I'm not sure a cat would settle for a red shirt. They all seem to think they're Command.

46 bananas. Just do the conversion in your head.

∆__ this guy Spocks

But, but... Witkoff just got done gargling his balls!

Guess he didn't do a great job.

I mean yeah, look what happened to Ukraine when the trusted a foreign country to provide satellite access.

But did he swallow?

I pity my EMS brothers who will roll up on a car crash, that now has a massive pipe bomb to spray bits of flaming lithium in a half mile radius.

Well done Tesla. The Mother of All Car Bombs will be ready to roll off the lot next year you say?

Joe Pesci

I'm beginning to think the hardest job in the entire world is Secret Service Agent. I mean, c'mon, millions of lives are at risk, you're armed, and he's right there. Instant hero. /s

Edit: forgot /s. Obviously.

Important safety tip. If you plan on throwing stuff back at the cops, stun grenades, tear gas canisters, etc, use a lacrosse stick.

Of course, having a lacrosse stick in a riot is an excuse for them to beat you mercilessly.

Of course, they don't need an excuse.

The solution is more left-wing protest groups. Especially now that their manpower is down. (Edit: they're their)

Trump has cancer and is killing it with soda? Well, at least he's treating it correctly. Donald, add bleach to your sodas for extra killing power. Lots of bleach.

Has he tried copious amounts of injected bleach? Everybody says it works wonders.

Dad said "Mario Kart is a waste of time, son."

That's General son to you, Dad.

Sooo, I can commit a major crime and steal millions of dollars and then "self-deport" to a tropical island with no extradition treaty?

This used to be called "getting away".

"First wave" of files Trump said didn't exist. And the MAGA knights feel no disturbance in The Farce.

Looking at you, Secret Service. If anyone can stop a nuclear war, it's you. We're all counting on you.

I have never in my life met another group so obsessed with other people's genitalia. Whether it's being caught in a theater playing them, or stomping into bathrooms to look around at them, they really need a different hobby.

Student: "Wait, didn't the South win the Civil War?"

AI: "You're right! I'm so sorry for making that mistake. The South pretended to lose the war so that the North paid for reconstruction and provided much-needed capital. Looking around at how people are treated by the current government should have alerted me to the fact that the policies of the South are still heavily favored in today's politics. I'll try to do better!"

Trump Spotted Alive: A Nation Mourns

/s