

I'd spend $200 on a pair that'll last at least year.

My wife let me sleep in today since work last week kicked my ass and i've been staying up late and getting up early to keep up with everything.

I woke up to a bunch of yelling and my soaking wet 4 year old jumping into bed crying. Turns out my wife was bathing the boys (4,1) and the little one was done, so she decided to let our toddler stay in by himself for a little bit. She said she told him to pull the shower plug and he said he would. We recently moved and don't have a bathtub at the new house so he likes to fill up the shower until right before it flows over which i hate but my wife lets him do. It get the floors soaked and the trim all around the shower is rotting and growing mold. I've asked them both so many times to stop, and explained to my son that I'm working on getting a tub put in but it'll take time.

Well it turns out he did not pull the shower plug, and 10 minutes later my wife went in there to get him and he was trying to dry the flooded bathroom floor with toilet paper. He immediately knew he fucked up so he ran to me because I'm his safe space no matter what, always. I've never yelled at him in an aggressive tone, I've never hit or spanked him, when he's in trouble i talk him through it in a calm tone, even if i had to put on my stern voice.

I was not a space space today. My wife called me downstairs in a hurry and the water from the bathroom was coming through the dining room ceiling out of the hole cut for the chandelier light. I know the run of wires there is knob and tube and there was either smoke or steam from the water hitting the bulbs.

From there i lost it, i couldn't even look at my son for half the day. Even when i wasn't doing anything and he asked me to play i told him no, when he kept asking i yelled back something about being in no mood and for him to stop asking. I snapped at my wife pretty bad, i told her they have no respect for the house and id been telling them to be more careful for months. I went in on her for leaving our toddler alone in the shower for so long and how she didn't take the plug herself. I said something about them ruining our house, which i do think they need to do less reckless stuff in the house and have been trying to think of a nice way to frame in a conversation, instead it came out in a fit of rage.

I ended up having a heart fit and chest pain and i yelled at them both to leave me alone. As I'm clutching my chest falling to the floor, my toddler just wanted to help me because its happened before and we talked to him about what to do, and he was doing exactly what we told him, but i told him to leave.

I feel like i really fucked up today as a father and a partner. It was a very stressful situation, and i think my frustration was justified, but i cant stand how it came out and how i handled everything today.

I feel like i spent the whole day hating my family whom i love very much.

Okay so I decided to hire a contractor for the first time in a long time. We had a structural beam put in since the original beam was rotting and we already had extra support on the other side of the wall supporting the joists over there. But nothing supporting the joists on the other side.

The guy put sandwiched 2 2x8s instead of using an LVL, I specifically asked for LVL because I though using regular lumber was a ridiculous idea, we wanted it fixed right. Those boards are being held up by temporary jack posts, I found the manfucator, checked their website and theres a big note about them being for temporary use only. They bolted the jack right into the 3" concrete slab, no footings put in. And theres pretty significant gaps between the beam and some of the joists, one of them I can fully fit my pinky through to the other side, most of them I could slide a little piece of cardboard through.

I did get a structural engineer to right up a report. In the report he says to use a "3inch adjustable steel post" and "use commonly accepted construction practices". So I assumed this meant 3 inch adjustable lallys, rated for permanent use and commonly accepted practices meant putting a footing beneath the structural column.

I called the contractor and he had a few things to say

The jacks are fine for long term use, theres no need for footings because the engineer didn't specifically state it, the jack is technically a 3inch adjustable steel post.

The 2 2x8 is even better than LVL because there's 2 of them and it provides better support for less money.

(Here's my favorite) The gaps between the beam and joists are fine and eventually the house will settle and the joists will bear on the beam. Putting in shims would be pointless because they'd get crushed and compressed when the house settles. (He really told me to wait until your floor sags and it'll line up)

Now I've done this type of work before, I did general construction for years, but I feel like I'm going crazy here.

Is anything I said out of place? Am I over reacting here?

We paid for a permanent structural beam to be installed and got 2x8s held up by jack posts with no footings. Has anyone seen this before? This is an integral beam that's supporting about 10 joists, not extra support.

This might not be the place for this but I feel like someone here should know.

I moved into a new house recently and there's a whole security system, infrared scanners, alarms on all the doors and windows, glass break detectors everywhere. When we open a door or window there's a little chirp so something is working, but I'm curious if anyone knows if I can rewire this somehow or get a new panel so that I can actually set an alarm and stuff.

Anyway to clean/salvage this kitchen sink? I'm not sure if it's chipped paint or something but I've scrubbed it pretty good and it hasn't budged

I'm about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I've told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.

Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I've heard stuff like "Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don't take leave".

To me it was a no brainer, I'm getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn't taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.

I'm in the US so I know it's a "strange" concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn't affect at all. Again, it's a state program available to almost anyone who's worked in the past 2 years, I've talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that's it.

I feel like I'm missing something.

My second son will be here in less than a month. So I've spent the past 2 months doing some major renovations in the nursery, the kitchen and now our master bedroom.

The nursery was a lot but easy enough, I built out a closet since there wasn't one, reframed and put in new windows (the ones ones must've been a thousand years old by my guess) and laid new floor and trim all around.

The kitchen sucked, total gut and remodel, new drywall all around including the ceiling, managed to keep the counters and cabinets, they're not my favorite but they work and saved us a nice penny, fixed a leak I found under the sink. The ceiling was awful, I'm so happy it's done but my back is still yelling at me.

Now I'm on to the master bedroom, I'm extending the closet opening. The closet itself is 8x2 but the opening is a foot and half for some reason. Putting in new windows, replacing the subloor since most of it is falling apart and rotted (has been for a while), laying new floors and patching up some drywall.

When we moved into this house it was falling apart. "We'll have time to do it" we said a week before finding out we were pregnant. So I started putting in overtime and got a second job so not much got done aside from my sons room which was rushed and not my best work. This time around I'm very grateful to have the time and money to do all this. I've done everything myself with a lot of help from my 3 year old. He loves being 'construction guys' and has actually been really helpful through everything. It's been a lot, but my heart is full and happy.

I couldn't find an askvets or any similar community, so sorry if this doesn't fit here.

My dog has this weird spot in this left eye where it's cloudy with what looks like a blood vessel in the middle of it.

Over the past couple weeks I think it's moved around a bit, but it's really hard to get him to sit still for more than half a second to take a good look.

He doesn't seem to be in any pain or bothered at all, he's his normal goofy self. I assume one of the cats scatched him and got his eye but with how big and clumsy he is it could've been anything. It has definitely gone down since we saw it about 2 weeks ago.

The only vets nearby are either crazy expensive or mainly deal with livestock, the one we called told us to just keep an eye on it and bring him in if he seems bothered.

Anyone have any idea what this is or if it will go away on it's own? We're debating taking him to the vet but we're talking $300 to walk in the door.

Any insight is appreciated!

We have a couple big projects that I'm not comfortable doing myself (mainly roof/foundation repair).

I've had a couple contractors out that I found on google and have been very displeased. Their work might be good but jesus the salesmen they send out.

They range from overly aggressive to incompetent.

So how do you find good contractors? I've noticed the bigger the company, the worse the impression.