Am I having a stroke?

No, you want to give them a way out. Blow it up behind them after they leave

I'm sensing a big offensive operation coming from the Ukrainians. Amphibious landing in Crimea anyone?

Wasn't her own husband *murdered

FTFY.

I've heard that jack black was some people's awakening, so depends on the audience.

Something can be 100% factual and still idiotic.

Mine always look like this

What do you call it when it's a girl who's obsessed with MLP?

Bro, just look up.

Jk, looks good

I lived in china for 4 years and Winnie has Def never been outlawed. Chinese censorship is much more sophisticated than "hey, that's illegal." There's not a list of pictures or memes or phrases that if you're caught with you'll get a visit from the police. No no no. There are hundreds of thousands of people monitoring social media for the latest "subversive" trends. When a new trend develops that content is blacklisted and just not allowed to be spread. You'll send your friend a picture and it never shows up on their phone. There's no indication on your end that it didn't send or they didn't get it. You can have this content on your phone, the CCP doesn't care. They care about it spreading. And you'll never get in trouble for trying to spread it because the system doesn't allow it to spread.

He knew the consequences, he did it anyway. Legend.

I remember once the heat broke in the middle of winter at my work. I wore a unbranded brownish orange beanie because it was effing cold. I was told to remove it because hats were against dress code. When a customer asked me why I wasn't wearing my beanie I told them the truth. Management told me to take it off because it violated dress code. I was taken to the back for a disciplinary meeting for being "unprofessional". Then let me wear the fucking hat if talking about not wearing it is making you look bad.

This can't real

God damn. Man knows how to tell people what's on his mind that's for sure.

It makes me wish I had a Disney+ subscription to cancel

Easy. "I don't use social media."

Solution. Have the amount of cookies made everyday set by management, then take the excess home/to the food bank.

I was the lunch bartender and I arrived at the restaurant early to buy breakfast. I'm sitting down, off the clock, eating breakfast and my manager comes back and tells me there's people at the bar. Bar doesn't open until 11 (it's 9:30) and I'm not on shift until 10. Manager says "You're here, bar's open." So I finished my breakfast and head to the front. Before I can get a word out, before I even see the customers ones yelling "where ya been we've been here forever. We need bloody Marys, stat."

Me" yes, of course. I just walked in the door. All the stuff's in the back and I'll probably have to prep some of it. So just sit back, relax, and I'll be right back with those."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Says the alcoholic

"It means it's gonna be a minute." At this point I'm still off the clock, can't clock in until 5 minutes before your shift without a managers card. Manager is walking by. I say "Manager, can I see you in the side server station?"

"Why?"

"I'd prefer not to discuss it here."

"Just tell me what you want"

"I want to clock in and I need your card"

Upon hearing this the two get up, turn to the manager and ask "are you the manager?" And proceed to tell her all about my bad attitude. I didn't get a chance to clock in.

This was a time where they were looking for any excuse to fire anyone, they let like 10 people go that week. A few months later the place was out of business.

Based

Ms. Wood is incredibly based