Are you alright? Why short!?

My father when I implied I'd off myself again, said "then you are a pussy". That man seems to have no sense, shallow empathy. Always going for the stupid, dismissive, manly answer. Always faith, or herbs, or head-through-wall solutions. If only he knew how dangerously wrong he is to do this.

He thinks once we have money, this will be it, I will become fine, despite the flaming trail of destruction, broken bridges, regrets, the sheer mental scarring, my age is only part of it. I could have turned things around from here, if I was someone else.

But now, I am a damaged person that was rejected by every place I like, and even some people (to be honest, most I didn't like, but that one person is a gamer, and friend of my friend, and the feeling of being the only person he can't tolerate is so bad).

I can't garantee that even if things become more normal, I wouldn't off myself from the sheer weight of knowing how wasted and wrong my life is. I want to at least live enough to do something that matters, if my own life is so unbearable for myself, and unvaluable for society.

Really really thank you! I am considering the 50 CAD, I can't just take that money without doing something in return. Even then, I fear I may not use the money effectively. It is also more of a job issue itself, the long-term income and time. Maybe I'd benefit from a community, and I will try to make one myself.

I don't know if I will get meds in a week from now, but really unfortunate that it comes 5 years after I need it. One perscription, and I would have been somewhere else, of actual use to humanity.

Those people are somewhat right from 2 perspectives: 1: Trust. If someone shows a bad pattern once, well it is not about them, it is about safety first. 2: Even if impaired, I made those bad choices, I made many people mad, upset, cost people actual money too. I could have dealt with it better if I didn't chase experiments, didn't game competitively, tried harder. It's my problem becoming someone else's, and I need to keep away from places where I'm not fit to be in, like places of intellectual debate.

It's just a fact that some people are better than others, and we all have a place somewhere, regardless if we like it or not. As for you, you are a rare and kind person, and you deserved your happy ending indeed.

I don't know, had a therapy once. It really comes down to I can't do time management, I'm surviving paycheck bybpaycheck, one bad month and it is over. I would spend so much money on just therapy, medical interventions, studies, and eventually even experimental stuff.

I have a mask that deteriorated. Now it's just exposure without much of a choice, and praying I don't catch something.

If I had more time and peace of mind, I would be less jumpy. I could trade being interesting for being likeable. Let's just say that letting my mouth loose cost me quite a lot, I say outrageous things without being aware I do, or I know it is risky, but dismiss the unease. A set of rules and discipline maybe? But that is not possible with no time for introspection. Yeah, sorry for the late reply. I went back-and-forth between quitting due to how undignifying-inhumane my job is, and the other important matters I can't attend to. If I quit...not much chance to come back from that, offing myself would be almost certainly my only choice, once the account is empty.

Sorry to make this so much about me, but ignoring a reply is bad.

And then have nothing to spend it on, but they did their goal, like a mindless AI drone.

I should start my community and it's experiments with this.

You might be right!

2nd time we got trust betrayal therapy on lemmy.

Being told to do something I'm doing, or accused of shit, makes me fly into a rage instantly.

Can you share some of those unhealthy coping mechanisms by any chance? So uh...a friend of mine can avoid them?

Conservatives tend to die first in harsh times, because they don't know how to take care of their health, funny how that works.

They don't have enough tanks

I hope we get automation and UBI soon, I have no problem for infinite prosperity for everyone, so long as they are not like total assholes that abuse it. I don't care if they "earn" it, suffering is horrible, and I had enough on my own skin to not want it on anyone (except the Epsteins).

So just like my brother. He can beat the shit out of me, and I have to just take it, because he is a child.

He basically violenced me off my PC, and claimed it.

If you invest upfront, that investment, like not having to handle healthcare for all those homeless, returns dividents.

What kind of person just lets their parents work their lives away, while they lay back, and use the computer all day?

Roughly like Lemmy and Discord.

This gives me hopes that I too some day...

...will be able to sue several companies into bankrupcy, and then keep going.

I'm waiting painstakingly slowly, for my scheduled visit to a neuropsych. There's only a handful of experts in this country, and I got lucky to only wait 3 motnhs.

I would not be surprised if I am autistic as well at this point. Ironicaly, my IQ is 101.

I still have to somehow undo the damage done by being undiagnosed, and still can't for example, get unbanned from Reddit (not that I want to go there).

The damage is done, no one cares why I'm acting off, I'm just a problem they solved.

I seem to just catch friends as easily as I catch bans. This includes 30 and over people.

It's probably the ADHD.

I have a few I see very rarely, including work friend. But you know how work "friende" are.