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When I was 4 or 5 my parents had a dog. Don’t even know what kind of dog it was. All I know is it bit me on the face. Enough to cut my cheek open. And from that point on I didn’t like the dog, avoided the dog, just…fuck that dog, ya know.

At some point the dog was outside and got hit by a passing UPS delivery truck. I remember my parents being beside themselves, trying to explain to me that we were never going to see Buttons again, and I could have not have felt any more indifferent.

I think he’s a hamburger salesman.

Yes but the monster also gives you food and a nice box to poop in, plays with you, and does all the chores, work, and bill paying so you can live carefree.

Fair trade.

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this comes from Uber drivers getting tired of being assaulted and having their vehicles trashed by drunk people.

It’s not all of them, but it’s likely enough of them to ruin it for everyone.

Snoop and Eminem are grandparents.

That’s okay. I’m here to make my own.

You remember Highlander 2?

Yeah, me neither.

Editing to add: Eragon. The only, one singular, thing that film got right was the opening scene. The rest of the film was an epic, blot-out-the-sun middle finger to the book and the fans.

Lol door butt.

Thank you for creating wholesome family content

My cat Noodle has a petting spot - one very specific area of the living room floor where she allows pets to happen. When we’re playing and she senses that pets are imminent, she will dart over to the petting spot and flop over on her side. Petting may now commence.

Also, she has developed the habit of jumping on top of me in the middle of the night and licking my nose. I haven’t decided if she’s bored and wants attention or if she’s checking to see if I’m dead so she can start eating me.

Well, I don’t let my cat sit in my office chair, but I’m perfectly content to sit in it myself whenever I feel like.

See, this is the kind of thing that I’d end up with if I set out to make eyeball cookies for a kids’ Halloween party or something.

Kinda high standards for someone who’s only 19”

I write and release music. It’s not spectacular music, but it’s mine and I give each track my best before I send it off into the world. It earns me dust; I do not expect to ever make any kind of meaningful pay from it, and that’s fine because I don’t do it to make money. I do it because it’s in me to do it, because I love the craft, and I love the challenges of learning audio engineering and production.

In a past life I was actually a professional musician. I made money playing, giving lessons, conducting, a tiny bit from writing but not much…and as fun as that was it’s really a grueling lifestyle with lots of time away from home and I don’t have it in me to do that anymore. And no one wants to see my squishy dad bod prancing around on stage.

Now I work a quiet job in a materials testing lab. I spend my day torturing little pieces of metal and my evenings in my studio at home. Only one or two people at work know about my former life as a musician and are aware of the music I record. Most people just see me as the little happy lab rat that I am and I’m completely okay with that.

Huh. How about that.