This always gets me. Christians get on their knees and worship this guy who might rape their wife if they disappoint him

Mmm I sure do love Mustard SENF

Plan9

In the book of Matthew, it says he rode two donkeys.

Matthew and Luke copy a lot of stuff from Mark, which was written first. The donkey story is there to fulfill prophesy. It was prophesied that the messiah would ride a donkey into Jerusalem. It also said he would be a king and vanquish their enemies and rule in peace and prosperity, but the New Testament authors figured riding a donkey was close enough.

So Matthew geta to the donkey story and reads the original prophesy. It says "Behold, your king is coming to you, humble, and mounted on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey."

This is a poetic way of writing about a single donkey, like saying "he drove a car, he drove a red car."

But Matthew, frankly, fucked up a lot of stuff that he wrote, and he doesn't know this, so he changes everything to plural to fit the prophesy.

So everybody else writes that Jesus had his disciples bring a donkey and they lay their cloaks on it and he sits on it and rides to town. Matthew has them bring two, they lay their cloaks on them and he sits on them and rides to town.

It's unclear how he rode two donkeys. Was one donkey on top of the other and Jesus on top of that? Was it jean Claude van-damme style with him doing the splits between them?

At any rate, if the donkeys spread the load he could have weighed 160kg.

By the way, these donkeys are stolen. Jesus tells his disciples that there was a house back there that had a donkey (or two), go get it (them) for me.

Jesus fuck, all over a pack of diapers from, I assume, a company worth a hundred billion dollars.

And they stole it from the Epic of Gilgamesh

I didn't know that but there is a related running joke on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast. Comedian Nick Wiger comes by on Halloween and plays the writer of Monster Mash Leo Carpazzi (a spoof of the real writer Leonard Capizzi).

He claims the studio didn't like the first version of the song so he had to rewrite it. The first Halloween on the show, he sang it and it turned out to be called Monster Fuck and was a filthy song about monsters having an orgy.

For many years after that, he returned on Halloween to sing a "completely new song"... which always turned out to be the same song with a couple words changed.

I am even more convinced now than ever that the conspiracy theory I have been trying to start is true, they are covering up that he was shot in one ear and it went out the other without doing any damage whatsoever.

If you don't hear from me in 24 hours, they got to me, man, the MIB got to me

In the immunity case, when all the other judges were writing opinions about that case, Clarence Thomas wrote an opinion about a totally different case, this one. He was signaling her to dismiss the case.

I'm so sick of these corrupt motherfuckers

Millennials Are "Quietly Screenshotting" Headlines Instead Of Linking To Articles: "Probably Something To Do With Avocado Toast" expert warns.

It must be so tedious being a conservative. Being afraid of everything, hating everyone, keeping up with all the conspiracy theories, constantly thinking about children's genitals.

So sick of clickbait articles based on tweets. This article rehashes how Trump used AI/Swift imagery to imply Swiftie support, then quotes tweets from three Swift fans saying they didn't like Trump. That's it. That's the whole ass article.

Unfortunately, tardigrades love the bass and cello and hate violins so the only way to get a photo of one playing the violin would be to fake it somehow

"We are currently clean on OPSEC"

Biden is now a man with nothing to lose and a supreme court that said presidents can do any damn thing they please

"...and he's the best second shift server we have on staff"

I've been saying it for years.. When they go low, kick them while they're down there