Has he tried copious amounts of injected bleach? Everybody says it works wonders.

I'm beginning to think the hardest job in the entire world is Secret Service Agent. I mean, c'mon, millions of lives are at risk, you're armed, and he's right there. Instant hero. /s

Edit: forgot /s. Obviously.

The solution is more left-wing protest groups. Especially now that their manpower is down. (Edit: they're their)

Trump has cancer and is killing it with soda? Well, at least he's treating it correctly. Donald, add bleach to your sodas for extra killing power. Lots of bleach.

Dad said "Mario Kart is a waste of time, son."

That's General son to you, Dad.

Sooo, I can commit a major crime and steal millions of dollars and then "self-deport" to a tropical island with no extradition treaty?

This used to be called "getting away".

"First wave" of files Trump said didn't exist. And the MAGA knights feel no disturbance in The Farce.

Looking at you, Secret Service. If anyone can stop a nuclear war, it's you. We're all counting on you.

I have never in my life met another group so obsessed with other people's genitalia. Whether it's being caught in a theater playing them, or stomping into bathrooms to look around at them, they really need a different hobby.

Trump Spotted Alive: A Nation Mourns

/s

"On second thought, let's not call an Indian artillery strike. It is a silly process."

Separate tickets, dudes.

"She was advised that a missing-person report could not be taken until at least 24 hours had passed," the attorney's statement said.

I know everyone's delighted that this guy may have taken himself out, but he's still innocent until proven guilty. My issue is with the cop who answered the phone. Isn't the "gotta be gone 24 hours" thing BS from movies?

Yeah but it STILL landed right-side up. A fine example for moon landers everywhere.

Exposing your junk while on school grounds gets you on a sex offender registry, yes? So... what's happening with that?

The true shocker is the beginning of the headline. "Trump paid me"...

There will be no 2028 election.

"I was told there would be a medal".

Shamelessly clipped from History.com:

This Day In History: December 16

1938 Hitler establishes Mother’s Cross to encourage German women to procreate

On December 16, 1938, Adolf Hitler institutes the Mother’s Cross, to encourage women of "pure" German origin to increase the size of their families and grow the population of the Third Reich.

The Nazis started such encouragement early. When members the League of German Girls (a wing of of the Hitler Youth movement) turned 18, they became eligible for a branch called Faith and Beauty, which trained these girls in the art of becoming ideal mothers. One component of that ideal was fecundity. And so each year, gold medals were awarded to women with eight children or more, silver medals to women with six to seven, and bronze medals to women with five. The crosses were distributed between 1938 and 1944.

Can't wait until someone tells them about Windows 11.

Note to self: Do NOT eat bats. Even if Mom says, "We're having bat tonight".