Spyke

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Oh c'mon!

We held a small writing contest on this discussion forums about 15-20 years back. The prompt was to rewrite the Epilogue of Book 7.

One of the entries was pretty much this, except that the nurse gives Harry his pills and wheels him away to his room for the night.

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Am I supposed to be enjoying any of this?

Hey!

I saw your post on my mobile yesterday and it struck a chord. I saved the link so I could go home and type on my laptop and give my reply the time it deserves. I know I'm replying quite late, but I hope my perspective helps anyway.

First off, everything you're feeling is understandable. I don't know if I'd say it's "normal", but I empathize with everything you've written. I have a 2-year old daughter, and it's not been easy. But my most important takeaway from your post is that you're trying. You're doing everything you can to support your wife and kid, and that alone puts you in the "good dad" category.

Look, it's not going to be easy. Your 3-week old is essentially a lump in human form. All he knows to do at the moment is drink, sleep, and poop/pee. He doesn't recognize you, he doesn't love you, he doesn't reciprocate anything you do, and he doesn't acknowledge you except when you're feeing him. He can barely even see you (kids that age have eyes that haven't learnt to focus yet). And that's how it's going to be for the foreseeable future. Having a kid this age is mostly a chore (or a job, like you described). Try to think of it as an investment for the future. All the hard work you're doing now pays off in the future when you have a healthy, happy child who loves you and knows how to show it.

But for now, it's going to suck. Your wife is probably going to go through post-partum depression, she's going to have mental crises about being a terrible mother about something or the other. I don't know if it's because of hormone imbalance, stress, lack of sleep, and/or a combination of all these. You're the one who's going to have to be there for her at those times. Your baby will (hopefully not) develop colic, or there will come a day when he cries for no reason and nothing you do will stop him and you'll start thinking about taking him to the doctor/ER and in your desperation, you'll hold him in a new hold and he'll suddenly quieten down because he loves being held like that. Some days are going to be a rollercoaster of activity, frustration, joy, etc.

And as for love ... in the last 2 years, there hasn't been a single moment that's hit me like "I NOW LOVE MY KID AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER." I mean, I would die/kill for her, but that's just family.

BUT -- there have been moments. Like one time she half-woke from a nap, saw my face, broke into a smile, and went back to sleep. One other time when she was very young and she ran into my arms. One time she absolutely insisted that only dad would help her put her shoes on and not mom. These are small wins that build. The more interactive they get, the more your relationship with them grows, the more in love you'll be. It'll take time. I'm not there yet, even with my 2-year-old, but I know I'll get there. I know I love her, even if I don't "feel" it yet.

In the meantime, sorry ... tough it out.

The only other advice I can give you is to ask for help. If your mom or some other family member can come help you and your wife out, it gets a little easier. Even if it's only for a weekend or a week at a time. Just having someone else at home who can change a diaper, or even just watch the kid while you take a nap or play a videogame for some time, will help.

All the best, you got this, don't sell yourself short.

EDITED TO ADD:

Newborns fall asleep very quickly, even in the middle of a feeding session. We used to tickle the bottom of our baby's feet to keep her awake during feeding times, both at the breast and with the bottle.

Also, try to find someone you can talk to about the stress you're feeling (if you can't do it with your wife). Your mom or a best friend, or just internet strangers. Hopefully it'll help you through the toughest times.

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*Permanently Deleted*

Pop sockets.

I saw so many people use them and hated the sight of them. They look weird and make your phone fit awkwardly in your pocket and you can just lean your phone against something heavy if you want to watch a video or whatever.

But I decided to try it and it is single-handedly the thing that allows me to use my Android phone pretty much one-handed. With gesture controls and the ability to shrink the keyboard to one side for one-hand typing, I'm able to use my 6" phone with one hand 90% of the time.

games

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Is Baldurs Gate 3's voice acting so great that it ruined other games for me?

BG3 is definitely one of those games with good (even great) voice acting. But there are more of them out there.

RDR2 has some of the best writing and acting performances I’ve ever encountered in a game. The Last of Us is in a similar vein. The Uncharted series has some of my favourite voice acting, especially Claudia Black (Chloe) and of course Nolan North (Nathan).

Claudia Black also voices Morrigan in Dragon Age Origins, which is chock full of stellar voice performances. I’d argue that Dragon Age 2 and even Inquisition had some memorable performances but The Veilguard sucked.

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Whats the best voice acting in any video game?

I don't remember the actors names but here are characters and the games whose voice acting left an impression on me:

  • Alistair and Morrigan from Dragon Age Origins
  • Both leads from Firewatch
  • Lee from Telltale's Walking Dead Season 1
  • Most of the main characters from Red Dead Redemption 1 and 2
  • The voices from Hellblade Senua's Sacrifice
  • Astarion from Baldurs Gate 3 was head and shoulders above the rest, although the narrator was also very good
  • Troy Baker knocked it out of the park as Indians Jones in the great circle
  • All of the Uncharted games have fantastic voice acting. Nolan North was born to play Nathan Drake
  • Similarly, the voice acting in The Last of Us is fantastic
  • In the mass effect OT, special callout to Jennifer Hlae and Mark Meer (the latter especially grew into the role in the second and third game) and also to the actors who voices Garrus and Tali.