So close to 100 without going over. :(

It's a strong argument for all children being born in jail.

This isn't as crazy as it may sound either. I saw a similar situation, contacted them with the information I had, and the field agent was super nice/helpful and followed up multiple times with calls/updates.

Are saltine crackers your favorite potato chips?

"Hey cunt" works for anybody. But your mileage may vary depending on your location.

Is he basically just a full-time legal defendant now?

They burned this stuff to power giant steam engines and we're supposed to believe it's totally healthy!?

It's Texas, so my money is on a few good ol' boys who 1.) don't appreciate the kid's skin color, 2.) don't love that he's nationally embarrassed them for the fools they are, and 3.) are dense enough to believe they can still "win" this thing.

Good news is you know exactly where they are.

Well done to the host insisting they immediately put the "idiot" on camera.

I'm not saying it's not real, but the addition of the child abuse images sort of has the feel of "sprinkle a little crack on him"-CIA Edition.

Nah, it's just that she had so many names pop into her head and wasn't expecting such a rare and selfless offer. It's crazy what happens when you treat nurses with respect and kindness like anyone else.

What's the difference between a child and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

She was female in Texas?

Look, I'm sorry, but I'm beginning to think this guy's a real jerk.

He doesn't agree with either side, but admits he likes that Trump tells it like it is.

He actually tried to make an appointment, but he hadn't specified a Primary Care Physician through his HMO and none of the local doctors were accepting new patients. And radioactive spider bites are going to require a referral to a specialist. Good luck with that.

If he didn't like it, he wouldn't have invented getting railed in a sundress.

A car accident is horrifying enough. Can you imagine realizing you just hit the presidential motorcade? In Delaware?

Unrelated question: what's the easiest sport in which to become an Olympian between now and the 2024 Paris Olympics?